Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

atamrowski

Punch him in the jaw. Just kidding

Growing up in a family where my stepfather was verbally abusive to my mother (I'm not saying his is but his tone leads me to believe this isn't the only "bad" thing he's said to you), I can understand how you feel. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself about HOW his comments make you feel, use that as fuel to motivate YOURSELF your small changes do make a difference.

Leaving him is not the answer but re-evaluating the environment you are in is indeed the answer.

atamrowski

bump

deedeeFP

I really hope you loss all the weight you want and meet your goals. Then when you do, get some sexy outfits and file for a divorce. No man should verbally abuse you like this. I understand you don't believe in divorce but he needs to do a 180. He should be telling you that your're beautiful just the way you are but if you want o loss weigh I'll help you. If you want to add me as a friend I'll try to encourage you as much as possible to stay on track.

Juashmom

I don't know anything about your marriage so I'm not going to judge and say your husband is verbally abusive sadly some people think this is how you motivate others....assuming he's the misinformed motivator I would tell him that he isn't helping you by calling your names.

HPChelsey

Talk to him. Tell him your feelings. I know my husband isn't a great listener, but when I am at my breaking point, he gets really serious about helping me out. I fully believe in marriage as well so I wouldn't suggest you leave him... Unless he is physically abusing you or your children. Verbal abuse can be addressed... My dad is proof of that. Anyway, I like to let my food digest as well. If I do any kind of exercise too soon after eating, I get very nauseaus.

Is your husband from a military family or in the military himself? If so, maybe he is trying to motivate you by using drill instructor type of speaking.

sunflowerbrandy

In summary to all the comments DITTO, What a $^&*(.. Use his negivity and prove him wrong.. PS- If he is doing this to you infront of your kids, thats a whole different matter..

tlatrice13

OK, you believe in honoring your vows, but he OBVIOUSLY doesn't believe in honoring his...you know, he vowed to love, HONOR AND CHERISH you. Doesn't sound like he's keeping his end of the bargain.

I don't know how long the whole "use his words to motivate you' thing will work. At some point, you have to be replenished. You can't continue to give love and not get it back. Soon you will be depleted.

nashsheri33

well, that stinks! if he was being a temporary butthead, oh well, forgive him and move on.

but, dear, if he talks to you like this on a regular basis, it's grounds for a divorce. it is abuse. i know you believe in your wedding vows and you do not believe in divorce. do you take being a mother seriously? your husband's behavior will affect your children. and not in a good way. your decision to stay will also affect your children, not in a good way. and if he talks to you like this, i expect he also talks to the children like this. and if he doesn't not, then it's likely that he will in the future. you must refuse to put up with this. either he changes this unacceptable behavior, or you and the children must leave. they need a parent who is loving and responsible, and it looks like you are it.

abrahamsitososa

I didn't even realize this post was still going. Just to catch everyone up... we did talk. He apologized for calling me these names. Yes, it did start when I started to make a lifestyle change. He admitted that he's insecure about me making changes. He also figured that since he has lost 40 lbs, I would want to do the same things he did to lose weight. I explained that those words hurt and do nothing to motivate me. That he has to understand that I am fighting against medications, depression, bipolar disorder, hypothyroidism, and sciatica that he never had to deal with. Losing weight is going to be different for me. It helped that I took him to my doctor's appointment yesterday and had the doctor explain to him that I'm not lazy, but that medically speaking, my metabolism isn't working the same as a "normal" person's does. Also, he is a wonderful husband and father in every aspect except harsh words when it comes to my weight loss. He is not abusive to me in any other way, and I'm not even sure I would count an argument where he said hurtful words as being "abusive". I was looking for some encouragement when he said hurtful words, not to hear that I should divorce him over an argument. Good grief.

I'm glad things were resolved without jumping to conclusions. I had a feeling he didn't really mean it and would apologize.

mochalishious

Sounds like he is insecure with himself. Use his negative words to fuel yourself. He is feeling threatened & like a man he's afraid to tell you. Don't let him stop you!

monjacq1964

verbal abuse is not right. Does HE believe in respect for his fellow human being????

tmartini2013

do you believe in abuse as well ?? that's exactly what that is dear... take it from someone who's been there..
im 52 years old and been married 5 times... I will NEVER stick around and let someone abuse my mind and
hurt me in that ..or ANY OTHER way again... some people just ARENT meant to be together...you cant love
someone all better... if you stay you will be damaged emotionally and psychologically.. who knows ... that may evolve into
physical too... its your good health your flirting with danger with... if you don't love YOURSELF...who will ??

tmartini2013

and if he apologized...well...guess what... that is the classic cycle of abuse...duh

Squrtea

My husband was kinda like that and now.. 25 pounds lighter.. he shuts the heck up! We hiked to a high mountain lake and I left him in the dust.. You can do it. Find some program that you like and stick it out for 3 months. It's rough when you dont get support.. I work out 6 days a week and my husband still thinks it's stupid but I don't listen to him.. I do it for me! And love every minute of my workouts!

