Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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  • MusicInMyHeart
    MusicInMyHeart Posts: 179
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    I'm not going to go through the mountains of pages from this post. But I'll say this:

    *kitten* HIM!

    10 years ago I probably would've been quiet and internally kept it all in. But now that I've got this inner confidence as I've gotten older (even more now so since getting healthy)? Lets just say I got a mouth on me. And I'd NEVER let my spouse put me down this way. I give as good as I get. Maybe that's why I'm almost 28 and never been married... I refuse to settle.

    He may not be using his hands and hitting you physically but verbal abuse is much worse. If you're such a "fat *kitten*" as he lovingly likes to say, maybe the bed is just a bit too small for him to sleep? He might feel more comfortable on the couch in the living room. What a douchecannon!
  • lesliev523
    lesliev523 Posts: 368 Member
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    You have kids. Your kids will think it is acceptable to model his behavior and words if you don't do anything! I left my husband due to his verbal abuse once he started directing it to my boys. Your husband WILL start verbally abusing your kids. And you may not believe in divorce but you need to protect your kids if you are not willing to do it for yourself.
  • bsuew
    bsuew Posts: 628 Member
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    that is emotional and verbal abuse sweetie. Men can be so insensitive. In a stuipd demented way he might be thinking that saying stuff like will motivate you. When in all reality it would do anything but motivate me. I can see why it depresses you. Please tell him how you feel and that kind of crap only hurts you. It sounds like it will be hard on you to tell him that, but once it is out you will feel better. Good luck to you.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.

    You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.

    Oh yeah, this. His options would be STFU, counseling, or curb. Some men do think they are being helpful, but they are dumbasses. This can be the beginning of abuse. Go to the gym, get strong, and kick his *kitten*.
  • tweetybird41
    tweetybird41 Posts: 22 Member
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    lose the weight and then leave him for someone younger and better looking! by the way..if ur fine with ur weight stay as u are..dont lose weight for him. ridiculas
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    Well, divorce does exist, unlike Santa or the Easter Bunny. It often is the right answer. But, if you prefer an abusive relationship, that's your business. But, don't complain when it happens because you are choosing it.
  • Midnight_Sunshine
    Midnight_Sunshine Posts: 369 Member
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    Your husband is an abusive prick.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    If you aren't going to leave him, at least refuse to be a doormat. People usually only treat you as good as you demand so you need to raise the bar regarding respect. Lay ground rules and stick to them. Counseling would be good.

    As for your diet and exercise, you only need POSITIVE people in the loop. Make your own diet and fitness plans. You dont need to use him to aid your accountability. He is taking that responsibility to a mentally abusive level. Don't talk to him about your diet. If he is on here, de-friend him and change your password if he knows it. If he comments on what you eat, don't engage him in an argument or boohoo session, just tell him you have budgeted it in your calories. Keep in mind if you stop eating X he will think his policing your diet is ok. If you let him dictate when you work out you are giving him the control, thereby giving him your success. This isn't his success. You are in charge of you. Dont walk with him. Walk on your own or with a girlfriend.
  • PaleoRDH
    PaleoRDH Posts: 266
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    OMG if my husband said that to me he'd be minus two balls.
  • Poorgirls_Diet
    Poorgirls_Diet Posts: 528 Member
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    I believe in marriage vows too. But, I also know that you do NOT deserve to be verbally abused by anyone. You don't.

    Have you tried therapy (both for yourself and as a couple)?

    ^^^THIS
  • kschmi24
    kschmi24 Posts: 59 Member
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    There are several kinds of abuse. Verbal, emotional, physical, financial. . . what you do with your life is your business, but you're right, being in an abusive relationship certainly doesn't help.
  • Christylee76
    Christylee76 Posts: 138 Member
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    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    THiS
    This^^^^^^^^^
  • texastango
    texastango Posts: 309
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    "being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression.

