Presentation on hot topic To Spank or Not To Spank

tinak33

I did spank my children using my bare hand. A spanking was for a serious offense. I would first let my child know that they were going to be spanked, and the reason for the spanking. Then a couple of swats on the rear........while clothed........ and that was it. The spanking was more for shock value than to inflict pain.

The last time my four got spanked, all at the same time, they each put a book in their pants which I discovered after the first swat. We all laughed, and that was it. No more spankings.

Should a child be spanked. Yes, I think there is a time when this is appropriate. Should a child be slaped across the face? Never!!.......... beaten.............NEVER!!!! Regarding punishment, regardless of the form, the child should be told why they are being punished.

Seriously, though, I'm all about this ^^^

So am I... I was spanked too. My mother did swat me accross the face if I mouthed off and I TOTALLY deserved it! I still wish she would come up here (she's 5'2 and I'm 5'7) and smack me in the mouth for being such a mouthly b*tch sometimes... an I'm 30 years old!

If people dont' want to spank their kids, all the power to them. I on the other hand, don't have kids - yet. My parents raised my brother and I and spanked us when we were out of line and I was definitely out of line beating up my brother as a kid and swearing at a young age. If I didn't listen, my parents would put me in my room for a 'time out'. When I decided to steal gum balls, my dad made me go back into the store and apologize and I got a slap on the hand when we got home and another 'time out'. My parents were very reasonable with me, but, when I deserved it (and I DID), I got what I deserved!

I was spanked as a kid.
All of my siblings were. We had a big family (I'm the oldest of 7 kids).
My mom would give us a warning if we did something she told us not to do, then if we did it again, she would give us another warning and tell us we would get spanked. Then if we did it the 3rd time, she would tell us how many swats we would get (on the fully clothed bottom) and why and if we fussed and whined and didn't go to her right away, she would add 1-2 more swats to the list. hahaha That made us run over.
She never did more than 4. It was usually 2-3 and then she would sit us on her lap, give us hugs, nurse our hurt pride, tell us she loved us and hoped that we would never do anything to merit a spanking again (since we had 2 warnings before hand, we definitely knew what merited a spanking).
As for the actual spankings, it barely turned our butts red. haha It wounded our pride a bit since we thought we knew better than our parents, but other than that, it was hardly painful. Mostly it was just for shock value.

The "spanking" period ended for us around the age of 6-7. Most of us were out of that spanking phase by age 4-5.
Then she moved into grounding, taking away priveledges, or the ultimate thread "I'm going to tell your father."

For me, pulling the dad card was the worst. He never did much punishing with me because one word in a raised voice from him and I was in tears. In his mind, I had punished myself more than he ever could, so that resulted in hugs and a "lets talk calmly about what happened and why certain things were said and/or done" discussion.

That being said, I don't think spanking kids is on the same level as hitting. I would never call "spanking" hitting. Hitting seems violent and cruel, whereas spanking is supposed to be mild and more of a disciplinary action.

I personally don't have kids, but I'm not opposed to spanking if it's deserved. I will probably do timeouts first, but if they don't work, I'm not against trying the spanking technique.

As for behavioural aspects, the youngest of us is 19 and working towards law school. Every one of us is educated, successful in our own way, respectful to our peers, and adoring of our parents. We look forward to family get togethers and love to dote on our mom.

I don't think her spanking us was wrong in any way. I think it worked out well for us. It didn't last long, and it was very rare that she ever resorted to it, but it didn't "mess us up" or anything.

On a side note,
I have 4 brothers, all of who are trouble makers, and very close in age. hahaha So when they all did something bad together, my moms hand would get tired of spanking after 2 kids (2 swats for each kid), so she resorted to using a wooden spoon until one of the boys put a book in his pants and the spoon broke. hahaha
We still laugh about that. The swats were never traumatizing to us.

