Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
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    "I don't have sex with men who insult or belittle me" aughta clear some things up.

    . THIS is great!

    Women shouldn't always have to be the gate keepers. Using sex as a means to an end IMHO is degrading.
  • mlakhan27
    mlakhan27 Posts: 1
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    If you let harsh words get to you that person wins to be honest you have to take it bottle it up and it to the tank and make it your fuel to help you get through your workouts or anything you do in life. Good luck and just keep pushing.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    .
  • volume77
    volume77 Posts: 670 Member
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    abuse
  • 1ChubbyMamma
    1ChubbyMamma Posts: 5 Member
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    I think I understand what you are saying about the marriage vows. It may be what you were taught. I was taught according to God's Word (Bible) that God does not condone divorce if there has been unfaithfulness in the marriage. If this is the case with you...I'd go check his cell phone records, even ask him if he thinks of other women...then that there my friend, would be your ticket out of his life!!!! If a man thinks...he has already committed the sin...not sure the exact words...but yes, have a chat with him...and find out all that you can so you can get yourself out!
    I also agree with the other person...if you want to stay married...you don't have to live with him. I can only imagine how difficult your situation may be with children involved.

    You do not deserve to be treated as you have been by him. He is supposed to be your best friend...to lift you up..NOT to kick you down. You are a beautiful woman in our eyes and most importantly, God's eyes!
    I am so sorry that you are being treated this way. I will keep you in my prayers.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
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    If my husband called me a fat *kitten* it would motivate the hell out of me to prove him wrong. Actually before I started hubby & son called me "fat cow" all the time.

    I made that work FOR me. I would write fat cow sayings on my water bottles..... like "let the cow be with you" kinda things. I even have a photo of myself just after a hard workout, from when I just started.... "try harder cow" is written under it...... I wrote it there.

    Don't see it as hurtful & wanting to give up.... use it. Make it work for you. And forget waiting for it to digest..... go for that walk BEFORE you eat then. I go for a 10km run after I eat, I run better if I do it before though. I also eat less if I do my workout before I eat... cause it kills the appetite a bit.

    I thought I'd never be thin again, it's been 21 years since I was. Hubby has never had me thin at all. Till now! Fat cow got skinny milk.
  • runningfataway
    runningfataway Posts: 262
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    He's most def breaking his marriage vow by emotionally abusing you. You don't deserve that.
  • svelt123
    svelt123 Posts: 173 Member
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    HI, I have been where you are. This is verbal abuse. I am happily divorced for 19 years. You deserve better. YOU are worth much more than this. Life is short. Some where in this world is someone who deserves you!. Within your heart and soul you know that this is wrong. He needs help. He needs to seek help on his own by himself. Time and life are passing you by. Is this how you want to live?
    :flowerforyou:
    You have done all you know how. It's time to leave.

    Take care of yourself. Do not listen to him. just leave!
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
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    I'm kinda upset at how many people instantly just say "leave him". Wow such little disregard for vows. Yeah, just leave him.... he's no good for you. Yeah I'm sure many people just see that as an easy way out.... and it is.

    So glad I take my vows to the grave, no matter what happens. Words are only hurtful if you LET THEM BE.
  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
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    That's your opinion of YOUR vows and making blanket statements that those of us concerned for her emotional well being don't take vows seriously is disrespectful. It's pathetic that we live in a world where VOWS trump emotional and physical well being and that women are forced to believe that they are the ones breaking said vows to leave a marriage where the man has already broken the vows.
  • abrahamsitososa
    abrahamsitososa Posts: 716 Member
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    Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs
  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
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    Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs

    And for that, you are a gentleman and a fine example of how a man should act towards his wife.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
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    Point me to the part in the vows where he has broken them & I'll point to the vows that states where leaving him would be breaking them.


    I've had this discussion before with people who could not find where it states something like this is breaking a vow at all. I am still waiting for them to find the part.



    Why take vows in the 1st place if people decide if it gets hard, to just leave?
  • nixxy74
    nixxy74 Posts: 106
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    " Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid"


    when someone abuses you with hateful, descriptive and emotive words........hold the mirror up. Dont you see he is clearly reflecting himself on you.Its not your problem he is decribing. Its him.... he thinks thats him..deep down it is and he knows it!


    and I quote the Color purple... I highly reccomend it to find the strength you need.

