Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

Options
24567…21

Replies

  • Lois_1989
    Lois_1989 Posts: 6,410 Member
    Options
    Does this always happen or was it a one-off?

    Have you tried telling him how much it hurts you and basically say what you just said above?
    Sometimes I find that having a good long chat about the situation, how you feel and what he could do helps.
    My partner isn't exactly the healthiest person in the world and we have constant chats about being healthy and going to the gym (which he has NEVER done) and once he has seen how desperate I am to change he is quite supportive... For me, not that he changes! Lol
  • pkoll
    pkoll Posts: 135 Member
    Options
    That is verbal abuse! He has already broken wedding vows to honor and respect you. Call him out on this terrible behavior!
  • Crystal_Pistol
    Crystal_Pistol Posts: 750 Member
    Options
    If you don't want to leave him, slap the **** outta him. At MINIMUM, throw something. Then, take your walk as you'd planned to do. My husband is my biggest supporter but his support SUCKS. Even though I think it sucks, he would never call me a name. I think he sucks because he wants me to exercise harder and give me diet feedback that I don't want; it isn't because he is being abusive.

    People throwing insults is not motivating to me, it's infuriating.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
    Options
    Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
    I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
    You need to confront him with this.
    It's an unacceptable situation.
    Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:
  • ChinniP
    ChinniP Posts: 166 Member
    Options
    doesn't it go something like this?

    for better, for worse, for richer,  for poorer: in sickness and in health; to love, to honor, and to cherish, for all the days of our lives.

    I don't think he's keeping up his end of the bargain and broke the contract.
  • toriaenator
    toriaenator Posts: 423 Member
    Options
    so you would rather be mistreated and abuses than divorce? hes clearly not respecting the vows "cherish and respect" ummm yea... i think vows are great to follow but this is just self sabotage if you stay with him.
  • MystikPixie
    MystikPixie Posts: 342 Member
    Options
    That is such a jerk thing to say. Don't let him get you down!
  • Staffygirl88
    Staffygirl88 Posts: 75 Member
    Options
    :( it made me so sad to read this, i feel your pain. i just hope you can draw on this to prove him wrong instead of him bringing you down and you giving up. stay strong hun. *hug*
  • aliann30
    aliann30 Posts: 291 Member
    Options
    I think sometimes Men think saying that stuff will motivate you. I would flat out tell him that you want to be "thin" or healthy as much as he wants you to be but insults will only slow your progress. Tell him you need his support and encouragement. Then as someone else said, turn those words into motivation. Use it as fuel for what you want to accomplish. As for wedding vows, remind him that he promised to love, honor and cherish you and those words/insults go against his vows.

    I totally agree with this. I hate seeing posts like this, those words are so hurtful and I'm sorry for you. I would tell him exactly that - that you are NOT lazy but him calling you that only encourages you to be lazy to spite him. (It would me at least) Ask him why you would have any desire to go work out with him if he's going to be negative and ugly like that? You'd just as soon do it on your own because you'll be more successful that way. (not meaning divorce - meaning on your own time)
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    Options
    Vows are important...but sometimes we change. You deserve far better than being verbally abused. Yes, verbal abuse is just as dangerous as physical abuse - sometimes worse. Leave him and live your life for you and your kids.
  • Colbyandsage
    Colbyandsage Posts: 751 Member
    Options
    sounds like he is very insecure and likes putting you down to feel better about himself. Most likely the thought of you losing weight and gaining confidence (as well as attention from other men) is threatening to him. While it's admirable to believe in your vows, it's never a good idea to allow someone to bully you. I am not suggesting you leave him, but I would walk away whenever he acts childish and starts name calling and remind yourself of all the great qualities you have. When he sees that you don't react he will have to find some other way to make hisself feel superior. Hopefully it will be positive. Keep your head up and don't let him win!

    Well said! (((Hugs))))

    Please tell him what you told us and that you will not put up with it! You deserve to be treated better
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
    Options
    "I don't have sex with men who insult or belittle me" aughta clear some things up.
  • amber1533
    amber1533 Posts: 117 Member
    Options
    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    That obviously doesn't help! I am sorry he is clearly not supportive. However, I don't what you're looking for? If it's that you can do it and reach and even exceed your goals of COURSE YOU CAN! Even if you don't believe in divorce you still should be able to tell him to stop and how unhelpful and degrading that makes you feel. I am all for staying in a marriage through thick and thin after all that is what I promised, right? But if his main goal is to destroy you it is not a good environment to heal and grow in. Talking to a counselor both privately and together could really help.
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
    Options
    Back when I was married to my ex. We were both dieting, and doing real well with weight loss. She told me she wanted something fattening from Wendy's, but I didn't want to slow her progress. As we were getting out of the car, I made the statement: "Let's go fatten you up. " . She wasn't very happy. She ended up getting a chicken sandwich, instead of a fattening hamburger..... Maybe that's one reason that she became an ex. :laugh:
  • MystikPixie
    MystikPixie Posts: 342 Member
    Options
    I got new glasses one time and asked my so at the time if he noticed anything different about me and he said "I dunno, you don't have a big plate of food in your face?" I've never gotten over that.
  • Jesstruhan
    Jesstruhan Posts: 331 Member
    Options
    If my other half said that to me (we're not married) I'd probably slap him. Mostly out of shock. He would NEVER say that.
    People should be encouraging each other to get better, not picking on each for not being their ideal of perfect. I know i have some LB's to lose but my buy says he loves me no matter how I look, he just wants me to be happy with myself (because I'm WAY harder on myself than he ever could be). I know this doesn't help, but he deserves to know how it makes you feel. That's not cool
  • Gizziemoto
    Gizziemoto Posts: 430 Member
    Options
    I agree with Blue and kmk. Use this for your motivation and prove him wrong. Also exercise will help with the depression. If it gets too bad, please see a doctor (I live a life of depression and see a doctor regularly).

    Here is a thought too. Maybe he does not want you to succeed because if you do maybe he thinks you will find someone else. Maybe he is insecure and just needs to talk. Therapy is never a bad thing when issues like this come up. If he won't go then you still should. It will help you to deal with this better. Been married 24 years so been through all of this.

    However, it it continues and he refuses to stop, no one deserves to be treated like this. You can try to tell him how you feel but if it continues, there is an issue with him and he needs to realized that he needs to talk to someone and deal with it. I have almost left mine because he refused to stop but finally went in for a session with me. Yes, it did and continues to help.

    Good luck!
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    Options
    Yeah this is abusive behavior. At this point your vows become more an excuse than a principle. It's one thing to say things in the heat of the moment that you don't mean, but this kind of behavior is beyond unacceptable.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    Options
    Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
    I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
    You need to confront him with this.
    It's an unacceptable situation.
    Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:


    Emotional abuse IS just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. It will only get worse, not better.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Options
    Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    You don't believe in divorce. But what you do believe in is death - slow, painful, excruciating emotional death. Continued, this will happen. It is already happening - that can be seen by the fact that you are handing him your marriage vows to use as weapon to hurt you.

    I'm so sorry that you have to live like this. One day you'll realize you don't.

    We're all here for you in the meantime.

Categories