Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

Options
1…457910…21

Replies

  • ontrdh
    ontrdh Posts: 1
    Options
    That would hurt a lot to be called a fat *kitten*. It is not right and your husband needs help.
    However, it is commendable that you are wanting to work things out and honour your commitment to him.

    I was once in your shoes, and all the advisers around me told me "you deserve to be happy". "Plan your exit strategy".
    My husband had mental issues/personality changes after a brain injury. It has taken 6 years to get things manageable with the help of neuro psychologists and medication. It was a living hell through those years. The kids were young. I am so glad I did not listen to my advisers, one was even my doctor. Things are so much better now.

    Divorce does not solve problems especially when children are involved. Custody and access visits become explosive ammunition. New partners come along and the dynamics get even more complicated.

    Love your enemy....."love is patient, love is kind, does not seek revenge..."

    If yours or your childrens lives are in danger, then it is necessary to leave. If it is just a difficult situation, remember not to repay evil for evil. The situation will get worse.

    Keep your eyes fixed on eternity so you will hear "Well, done, my good and faithful servant." Life on earth is very short compared to eternity.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Options
    doesn't it go something like this?

    for better, for worse, for richer,  for poorer: in sickness and in health; to love, to honor, and to cherish, for all the days of our lives.

    I don't think he's keeping up his end of the bargain and broke the contract.

    Hells to the yes. He's already proven that your marriage isn't sacred to him if he'd treat a spouse like that. I'd say it's no longer a marriage and just a miserable sentence. I don't get how people "don't believe in divorce". Your husband doesn't believe in respecting you. Don't just put up with it because you have some idea that you have to stay married for whatever reason. Divorce is not wrong.

    At the very least, go to counseling or yell at his stupid *kitten*.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Options
    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    He's already the stupid one. And people like him will just find another way to tear her down. They don't accept being "proven wrong".
  • mmckee10
    mmckee10 Posts: 405 Member
    Options
    i also believe "to HONOR AND CHERISH in SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH" is in those vows somewhere not "to verbally abuse and brow beat"

    hope things get better for you
  • blanhe2
    blanhe2 Posts: 88
    Options
    You do not deserve to be abused by this man!
  • Liz_M_
    Liz_M_ Posts: 25
    Options
    I wonder if people realise the damage their words do. I was discussing this this morning and recalled nasty remarks my brother used to make to me as a child. I was probably around 40 before I found 'myself', my courage and the backbone to stand up for myself.
    Anything dished out by another person that makes us feel bad about ourselves IS abuse. No one has that right. I am glad you felt able to share your feelings here. :flowerforyou:
  • dan95130
    dan95130 Posts: 78 Member
    Options
    I was married to a woman who said the exact same things to me. I was fat the whole 29 years we were together because her 24 hour abuse zapped the strength from me. I stuck with her because that sadist had me convinced I didn't deserve any better. I only got free because I was lucky enough to outlive her.
    For the last eight years I've been a healthy happy relationship and life is good. Looking back now with a fresh perspective, I should have divorced her after an honest try at making it work. No one deserves to be verbally or physically abused by their spouse.
    My advice, run screaming into the night. When the sun comes up, run faster.
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
    Options
    Nothing you can do about someone elses behavior, but you can change how you handle it. Assuming it is safe to do so, you need to confront him, and let him know he is being hurtful. Ask him if that was his intention. If he says he didn't mean to hurt you (I think I'm giving him too much credit here, btw), then ask him to make a conscious effort to NOT hurt you. Indeed, if he could be encouraging and supportive, that'd be much better. Now, if he's is not interested in being supportive, that's another matter. And if you are willing to put up w/ being treated this way, then you certainly must develope a thicker skin than the average person. Keep in mind that you're not improving for him or for anyone else; this is only for you. The best you is the you that will be best for those who need you and love you.