    From experiences you probably know that's it's difficult to accomplish things without commitment and percerverance. There are always people that will tell you "you can't do" something. "You'll never be" etc.

    Obtaining what is difficult requires special challenges. Inner strength.

    I won't tell you what to do with your relationship.

    As many of the people here that reached their goals will tell you..it wasn't easy. It still isn't. However it takes a commitment and knowledge and strength.

    Find it and use it no matter what people say. Use the negativity to prove you can. FA might be a good thing. Before I started lifting weights...and after I lost all the weight....some people started callin me NAM instead of FA. NAM meant "No *kitten* Man".....which wasn't great either...so I started working my Gluets and now I'm very happy with the results.

    Drive yourself to your goals. Find that inner strength and use anyone that will help you get there!
  • lhulewsky
    lhulewsky Posts: 50
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    I don't believe in divorce either but you need to tell him how that makes you feel. It is not worth living like that unless he learns to treat you better and say things in a nicer way. Get some therapy from your church or your medical insurance or something. You need couples therapy and individual therapy. He is mean and you are not a punching bag...
  • baja572
    baja572 Posts: 94
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    buy a punching bag or use a big pillow and punch it..good workout and pretend it is him talking.. will relieve stress and give a great work out...
  • flyersrule17a
    flyersrule17a Posts: 54 Member
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    To those of you saying that it doesn't take hours for food to digest, I know that. If you read my original post, I wanted my two children to nap first so they wouldn't be cranky and ruin our walk. I did take a short nap because I was so upset by what he said. However, I woke up, but on my workout clothes, and went by myself. He asked if I was taking the kids, and I just walked out the door. I walked a mile alone. It felt good. When I got home, he did apologize. He said he's just so used to me making excuses and not following through, that it pissed him off. I did explain to him that I will not tolerate him name calling anymore and that if it continues he just may end up losing the best thing he ever had. I don't want to ever end my marriage, but I can't keep living like this either. He seemed sincere when he apologized, but I'm still hurt and angry. He only talks to me like this about my weight. He has lost 40 lbs over the last two years and now thinks everyone should do it the way he did. I am seeking treatment for bipolar disorder and depression already. I do go to individual therapy already.
  • Midnight_Sunshine
    Midnight_Sunshine Posts: 369 Member
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    buy a punching bag or use a big pillow and punch it..good workout and pretend it is him talking.. will relieve stress and give a great work out...

    I thought this was going to say "use a big pillow and smother him with it"
  • laurie62ann
    laurie62ann Posts: 433 Member
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    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    It sounds like a great idea to PROVE HIM WRONG. But I believe she should do this for HERSELF~~~
  • willnorton
    willnorton Posts: 995 Member
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    hopeless leigh...

    i am not sure what you mean by trolling...this happens to me everyday...my wife laughs at me when i say i want to get into shape..lose weight...get off meds...so i do know what im talking about..
    you dont know me well enough to call me an idiot....

    i could definitely call you some great names, but im not that childish...

    use your words better....

    until yu have to go through it....call somebody else an idiot...maybe a look in the mirror...
  • Byrdie123
    Byrdie123 Posts: 1
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    Treat your depression, talk with someone, don't let the depression become who you are. I have struggled for nearly 20 years, with many times feeling "better." Now that I am on a different medication I know what better really is. Sometimes I wouldn't realize I was in the fog until I came out of it. My husband has pushed me on being healthy, "how much do you weigh?" are you really going to eat that?, do you want to go to the gym with me, etc. In my fog I saw all of this as negative and pushed back by doing nothing.

    What he said is not ok, but knowing you are depressed, realize that the depression really colors how you perceive what is said to you. I am working on recognizing when I hear things as negatives and doing a brain check before reacting. It's not about getting back at him or making him out to be the bad guy, it's about you and how you can take care of yourself.

    The positive is that he wanted to walk with you. He might have put off something else to make the time during the kid's nap. No, what he said isn't ok., but look at it through the clear and not the fog.

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