Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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Replies

  • Colbyandsage
    Colbyandsage Posts: 751 Member
    sounds like he is very insecure and likes putting you down to feel better about himself. Most likely the thought of you losing weight and gaining confidence (as well as attention from other men) is threatening to him. While it's admirable to believe in your vows, it's never a good idea to allow someone to bully you. I am not suggesting you leave him, but I would walk away whenever he acts childish and starts name calling and remind yourself of all the great qualities you have. When he sees that you don't react he will have to find some other way to make hisself feel superior. Hopefully it will be positive. Keep your head up and don't let him win!

    Well said! (((Hugs))))

    Please tell him what you told us and that you will not put up with it! You deserve to be treated better
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
    "I don't have sex with men who insult or belittle me" aughta clear some things up.
  • amber1533
    amber1533 Posts: 117 Member
    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    That obviously doesn't help! I am sorry he is clearly not supportive. However, I don't what you're looking for? If it's that you can do it and reach and even exceed your goals of COURSE YOU CAN! Even if you don't believe in divorce you still should be able to tell him to stop and how unhelpful and degrading that makes you feel. I am all for staying in a marriage through thick and thin after all that is what I promised, right? But if his main goal is to destroy you it is not a good environment to heal and grow in. Talking to a counselor both privately and together could really help.
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
    Back when I was married to my ex. We were both dieting, and doing real well with weight loss. She told me she wanted something fattening from Wendy's, but I didn't want to slow her progress. As we were getting out of the car, I made the statement: "Let's go fatten you up. " . She wasn't very happy. She ended up getting a chicken sandwich, instead of a fattening hamburger..... Maybe that's one reason that she became an ex. :laugh:
  • MystikPixie
    MystikPixie Posts: 342 Member
    I got new glasses one time and asked my so at the time if he noticed anything different about me and he said "I dunno, you don't have a big plate of food in your face?" I've never gotten over that.
  • Jesstruhan
    Jesstruhan Posts: 331 Member
    If my other half said that to me (we're not married) I'd probably slap him. Mostly out of shock. He would NEVER say that.
    People should be encouraging each other to get better, not picking on each for not being their ideal of perfect. I know i have some LB's to lose but my buy says he loves me no matter how I look, he just wants me to be happy with myself (because I'm WAY harder on myself than he ever could be). I know this doesn't help, but he deserves to know how it makes you feel. That's not cool
  • Gizziemoto
    Gizziemoto Posts: 430 Member
    I agree with Blue and kmk. Use this for your motivation and prove him wrong. Also exercise will help with the depression. If it gets too bad, please see a doctor (I live a life of depression and see a doctor regularly).

    Here is a thought too. Maybe he does not want you to succeed because if you do maybe he thinks you will find someone else. Maybe he is insecure and just needs to talk. Therapy is never a bad thing when issues like this come up. If he won't go then you still should. It will help you to deal with this better. Been married 24 years so been through all of this.

    However, it it continues and he refuses to stop, no one deserves to be treated like this. You can try to tell him how you feel but if it continues, there is an issue with him and he needs to realized that he needs to talk to someone and deal with it. I have almost left mine because he refused to stop but finally went in for a session with me. Yes, it did and continues to help.

    Good luck!
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    Yeah this is abusive behavior. At this point your vows become more an excuse than a principle. It's one thing to say things in the heat of the moment that you don't mean, but this kind of behavior is beyond unacceptable.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
    I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
    You need to confront him with this.
    It's an unacceptable situation.
    Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:


    Emotional abuse IS just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. It will only get worse, not better.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    You don't believe in divorce. But what you do believe in is death - slow, painful, excruciating emotional death. Continued, this will happen. It is already happening - that can be seen by the fact that you are handing him your marriage vows to use as weapon to hurt you.

    I'm so sorry that you have to live like this. One day you'll realize you don't.

    We're all here for you in the meantime.
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
    What an A hole
  • ChinniP
    ChinniP Posts: 166 Member
    Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
    I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
    You need to confront him with this.
    It's an unacceptable situation.
    Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:


    Emotional abuse IS just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. It will only get worse, not better.

    Right ... that old cliche of sticks and stones ... not true. Words hurt very much and the injury lasts a lifetime.
  • whitneyps7
    whitneyps7 Posts: 409 Member
    Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.

    You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.
    l ^^ im with u on this!!! i totally would hit a guy with a frying pan for some **** like this....oh wait i already have ;)
  • cherrybomb_77
    cherrybomb_77 Posts: 411 Member
    I believe in marriage vows too. But, I also know that you do NOT deserve to be verbally abused by anyone. You don't.

    Have you tried therapy (both for yourself and as a couple)?


    ^^ This!
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    I'm going to stay away from the relationship issues and ask...

