Boyfriend is a Job Jumper

SkyVetis

He says "I will never let a job define me". Uhhh, okayy?

I hate to break it ya, but we ARE defined by our jobs. We are more than our jobs, sure, but our jobs are also who we are.

nah, not true. its sad if that is the case. I go to work, as soon as i exit the doors; I forget about it. I dont talk about my day at home or with friends - its a non part of my life. I stay in the same job and work hard while i'm there. I think he has the right idea but wrong implementation.

for a lot of women posting it seems for richer or poorer means them, not if they ever have to support him.

SeaRunner26

Good for him. Way to show versatility and experience.

Just trying to keep things positive.

hearthemelody

Well, in my mind if you are willing to declare on the internet you 'love' a man you have been with for two years, that is a little more serious than a fling you can just throw away. People have such disregard for how other people feel it is disgusting, why waste two years of this mans life and then just thrown him away because he doesn't have the right paycheck? Yet you would complain if someone said you needed a man to support you. (Women in gen.)

Women need a huge wake up call, I feel sorry for this guy.

For better or worse is an expression, it is used in marriage but not exclusive to marriage. If you really 'loved' someone as she says she does, that means all the time. Good times and bad, not just when you feel like it.

There's far more important things than what occupation or how much money someone makes, if you are willing to be with someone that should be that.

I don't believe that she is saying that he doesn't make enough money or that his job is too low status. I believe the issue is dependability. The only kind of quitter I would want to be with is an ex-smoker.

meshashesha2012

No one is talking about divorce and separating kids, this is boyfriend/girlfriend issues, would you really stay with someone who just quit bathing because he was too lazy just because you "love him"?

Well, in my mind if you are willing to declare on the internet you 'love' a man you have been with for two years, that is a little more serious than a fling you can just throw away. People have such disregard for how other people feel it is disgusting, why waste two years of this mans life and then just thrown him away because he doesn't have the right paycheck? Yet you would complain if someone said you needed a man to support you. (Women in gen.)

Women need a huge wake up call, I feel sorry for this guy.

For better or worse is an expression, it is used in marriage but not exclusive to marriage. If you really 'loved' someone as she says she does, that means all the time. Good times and bad, not just when you feel like it.

There's far more important things than what occupation or how much money someone makes, if you are willing to be with someone that should be that.

but just because you love someone doesnt mean they are the right person for you.. it also doesn't mean you have to stay with them if they aren't the right person too you. and just cus you love the person doesn't mean you have to risk your credit score being ruined because of them either

the OP herself said that it puts a strain on their relationship. what if it were something else that he was consciously making choices to do that was putting a strain on the relationship yet he kept doing it even though he knew it bothered the other person?

the fact that she's asking a bunch of strangers on the web for advice is probably also a huge clue that his behavior is a BIG deal to her. plus it sounds like this isnt anything new, but has been ongoing since they've been together.

i'm assuming the OP has already discussed her opinion on the matter with her BF. at that point it comes down to what she can and can't live with. if she can live with it then great, if she cant then she shouldnt expected to stay in relationship with someone either because of the time she's already put in it (how many people stay in crazy effed up relationships simply because they've been together x number of years?) or out of some juvenile sense of "love will make all our problems go away"

hearthemelody

I hate to break it ya, but we ARE defined by our jobs. We are more than our jobs, sure, but our jobs are also who we are.

nah, not true. its sad if that is the case. I go to work, as soon as i exit the doors; I forget about it. I dont talk about my day at home or with friends - its a non part of my life. I stay in the same job and work hard while i'm there. I think he has the right idea but wrong implementation.

It is not sad if that is the case. We should all strive towards wholeness - and our work day is included. I like my job, and I talk about it at times because I like it. Chopping off an entire section of your life like that would be like skipping leg day. Balance and wholeness is healthy.

LilacDreamer

How does he keep getting hired, with his track record? He obviously has to list his experience to get managerial positions...

quixoteQ

Marry him when he gets a job, then divorce him when he loses one, then marry him again when he gets another . . . rinse and repeat.

/thread

BaileyP3

Okay guys I need some advice.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and of course I love him. But he can't keep a job for more than 3 to 6 months. During the time I have been with him he has:

been a general contractor (quit)
opened his own moving business (quit)
GM at Chipotle (quit after a few weeks)
GM at Wendys (got fired)
GM at Hardees (quit)
GM at KFC (got fired)
GM at Perkins (got fired)

Thankfully he has always paid his side of the bills (even if he barely scrapes by until he gets another job). I told him its a problem and he needs to stop doing it because its too stressful on us. Am I just over reacting or what?

RUN.






NOW.

I was going to say the same thing .... RUN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.

It does!!

keelz2010

Maybe he just doesn't know where his talents lie and might benefit from a good careers advisor. It can be hard to keep / get jobs right now and if he keeps picking jobs he hates he won't get anywhere. He needs to think about what he really wants to do with his life. Have a chat with him

Lainn

Thanks for everybody's replies...

I already knew the answer. Just wanted some justification. Maybe I'll show him this thread Haha.

My only question is why did you need this thread for justification? Wasn't his behavior and life style justification enough? Glad you know what to do and I am sincerely hope you don't bounce back to him. Good luck!