MizTerry

I generally gave my kids at least two warnings before hauling them off because I hated getting on them. My oldest two were stubborn. I tried the time-out with them first, but they were VERY much like me. Recently I apologized to my mother for my actions as a kid because I deserved every spanking I ever got. My youngest on the other hand responded well to time-outs and restrictions. For this I'm glad.

One other poster did mention sitting down and telling his kids what they were being punished for. My Dad was adamant about this, and for that reason, I did the same. It also gave me a couple of extra minutes to cool down.

DonnaNCgirl

Hey everyone, I'm doing a class presentation on a hot topic on Thursday, and my topic is To Spank or Not to Spank. How do you feel about spanking your child? Do you feel that it's an apropriate punishment in this day and age? At what age do you feel the child should move on to other type of punishment? Do you feel that race plays a part in spanking? Do you think the rate/importance of spanking has gone down in the present generation as compared to the older generations? Do you feel that children's behavior now days has changed as a result of parents being scared to spank their child? Were you spanked as a child and do not spank your own kids and why/why not? I'd love your guys' view so i can have some talking points/statistics for my presentation. Thank you

My opinions...take them as they are.
I feel good about spanking my child when they needed it.
Yes it's an appropriate punishment, if you start early enough.
The age of moving on to other punishment depends on the child, but on average 10 or 11.
I don't think race plays a part in spanking.
I think the rate/importance of spanking, not to mention good parenting in general, has decreased substantially for the present generation. Too many parents think they need to be friends with their children. Their children have enough friends and need parents.
Yes behavior has changed due to lack of discipline and proper upbringing, spanking is part of that.
I was spanked as a child. I spanked my children because I cared about how they were going to act when they weren't with me. Talking doesn't usually work.

tinak33

I generally gave my kids at least two warnings before hauling them off because I hated getting on them. My oldest two were stubborn. I tried the time-out with them first, but they were VERY much like me. Recently I apologized to my mother for my actions as a kid because I deserved every spanking I ever got. My youngest on the other hand responded well to time-outs and restrictions. For this I'm glad.

One other poster did mention sitting down and telling his kids what they were being punished for. My Dad was adamant about this, and for that reason, I did the same. It also gave me a couple of extra minutes to cool down.

Hahaha
Actually, I apologized to my mom last year for being a bratty teenager and stubborn child.

I'm still very stubborn. As are half my brothers and sisters... but we are very respectful of others and always are mindful of our manners. Silly things mom used to nag us for, we still remember and I notice a lack of now with other people my age as well as younger people (like sitting up straight, chewing with your mouth closed, not talking with food in your mouth, elbows off the dinner table, saying "please" and "thank you", etc...).

moosegt35

We live in a time where everyone is too afraid to hurt someone's feelings. That is evident in this thread from all the liberals speaking out against spanking a child. Children need to be spanked, they just don't need to be beat.

Children don't need to be spanked. Parents need to be able to keep their children under control WITHOUT resorting to swatting them.

And I assume you think "liberal" is an insult. It's not to me. I'm proud to be a liberal.

Most are. The problem is they aren't smart enough to see why being proud of it isn't exactly a good thing.

Jennisin1

Yes, Please.... oh wait.....

Faye_Anderson

I've never hit my child, I get the feeling that if some parents got a slap their children wouldn't need one

HardRockCamaro

How do you feel about spanking your child?

I think all children should be spanked when their behavior warrants it.

Do you feel that it's an apropriate punishment in this day and age?

Absolutely.

At what age do you feel the child should move on to other type of punishment?

At whatever age they have learned to act right. Typically, when children are spanked consistently at a young age for misbehavior, it stops being necessary around the age of 7 or 8.

Do you feel that race plays a part in spanking?

No.

Do you think the rate/importance of spanking has gone down in the present generation as compared to the older generations?

The rate has definitely gone down. The importance is the same as it always was.

Do you feel that children's behavior now days has changed as a result of parents being scared to spank their child?

Definitely. Kids know these days that the worst thing that will happen to them is that they have to sit on the timeout chair until they scream long enough that their parents decide it's best for everyone to just let them go and ignore their bad behavior.