    Why do you need to wait hours to go for a walk? I think the human species was designed to be able to manage that with food in their bellies.
  • Kurls4Daze
    Kurls4Daze Posts: 125 Member
    he is just speaking his fears!!! because guess what once you succeed in being what ever size you want to be he is going to be all over you!!! so stick with it and ignore his fearful comments ^.^
    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
  • beautifulbrat
    beautifulbrat Posts: 171
    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    that's exactly what i was going to say!
  • willnorton
    willnorton Posts: 995 Member
    ok...you are evidently not going to do anything about it so "quit *****ing"

    like someone else said...let your actions show what you are made of...
    show him what you cando....

    my wife tells me the same thing....oops...Im *****ing.....

    like goose crap through a tin horn...it means nothing to me...

    so i guess im *****ing so you are entitled to do whatever you want to....

    pay no attention to worthless words..
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    I think sometimes Men think saying that stuff will motivate you. I would flat out tell him that you want to be "thin" or healthy as much as he wants you to be but insults will only slow your progress. Tell him you need his support and encouragement. Then as someone else said, turn those words into motivation. Use it as fuel for what you want to accomplish. As for wedding vows, remind him that he promised to love, honor and cherish you and those words/insults go against his vows.



    Well said!!
  • orangelobster
    orangelobster Posts: 151
    Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.

    You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.

    Easy to say...not so easy to do. When there are kids involved in a marriage it's a little harder to "hit guy with fry pan and dump his *kitten*". This poor woman is looking for useful advice not knee jerk reactionism.
  • sylviatx
    sylviatx Posts: 156 Member
    Kick his mean *kitten* out.

    OK. Editing to say: Y'all need a counselor. Bigtime. He should never think that is an acceptable thing to say to you. He's calling you names, hurtful names. That's just wrong.
  • HopefulLeigh
    HopefulLeigh Posts: 363 Member
    Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
    I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
    You need to confront him with this.
    It's an unacceptable situation.
    Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:


    Emotional abuse IS just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. It will only get worse, not better.

    Right ... that old cliche of sticks and stones ... not true. Words hurt very much and the injury lasts a lifetime.

    Agreed.

    Also
    ok...you are evidently not going to do anything about it so "quit *****ing"

    like someone else said...let your actions show what you are made of...
    show him what you cando....

    my wife tells me the same thing....oops...Im *****ing.....

    like goose crap through a tin horn...it means nothing to me...

    so i guess im *****ing so you are entitled to do whatever you want to....

    pay no attention to worthless words..

    I see you trolling, good sir. Perhaps a thread that isn't about someone being emotionally abused would be a more appropriate forum for your idiocy.
  • lucyford22
    lucyford22 Posts: 198 Member
    You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.

    This.
  • CJene
    CJene Posts: 2 Member
    I don't believe in divorce. I do believe in the occasional nut punch.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    He is wrong, and it sounds to me like there are some issues here bigger than weight.
    What I will saybis thatb"light exercise" often isnt enough.
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    If you believe in marriage vows, don't they go something like:

    Honor, respect, trust, love your partner?

    Is this the kind of treatment your husband is giving to you? doesn't seem so. Verbal abuse is neither love nor respect. It doesn't seem that your husband is abiding by his vows. I wouldn't worry about the vows.

    I would at least try to talk to him and tell him what he's doing is hurting you. It may be his own insecurity, but it is also hurting you as well. I would try to make him aware of this. And also make him aware that this isn't okay.
  • Songbirdcw
    Songbirdcw Posts: 320 Member
    I am a newlywed, and my honest advice is to first pray on the issue. At some point, you should let him know how the comments made you feel. You could also seek marital counseling. People say things that they don't mean, and sometimes men especially do really think that comments like that will help motivate you. Wrong as it is, let it motivate and fuel your fire. Replace the negative comments, with positive affirmations. Keep moving forward.
  • mariaT29
    mariaT29 Posts: 7 Member
    I'm sorry to hear that! I want you to see that all of us are here for you and we'll be your motivation. My ex told me the Same thing's on a daily basis,and he would say "i'd marry you if you weren't so damn Fat". It broke my heart to hear him say thing's like that because i loved him. it went from Verbal abuse to physical and i Finally left him and am getting back on my feet. I lost 38 pound's so far and I can't help but wish he would run into me and see my progress. anyhow,what you need to know is your kids think your Beautiful so let them and Yourself be your motivation,and please sit and talk with your husband about how he's making you feel. Keep up your good work too!
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    I don't believe in divorce. I do believe in the occasional nut punch.

    Probably the best advice of the whole thread.
  • ChinniP
    ChinniP Posts: 166 Member
    I'm going to stay away from the relationship issues and ask...

    Why do you need to wait hours to go for a walk? I think the human species was designed to be able to manage that with food in their bellies.

    Kids are going down for a nap first ... since she said "we are going to go" sounds to me like it's a family walk. So kids nap, wake up, go for walk. That's gotta be a few hours and makes total sense.

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