This site should not be about weight loss bullies !
Replies
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I'd also like to bounce off of what WinnerVictorious and BondBomb both said (amazing points) and reference some things already said in this thread:
Yes, you want people to support you; it's often established in these threads that people look for different support.
With that being said, you have to understand what "support" means; if you're looking for someone to agree with you, then you're looking for "support of your opinion," not "support of your journey." If you want someone to support you in health, fitness, or weight loss (i'm assuming, healthy), people ARE supporting you by pointing out dangers of a dangerous path.
I immediately joined a community that was for ED recovery (which, from what I've heard, has actually been deleted for whatever reason); people were sure "supporting" each other in their recovery... by still passing info on how to curb hunger, limit calories to under 500, disguise weight loss, posting unhealthy weight goals, etc. Sitting there with an elephant in the room isn't being "supportive"; sitting silently while someone starves themself to death, or eats themself to death, or drinks themself to death, etc. etc. etc... saying, "Good job!" and smiling isn't supporting their ultimate health and well-being. It's just supporting their ignorance or their denial.
I think the word "support" could use some clearer defining on these boards.
The information could just as easily be given in a polite and gentle fashion. If someone is feeling impatient with a poster, then maybe they should just skip commenting and let a more sanguine person (who may be just as knowledgeable) comment.0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.
so, can I just say, I adore your belly??? Is that weird? It's so cute!0 -
I'd also like to bounce off of what WinnerVictorious and BondBomb both said (amazing points) and reference some things already said in this thread:
Yes, you want people to support you; it's often established in these threads that people look for different support.
With that being said, you have to understand what "support" means; if you're looking for someone to agree with you, then you're looking for "support of your opinion," not "support of your journey." If you want someone to support you in health, fitness, or weight loss (i'm assuming, healthy), people ARE supporting you by pointing out dangers of a dangerous path.
I immediately joined a community that was for ED recovery (which, from what I've heard, has actually been deleted for whatever reason); people were sure "supporting" each other in their recovery... by still passing info on how to curb hunger, limit calories to under 500, disguise weight loss, posting unhealthy weight goals, etc. Sitting there with an elephant in the room isn't being "supportive"; sitting silently while someone starves themself to death, or eats themself to death, or drinks themself to death, etc. etc. etc... saying, "Good job!" and smiling isn't supporting their ultimate health and well-being. It's just supporting their ignorance or their denial.
I think the word "support" could use some clearer defining on these boards.
The information could just as easily be given in a polite and gentle fashion. If someone is feeling impatient with a poster, then maybe they should just skip commenting and let a more sanguine person (who may be just as knowledgeable) comment.
Polite and gentle are subjective terms.0 -
ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.
Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
You are welcome to start your own group, you know. My male friends on this site are some of the kindest and most supportive, though, and I think you will be missing out on knowing some wonderful people. Up to you.
There are a number of wonderful gentlemen here---I have "met" some of them.
Okay then, I will make my forum "for women only and men who are sympathetic to them"? 
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ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.
Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
You are welcome to start your own group, you know. My male friends on this site are some of the kindest and most supportive, though, and I think you will be missing out on knowing some wonderful people. Up to you.
There are a number of wonderful gentlemen here---I have "met" some of them. Okay then, I will make my forum "for women only and men who are sympathetic to them"?
Sympathetic men are the reason for overweight women - not good to mix while in weight loss mode0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.
I am not ashamed to say that I have, on more than one occasion, sat here and cried about something someone said to me on here. I am crazy sensitive. But it is NOT all about me, and there is no point in me trying to "get back" at someone or attack them or try to get them banned from the forums for criticizing me or something that I have said. It's my own issue. But then, I have spent a lot of years inside my own head trying to figure out my own insecurities, so maybe I have more self-esteem than I imagine...lmao
Then you have more self-awareness and maturity than those yelling "bully" on here all the time instead of taking a step back to look at things from another perspective once in a while.
That being said, I think there is definitely a "mob" mentality here too that needs to stop and is only contributing to the madness. I've seen it happen more and more the more people complain and report too. Seems to be some nasty positive feedback loop.0 -
When you start this group will you still come back into Chit-chat fun and games to complain about the mean men? Or will you only stay in your own forum? I'm genuinely curious.ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.
Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
You are welcome to start your own group, you know. My male friends on this site are some of the kindest and most supportive, though, and I think you will be missing out on knowing some wonderful people. Up to you.
