Diet + Love: Has this ever happened to anyone?
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Truth is, your partner doesn't need you to survive. Yet she does need food to survive.
If she gave up the food and kept you, I think you should be OK.0 -
I take this stuff pretty seriously. If she's capable of making really radical decisions on the turn of a dime she can probably cut you loose with no emotion at all. I've always been really fickle when it came to people and found that I can also re-invent myself really easily too. Similarly, I've never been dumped, I've always been the dumper.
So I'm not saying that it's certain she's going to get rid of you, but I'm just saying that when she does, don't expect her to feel any emotion whatsoever. Anything you do see is likely to be faked for your benefit.
Sorry for the raincloud :-( Good luck with your Journey!
Wow. Not what I wanted to hear.:ohwell:
Do you think that there is anything I can do to help the situation, though?
YES! Be good for her. Continue building a healthy, fun, and exciting relationship! She swore of BAD things right? So be a great and supportive partner. Don't stress or worry or get clingy! Cuz doing those things will drive her away.0 -
I take this stuff pretty seriously. If she's capable of making really radical decisions on the turn of a dime she can probably cut you loose with no emotion at all. I've always been really fickle when it came to people and found that I can also re-invent myself really easily too. Similarly, I've never been dumped, I've always been the dumper.
So I'm not saying that it's certain she's going to get rid of you, but I'm just saying that when she does, don't expect her to feel any emotion whatsoever. Anything you do see is likely to be faked for your benefit.
Sorry for the raincloud :-( Good luck with your Journey!
^^ Sounds like me these days lol.
Food and people are like comparing apples and oranges. My experience is that if you even have to ask, you already know your answer. Don't second-guess your gut instincts!0 -
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hmmm.....sounds like she is getting rid of things that do harm to her body and taste bad. So unless you taste bad and do harm to her body ( unless she is into that stuff) then you have no reason to worry.0
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pls explain emotional eating and the millions of people that turn to or away from food because of the mental and emotional challenges that they cannot control in their lives.
I don't see how that applies even remotely to the OP's story. Sure, people can have emotional attachments to food that are healthy or unhealthy, but food is an inanimate object that can't reciprocate love or dump you.
i wasnt making a connection to the OP's story- I was responding to you. You were the OP in my post...
i agree with you, so you dont have to be mean just because I asked you to elaborate lol (damn really?) just because food wont love you back, doesnt mean you might not unhealthily view it as a representation of other things.
Im not an emotional eater and i dont have food troubles, but I listen and understand that some people in one of these mindsets, might detach from people just like foods, when trying to make big changes too fast.0 -
Hehehehe - I considered multiple options to the phrase "man up"...and have been know to say "ovary up."
The lesbian indignation card is not the best one to play with another queer :-)
Your response though, is similar to your OP, in that you're immediately leaping to a dramatic conclusion.0 -
Enjoy your differences... it makes you more interesting. The day you are in sync about everything and anything, you will have absolutely NOTHING to talk about anymore. Who wants that?!
I never thought about it this way. Can you explain more about how I could enjoy our differences or bring that into our relationship?
You could start by having a friendly discussion on WHY she decided to cut those things out? Maybe she read an article - you could ask her to point you to it... Show your interest in her new choices and make it clear you are not judging or doubting her, you just want to understand and are interested in what she does in her life. Its one of those "end of day" conversations - "Hi honey, how was your day?" " Pretty good, I read this great article that explains in words I completely understood why I shouldnt be drinking wine. I think I am going to try cutting it out for a bit and see how it goes. " "oh that sounds interesting - where was the article? Can I get a copy? I dont think I could cut out wine but I am really interested in what you saw in it".
Its just being interested in her life, without "grading" her choices or second guessing her thoughts. Just a fun, open discussion and maybe even a good natured debate. Or a contest - you each try what the other thinks is the way to go and compare notes - loser buys the new outfits after you figure out which works best (which might not be the same for both of you!)
Good luck
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Hi guys, I'm new here and really into the whole lifestyle change thing. I don't believe in calling this a diet. But my partner recently started her own "resolutioner" diet, and she has sworn off like ten things. She's not eating cheese or drinking alcohol anymore. She's completely cut off all kinds of "bad" foods, which I think are totally fine to eat in moderation.
