Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....
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Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family. My husband treats me like I rule the world. He has the upmost respect for me, the mother of his children. He still looks at my fat pictures and tells me that I was just as "hot" then, as I am now (even though I know its not true)... My husband waits on me hand and foot, he gives me ecouragement, love, honor... hes teaching our son what it means to be a loving husband / father... hes teaching our 4 daughters what it means to find a loving husband and father for thier future children... thats what marriage is, its love. Thats why we honor and respect our marriage vows, LOVE!0
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I stayed 9 years in an abusive marriage because I didn't want to break my marriage vows. It was a PASTOR who helped me see that my abusive husband had already broken the vows by dishonoring me so horribly during the marriage, and gave me the strength to get out. Leaving my abuser was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for my kids.
According to the behavior you describe in your post, your husband is abusing you. He is not treating you as he should properly treat his wife. He has already broken your marriage vows.0 -
just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
Um, no. Leave him. I can't believe some of the women on here think this is okay...
I don't think any of us think its ok but the OP said she wasn't leaving so everyone is merely offering altenatives.0 -
I would use that as motivation and as soon as I reached my goal, I would dump his *kitten*.0
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I stayed 9 years in an abusive marriage because I didn't want to break my marriage vows. It was a PASTOR who helped me see that my abusive husband had already broken the vows by dishonoring me so horribly during the marriage, and gave me the strength to get out. Leaving my abuser was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for my kids.
According to the behavior you describe in your post, your husband is abusing you. He is not treating you as he should properly treat his wife. He has already broken your marriage vows.
^^^this0 -
"I don't have sex with men who insult or belittle me" aughta clear some things up.
. THIS is great!0 -
Not in the eyes of the law.Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
You need to confront him with this.
It's an unacceptable situation.
Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:
Emotional abuse IS just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. It will only get worse, not better.
Don't get caught up is starting a semantics crusade.
Let's keep the focus on the OP.
Men who treat their wives this way know exactly what this does.
It's unacceptable, and she needs to confront him.0 -
I have three words for you... counselling, counselling and counselling!
When your partner belittles you and does everything in their power to sabotage you and tell you why you're a failure it generally means they are very insecure themselves. His issues are hurting you. Don't let them. I've been there! Go to individual counselling for yourself to learn what to do for you, and then try couples counselling. He is not only hurting you, but your children as well.0 -
It sounds to me like you need to lose him more than you need to lose weight...0
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Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family.
love this0 -
Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family.
Agreed. The kids will see this abuse (and that is what it is, honestly) and eventually it will start to affect them negatively. Additionally, if this guy is calling his wife names so easily, he may extend that behavior to his kids one day. Imagine a daughter being called a "fat *kitten*" by her dad and what kind of emotional scars that can cause. Just not a good situation. He needs an intervention by people who care for the OP, maybe. They need to DEMAND that he stop this kind of abuse. Period. No other options.0 -
I got new glasses one time and asked my so at the time if he noticed anything different about me and he said "I dunno, you don't have a big plate of food in your face?" I've never gotten over that.
Jeebus. Talk about people who deserve a nut punch. Sounds like he's your EX. Good.0 -
Abuse is the exception for vows, imo. And verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.0
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Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.
You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.
Easy to say...not so easy to do. When there are kids involved in a marriage it's a little harder to "hit guy with fry pan and dump his *kitten*". This poor woman is looking for useful advice not knee jerk reactionism.
Here's another view: imagine being a child in a household where there was emotional and/or physical abuse. Yelling. Hurtful words. Fighting. Screaming. As the years go by, the abuse only getting worse. Laying in bed having to listen to your mother/step-mom/dad's girlfriend get called vulgar names that eventually turn into watching that same man hit that woman and throw her down stairwells.