There are a number of wonderful gentlemen here---I have "met" some of them. Okay then, I will make my forum "for women only and men who are sympathetic to them"? 0 -
You know bullying has been in the news quite a bit lately. There is a new focus on it as there are children that are being taunted, assaulted, humiliated to the point of suicide or murder.
The fact that a bunch of adults with full control of how they use this site are considering themselves victims of bullying is sickening.
Grow up. You want to stop REAL bullying - get off of your computer and volunteer with a local children's group. Become a big brother or sister.
Someone telling you your DIET is unhealthy is not bullying. And to say so it pathetic and demeaning to people that have actually faced bullies.
Next you will be crying internet rape.
I don't feel sorry for you and I would gladly say this to any of your faces.
This x 100!!!0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.
I agree food, our diet, our bodies cuts right into people like a knife. It is often times the center of who we are a lot of people obsess about their diet and food and hope that this is the next miracle to looking like some prescribed photoshopped media icon. Most forums are never safe to air the dirty laundry. Shoot I've been in PCOS forums and the women would rip each other to shreds. I could probably go through most of the recent posts today from MFP and pull out dozen of sarcastic comments that are not "helpful" as the "its not bullying crowd often uses." Some people are actually reaching out looking for help even if it is misquided and get their heads bit off. Then when they are "attacked" that feels like you are reaching down and callnig his/her character wrong or stupid.0 -
so, can I just say, I adore your belly??? Is that weird? It's so cute!
It's within acceptable levels of creepiness 0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I always forget about the special snowflakes. i'm sorry guys, carry on. :laugh:0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.
I agree food, our diet, our bodies cuts right into people like a knife. It is often times the center of who we are a lot of people obsess about their diet and food and hope that this is the next miracle to looking like some prescribed photoshopped media icon. Most forums are never safe to air the dirty laundry. Shoot I've been in PCOS forums and the women would rip each other to shreds. I could probably go through most of the recent posts today from MFP and pull out dozen of sarcastic comments that are not "helpful" as the "its not bullying crowd often uses." Some people are actually reaching out looking for help even if it is misquided and get their heads bit off. Then when they are "attacked" that feels like you are reaching down and callnig his/her character wrong or stupid.
Here's the problem though: as much as you complain about those people and try to get them banned ("you" being a general term not specific to you), it won't stop. The best thing to do is ignore it and learn to move on. Report the worst offender (name-callers, body-bashers, etc.) and realize that you can't control what other people say. You only have control over your reaction to it.0 -
^This.
It makes my blood boil every time I see the word "bully" thrown around on here, because 90% of the time, no one is being bullied.
i just want to chime in here and make an observation which i feel is a common trait amongst the folks being called bullies.
take a look at the ticker for the member who posted the above quote. she has lost 134 lbs. she knows what she's doing. alot of the so-called bullies on here have similar success stories. the reason they comment on the bad information on these forums (and don't kid yourself, there is a lot of bad information being passed off as true) is because they've been down these roads before. they've learned what works, what doesn't, and what is harmful. they want to make the learning curve easier and faster for those who are new to this.
i don't know her at all. she's not on my friend's list. i've seen her around the forums. but she is indicative of the sort of people who are providing real help here (as well as humor), only to be called meanies and bullies for it. to be honest, it would be comical if there wasn't a small segment of overly sensitive folks who have made it their task on MFP to stalk members like her, looking for things to report to the mods to try and get these people banned. that is no different in my mind that going down to your local public library and burning all of the books that you disagree with. when you do that, you remove information from your universe. as these folks get banned from here, the same thing happens. then this site will become nothing but a giant marketplace for people selling green coffee beans or raspberry ketones or meal replacement shakes to unsuspecting newbies.
now i don't really know if anybody is stalking her, but there have been some knowledgeable folks banned here in the past couple of weeks, whose absence is already having an negative impact around here. so the next time one of you is tempted to get angry and cry, "Bully!", take a minute to look at the person's profile and see if it's somebody who has succeeded in this long "journey" already. odds are they have and they know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes. odds are also that they are really trying to help, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. maybe, just maybe, if you ask them for clarification, you'll discover that somebody like that is EXACTLY who you want on your side.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I'd also like to bounce off of what WinnerVictorious and BondBomb both said (amazing points) and reference some things already said in this thread:
Yes, you want people to support you; it's often established in these threads that people look for different support.