Were you spanked as a child and do not spank your own kids and why/why not?

Yes, I was spanked as a child. Don't have children yet, but I spank my nieces and nephews, and I will spank my children when I have them.

It is important to note that many people do not properly distinguish between spanking and child abuse. Smacking a child across the face, for example, is not discipline. It is an abusive behavior, usually done in anger and out of frustration. Swatting a child on the butt, with a proper explanation of why it is being done, is discipline that will not physically cause the child any harm but will send the message that his or her behavior is disappointing and carries consequences.

Are there better ways to get that message across? In a very, very small percentage of children (those who are mentally and emotionally evolved well beyond their peers), I would say that conversation alone could communicate this. But in an overwhelming majority of children, words alone do not mean anything when it comes to discipline. There has to be action to reinforce the message, and it needs to be something that children are afraid of, not merely something they will dislike, such as taking away their phone or video game. That is not to say a child needs to be afraid of his/her parents (I would never suggest that) but, instead, they should be afraid of the consequences of screwing up. I was never afraid of my parents. I always knew that they loved me and that spanking me was very difficult for them (my dad cried every time he had to do it). What I hated about being spanked was that it made it very clear that I had disappointed my parents with my behavior. That is the lesson kids need to learn.

I couldn't possibly agree more.

tlacox1

There is no research that I am aware of, good scientific peer reviewed research, not puff pieces, that suggest spanking is good. I think this was done in like the 70's and has been proven over and over and over again wight the same conclusions. So, it's not really a matter of opinion, more of one of ignorance. Many people ignore the research and spout their opinions. Which, really are meaningless.

It is not a matter of ignorance, thank you very much. Just look around and see how today's youth acts. There is your research. I spank my children, to include my sixteen year old if need be, and they wouldn't dare act towards an adult the way many kids do. It IS completely a matter of opinion and what works for your child.

tlacox1

There is no research that I am aware of, good scientific peer reviewed research, not puff pieces, that suggest spanking is good. I think this was done in like the 70's and has been proven over and over and over again wight the same conclusions. So, it's not really a matter of opinion, more of one of ignorance. Many people ignore the research and spout their opinions. Which, really are meaningless.

It is not a matter of ignorance, thank you very much. Just look around and see how today's youth acts. There is your research. I spank my children, to include my sixteen year old if need be, and they wouldn't dare act towards an adult the way many kids do. It IS completely a matter of opinion and what works for your child.

To clarify, I SPANK, I don't beat. There is a HUGE difference.

Colombianchick29

whatever it is you choose to discipline your child, needs to be consistant. It will only work if you do it on a consistant basis. I personally rather take a video game/ ipod/ kindle/ privalge/ tv away instead, since the lasting impression is-act right or your privlages will be taken away, instead of hitting and making the situation worse and then feeling guilty over it. And lets be real, you can easily go over board if you are angry and put your hands on a child. They ARE defenselss and you dont want to male a big mistake that you cant take back.

With that said, I am hispanic and spanking is a part of life. I dont resent my parents for it. Thats just the old school way for alot of people. The debate is also that us westerners are creating soft children...guess it depends who you talk to.

Plus you want your kids to respect you, not fear you. if they fear you, who are they to go to when they are in trouble? My POV, but like I said, I dont think it affected me much growing up. But then again, i remember seldom spankings. It wasnt an everyday thing...more like occassional if that.

spongeh

I don't spank my kids as I've found alot more effective ways of punishment than beating them.

As a side note, the youngest actually likes it lol ... while she was still inside she moved about alot and to settle her down we used to tap her bum till she moved into a more comfortable position, well this seems to have carried into her normal life now

stepherzzzzz

We live in a time where everyone is too afraid to hurt someone's feelings. That is evident in this thread from all the liberals speaking out against spanking a child. Children need to be spanked, they just don't need to be beat.

