Marriage values in our society....

Molly_Maguire

Wait! So you're telling me that if my boss invites me out for lunch, we're having an affair? Get real! People can be friends.

Um, nobody said you can't have friends. OP was talking about "secret" meetings, keeping things from your spouse, and developing and entertaining inappropriate feelings and desires toward someone other than your spouse. Get with the program.

ElyseL1

neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

saxmaniac

i have this strange feeling this thread is about to get shut down...

Ya think? Doomed from the get-go.

Maybe someone could start a thread about how unmarried moms don't have morals, and how that's "just an observation", but not judging. Riiight.

ElyseL1

Let me break it to you: It has always been that way, it is just much more easy to know about these things now. Study history, infidelity all over the place!

neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i married my husband. if you dont feel strongly abt it enough to make a life long commitment dont do it.

PikaKnight

i have this strange feeling this thread is about to get shut down...

Ya think? Doomed from the get-go.

Maybe someone could start a thread about how unmarried moms don't have morals, and how that's "just an observation", but not judging. Riiight.

You are just trying to spice up my day, aren't you. HEHEHEHE :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

michelejoann

neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

Molly_Maguire

Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

Oh snap! End thread!

BeeElMarvin

Are you happy now?


See what you've started!

MightyDomo

This kind of behaviour has always happened. People just are getting less and less discreet about what they do and technology plays a role in why it is harder to be discreet.

I happen to be a person that take monogamy seriously and will not consider entering into any relationship other than friendship when I am with someone. It's up to the person, their upbringing with both parent and society as a model that they have been raised to emulate to become a person that would cheat regardless if it were emotional or physical.

So I'd have to say that you are evaluating others against values that you have grown up with and that isn't fair because not everyone grew up with the exact same values.

SmexAppeal

Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

I agree, but to some point I disagree. I am a single mother, not married and my son's father isn't in the picture. But yet, I believe in marriage. I believe that when you make your vows, you hold them dear to your heart. So not everyone looks past their own faults to jump on the "mind your own business" wagon. Just wanted to clarify, some of us own up to what we have done.

doorki

Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

Yeah, so have I and my circle of friends. Big difference, though, is that we don't get all judgmental and superior about it. Different strokes for different folks and we don't know what they have going on in their lives.

LetsMakeupXtina

neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

That does sound scary. and I'm married. LOL.

Molly_Maguire

neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

It should only be scary if it's with the wrong person, or a person isn't ready to make that kind of commitment. In the right circumstances it can be the most beautiful thing to ever happen to you! :flowerforyou:

PhearlessPhreaks

Just because somebody doesn't conform to your values doesn't make them anything less than you.

I never want to get married.

I don't think that was the OP's point or intent. I think most people are open-minded enough in this day and age to realize and accept that not everyone lives a "traditional" lifestyle. Some marry, some don't; some have open relationships… but the point the OP was discussing was cheating, and cheating, in whatever form it takes, is really just another form of dishonesty. It's an extremely hurtful dishonesty, but that's what it is.

Perhaps "for better or worse" doesn't mean the same thing for everyone, and I get that. But be honest. If you're not happy, if you want out, if you want to have sex with other people, just be honest. Don't sneak, lie or cheat. I would be alarmed if those of you who are dismissing the OP's post wouldn't agree with that.

lizzybethclaire

marriage is a committment that it seems most people don't honor
It is their own problem but it's natural to be dissapointed or upset when you hear bad news about people you care for.

yeah just be glad you entered into a marriage with someone like minded. I feel so grateful I married someone who shares the same values on the marriage arrangement too.

This. I also wanted to add that I don't think having traditional values for a marriage (committment, trust, honesty, etc...) is exclusive to a person's religious beliefs.

Phat_Bottom_Girl

OMG *head desk *

LetsMakeupXtina

neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

It should only be scary if it's with the wrong person, or a person isn't ready to make that kind of commitment. In the right circumstances it can be the most beautiful thing to ever happen to you! :flowerforyou:

I agree marriage is a beautiful thing.. but a binding contract... I personally don't like that label. and everyone's marriage is beautiful in it's own way.

FuzzyDicePHL

This response is AWESOME and so are you!!!

