This site should not be about weight loss bullies !

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  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    seriously ? These are my feelings so if you dont agree feel free to not comment. Thanks.

    That's the thing about public message boards. People get to disagree with you and they even get to POST their disagreement. It's a crazy world we live in.
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    ITA. Seriously. I cannot imagine some of these people acting this way offline. It is bullying behavior pure & simple. Just one small example: a newbie asked a question about calf exercises, and someone posted sarcastically that calves were in the meadow. Of course several regulars had to say how clever that was (it was????). I'm sure the newbie made the unforgiveaqble mistake of using the word "toning" thus opening him or her up to obscene ridicule by the forum regs who claim they are sick to death of answering the same questions although no one's forcing them to do it. They just need to step on someone to feel good about themselves. There are worst example of bullying here, but that one stuck in my mind as it was very similar to a sarcastic response my middle schooler had heard the week before. At middle school.

    Oh and then there are the constant posts about women just being jealous of each other. Sexism is alive and well here. Racism would never be tolerated (and it should never be!), but it's OK to rip women apart.

    I agree---we women should start a forum "for women only". It is mostly men who behave so obnoxiously ("roid rage"?) A few of the women have unhelpful attitudes but mostly the women are pretty mellow (because they understand that it is harder for women to lose body fat than men. Estrogen promotes body fat and our smaller lean body mass means that many of us can't eat much more than the minimum 1,200 calories required to keep all systems on "go". In addition to that, pregnancy and lactation adds pounds to many women, who feel helpless to stop it. Many of the male body builders (and you know who you are) love to brag about all the junk they eat and still stay ripped. Must be testosterone poisoning. :ohwell:

    You are welcome to start your own group, you know. My male friends on this site are some of the kindest and most supportive, though, and I think you will be missing out on knowing some wonderful people. Up to you.

    There are a number of wonderful gentlemen here---I have "met" some of them. :smile: Okay then, I will make my forum "for women only and men who are sympathetic to them"? :wink:

    Sympathetic men are the reason for overweight women - not good to mix while in weight loss mode

    No. My husband is a very kind and sympathetic man who has been my greatest supporter on my weight loss journey. He is not AT ALL responsible for my weight gain. It was the choices that I made (mostly out of ignorance) that caused the excess poundage. But I have learned a lot and have lost 50 pounds over two years. I have committed to losing the rest this year and I know I will. Knowledge is power. However, when it is used as a weapon, it does not serve any particularly productive purpose.
  • ApexLeader
    ApexLeader Posts: 580 Member
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    stay away from the forums and you won't see much negativity
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    Sympathetic men are the reason for overweight women - not good to mix while in weight loss mode

    Excuses and blaming other people is the reason for overweight people . Example ^
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    The other thing is, people recognize that there are a lot of people on here, with little to no education on diet/fitness that read these threads without commenting. So even if the OP is dead set on doing something unhealthy, they will try and give all the reasons why it's a bad idea anyway. The goal is to keep a bunch of people from making the same mistakes, because everyone was saying GREAT IDEA! just to be supportive.

    Personally, I'm thankful for the ones on here that call people out on there BS. I stalk them like I'm trying to throw them in my basement and make them put the lotion on the skin. Why? Because I've made enough mistakes. Now I'm trying to find the smartest way to get from point A to point B, not the fastest or easiest.

    Omg lmao I love you
  • dutchess4884
    dutchess4884 Posts: 45
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    I just want to emphasize that the word "bullying" is being thrown around a bit liberally on these message boards. Here are some facts on "cyber bullying" to give you some perspective.

    What is considered cyber bullying?

    - Sending mean messages or threats to a person's email account or cell phone
    - Spreading rumors online or through texts
    - Posting hurtful or threatening messages on social networking sites or web pages
    - Stealing a person's account information to break into their account and send damaging messages
    - Pretending to be someone else online to hurt another person
    - Taking unflattering pictures of a person and spreading them through cell phones or the Internet
    - Sexting, or circulating sexually suggestive pictures or messages about a person

    What happens on these forums? Not bullying. Discussion, disagreement, sarcasm, debate, snark, rudeness, hilarity etc... all of these things happen here. Bullying? Not so much. Consider that by throwing the term around loosely as people are wont to do around here, we may actually take away from the seriousness of actual bullying.

    while I'd like to thank you for your information, I did mean "bullying" which is why I posted it. I was sent mean messages , people did post hurtful things calling me names. The point of this post was to say "lets be positive and support each other". By the way I have a masters so I'm aware of the meaning of the word. Thank you however for the example.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Thanks guys for all the support. Still makes me laugh that people can respond to this thread in a negative way or ask that it be taken down. Lets learn to be positive and treat others with respect. Again I'm here for positive support so lets focus on that.