MarcoFerreiraFit

I agree with the ADHD comment....I think that was also my problem in the past except I didn't get fired, I would just get easily bored and want to do something different. I would grow tired of the same repetitive job over and over and lose interest quickly. My way of dealing with it was to find two seasonal occupations. Ski resort taxi driver in the winter and carpenter for the other 8 or 9 months. Fits my life well cuz I always have something different to look forward to and I love snowboarding and being in the mountains.

meshashesha2012

I agree with the ADHD comment....I think that was also my problem in the past except I didn't get fired, I would just get easily bored and want to do something different. I would grow tired of the same repetitive job over and over and lose interest quickly. My way of dealing with it was to find two seasonal occupations. Ski resort taxi driver in the winter and carpenter for the other 8 or 9 months. Fits my life well cuz I always have something different to look forward to and I love snowboarding and being in the mountains.

i dont understand this.

i have ADHD and was diagnosed with having when I was in grade school and learned that it's because my brain doesn't make enough dopamine.

as an adult, i have been able to keep jobs and not quit because i got bored. you learn coping mechanisms when you're motivated to do so.

i'm not sure about your situation but i had to pay my own bills and rent and food, etc so i didnt have the luxury of quitting because a job was boring. if i did that i'd be homeless and foodless and i'm not cool with that.

using ADHD as an excuse to be irresponsible AS AN ADULT is just bananas IMO

MaryB2

I agree with the ADHD comment....I think that was also my problem in the past except I didn't get fired, I would just get easily bored and want to do something different. I would grow tired of the same repetitive job over and over and lose interest quickly. My way of dealing with it was to find two seasonal occupations. Ski resort taxi driver in the winter and carpenter for the other 8 or 9 months. Fits my life well cuz I always have something different to look forward to and I love snowboarding and being in the mountains.

i dont understand this.

i have ADHD and was diagnosed with having when I was in grade school and learned that it's because my brain doesn't make enough dopamine.

as an adult, i have been able to keep jobs and not quit because i got bored. you learn coping mechanisms when you're motivated to do so.

i'm not sure about your situation but i had to pay my own bills and rent and food, etc so i didnt have the luxury of quitting because a job was boring. if i did that i'd be homeless and foodless and i'm not cool with that.

using ADHD as an excuse to be irresponsible AS AN ADULT is just bananas IMO

She said he still pays his bills. When I was trying to find the job I would love I never stopped paying rent or anything else.

libbymcbain

he should get a job where he can tell people how to interview for a job. Apparantly, he is good at it

I got offered one of those once. Went to a language school to interview for another job and they liked my CV and interviewing so much they offered to create a post so I could coach their students on CV writing and interviewing.

Anyway, if he has always paid his own way, then I would give it a shot IF AND ONLY IF you feel you can do that. If it's something you are not comfortable with, then don't do it. But that is a compatibility thing not a "dump him cos he is a loser" thing. He must have some good points if you've managed to stay together two years. For example, I would rather have someone faithful and caring and not that successful than someone very successful who is is self-centred and cheats.

I would also say that sometimes people who mess around in their twenties can amount to something later, but they either get it together fairly quickly in their early 30s or they need a big life changing event to kick them into gear. There is a very famous UK entrepreneur who messed around all kinds of way (getting thrown out of the Navy for throwing an officer overboard, short spell in prison for not paying fines, being broke, working in all kinds of menial jobs). But when his mother died, he realised he was head of the family now and he needed to get his act in gear to step up and be able to take care of people. £430 million later...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_Bannatyne

Obviously, that;s an extreme example, but people do change. If your boyfriend was 35, I wouldn't be saying that, but 30 is a little young to judge. But if your clock is ticking, you want marriage and family soon that is different. If you do and he would be a good stay at home dad/house husband well that;s an option too. But again, if that's not what you want, that's not what you want. But that's a compatibility thing.

amyfliesalot

Run!!! And run before you get pregnant!!!

Like Dr. Phil says: "The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior". And I know that to be true, because I have dated and married LOTS of different kinds of losers that I've made excuses for over the last 30 years. It's called being an enabler... RUN!

Pinkgurl13

Okay. I got through 2 pages of people saying to leave him and then quit reading. Since I can relate, I'll share my story. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and officially married for 2. During this time, I've seen him go from job to job to job. Some he's quit, some he's been fired from, and some he's gotten laid-off from. Every time something happens he feels guilty. He HATES not always having a check come in and being able to help provide. On the other hand, the times when he wasn't working, he always took care of the house. He cooked, he cleaned, he did laundry, everything. In fact, he's working currently and he still does it. My mom says that during the 1st four years of my parents being married, my dad was the same way and would jump from job to job. He finally settled down and found a job he stayed with for years until the plant he worked at closed. It took him about 6 months to find another job and then he was there for 15 years before he retired. Talk to you boyfriend. Let him know your concerns and how you feel. He's still not totally depending on you to pay for everything for him. You said he was still managing to pay his bills. Have that conversation but if you truly love him, you'll stand by him through the good times and bad. And just because someone has a million jobs does NOT make them a bad boyfriend/husband/father. I can attest to that 1st hand.

Thank You

moosegt35

Lol. He has actually already worked at Sonic as a GM. Thats the thing... he's 30 years old and has probably had 100 jobs in his life! Its freaking crazy.

Sooo find someone else. You're a pretty girl. You will have no problem finding someone who has some drive in his life.

Well he does have some drive thru in his life, just keeps getting canned.

moosegt35

Run!!! And run before you get pregnant!!!

Like Dr. Phil says: "The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior". And I know that to be true, because I have dated and married LOTS of different kinds of losers that I've made excuses for over the last 30 years. It's called being an enabler... RUN!

You've dated AND married LOTS of losers and think that it's all them? lol

AuddAlise

Lol. He has actually already worked at Sonic as a GM. Thats the thing... he's 30 years old and has probably had 100 jobs in his life! Its freaking crazy.

^^I was going to tell you to runbefore reading this. Now my advice is to run as far and as fast as you can. He has shown you who he is...believe him. Would you want to have kids with someone who can't hold down a job? No? Then leave!

1shauna1

You may need to think about the future and whether you can deal with this for years to come. Also, I would think soon he would start having trouble finding jobs because no employer is going to want to take on someone with his type of history (unless he's lying on his resume).