DuhhMuffin

I know this isn't what you wanted people to say, but if someone was being verbally abusive like that to me, vows be damned! I wouldn't put up with that. I'd tell him to get his act together or hit the road.

ChinniP

... my son told his father 13 months ago that he KNEW his daddy would never love him they way mommy, Noni and Baba do. He also informed him that he KNEW his daddy didn't want him and that Mommy had been telling him that daddy DID want him and loved him.

Ok that is really sad. I hope your husband knows that his son will never love him the way he loves his mommy, Noni and Baba. He'll be darn lucky if he loves him at all once he grows up.

gingerveg

removed posts because it sounds like this is resolved

Elf_Princess1210

doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

I believe in marriage vows as well. You don't need to be abused like that. No matter how many times he says he is sorry, he isn't. Its going to keep escalating until he starts hitting you and who knows what else. Try counseling first. if he's not willing to go into marriage counseling,kick him to the curb.

missythomas927

I was in an abusive marriage myself for almost 12 years. I stayed for my children and because I didn't really believe in divorce. When children hear and see parents being abusive to eachother they learn that it is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable and I don't want my daughters to their husbands are supposed to talk to them like that. I know that now. I sure hope that some day you will be able to believe in yourself enough to find someone who really appreciates you for who you are. Sorry, to preach. I know that everybody does what they feel is best for them in their own time. :flowerforyou:

Handsett

I'm sorry that he said that to you. He should not have and you don't deserve that kind of abuse. You should confront him and make sure he knows that his behavior is unacceptable. He should be on your side and be your support, not your downfall. Make sure you two are on the same page.

glovepuppet

your children deserve better than to grow up seeing their mother being abused.
too often, kids who grow up watching/hearing this stuff become the abused or the abuser in their own adult relationships.

bdeezy3396

Sorry to hear that, I can't imagine saying those things to my wife. Any regards the problem is his and not yours. I don't know what he's generally like as a person, but that sounds very mean and hateful.

mmaurer219

Hi am new here and I have alot of feelings about your post. When my wife and I decided to get married she wanted prenup, for me not to drink. that bothered me so I turned around and ask for my wife remain thin, I am not attracted to over weight people and she agreed to stay thin. 13 years later I still don't drink but she has gained 50% her body weight.I still love her and would not love more if she was thin. I did call her big mam,Then I thought about her feelings and decided that wasnt helping her with her weight problem. I am ashamed for calling her big mama, I now call her hot mama.
She has started this weight loss program and i am so happy for her. My wife is my best friend fat or skinny, I wouldnt want any other women then her, But I do worry about her heath so am also counting calories for my self and her.
YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD NOT CALL YOU FAT *kitten* EVER PERIOD.
NO ONE CAN LOSE WEIGHT UNTIL THEY ARE READY, no insult will help only hurt
I AM SORRY FOR WHAT YOUR HUSBAND HAS SAID TO YOU AND YOU SHOULD TELL HIM HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL.
FAT OR SKINNY DOES NOT MAKE LOVE, PEOPLE DO.
LOVE DOES NOT COME FROM ATTRACTION. ATTRACTION ONLY BRINGS US TOGETHER.
EVERY THING ELSE KEEPS US TOGETHER









































5

oregonzoo

Without reading this whole thread, what he has said to you and the way he is treating you is flat out wrong and unacceptable.

I do truly believe in marriage and vows. But I also believe verbal and emotional abuse is so dangerous and harmful. To the entire family. The precedent it sets for your children is also dangerous. You don't want them to think that is what constitutes as normal loving behavior and what a marriage should be.


Seek counseling and if he won't go, find a lawyer.

rml_16

I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

Don't marriage vows include something about cherishing and honoring the other person?

zombilishious

And he's still alive? Is his manhood intact?

Goldie_13

I'm so sorry he said that to you & made you feel bad. My husband would never ever say something like that to me & I don't know how I'd handle it if he did. Get healthy & in shape for you & if he continues the verbal abuse I'd seek counseling as well & if he refuses to work on y'alls marriage then find a divorce attorney. Good luck!

bringnsparkleback

What a rude "dumb *kitten*". Good for you for recognizing that you can always do better and be better. Don't take his words to heart. I spent 13 years in a marriage where my weight loss effort (I lost 80lbs) went un-noticed. No encouragement, no recognition and he didn't even come to my very first run/walk 5 miler I did. My mom brought my kids down to the race to see me cross the finish line and took pictures. You can do this and you need to focus on your success and not negative word phrases from others. Good luck sweetie.

sugboog29

doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

Don't do this for him...do this for you. As some others have said...prove him wrong. Become the healthiest mom your kids can have...do it for them as well as yourself Show him he is WRONG!

clarkeje1

I don't believe in divorce either except in the case of abuse. This is emotionally and psychologically abusive and I think either some intense counseling is in order or else leave his ***** *kitten*!