    Just my two cents.
    Good luck.
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
    Options
    Ok. So I'm going to look at this from a different perspective. I've only read the title and some of the posts.

    If he called you beautiful he is enabling you to get big. All of the big pople I know, their significant other doesn't say anything to let them know that what they are doing is unacceptable. Calling someone fat, when they are fat, isn't degrading as much as it is a painful reminder of the truth.

    ***Abuse is him hitting you, or telling you something else is hurtful AND untrue***

    It should neve hurt to hear the truth. If it does, change the truth so it doesn't hurt, or accept the truth.

    The truth is I'm a fat *kitten*.

    Uh, you're kidding, right?
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Options
    No one thinks it's ok. But unlike the rest of society, she understands that not everything is worthy of breaking up a family. So many people think divorce is the answer to a bad marriage, and end up with a bad divorce - ie. worse attitude from ex, traumatized kids, crappy finances, dealing with the ex's new love interest - all for the opportunity to find someone else that will also come with their own set of problems. Plus, you don't know what else is going on. He might be fantastic in other ways besides being a mouthy "fill-in-the-blank." Or, maybe he's been great but morphed during stressful life changes.

    One woman told me that she thought her godfather to be the best guy she'd ever met - she was surprised to learn from her godmother that he wasn't always so wonderful, and it took time for him to develop.

    Calling someone a fatass, telling her she'll never be thin, and that's she no good for anything (check the original post for the full list of what he has said) is not the "wonderful man" you "cultivate into developing."

    You're codependant and unhealthy as hell if you believe that she should continue to stay and cultivate that.
  • Topher1978
    Topher1978 Posts: 975 Member
    Options
    Not saying what he said was ok, but waiting a few hours for your food to digest when you were supposed to go for a walk together. That is an excuse to get out of going. You do not need to wait but maybe a half hour. So, he is not the only one to blame in that situation.
  • jnp96
    jnp96 Posts: 163
    Options
    This post made me sad. Your partner should love and support you. Love should never hurt. Someone who loves you will not hurt you physically or emotionally. Please consider this. If you have children you may want to consider leaving this guy. Ask yourself if you would want them to be married to someone so cruel. Set the example. You deserve better & you need to tell him so. You could try counseling to see if this marriage is capable of being a healthy one. If not you will need to make some hard decisions. Good luck to you.
  • Ivey05131980
    Ivey05131980 Posts: 1,118 Member
    Options
    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    This...eff him!
  • KristenWilcox82
    KristenWilcox82 Posts: 18
    Options
    Tell him to go f*** himself. I have been overweight my entire marriage and my husband would NEVER bring me down like that. You deserve better!!
  • MDawg81
    MDawg81 Posts: 244 Member
    Options
    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    I also believe in the vows, and believe divorce is the last option, but he has already broken the vows to love, honor, and cherish you.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
    Options
    ever think that maybe this is adding to your depression? does he treat you this way in every aspect of your married life or just about your weight? no one deserves to be talked to like this.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    Options
    Your husband sounds like a jerk.
    Also, marriage vows don't excuse his abusive behavior. Verbal abuse IS abuse and you don't need to put up with that. Divorces exist for a reason.
  • 3RachaelFaith3
    3RachaelFaith3 Posts: 283 Member
    Options
    Sounds like he wants you to stay overweight while also ruining your self esteem by name calling and belittling you. Sounds like he may have some insecurity issues. Maybe you need the work for your appearance, but sounds like he needs just as much, if not more help for his issues... Good luck, keep doing what you're doing and keep your head up no matter what. It's his issue, not yours!
  • SueGremlin
    SueGremlin Posts: 1,066 Member
    Options
    If my husband called me that I would consider that a symptom of a very large problem with the relationship (lack of respect) and I would leave him if he did not apologize and fully see the problem with words like that. Honestly.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    Options
    I hope your children don't hear you being verbally abused by their father. :frown:
    I hope you find something that works for you and your family. Best of luck.

Categories