    Did you even read anything that was said here?
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    ^This.

    It makes my blood boil every time I see the word "bully" thrown around on here, because 90% of the time, no one is being bullied.

    i just want to chime in here and make an observation which i feel is a common trait amongst the folks being called bullies.

    take a look at the ticker for the member who posted the above quote. she has lost 134 lbs. she knows what she's doing. alot of the so-called bullies on here have similar success stories. the reason they comment on the bad information on these forums (and don't kid yourself, there is a lot of bad information being passed off as true) is because they've been down these roads before. they've learned what works, what doesn't, and what is harmful. they want to make the learning curve easier and faster for those who are new to this.

    i don't know her at all. she's not on my friend's list. i've seen her around the forums. but she is indicative of the sort of people who are providing real help here (as well as humor), only to be called meanies and bullies for it. to be honest, it would be comical if there wasn't a small segment of overly sensitive folks who have made it their task on MFP to stalk members like her, looking for things to report to the mods to try and get these people banned. that is no different in my mind that going down to your local public library and burning all of the books that you disagree with. when you do that, you remove information from your universe. as these folks get banned from here, the same thing happens. then this site will become nothing but a giant marketplace for people selling green coffee beans or raspberry ketones or meal replacement shakes to unsuspecting newbies.

    now i don't really know if anybody is stalking her, but there have been some knowledgeable folks banned here in the past couple of weeks, whose absence is already having an negative impact around here. so the next time one of you is tempted to get angry and cry, "Bully!", take a minute to look at the person's profile and see if it's somebody who has succeeded in this long "journey" already. odds are they have and they know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes. odds are also that they are really trying to help, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. maybe, just maybe, if you ask them for clarification, you'll discover that somebody like that is EXACTLY who you want on your side.

    YEP. :drinker:
  • deekay8507
    deekay8507 Posts: 41 Member
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    At the end of the day who cares? Yes we need support. Find your supportive people and friend them. Ignore the rest. You're not here to lose weight for them are you?
  • Chibea
    Chibea Posts: 363 Member
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    I have to say that as a new person I have found the forums ugly rather often. But then again, I have found a lot of fantastic, supportive threads, too .It was interesting to read here that those unpleasant people were the ones I should listen to because they are the ones who have been here a long time and are basically bored with all the new people asking the same questions. Why then do they respond at all? Why don't they initiate a topic that interests them? I really don't get that its okay for them to have fun tormenting the "new kids". I learned fast to avoid most topics that bring out the know-it -alls and the best thing I learned was how to use the IGNORE button. My supportive friends share the most annoying topic of the day just so we can go find people to ignore :) We gotta make it fun!!
  • tinglesby
    tinglesby Posts: 96 Member
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    i say eff those mean people!! Who cares how youre losing weight as long as youre making the effort for YOURSELF and losing it! thats just jerks who have no lives and want to be hateful! keep up the good work and dont lose your faith!! you can do it!!!! :)
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    I agree the word "bullying" is not the right word here... but I still see no need for rudeness, snarkiness, no it all attitude when someone is asking for help... there is a nice way to say things and a not so nice way.... and why do people post just a snarky comment only and not offer any helpful advice?? If you cannot offer a comment on the actual topic the OP was questioning, just don't answer at all.

    This^^^^
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
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    Sorry, most of the time it isn't bullying. Don't get me wrong. It's rude and uncalled for. At best, many of those responses assume a level of informality and "friendship" that only exists in the heads of the person being rude--at least in relation to the OP. It's more likely they just enjoy the attention they get from attempting to be witty at someone else's expense.

    I wouldn't call it bullying though. Not to say it can't happen, but I think people should be a little careful with that word these days.