This is kind of making me nervous, to be honest. I mean, if she can just reject the things she used to love like that, what will she do to me? She says she loves me, but I have to admit that seeing her reject all the things we loved together (WIIIIINE
) makes me wonder if she will just shove me away, too. Anyway, has anyone ever had to deal with rejection from a dieting partner? Should I talk to her about my feelings or will this just go away on its own?
You haven't said anything specific about her rejecting you in your post, only wine... So the question is more do you think this is changing things so radically you're different together (and does that have to be a problem?) or is she just not drinking wine now... I'd say the bigger problem is you're not talking to her about it, you're posting here. Maybe just have a conversation about this, one which isn't accusatory or whatever, just talk.0 -
Some of these responses are sad and appalling. Read my profile - TALK TO HER!!!!! communicate!!!! I didnt and it has destroyed my relationship.0
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Truth is, your partner doesn't need you to survive. Yet she does need food to survive.
If she gave up the food and kept you, I think you should be OK.
awwwwwwwwwwwwww thats kinda sweet :flowerforyou:0 -
I KIK too. We can Three-way. I would LOVE to support you both.Actually this did happen to me! I was with my SO for almost 4 years, we even got a dog together! But then he started getting all healthy and stuff- and everything changed. We stopped going to parties together, he quit coming with me to go shopping, he started spending time at the gym and ignoring me because he was more concerned with how he looked. Eventually he even quit his job--- like who does that? All because he wanted to workout. Well when that loser quit his job and couldn't buy me anything I asked for anymore.. girl I kicked that boy to curb. So watch yo self.. your partner could go down that same road. some people get really obessive when it comes to their "new" way of life. If you want to chat about it- I'll PM you my contact information- do you KIK?
Yikes! This is scary stuff, I am sorry you had to go through that... I am sure you are better off now, though.
I do KIK. We can talk.
ooh ok- it's always more fun when it's in a group!0 -
I KIK too. We can Three-way. I would LOVE to support you both.Actually this did happen to me! I was with my SO for almost 4 years, we even got a dog together! But then he started getting all healthy and stuff- and everything changed. We stopped going to parties together, he quit coming with me to go shopping, he started spending time at the gym and ignoring me because he was more concerned with how he looked. Eventually he even quit his job--- like who does that? All because he wanted to workout. Well when that loser quit his job and couldn't buy me anything I asked for anymore.. girl I kicked that boy to curb. So watch yo self.. your partner could go down that same road. some people get really obessive when it comes to their "new" way of life. If you want to chat about it- I'll PM you my contact information- do you KIK?
Yikes! This is scary stuff, I am sorry you had to go through that... I am sure you are better off now, though.
I do KIK. We can talk.
ooh ok- it's always more fun when it's in a group!
You ladies Skpe?0 -
You ladies Skpe?
Can I dial in? I promise I won't make a noise, I'll just quietly watch and listen. AND WON'T RECORD. PROMISE.0 -
I KIK too. We can Three-way. I would LOVE to support you both.Actually this did happen to me! I was with my SO for almost 4 years, we even got a dog together! But then he started getting all healthy and stuff- and everything changed. We stopped going to parties together, he quit coming with me to go shopping, he started spending time at the gym and ignoring me because he was more concerned with how he looked. Eventually he even quit his job--- like who does that? All because he wanted to workout. Well when that loser quit his job and couldn't buy me anything I asked for anymore.. girl I kicked that boy to curb. So watch yo self.. your partner could go down that same road. some people get really obessive when it comes to their "new" way of life. If you want to chat about it- I'll PM you my contact information- do you KIK?
Yikes! This is scary stuff, I am sorry you had to go through that... I am sure you are better off now, though.
I do KIK. We can talk.
ooh ok- it's always more fun when it's in a group!
You ladies Skpe?
sweet baby jeebus- I haven't before- but all you have to do is show me how to do it and I'm game to try!0 -
sweet baby jeebus- I haven't before- but all you have to do is show me how to do it and I'm game to try!
WINNING attitude. :flowerforyou:
I can teach you lots of things.
NO. Creepers gonna creep.Can I dial in? I promise I won't make a noise, I'll just quietly watch and listen. AND WON'T RECORD. PROMISE.0 -
So....my girlfriend goes through phases like this too. I don't know what will happen in your relationship but I felt the same way you did. She didn't leave me. Giving up food and giving up a relationship are just not on the same playing field.
