Husband unhappy with my weight :(
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I would tell him to eff off and find someone who loves YOU for YOU, not for who you COULD be or USED to be..but for you. Dump the trash and move forward in life...it feels so much better to fly freely than be held in chains from someone like this. I was married to my ex husband for seven years, and he put me down everyday. Even though we had kids, and after trying hard to make it work, I finally broke away. It was the hardest thing I Have ever done..but now I have found someone who loves me and supports my dreams. I'm going to college now and embracing life with my kids. If you don't have kids, I would say DIVORCE. He's obviously a jerk. If you do have kids, I would say to think carefully and do your best to keep your kids in your life. It will be a hard road but you should never live under someone's hateful shadow like that. It's depressing and could eventually become a suicide case.0
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MAYBE HE IS DOING EXACTLY THAT! We haven't spoken to her husband, have we?I would say that your husband is a stupid chump!!!!!!!!! He should be encouraging you to become healthy not to become a particular weight...0 -
Yes, and that's great! If you are healthy at that weight, then good for you! But if you weren't healthy at that weight, I'm guessing you'd try to lose more, right?I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
I'm considered "overweight" on the BMI scale. I am at the very high end for weight based on my height.
My blood pressure is perfect. I've had all kinds of blood tests - everything comes back perfect. EKG - textbook perfect.
So, while they say I am "overweight" what is going on with the inside shows this weight is perfect for me. So. My point is.. I don't have to be 120lbs to be healthy. I can be healthy at 150lbs too.
Pretty sure, that shows I have overall health - which isn't based strictly on the number on the scale.0 -
Wow, talk about clueless.I would tell him to eff off and find someone who loves YOU for YOU, not for who you COULD be or USED to be..but for you. Dump the trash and move forward in life...it feels so much better to fly freely than be held in chains from someone like this. I was married to my ex husband for seven years, and he put me down everyday. Even though we had kids, and after trying hard to make it work, I finally broke away. It was the hardest thing I Have ever done..but now I have found someone who loves me and supports my dreams. I'm going to college now and embracing life with my kids. If you don't have kids, I would say DIVORCE. He's obviously a jerk. If you do have kids, I would say to think carefully and do your best to keep your kids in your life. It will be a hard road but you should never live under someone's hateful shadow like that. It's depressing and could eventually become a suicide case.0 -
I completely agree.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Oh good grief.
You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*
When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).0 -
Your husband wants you to lose weight and you do as well so why not just focus on that for now and not worry about the end goal? It doesn't seem worth the fight when you haven't reached that point yet. One day at a time. Good luck.0
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Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?
SAFE TO SAY OP IS NOT A BODYBUILDER.0 -
I totally agree!0
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To the OP:
You said this: My husband thinks I should go down to about 130lbs and we argued about this.
So what were his reasons that he argued with you about for wanting you to be 130 lbs? Conveniently, you are leaving that part of the story out.
If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he thinks you will be ugly and fat at 160 lbs, then yes he is a jerk.
If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he is concerned that you will be unhealthy at 160 lbs, then he is being a caring husband, concerned about your health.
So what exactly did he say?0 -
Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..
Everybody has different body types, bone mass etc. I used to weigh 130lbs and looked emaciated. I found I was happier and healthier looking and feeling at 140. (now I just need to get back down to that)0 -
Wow, talk about clueless.I would tell him to eff off and find someone who loves YOU for YOU, not for who you COULD be or USED to be..but for you. Dump the trash and move forward in life...it feels so much better to fly freely than be held in chains from someone like this. I was married to my ex husband for seven years, and he put me down everyday. Even though we had kids, and after trying hard to make it work, I finally broke away. It was the hardest thing I Have ever done..but now I have found someone who loves me and supports my dreams. I'm going to college now and embracing life with my kids. If you don't have kids, I would say DIVORCE. He's obviously a jerk. If you do have kids, I would say to think carefully and do your best to keep your kids in your life. It will be a hard road but you should never live under someone's hateful shadow like that. It's depressing and could eventually become a suicide case.
Holy crap, no kidding....
She should divorce him for being concerned about her weight?0 -
If we all knew what weight we should be, we wouldn't be here.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
She KNOWS hers is 160lbs. She clearly stated that in her original post - which we seem to be discounting. She knows she is happy, healthy and content at 160lbs. Just like I know I'm happy, healthy and content at 150lbs. I listen to my body. I pay attention to what it is telling me - just like the OP does. I'm not sure why people are telling her she's wrong. Maybe for HER 160lbs IS perfect. We don't know what her medical tests would say or her body type.0 -
You clearly haven't comprehended anything else that was said. YES she can be healthy at 160 lbs. Not everybody HAS to be 120 lbs to be healthy. BUT she could be UNHEALTHY at 160 lbs and should GO TO THE DOCTOR to find out when she has REACHED that weight. To say she wants to be 160 lbs NO MATTER WHAT, is stupid.
I completely agree.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Oh good grief.
You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*
When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).0 -
MAYBE HE IS DOING EXACTLY THAT! We haven't spoken to her husband, have we?I would say that your husband is a stupid chump!!!!!!!!! He should be encouraging you to become healthy not to become a particular weight...
TRUTH.
women on MFP love to crucify the hubz! BAD! NO CHEAT DAY!
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Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?
SAFE TO SAY OP IS NOT A BODYBUILDER.
SAFE TO SAY YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT IN PUTTING ALL YOUR FAITH IN THE BMI CHARTS.0 -
It's your body so you need to do what makes you happy. Good luck0
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To the OP:
You said this: My husband thinks I should go down to about 130lbs and we argued about this.
So what were his reasons that he argued with you about for wanting you to be 130 lbs? Conveniently, you are leaving that part of the story out.
If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he thinks you will be ugly and fat at 160 lbs, then yes he is a jerk.
If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he is concerned that you will be unhealthy at 160 lbs, then he is being a caring husband, concerned about your health.
So what exactly did he say?
Overly-involved random is overly involved.0 -
You clearly haven't comprehended anything else that was said. YES she can be healthy at 160 lbs. Not everybody HAS to be 120 lbs to be healthy. BUT she could be UNHEALTHY at 160 lbs and should GO TO THE DOCTOR to find out when she has REACHED that weight. To say she wants to be 160 lbs NO MATTER WHAT, is stupid.
I completely agree.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Oh good grief.
You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*
When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).
And you clearly only comprehend what YOU want to believe.
And to tell her she can ONLY be healthy if she's lower than 160lbs is stupid.0 -
Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..
That is you, not her!!
I am 159 right now and I don't feel fat. I am 2 inches taller, but really don't think that matters a whole lot, especially if you gain weight in the butt or boobs area. I am not so lucky with either area. JS
Her doctor told her to lose the weight but yea, you "don't feel fat". Now, that's sound medical advice!0 -
she is basing that number on how she looked at that weight - not on what her health stats were, or at least she never mentioned that at 160 lbs all her tests were fine.
If we all knew what weight we should be, we wouldn't be here.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
She KNOWS hers is 160lbs. She clearly stated that in her original post - which we seem to be discounting. She knows she is happy, healthy and content at 160lbs. Just like I know I'm happy, healthy and content at 150lbs. I listen to my body. I pay attention to what it is telling me - just like the OP does. I'm not sure why people are telling her she's wrong. Maybe for HER 160lbs IS perfect. We don't know what her medical tests would say or her body type.0
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