    ^^This.

    I havent seen anything here that resembles bullying. A lot of inside jokes, a lot of being goofy, & sometimes blunting the purpose of the OP's thread.

    The label "bullying" is the new PC hot button. Political correctness is nothing more than a means of oppression.

    I suggest if someone is hijacking your thread you either call them out on it & then report the clowns.

    I have found a lot of the humor enjoyable and not offensive.

    BTW I consider anyone who is advocating the HCG diet a bigger problem then the jokers.
    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hcg-diet/an02091
  • Siege_Tank
    Siege_Tank Posts: 781 Member
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    Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are, mostly?

    *kitten*. *kitten* covered *kitten* with *kitten* filling.

    Dr. Cox hit the nail right on the head. And add to that nastiness the anonymity that is the internet, and I'm shocked that you're shocked that there are negative people on a positive site.

    There are several people who are already fit, or only had a few pounds to lose - part of the "look at me, I'm so cool and sexy" crowd, they acted like that to begin with.

    The solution?

    Start kicking them in the shin.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    What is considered cyber bullying?
    - Sending mean messages or threats to a person's email account
    - Spreading rumors online
    - Posting hurtful or threatening messages on social networking sites or web pages
    - Pretending to be someone else online to hurt another person
    All of this DOES indeed happen here.

    The sad part is that often those things are done by people who proclaim to be the "nice" folks on here.

    100% this. I've gotten nasty PMs from people I've never even interacted with, but who I've observed appear in these threads complaining about how horrible it is.

    Plus, there are also legitimate trolls: people who aren't being satiric, or just being humorous. People who are downright trying to make others feel bad, whether specifically attacked or more broadly flamed. The "nice" people AND the "snarky" people all are quick to try and take care of blatant harassment, blatant harm, etc. For some reason, I think that these really belligerent accounts get grouped in with the "snarky" people or the infamously dubbed "clique," when that's hardly the case.
  • dutchess4884
    dutchess4884 Posts: 45
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    You are looking for confirmation that a bad diet (HCG) is the way to go!

    Sorry, I am not going to lobotomize myself to fit your cookie cutter world and no amount of name calling will make me support a protocol that is dangerous. I won't be bullied into supporting something that 20 years in the health field tells me is a very bad idea.

    Don't try to bully me into your crazy diet plans. Do it if you want but the second you promote it - I'm going to push back. The next thing you'll recommend is that I eat at 800 cals.

    I never said I was trying to force anyone to do anything. My point was be supportive of others and not negative.
  • sgtrowley
    sgtrowley Posts: 246 Member
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    Dont let people get to you. Feel free to add me if you want.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    i say eff those mean people!! Who cares how youre losing weight as long as youre making the effort for YOURSELF and losing it! thats just jerks who have no lives and want to be hateful! keep up the good work and dont lose your faith!! you can do it!!!! :)

    So, by this logic, it's okay to snort cocaine to suppress appetite, starve oneself for quick muscle, water, and overall weight loss, and take banned diet drugs that can result in heart attackes, seizures, strokes, or death?

    See why people say things?
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are, mostly?

    *kitten*. *kitten* covered *kitten* with *kitten* filling.

    Dr. Cox hit the nail right on the head. And add to that nastiness the anonymity that is the internet, and I'm shocked that you're shocked that there are negative people on a positive site.

    There are several people who are already fit, or only had a few pounds to lose - part of the "look at me, I'm so cool and sexy" crowd, they acted like that to begin with.

    The solution?

    Start kicking them in the shin.

    Bravo! You hit the nail on the head! A toast to you. :drinker:
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
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    The other thing is, people recognize that there are a lot of people on here, with little to no education on diet/fitness that read these threads without commenting. So even if the OP is dead set on doing something unhealthy, they will try and give all the reasons why it's a bad idea anyway. The goal is to keep a bunch of people from making the same mistakes, because everyone was saying GREAT IDEA! just to be supportive.

    Personally, I'm thankful for the ones on here that call people out on there BS. I stalk them like I'm trying to throw them in my basement and make them put the lotion on the skin. Why? Because I've made enough mistakes. Now I'm trying to find the smartest way to get from point A to point B, not the fastest or easiest.

    Omg lmao I love you

    :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

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