----Oops. Forgot to copy FirstSip's excellent post:
"I don't think that's very fair. Being outside of a norm (read: Christianity, majority religion of much of the western world) and noting that you are isn't always an attempt to derail a discussion. It's valuable to bring in the perspective when the OP has said words "blessed" and "sacred," two words with religious connotation, thus specifically linking religion and marriage... when obviously, that could be a whole other debate about that can of worms. Which, I would also say to the OP of this little thread chain... marriage does not equal religion. I'm not sure how being an atheist means you wouldn't view marriage the same way; that's more of a personal feeling towards marriage, I'd say, not necessarily an informed belief because of being an atheist. "

LetsMakeupXtina

OMG *head desk *

seriously

michelejoann

I was once accused by the wife of one of my former friends (who I was friends with long before they met, had a kid and were married) of being the "other woman". It really sucked. I was forced to cut him completely out of my life because he "had needs" that weren't met due to a condition she had, and so he went out somewhere else to fulfill those needs.

She threatened to ruin MY relationship because she was so angry at him. And I was only a friend who hadn't seen him in oh...6 years!

tpittsley77

Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

I agree, but to some point I disagree. I am a single mother, not married and my son's father isn't in the picture. But yet, I believe in marriage. I believe that when you make your vows, you hold them dear to your heart. So not everyone looks past their own faults to jump on the "mind your own business" wagon. Just wanted to clarify, some of us own up to what we have done.

I am just pointing out the difference in society from our parents generation to ours. My children are now the minority. To have one set of married parents, still living together, happy together, etc. They are in the minority now. It used to be taboo to be a single parent, unwed parent, underage parent, etc. But it's not anymore. Society HAS changed. As have the morals and values of people today.

coliema

These are all considered Affairs....whether physical and/or emotional....they are still affairs.

That is your opinion.

DaughterOfTheMostHighKing

We are not called to judge the people, but the fruit that they produce. If their marriage is the pits, then it is.. but they are the reason for the marriage they have produced.

dirtnap63

We need a "***** slap" smiley.

hmanley66

WOW what a bunch of cynics! I also hold dear to more old fashion values. Although infidelity has been historically documented, there was much more of a stigma, which is what the initial post was about.

Still_Fluffy

Yes, people have cheated throughout history. That does not excuse it. I think the issue the OP is really having is society no longer stigmatizes the act like they used to. As a society we no longer hold each other for crappy behavior. Many of the responses are "if it doesn't affect you why do you care?" True infidelity may not affect us on a daily basis. That does not mean we have to agree with it or ignore it. Think about your political hot button abortion, gun control, gay marriage, or the death penalty, If it doesn't affect you why do you care about these issues. We do care and have a right to express an opinion without being mocked or ridiculed. (I know everyone is a tough guy on the internet)

I believe marriage is sacred because I made promise to my wife and God. I always find it interesting that many atheists make statements about people of faith being stupid because we believe in a high power. I disagree with your beliefs, but I don't mock you for having the courage to express your beliefs. Have some basic human decency and show some respect for others.

Emotional cheating is a real thing and until you’re in a loving a committed relationship it cannot be fully understood. In the end if I am more emotionally connected to someone than my wife, I am not respecting her and am cheating.
People have a right to express their beliefs, but can you do it without a—hole?

tj1376

neither am i but i entered into a binding contract when i entered my marriage. if you dont feel strongly enough to make a lifetime commitment dont do it.

A binding contract? That kind of sounds scary to me.

That does sound scary. and I'm married. LOL.

I have read my marriage contract (filed with a government, not a church as ALLLLL of them today are) and no where on it does it say- honor, lifetime commitment, obey, til death do us part or any other words thrown around in a religious ceremony. All a marriage certificate entitles you to is sharing taxes, possessions and bills. YOU determine how that marriage will operate, whether its exclusive or not.

Onesnap

1. I live in Massachusetts, proud to be the first state in the USA to honor gay marriage.
2. I married my high school sweatheart we've been together 18+ years.
3. I have friends that are bisexual and also poly. They are married and have children and they also have partners they are with for long term (love). They are wonderful people. They have not lost the value of marriage.
4. It turns out that gay marriage is done right. They have lower divorce rates than us straight couples. Also, MA has lower divorce rates in general, so we're doing something right.
5. Did I mention already I've been with my husband more than 18 years?
6. For all you know you also have married friends that are poly. They are in every city and you would not be able to pick them out of a crowd. Again, this is about love not swingers or other lifestyles.

snoopytwins

Society, it's morals and values, have changed. It used to be that the child being raised by the single parent was in the minority. Now, my children, raised in a home with parents that were married before having children, and having all the same last name, those children are the minority. So, it's not surprising to me that so many people in this thread would jump to the defense of the cheaters, and berate those that think cheating is wrong by telling them to mind their own business. We must rationalize our behaviors anyway we can so that we can try having a clear conscience, and not feel that our own actions could possibly be morally wrong.

Is this the collective "we?" If so, I very much appreciate that you have all the answers. What will the winning mega millions' numbers be so "we" will know.

goron59

When you say "our" society, which one do you mean?