This site should not be about weight loss bullies !
Replies
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I don't understand why people have to bash others. If it is working for you...go for it. Lord knows, I have been bashed a lot cause I took the 'easy' way out. I had gastric bypass. Ain't nothing easy about it. But hey....I ignore those who are negative to me or others.
You didn't take the easy way out, no. But I have no doubt you did it the healthy way before/after the surgery correct?
Telling someone to eat 500 calories a day and take injections ILLEGAL product is not good advice.0 -
And here you are again. That's the problem with things like the HCG "diet". It's nearly always temporary "success". People were right to bash it. If you wish to adapt a healthy lifestyle and a rational diet and exercise plan, I think you will find a lot of support. If you wish to take a quick fix approach, most will bash it, except for some yahoos who will support you.0
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ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.
Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:0 -
I'd also like to bounce off of what WinnerVictorious and BondBomb both said (amazing points) and reference some things already said in this thread:
Yes, you want people to support you; it's often established in these threads that people look for different support.
With that being said, you have to understand what "support" means; if you're looking for someone to agree with you, then you're looking for "support of your opinion," not "support of your journey." If you want someone to support you in health, fitness, or weight loss (i'm assuming, healthy), people ARE supporting you by pointing out dangers of a dangerous path.
I immediately joined a community that was for ED recovery (which, from what I've heard, has actually been deleted for whatever reason); people were sure "supporting" each other in their recovery... by still passing info on how to curb hunger, limit calories to under 500, disguise weight loss, posting unhealthy weight goals, etc. Sitting there with an elephant in the room isn't being "supportive"; sitting silently while someone starves themself to death, or eats themself to death, or drinks themself to death, etc. etc. etc... saying, "Good job!" and smiling isn't supporting their ultimate health and well-being. It's just supporting their ignorance or their denial.
I think the word "support" could use some clearer defining on these boards.0 -
I dont think I've ever felt bullied because for the most part I think everyone is full of sh$t anyways, but I still think there are a bunch of sarcastic uncalled for comments.
This isnt the first post about bullies as and wont be the last, so clearly something must be going on.0 -
If I have to choose between getting unhealthy/incorrect/dangerous advice in a very nice and polite way or getting correct/helpful advice in the form of snarky and sarcastic comments, I'll take the latter every time.0
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I must admit that there are a few screen names/avatars that I would be happy to never see again.
But... IT'S BACON!0 -
I'd also like to bounce off of what WinnerVictorious and BondBomb both said (amazing points) and reference some things already said in this thread:
Yes, you want people to support you; it's often established in these threads that people look for different support.
With that being said, you have to understand what "support" means; if you're looking for someone to agree with you, then you're looking for "support of your opinion," not "support of your journey." If you want someone to support you in health, fitness, or weight loss (i'm assuming, healthy), people ARE supporting you by pointing out dangers of a dangerous path.
I immediately joined a community that was for ED recovery (which, from what I've heard, has actually been deleted for whatever reason); people were sure "supporting" each other in their recovery... by still passing info on how to curb hunger, limit calories to under 500, disguise weight loss, posting unhealthy weight goals, etc. Sitting there with an elephant in the room isn't being "supportive"; sitting silently while someone starves themself to death, or eats themself to death, or drinks themself to death, etc. etc. etc... saying, "Good job!" and smiling isn't supporting their ultimate health and well-being. It's just supporting their ignorance or their denial.
I think the word "support" could use some clearer defining on these boards.
this x 10000000 -
Yknow what works for me? Not giving a **** what people say or think about me.
Yup, works for me too!
This is why I poop in the urinal and idgaf whos around.0 -
Tell me what I want to hear or you are a bully.0
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ahh......this is the new world order of things and has been for several generations. Seems people think they should be able to say whatever they want and if it hurts anyone, then oh well, they are too sensitive or should get over it. I won't be rude to you and I'd be proud to have you as a friend.0
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If I have to choose between getting unhealthy/incorrect/dangerous advice in a very nice and polite way or getting correct/helpful advice in the form of snarky and sarcastic comments, I'll take the latter every time.