    Celie to her abusive husband :::::: "Until you do right by me, everything you even think about gonna fail! "
  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
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    Well, I guess the bible conveniently left out emotional and physical abuse when all those old men wrote it and decided that it wasn't a valid reason to break the sanctity of marriage. But heaven forbid a woman leave because times got "tough". If you are actually suggesting in any way that a woman who leaves an abusive marriage is the one breaking the vows, please don't respond to me because my mind would be blown and I want to live at least one more day.

    I have no idea if this woman is being emotionally abused, but calling your partner a fat *kitten* is UNACCEPTABLE and there is no excuse at all. I was speaking in GENERAL terms. I apologize if that wasn't comprehended.
  • abrahamsitososa
    abrahamsitososa Posts: 716 Member
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    Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs

    And for that, you are a gentleman and a fine example of how a man should act towards his wife.

    Well thanks. I can be an a-hole sometimes and she's told me. We've had some rough times but there's lines that shouldn't be crossed. She never insulted me over having acne as a teen and having acne feels just as bad or even worse than being overweight. Besides the OP doesn't even look overweight. That's why many people suffer from anorexia and turn bulimic because of comments like that.
  • janessafantasma
    janessafantasma Posts: 312 Member
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    Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs

    And for that, you are a gentleman and a fine example of how a man should act towards his wife.

    Well thanks. I can be an a-hole sometimes and she's told me. We've had some rough times but there's lines that shouldn't be crossed. She never insulted me over having acne as a teen and having acne feels just as bad or even worse than being overweight. Besides the OP doesn't even look overweight. That's why many people suffer from anorexia and turn bulimic because of comments like that.

    You are absolutely right. There are lines and when they are crossed, the hurt that it can cause can sometimes be too deep. Words are so painful and so powerful, but people are so quick to use them for hurtful purposes when they really should only be used for good.
  • mikeyrp
    mikeyrp Posts: 1,616 Member
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    I think you need to both take a step back from whatever the situation was which lead up to the insult and discuss what happened.

    You need to tell him how it made you feel and why it made you feel that way. Don't focus on his behaviour and how he should change - he can work that out for himself. Focusing on what he's doing wrong will just lead to more confrontation because everyone's natural position is to defend themselves when they feel they are being attacked.

    Likewise, let him talk about how your behaviour makes him feel. I'm guessing your goals and your independence makes him feel threatened in some way.

    End by talking about the things the other person does that make you feel good - I hope that you both want to make each other happy so its always a good idea to boost each others egos occasionally.


    Regarding marriage vows - I don't think they are a reason to stay together if you can't find a way to make your lives together work - but I also believe that every couple will have its ups and downs and you are right not to give up the second you hit a rough patch. What you should never do is be miserable and just put up with it: Take positive action and work with your partner to make your lives better.
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
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    Point me to the part in the vows where he has broken them & I'll point to the vows that states where leaving him would be breaking them.


    I've had this discussion before with people who could not find where it states something like this is breaking a vow at all. I am still waiting for them to find the part.



    Why take vows in the 1st place if people decide if it gets hard, to just leave?

    Wait a second. Are you saying he's not breaking any part of his vows by saying those words to her? I must hear every single vow incorrectly if that's the case. From what I've heard in weddings they say things like "to love unconditionally, to support, to respect, to comfort and encourage", etc. BTW, I am not saying she should up and leave him. I think this is something that shouldn't be tolerated and they need to discuss it....which it sounds like they did.
  • rubixcyoob
    rubixcyoob Posts: 395
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    I got to page 4, and then gave up.

    I cannot believe so many people are just telling her to walk out on her marriage, just like that and saying he is meotionally abusing her.
    There is a big difference between someone being in an abusive relationship and someone who has, just recently, said a few hurtful words to their other half.

    From the OPs posts it seems like this only started when she decided to change her life and get fit, she never once mentioned that it had been long standing or happened before her lifestyle change. Surely that should be an indicator that the man isn't a '*kitten*' or something, but has emotional issues of his own (in regards to this), that need addressing.

    He clearly had no issues with you or thought/said any of that when you were just as you were before - unmotivated. However, now this motivation has either reawakened or started some insecurity deep within him and is being displayed as this verbal shower of sh*te. For some reason, he doesn't want to motivate you, leading me to believe he doesn't want you to change.

    Have you sat and spoke to him about these issues?
    Have you asked him WHY he says what he does?

    I think the answers, comfort and change both of you need lie within a counselors office (both one-on-one and as a married couple), and not with a divorce lawyer.

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