Why exactly do they "need" to be spanked? I'd like to know what health or mental problems I should be expecting to develop due to my lack of being spanked as a child. I'm 27 now and so far, so good. At what age does it usually become apparent that one should have been spanked in childhood?

moosegt35

There is no research that I am aware of, good scientific peer reviewed research, not puff pieces, that suggest spanking is good. I think this was done in like the 70's and has been proven over and over and over again wight the same conclusions. So, it's not really a matter of opinion, more of one of ignorance. Many people ignore the research and spout their opinions. Which, really are meaningless.

It is not a matter of ignorance, thank you very much. Just look around and see how today's youth acts. There is your research. I spank my children, to include my sixteen year old if need be, and they wouldn't dare act towards an adult the way many kids do. It IS completely a matter of opinion and what works for your child.

The problem is, parents are afraid of their kids. The liberal society we live in wants to eliminate anyone getting their feelings hurt and no one having an upper hand, even if they worked harder to get it. Parents are afraid that if they whipped their kids the kid would get mad and not be their BFF for a couple days so they just let the little demons do whatever they want at the expense of other people who have to put up with their mutant spawns.

Colombianchick29

How do you feel about spanking your child?

I think all children should be spanked when their behavior warrants it.

Do you feel that it's an apropriate punishment in this day and age?

Absolutely.

At what age do you feel the child should move on to other type of punishment?

At whatever age they have learned to act right. Typically, when children are spanked consistently at a young age for misbehavior, it stops being necessary around the age of 7 or 8.

Do you feel that race plays a part in spanking?

No.

Do you think the rate/importance of spanking has gone down in the present generation as compared to the older generations?

The rate has definitely gone down. The importance is the same as it always was.

Do you feel that children's behavior now days has changed as a result of parents being scared to spank their child?

Definitely. Kids know these days that the worst thing that will happen to them is that they have to sit on the timeout chair until they scream long enough that their parents decide it's best for everyone to just let them go and ignore their bad behavior.

Were you spanked as a child and do not spank your own kids and why/why not?

Yes, I was spanked as a child. Don't have children yet, but I spank my nieces and nephews, and I will spank my children when I have them.

It is important to note that many people do not properly distinguish between spanking and child abuse. Smacking a child across the face, for example, is not discipline. It is an abusive behavior, usually done in anger and out of frustration. Swatting a child on the butt, with a proper explanation of why it is being done, is discipline that will not physically cause the child any harm but will send the message that his or her behavior is disappointing and carries consequences.

Are there better ways to get that message across? In a very, very small percentage of children (those who are mentally and emotionally evolved well beyond their peers), I would say that conversation alone could communicate this. But in an overwhelming majority of children, words alone do not mean anything when it comes to discipline. There has to be action to reinforce the message, and it needs to be something that children are afraid of, not merely something they will dislike, such as taking away their phone or video game. That is not to say a child needs to be afraid of his/her parents (I would never suggest that) but, instead, they should be afraid of the consequences of screwing up. I was never afraid of my parents. I always knew that they loved me and that spanking me was very difficult for them (my dad cried every time he had to do it). What I hated about being spanked was that it made it very clear that I had disappointed my parents with my behavior. That is the lesson kids need to learn.

I couldn't possibly agree more.

Oh heck no, if my sister in law/ brother in law/ or my own sisters were to ever spank my child, it would be ON AND CRACKIN!

moosegt35

I don't spank my kids as I've found alot more effective ways of punishment than beating them.

As a side note, the youngest actually likes it lol ... while she was still inside she moved about alot and to settle her down we used to tap her bum till she moved into a more comfortable position, well this seems to have carried into her normal life now

I see you don't know the difference in spanking and beating. That is problem #1.

enzamatic

I'm with her ^^^ . EDITED <---my post didn't appear below the person I agreed with, and I'm too lazy to go back and find it. The rest still makes sense

.. as any mom can tell you, you can only say how it went with your own kids. Mine are pretty tame for being boys. They're 10/12 now, but they were never really into wrestling, they're kinda bookish kids. You really have to know your kids. Mine are kind of anxious/sensitive, and corner followed by a talk about whether they understood why it was wrong and what could they have done different always worked. Now we do the same but with taking away their computer/video game time. Like I said ... if this didn't work, I can't say I wouldn't have considered other things but having made it through not needing to spank, for us I can say with certainty it wasn't necessary.