How about getting correct/helpful advice given in a patient and nice, polite way? It doesn't take any effort to be nice in addition to being smart.0 -
Yes some people are right down nasty on here to others. They belittle people for grammer mistakes, food diaries and exercise diaries. I just don't respond to those things or friend any of those people. Surround yourself with the ones that are supportive, there are plenty on here that will have your back. I am not on here to critique any one for anything, just a little support. You will find out very quickly which ones to be wary of. For the most part most of the people on here rock. Keep your head up, no one is perfect including the ones that give out the nasty advice.0
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^This.
It makes my blood boil every time I see the word "bully" thrown around on here, because 90% of the time, no one is being bullied.
i just want to chime in here and make an observation which i feel is a common trait amongst the folks being called bullies.
take a look at the ticker for the member who posted the above quote. she has lost 134 lbs. she knows what she's doing. alot of the so-called bullies on here have similar success stories. the reason they comment on the bad information on these forums (and don't kid yourself, there is a lot of bad information being passed off as true) is because they've been down these roads before. they've learned what works, what doesn't, and what is harmful. they want to make the learning curve easier and faster for those who are new to this.
i don't know her at all. she's not on my friend's list. i've seen her around the forums. but she is indicative of the sort of people who are providing real help here (as well as humor), only to be called meanies and bullies for it. to be honest, it would be comical if there wasn't a small segment of overly sensitive folks who have made it their task on MFP to stalk members like her, looking for things to report to the mods to try and get these people banned. that is no different in my mind that going down to your local public library and burning all of the books that you disagree with. when you do that, you remove information from your universe. as these folks get banned from here, the same thing happens. then this site will become nothing but a giant marketplace for people selling green coffee beans or raspberry ketones or meal replacement shakes to unsuspecting newbies.
now i don't really know if anybody is stalking her, but there have been some knowledgeable folks banned here in the past couple of weeks, whose absence is already having an negative impact around here. so the next time one of you is tempted to get angry and cry, "Bully!", take a minute to look at the person's profile and see if it's somebody who has succeeded in this long "journey" already. odds are they have and they know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes. odds are also that they are really trying to help, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. maybe, just maybe, if you ask them for clarification, you'll discover that somebody like that is EXACTLY who you want on your side.
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Tell me what I want to hear or you are a bully.
How DARE you not validate me!!!!
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Kudos to the people who have pointed out the fact that so many here like to cry "victim". If someone's ideas are crap, their diet is crap, or they have been fed bull**** by someone looking to sell a product, we would be doing a disservice to them if we didn't point out that such things are crap.
Could we be nicer about it? Maybe. However, nice rarely gets people's attention, and many of us are extremely frustrated with seeing the same crap every day. It's not the people asking the questions we are frustrated with though, and this is a very important thing to keep in mind. We are frustrated with the fact that horrible information and myths from the 50's continue to be spread like the plague.0 -
Blanket statement and so not true.ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.
Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.0 -
If I have to choose between getting unhealthy/incorrect/dangerous advice in a very nice and polite way or getting correct/helpful advice in the form of snarky and sarcastic comments, I'll take the latter every time.
How about getting correct/helpful advice in a patient and nice polite way? It doesn't take any effort to be nice in addition to being smart.
Maybe. The snark/sarcasm doesn't bother me. I find it amusing. I do try to be polite in the advice I give others, but when it comes to getting advice the correct info is the most important thing. :flowerforyou:0 -
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
Show your face you coward0 -
You. I like you. I like you a lot.^This.
It makes my blood boil every time I see the word "bully" thrown around on here, because 90% of the time, no one is being bullied.
i just want to chime in here and make an observation which i feel is a common trait amongst the folks being called bullies.
take a look at the ticker for the member who posted the above quote. she has lost 134 lbs. she knows what she's doing. alot of the so-called bullies on here have similar success stories. the reason they comment on the bad information on these forums (and don't kid yourself, there is a lot of bad information being passed off as true) is because they've been down these roads before. they've learned what works, what doesn't, and what is harmful. they want to make the learning curve easier and faster for those who are new to this.
i don't know her at all. she's not on my friend's list. i've seen her around the forums. but she is indicative of the sort of people who are providing real help here (as well as humor), only to be called meanies and bullies for it. to be honest, it would be comical if there wasn't a small segment of overly sensitive folks who have made it their task on MFP to stalk members like her, looking for things to report to the mods to try and get these people banned. that is no different in my mind that going down to your local public library and burning all of the books that you disagree with. when you do that, you remove information from your universe. as these folks get banned from here, the same thing happens. then this site will become nothing but a giant marketplace for people selling green coffee beans or raspberry ketones or meal replacement shakes to unsuspecting newbies.
now i don't really know if anybody is stalking her, but there have been some knowledgeable folks banned here in the past couple of weeks, whose absence is already having an negative impact around here. so the next time one of you is tempted to get angry and cry, "Bully!", take a minute to look at the person's profile and see if it's somebody who has succeeded in this long "journey" already. odds are they have and they know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes. odds are also that they are really trying to help, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. maybe, just maybe, if you ask them for clarification, you'll discover that somebody like that is EXACTLY who you want on your side.
