Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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  • Mcgrawhaha
    Mcgrawhaha Posts: 1,596 Member
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    Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family. My husband treats me like I rule the world. He has the upmost respect for me, the mother of his children. He still looks at my fat pictures and tells me that I was just as "hot" then, as I am now (even though I know its not true)... My husband waits on me hand and foot, he gives me ecouragement, love, honor... hes teaching our son what it means to be a loving husband / father... hes teaching our 4 daughters what it means to find a loving husband and father for thier future children... thats what marriage is, its love. Thats why we honor and respect our marriage vows, LOVE!
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    I stayed 9 years in an abusive marriage because I didn't want to break my marriage vows. It was a PASTOR who helped me see that my abusive husband had already broken the vows by dishonoring me so horribly during the marriage, and gave me the strength to get out. Leaving my abuser was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for my kids.

    According to the behavior you describe in your post, your husband is abusing you. He is not treating you as he should properly treat his wife. He has already broken your marriage vows.
  • mdyorston
    mdyorston Posts: 158
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    just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.

    Um, no. Leave him. I can't believe some of the women on here think this is okay...

    I don't think any of us think its ok but the OP said she wasn't leaving so everyone is merely offering altenatives.
  • stang_girl88
    stang_girl88 Posts: 234 Member
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    I would use that as motivation and as soon as I reached my goal, I would dump his *kitten*.
  • mdyorston
    mdyorston Posts: 158
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    I stayed 9 years in an abusive marriage because I didn't want to break my marriage vows. It was a PASTOR who helped me see that my abusive husband had already broken the vows by dishonoring me so horribly during the marriage, and gave me the strength to get out. Leaving my abuser was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for my kids.

    According to the behavior you describe in your post, your husband is abusing you. He is not treating you as he should properly treat his wife. He has already broken your marriage vows.

    ^^^this
  • AuntieMC
    AuntieMC Posts: 346 Member
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    "I don't have sex with men who insult or belittle me" aughta clear some things up.

    . THIS is great!
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
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    Emotional abuse may not be as bad as physical abuse, but it's terrible none the less.
    I am not saying "DIVORCE"....but just know what is going on.
    You need to confront him with this.
    It's an unacceptable situation.
    Thanks for sharing...:flowerforyou:


    Emotional abuse IS just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. It will only get worse, not better.
    Not in the eyes of the law.
    Don't get caught up is starting a semantics crusade.
    Let's keep the focus on the OP.
    Men who treat their wives this way know exactly what this does.
    It's unacceptable, and she needs to confront him.
  • MsDover
    MsDover Posts: 395 Member
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    I have three words for you... counselling, counselling and counselling!

    When your partner belittles you and does everything in their power to sabotage you and tell you why you're a failure it generally means they are very insecure themselves. His issues are hurting you. Don't let them. I've been there! Go to individual counselling for yourself to learn what to do for you, and then try couples counselling. He is not only hurting you, but your children as well.
  • ravenchick
    ravenchick Posts: 345 Member
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    It sounds to me like you need to lose him more than you need to lose weight...
  • mdyorston
    mdyorston Posts: 158
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    Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family.

    love this
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family.

    Agreed. The kids will see this abuse (and that is what it is, honestly) and eventually it will start to affect them negatively. Additionally, if this guy is calling his wife names so easily, he may extend that behavior to his kids one day. Imagine a daughter being called a "fat *kitten*" by her dad and what kind of emotional scars that can cause. Just not a good situation. He needs an intervention by people who care for the OP, maybe. They need to DEMAND that he stop this kind of abuse. Period. No other options.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    I got new glasses one time and asked my so at the time if he noticed anything different about me and he said "I dunno, you don't have a big plate of food in your face?" I've never gotten over that.

    Jeebus. Talk about people who deserve a nut punch. Sounds like he's your EX. Good.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
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    Abuse is the exception for vows, imo. And verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
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    Um. You're still with this guy, because? Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*.

    You don't believe in divorce but you believe in being degraded by a man? Priorities, beautiful.

    Easy to say...not so easy to do. When there are kids involved in a marriage it's a little harder to "hit guy with fry pan and dump his *kitten*". This poor woman is looking for useful advice not knee jerk reactionism.

    Here's another view: imagine being a child in a household where there was emotional and/or physical abuse. Yelling. Hurtful words. Fighting. Screaming. As the years go by, the abuse only getting worse. Laying in bed having to listen to your mother/step-mom/dad's girlfriend get called vulgar names that eventually turn into watching that same man hit that woman and throw her down stairwells.

    I don't just tell women to escape this situation because that's all I can think of saying. Unlike you (I'm assuming) I've witnessed it as a child, and have been scarred for life. Don't assume it's all good and dandy because children are involved.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
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    I thought that I recognized your face. This isn't the first thread you've started on how your husband mistreats you. Vows or not, this isn't how marriage works. At all.
  • jennaworksout
    jennaworksout Posts: 1,739 Member
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    so you would rather be mistreated and abuses than divorce? hes clearly not respecting the vows "cherish and respect" ummm yea... i think vows are great to follow but this is just self sabotage if you stay with him.


    this ^^
  • HotMummyMission
    HotMummyMission Posts: 1,723 Member
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    I went through this when I was 14 stone I'm now 11 and a half my partner would say it for a year strait his nastiness became my motivation he obv had a problem with me getting fit the way he went on I lost weight an boys started looking if u want it u will do it don't speak to him about it don't even let him know your on a diet u got this girl do this for u nobody eles
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
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    Besides the fact that hes a complete *kitten*, and that this is considered abusive towards you, why dont we focus on the children. Is his behavior good for your children? Is he setting a good example for you children? Is he assisting you in raising good future men / women; husbands / wives? Is it healthy for you to allow your husband to be abusive to you while raising children in the home? Kids are not stupid, we think they are naive, but they are not, and believe me, they can feel the stress, anger, abuse and depression in the air. This is unhealthy all the way around. As a Christian woman, extremely conservative, who believes in the upmost importance of marriage and what a family stands for, I can tell you without a doubt, that if ANY type of abuse was inflicted on me, or any one of my 5 children, MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. God did not ordain marriage to facilitate abuse, HE ordained marriage for love and family. My husband treats me like I rule the world. He has the upmost respect for me, the mother of his children. He still looks at my fat pictures and tells me that I was just as "hot" then, as I am now (even though I know its not true)... My husband waits on me hand and foot, he gives me ecouragement, love, honor... hes teaching our son what it means to be a loving husband / father... hes teaching our 4 daughters what it means to find a loving husband and father for thier future children... thats what marriage is, its love. Thats why we honor and respect our marriage vows, LOVE!

    Thank you. I WAS the child that saw it and witnessed it and lived with it. To this day, there are moments when I hate my father, and he will always be a monster in my eyes. Don't let your children be subjected to that.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    OMG JBU.
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,677 Member
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    ah, abuse

    even if you lost all the lbs and got super fit and did everything perfect and wonderful

    you'd still get put down.

    your abuser does it to keep you in your place

    and it will always work.

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