When do you let your FWB go?

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justkeepswimng
justkeepswimng Posts: 506
in Chit-Chat
So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

What are your thoughts on this?
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Replies

  • tigerblood78
    tigerblood78 Posts: 417 Member
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    always keep your options open
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
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    I don't think I should ALWAYS keep my options open. I enjoy being completely committed to a relationship. I just don't know where the line is between dating and being in a relationship.
  • LittleMissNerdy
    LittleMissNerdy Posts: 792 Member
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    It's been two dates but how long have you been talking to/seeing the new guy? I
  • rybo
    rybo Posts: 5,424 Member
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    Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

    As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    2 dates is still too early to drop everybody else..
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
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    We met at the dog park and then he found me on an online dating site that we are both on. He recognized me from the dog park and we started talking online. We have been talking for a few weeks. We went on both dates this week.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    We met at the dog park and then he found me on an online dating site that we are both on. He recognized me from the dog park and we started talking online. We have been talking for a few weeks. We went on both dates this week.

    way too early to drop the FWB
  • ptjolsen
    ptjolsen Posts: 365 Member
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    YEP ^^^
  • KathrynCatlady
    KathrynCatlady Posts: 86 Member
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    I would let it rest. Have your fun tonight, and then if and when you know this other guy's intentions are for a committed relationship, you can have that talk with your FWB. But until then, keep having fun. For all you know, dog park guy is in the same boat as you.
  • darisey
    darisey Posts: 228 Member
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    Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

    As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.

    ^^^ :)
  • Unique_Beauty82
    Unique_Beauty82 Posts: 10
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    Second that...
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
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    It is a personal thing. If I go out with someone, and I think there is potential, I just feel weird sleeping with someone else. So I would then have to explain to the FWB that I need to take a break from the benefits while I see where things go with the person I am seeing.

    But I am a serial monogamist. I rarely even date more than one person at a time. YMMV
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
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    My mother always said, "when in doubt, leave it out."

    I say tell the FWB you've got a "maybe" on the hook and until you figure out if he's a keeper you're gonna hold off on appreciating the "benefit" portion of your friendship. If he's really your friend and not just your occasional hookup, he'll get it and not give you cr@p about your decision.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Two dates. Definitely get some sex tonight. Or, send him my way.
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
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    Thanks. You guys are really helpful.
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 467 Member
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    So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

    Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

    Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

    My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

    Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

    What are your thoughts on this?

    I guess you have the ability to not have the "inevitible" happen too.....you do have the option of using self control.
  • blink1021
    blink1021 Posts: 1,118 Member
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    Until you define your relationship with the other guy its not a betrayal. For all you know he may have a FWB also. Have fun tonight.
  • Summer_Lunatic
    Summer_Lunatic Posts: 543 Member
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    I agree with FCP. What if the new guy has a deal breaker you don't know about yet? I don't think the FWB is waiting around for you to decide HE'S the one so he'll obviously still be there while you figure stuff out
  • PlainOldElizaJane
    PlainOldElizaJane Posts: 37
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    I honestly kept mine until I was sure things were going to go places with the man who is now my husband. My FWB has been through thick and thin with me, and he is still a good friend of mine, to this day. We had a FWB kinda thing for close to 4 years, through several relationships and it didn't stop until I was sure I had found the one. But I couldn't just kick him out of my life, so we're still good friends. Talk pretty much every day.

    My husband knows that the past is in the past, and that he is a dear friend of mine and it doesn't bother him. I'm pretty positive the friendship we have isn't typical of an ex FWB, but it works for us. So I guess you can say I didn't "let him go," we just transitioned into strictly friendship.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    It is a personal thing. If I go out with someone, and I think there is potential, I just feel weird sleeping with someone else. So I would then have to explain to the FWB that I need to take a break from the benefits while I see where things go with the person I am seeing.

    But I am a serial monogamist. I rarely even date more than one person at a time. YMMV

    Yeah. That would be me too. I can't imagine being in a budding relationship but sleeping with someone else. I mean, I just can't even imagine it. I would feel terrible.

    But that's me. You gotta figure out what works for you.

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