Thank you, good sir. You hit the nail on the head.0 -
^This.
It makes my blood boil every time I see the word "bully" thrown around on here, because 90% of the time, no one is being bullied.
i just want to chime in here and make an observation which i feel is a common trait amongst the folks being called bullies.
take a look at the ticker for the member who posted the above quote. she has lost 134 lbs. she knows what she's doing. alot of the so-called bullies on here have similar success stories. the reason they comment on the bad information on these forums (and don't kid yourself, there is a lot of bad information being passed off as true) is because they've been down these roads before. they've learned what works, what doesn't, and what is harmful. they want to make the learning curve easier and faster for those who are new to this.
i don't know her at all. she's not on my friend's list. i've seen her around the forums. but she is indicative of the sort of people who are providing real help here (as well as humor), only to be called meanies and bullies for it. to be honest, it would be comical if there wasn't a small segment of overly sensitive folks who have made it their task on MFP to stalk members like her, looking for things to report to the mods to try and get these people banned. that is no different in my mind that going down to your local public library and burning all of the books that you disagree with. when you do that, you remove information from your universe. as these folks get banned from here, the same thing happens. then this site will become nothing but a giant marketplace for people selling green coffee beans or raspberry ketones or meal replacement shakes to unsuspecting newbies.
now i don't really know if anybody is stalking her, but there have been some knowledgeable folks banned here in the past couple of weeks, whose absence is already having an negative impact around here. so the next time one of you is tempted to get angry and cry, "Bully!", take a minute to look at the person's profile and see if it's somebody who has succeeded in this long "journey" already. odds are they have and they know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes. odds are also that they are really trying to help, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. maybe, just maybe, if you ask them for clarification, you'll discover that somebody like that is EXACTLY who you want on your side.
^^This.
I don't post a lot in the forums but I lurk a lot. Humor/sarcasm is not bullying. Most of posters that are being called bullies are the people that have great success stories, I for one would much rather listen to the advice of someone who has lost 50 plus pounds than someone who has just starting and is advocating some unhealthy fad diet.0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:0 -
This isnt the first post about bullies as and wont be the last, so clearly something must be going on.
Well, I think a distinction should be made between being bullied and being ganged up on. Some people consider being ganged up on as being bullied. There is a gang/herd mentality on this site for sure. I don't think it's always done in a malicious way, though. And, I'm not denying that my friends will show up in the forums to support one another. It happens here a lot. So, if you piss someone off in the forums, be prepared to have all their friends show up to debate with you. If you can handle that, then have at it. If you don't have thick skin or don't like to debate, don't engage.
However, both bullying and ganging up on people are very different than someone disagreeing with you or not supporting a dangerous way to lose weight. I'm not saying anyone deserves to be belittled or humiliated, but this is the internet and it happens. The beauty of feeling ganged up on or bullied on the internet with strangers is that you can use the ignore feature.0 -
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
No.0 -
ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.
Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
You are welcome to start your own group, you know. My male friends on this site are some of the kindest and most supportive, though, and I think you will be missing out on knowing some wonderful people. Up to you.0 -
Sometimes it may seem as if someone is being rude but they're not. Remember typed words have no tone. You can take a written sentence and make it mean multiple different things just by tone or the way it's said. We don't have that ability online.0
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It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.0 -
some will be super sweet while sabotaging you
Seriously? There are sweet saboteurs here?0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.
I am not ashamed to say that I have, on more than one occasion, sat here and cried about something someone said to me on here. I am crazy sensitive. But it is NOT all about me, and there is no point in me trying to "get back" at someone or attack them or try to get them banned from the forums for criticizing me or something that I have said. It's my own issue. But then, I have spent a lot of years inside my own head trying to figure out my own insecurities, so maybe I have more self-esteem than I imagine...lmao0
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