I don't just tell women to escape this situation because that's all I can think of saying. Unlike you (I'm assuming) I've witnessed it as a child, and have been scarred for life. Don't assume it's all good and dandy because children are involved.0 -
I thought that I recognized your face. This isn't the first thread you've started on how your husband mistreats you. Vows or not, this isn't how marriage works. At all.0
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so you would rather be mistreated and abuses than divorce? hes clearly not respecting the vows "cherish and respect" ummm yea... i think vows are great to follow but this is just self sabotage if you stay with him.
this ^^0 -
I went through this when I was 14 stone I'm now 11 and a half my partner would say it for a year strait his nastiness became my motivation he obv had a problem with me getting fit the way he went on I lost weight an boys started looking if u want it u will do it don't speak to him about it don't even let him know your on a diet u got this girl do this for u nobody eles0
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Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family. My husband treats me like I rule the world. He has the upmost respect for me, the mother of his children. He still looks at my fat pictures and tells me that I was just as "hot" then, as I am now (even though I know its not true)... My husband waits on me hand and foot, he gives me ecouragement, love, honor... hes teaching our son what it means to be a loving husband / father... hes teaching our 4 daughters what it means to find a loving husband and father for thier future children... thats what marriage is, its love. Thats why we honor and respect our marriage vows, LOVE!
Thank you. I WAS the child that saw it and witnessed it and lived with it. To this day, there are moments when I hate my father, and he will always be a monster in my eyes. Don't let your children be subjected to that.0 -
OMG JBU.0
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ah, abuse
even if you lost all the lbs and got super fit and did everything perfect and wonderful
you'd still get put down.
your abuser does it to keep you in your place
and it will always work.0 -
Damn what a *kitten* head! Success is the best revenge.0
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I don't believe in divorce. I do believe in the occasional nut punch.
Probably the best advice of the whole thread.
I don't think that violence should be (or even would be) the solution to this problem. I'm a little concerned about how many women on this thread seem to think this is a good idea....or that it would even work.0 -
Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air.
This is important. My sister has been in and out of abusive relationships with men for years now. Sadly, this is not changing for her and she always finds the next abusive man to hurt her.
Her son has begun calling women names and sees no problem hitting other girls in his class. (He doesn't hit the boys.). He's only 8.
He is learning and like all children, a fastidiousness student.0 -
Honey, you don't deserve that at all. Know that you have support on here...but don't let him treat you like that. I know how it feels to be in a similar position...it's not nice.
I am here if you need to talk. x x0 -
Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.
You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.0 -
It's a terrible way to talk to a spouse. A terrible attitude.
Make sure you don't do it to him!
And tell him that is not an appropriate environment for your home or your children.0 -
Don't let someone else's opinion of you become your reality. ~ Les Brown
I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he is just really bad a motivating/understanding people, and thinks this is what you need to hear to get you moving (not that I think it's appropriate or the right approach, but I've known people who use this method of motivation). Use his rude comments and insensitivity to keep you motivated to prove him wrong.
While I admire your desire to stick to your vows and try to make things work, if this is any indication of how you are usually treated, it might be time to start looking for a different direction to walk.0 -
I have been in your shoes twice in my 70 years. I took a long time before I realized that what I should have told him was "If that is the way you see me, than it's not a very good reflection on YOU, dear husband, because you chose ME". Then tell him you ARE trying, and that you need positive reinforcement rather than brow beating. Ask him to put himself in your shoes. To image how he'd feel IF he was the one overweight and you put him down all the time. If that does not work, find a counselor for both of you. If nothing else, at least yourself. You ARE worth the effort no matter what anyone says. You have to love yourself enough to know this....you CAN and WILL do this.0
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I learned the hard way what that does to your self esteem. Be firm with him and do not let him speak to you that way in front of your children or anytime for that matter. You deserve to be treated as the beautiful human being you are. I had to kick 2 husbands to the curb because they were to stupid to get it!
It took me 20+ years but finally 'got it' and got rid of my dead weight that did the same to me. So much better with someone standing beside you, not behind you and belittling you.0 -
Don't marriage vows include something about "love and cherish"? . . Doesn't sound like HE believes in them. . why should you?0
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