With that being said, you have to understand what "support" means; if you're looking for someone to agree with you, then you're looking for "support of your opinion," not "support of your journey." If you want someone to support you in health, fitness, or weight loss (i'm assuming, healthy), people ARE supporting you by pointing out dangers of a dangerous path.
I immediately joined a community that was for ED recovery (which, from what I've heard, has actually been deleted for whatever reason); people were sure "supporting" each other in their recovery... by still passing info on how to curb hunger, limit calories to under 500, disguise weight loss, posting unhealthy weight goals, etc. Sitting there with an elephant in the room isn't being "supportive"; sitting silently while someone starves themself to death, or eats themself to death, or drinks themself to death, etc. etc. etc... saying, "Good job!" and smiling isn't supporting their ultimate health and well-being. It's just supporting their ignorance or their denial.
I think the word "support" could use some clearer defining on these boards.
The information could just as easily be given in a polite and gentle fashion. If someone is feeling impatient with a poster, then maybe they should just skip commenting and let a more sanguine person (who may be just as knowledgeable) comment.
Polite and gentle are subjective terms.
I think most of us figured out what constitutes civility---in early childhood. And I think most of us would agree on what comprises it.0 -
Hey. I know what your saying for sure about the negativity. Though - I am surprised you found any supporters on here of the diet you were on. Those who are on this website or the "lifers" seem very ... passionate... in regards to unhealthy diets. Which is understandable as I would hate for this site to turn into a place supportive of unhealthy/disordered eating habit. This is actually why I continue to use the forum as I will get honest responses and the other members will say something if there is any promotion or discussion of the unhealthy/disordered eating habits!
I mean, welcome to the internet.
Now, there is a big difference between someone advising you not to do an unhealthy approach to weight loss VS "bullying" which I believe is a cover up/baby way to say what it is - assault/harassment. (When i speak to my teen clients about ASSAULT/HARASSMENT, i call it just that - not "bullying".) I do know and have experienced this terrible lash from members on this website.
Bottom line - they are miserable with their own lives. They are angry people who have no other way to release their anger in a healthy manner. They are bored, and probably not getting laid at home.0 -
It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.
I am not ashamed to say that I have, on more than one occasion, sat here and cried about something someone said to me on here. I am crazy sensitive. But it is NOT all about me, and there is no point in me trying to "get back" at someone or attack them or try to get them banned from the forums for criticizing me or something that I have said. It's my own issue. But then, I have spent a lot of years inside my own head trying to figure out my own insecurities, so maybe I have more self-esteem than I imagine...lmao
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It seems with every generation, the critiscm and bullying just gets worse and worse.
I'd say that people's ability to take a joke is getting worse, not bullying.
Well, didn't you know?? EVERYONE is a special snowflake and needs to be coddled and get a trophy just for EXISTING! :noway:
I think it's the nature of being on a diet/fitness site where people come and already are insecure and have "issues" with their self-esteem. Any criticism is going to feel "personal" to a lot of folks. Not excusing the behavior, but I think this is why people get SO worked up on here over minutia.
That's a good point. But I also think a lot of people are just becoming more sensitive in general. The emphasis on political correctness, and offending no one seems to be turning peoples minds to jelly.0 -
I think we all need to be selective on what advice we listen to. If the tone of someone's post is rude, snarky, and sarcastic, then I would pass by that one.
But I would imagine there is a lot of good solid advice from people who have first hand experience and are willing to share. That can be invaluable.
So don't pass by all the simply disagree with you. They might be worth listening to.
And if you are one of those people who have advice and support to share, please try to do so without making a person feel silly or stupid for asking. I don't post or ask for advice on these boards, but I do read topics that interest me.
If you can't give a thoughtful reply, then many people like me are just going to pass right by your response. I always enjoy a little humor, but not if it's insulting.
I have seen people respectfully and thoughtfully disagree on these boards. I have learned a lot from these types of threads.0 -
ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.
Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
You are welcome to start your own group, you know. My male friends on this site are some of the kindest and most supportive, though, and I think you will be missing out on knowing some wonderful people. Up to you.
There are a number of wonderful gentlemen here---I have "met" some of them. Okay then, I will make my forum "for women only and men who are sympathetic to them"?
Sympathetic men are the reason for overweight women - not good to mix while in weight loss mode
Shush shush silly man0 -
I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:
Show your face you coward
You first!
:laugh: 0
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