However, if your worry leads to you not supporting her this will cause problems in your relationship. Support her as much as you can. You've got a rockin body so you can't be unhealthy. I'm sure you're super hot and she'd be silly to leave you
Be healthy and happy with her!
Good luck!0 -
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NO. Creepers gonna creep.Can I dial in? I promise I won't make a noise, I'll just quietly watch and listen. AND WON'T RECORD. PROMISE.
So if he participates is he still considered a creeper...?0 -
I would say stop worring about her swearing off you and embrace the change. She is making this change to help herself and her ultimate goal in weight loss and for her, this is the way that she can do it. Just because she LOVED wine or cheese, doesnt mean shes going to get rid of you because she loves you too. loving wine is different then loving a person.
Support her in her resolutions...she'll love you more for it.0 -
I feel like maybe you are reading a bit too much into it...? Stopping eating a food because its bad for you (you can't control how much you eat and you binge, its a trigger, etc etc) is not the same as deciding a person is bad for you. A lot of people, myself included, dive into a new lifestyle change of eating healthy head first and do tend to try to cut out things completely before realizing that we can have in moderation.0
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I don't see anything saying she is forcing you to make the same food choices she is making, or that she is ragging you for your food choices.
If she is, then there is definitely trouble ahead.
If she's not, then relax. Your choices are yours, and hers, hers.
Just be sure you are both on that page.0 -
I honestly don't see how swearing off foods that she has decided are bad for her relate to whether or not she will swear off a significant person in her life.
Kinda my thoughts too. Changing food and exercise habits doesn't usually relate to dumping a partner in my experience.0 -
I recommend that you go single white female on her. Do EVERYTHING she does & then she'll really know that you love her AND you will be as "healthy" as her.
Also, well done. Tip of the hat to you.0 -
I don't see anything saying she is forcing you to make the same food choices she is making, or that she is ragging you for your food choices.
If she is, then there is definitely trouble ahead.
If she's not, then relax. Your choices are yours, and hers, hers.
Just be sure you are both on that page.
Thanks, I'm feeling a lot better about this situation than I was this morning. I have decided to have a calm conversation about my feelings with her. Can anyone offer my suggestions as far as how to approach her? I used to have these conversations with her when she was kinda tipsy, but like I said... no more alcohol.
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Thank you! Do you have any suggestions for me about my gf though?0 -
I'd say just approach her slowly, with your palms out a little so she can see that you don't have any hostile intent. Move really slowly and talk in low and soothing tones. Definitely put on something nice first - something SHE likes, not frumpy or whatever it is you usually wear. I always do this if I need to have a "critical conversation" with my wife, works every time. I'm not sure if lesbians work the same way as normal women though - - maybe there's other things they like.0
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Hi guys, I'm new here and really into the whole lifestyle change thing. I don't believe in calling this a diet. But my partner recently started her own "resolutioner" diet, and she has sworn off like ten things. She's not eating cheese or drinking alcohol anymore. She's completely cut off all kinds of "bad" foods, which I think are totally fine to eat in moderation.
This is kind of making me nervous, to be honest. I mean, if she can just reject the things she used to love like that, what will she do to me? She says she loves me, but I have to admit that seeing her reject all the things we loved together (WIIIIINE ) makes me wonder if she will just shove me away, too. Anyway, has anyone ever had to deal with rejection from a dieting partner? Should I talk to her about my feelings or will this just go away on its own?
Cutting out the things she sees as bad for her all at once may be how she deals with things. It’s an all or nothing approache. She may feel that going on a diet will be tough so she’s going to dig in and give all she’s got to develop the healthy habits she wants. You cold look at that as inner strength. As far as her transferring that way of getting rid of unhealthy things to you I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I’ll bet if you pay attention to how she handles other situations you’ll probably see similarities to how she’s approaching this diet. It may even be something you appreciate in her already but today you’re feeling a little insecure so it bothers. Stand with her in this journey and you’ll both be stronger for it.0 -
just talk to her about it! Honesty will get u so much further than hiding the truth or having her catch u at something. That is just grounds for dis-missile for real!0
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You will succeed; she will fail.
Just be the example of how to get fit the right way.
My wife and I are both on MFP, and we stay miles away from each other's fitness programs.0
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