I was spanked as a kid as were my siblings, and I don't think it screwed me up. BUT...I can remember exactly what I felt like at the time, and what I was feeling was that my parent was out of control, angry, and I was angry/resentful at them during and after instead of even thinking a bit about what I had done. It also gave them very little alternatives once I was a teenager, when spanking is really outta the options. And man was I a horrific teenager.

I also really agree with consistency bit, even though it's very very hard for me, having a pretty uncontrolled attention span. This is where I am eternally grateful for having married the right man. Did I mention he's a stay at home dad? Whew.

moosegt35

We live in a time where everyone is too afraid to hurt someone's feelings. That is evident in this thread from all the liberals speaking out against spanking a child. Children need to be spanked, they just don't need to be beat.

Why exactly do they "need" to be spanked? I'd like to know what health or mental problems I should be expecting to develop due to my lack of being spanked as a child. I'm 27 now and so far, so good. At what age does it usually become apparent that one should have been spanked in childhood?

No health or mental problems, that's acctually caused by spanking, haven't you read some of the posts? ROFL. When a kid acts like an *kitten* they need a swat on theirs. It's pretty simple.

Colombianchick29

it is also very true, you cannot raise / dicipline every child the same way. Some might repond to time out and others will laugh in your face.

moosegt35

How do you feel about spanking your child?

I think all children should be spanked when their behavior warrants it.

Do you feel that it's an apropriate punishment in this day and age?

Absolutely.

At what age do you feel the child should move on to other type of punishment?

At whatever age they have learned to act right. Typically, when children are spanked consistently at a young age for misbehavior, it stops being necessary around the age of 7 or 8.

Do you feel that race plays a part in spanking?

No.

Do you think the rate/importance of spanking has gone down in the present generation as compared to the older generations?

The rate has definitely gone down. The importance is the same as it always was.

Do you feel that children's behavior now days has changed as a result of parents being scared to spank their child?

Definitely. Kids know these days that the worst thing that will happen to them is that they have to sit on the timeout chair until they scream long enough that their parents decide it's best for everyone to just let them go and ignore their bad behavior.

Were you spanked as a child and do not spank your own kids and why/why not?

Yes, I was spanked as a child. Don't have children yet, but I spank my nieces and nephews, and I will spank my children when I have them.

It is important to note that many people do not properly distinguish between spanking and child abuse. Smacking a child across the face, for example, is not discipline. It is an abusive behavior, usually done in anger and out of frustration. Swatting a child on the butt, with a proper explanation of why it is being done, is discipline that will not physically cause the child any harm but will send the message that his or her behavior is disappointing and carries consequences.

Are there better ways to get that message across? In a very, very small percentage of children (those who are mentally and emotionally evolved well beyond their peers), I would say that conversation alone could communicate this. But in an overwhelming majority of children, words alone do not mean anything when it comes to discipline. There has to be action to reinforce the message, and it needs to be something that children are afraid of, not merely something they will dislike, such as taking away their phone or video game. That is not to say a child needs to be afraid of his/her parents (I would never suggest that) but, instead, they should be afraid of the consequences of screwing up. I was never afraid of my parents. I always knew that they loved me and that spanking me was very difficult for them (my dad cried every time he had to do it). What I hated about being spanked was that it made it very clear that I had disappointed my parents with my behavior. That is the lesson kids need to learn.

I couldn't possibly agree more.

Oh heck no, if my sister in law/ brother in law/ or my own sisters were to ever spank my child, it would be ON AND CRACKIN!

Then please don;t ever have them babysit. I know if I ever babysit any of my family's kids and they need a spanking then that is what they will get.