When do you let your FWB go?

justkeepswimng

So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

What are your thoughts on this?

tigerblood78

always keep your options open

justkeepswimng

I don't think I should ALWAYS keep my options open. I enjoy being completely committed to a relationship. I just don't know where the line is between dating and being in a relationship.

LittleMissNerdy

It's been two dates but how long have you been talking to/seeing the new guy? I

rybo

Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.

fcp1234

2 dates is still too early to drop everybody else..

justkeepswimng

We met at the dog park and then he found me on an online dating site that we are both on. He recognized me from the dog park and we started talking online. We have been talking for a few weeks. We went on both dates this week.

fcp1234

We met at the dog park and then he found me on an online dating site that we are both on. He recognized me from the dog park and we started talking online. We have been talking for a few weeks. We went on both dates this week.

way too early to drop the FWB

ptjolsen

YEP ^^^

KathrynCatlady

I would let it rest. Have your fun tonight, and then if and when you know this other guy's intentions are for a committed relationship, you can have that talk with your FWB. But until then, keep having fun. For all you know, dog park guy is in the same boat as you.

darisey

Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.

^^^

Unique_Beauty82

Second that...

djeffreys10

It is a personal thing. If I go out with someone, and I think there is potential, I just feel weird sleeping with someone else. So I would then have to explain to the FWB that I need to take a break from the benefits while I see where things go with the person I am seeing.

But I am a serial monogamist. I rarely even date more than one person at a time. YMMV

TheCaren

My mother always said, "when in doubt, leave it out."

I say tell the FWB you've got a "maybe" on the hook and until you figure out if he's a keeper you're gonna hold off on appreciating the "benefit" portion of your friendship. If he's really your friend and not just your occasional hookup, he'll get it and not give you cr@p about your decision.

odusgolp

Two dates. Definitely get some sex tonight. Or, send him my way.

justkeepswimng

Thanks. You guys are really helpful.

Julzanne72

So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

What are your thoughts on this?

I guess you have the ability to not have the "inevitible" happen too.....you do have the option of using self control.

blink1021

Until you define your relationship with the other guy its not a betrayal. For all you know he may have a FWB also. Have fun tonight.

Summer_Lunatic

I agree with FCP. What if the new guy has a deal breaker you don't know about yet? I don't think the FWB is waiting around for you to decide HE'S the one so he'll obviously still be there while you figure stuff out

PlainOldElizaJane

I honestly kept mine until I was sure things were going to go places with the man who is now my husband. My FWB has been through thick and thin with me, and he is still a good friend of mine, to this day. We had a FWB kinda thing for close to 4 years, through several relationships and it didn't stop until I was sure I had found the one. But I couldn't just kick him out of my life, so we're still good friends. Talk pretty much every day.

My husband knows that the past is in the past, and that he is a dear friend of mine and it doesn't bother him. I'm pretty positive the friendship we have isn't typical of an ex FWB, but it works for us. So I guess you can say I didn't "let him go," we just transitioned into strictly friendship.

penrbrown

It is a personal thing. If I go out with someone, and I think there is potential, I just feel weird sleeping with someone else. So I would then have to explain to the FWB that I need to take a break from the benefits while I see where things go with the person I am seeing.

But I am a serial monogamist. I rarely even date more than one person at a time. YMMV

Yeah. That would be me too. I can't imagine being in a budding relationship but sleeping with someone else. I mean, I just can't even imagine it. I would feel terrible.

But that's me. You gotta figure out what works for you.

justkeepswimng

So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

What are your thoughts on this?

I guess you have the ability to not have the "inevitible" happen too.....you do have the option of using self control.

I was just saying that it is inevitably going to come up. Of course I have a choice, which is why I posted on here to find out whether I should feel bad about saying yes.

GypsyPirate

If you're questioning what to do with your FWB, you already know it would be "wrong" to do anything with him for right now. If he is a friend, you should be able to talk straight to him about it...and call him up if the other thing doesn't work out.

Julzanne72

And if you truly see this other guy as someone with potentional, why risk it no becoming something for sex with someone you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with???

FitBeto

Take this tip (it applies to women too!):
Every man should have a woman that can cook
Every man should have a woman that can give great sex
Every man should have a woman that can make him laugh
Every man should have a woman that he can share his heart with
Every man should have a woman that can clean
And in no way should these women ever meet.

There is no reason the guys should know about each other - until you are ready to give one up.

darkguardian419

When I was single, if I went on a date with someone, the FWB would be put on hold. If we set up a second date it would stay on hold, but if nothing was said, the FWB would be back on until something came up (second date, a different date)

DrMAvDPhD

If he's just a FWB you should be able to turn him down without hurt feelings at any time. If either of you are having a hard time with that, someone is more involved than they are letting on.

HotDolphinMama

I think this is one of those individual choices things.
If you feel like you are "cheating" or worried about what the new guy will think/feel about the FWB relationship, than I would say tell your FWB and just take a little break. He was your friend (I assume) before the benefits came up so He should be cool about it. The fact that you are asking leads me to believe that you should err on the side of caution.
If the relationship with new guy works out, good. You can feel free and clear. And if it doesn't - well, call mr FWB the next day and invite over for a hookup.
Be casual with Mr. FWB tonight - yeah, it could lead you-know-where but you could also just offer a drink and fill him in on the break thing.

angelams1019

You guys have been on two dates. You're not IN a relationship yet. You're free to do what you want just as he is. I had to let my FWB go when I knew I was going most likely start sleeping with the new guy.

In the beginning I'd go on a date with the new guy and then meet the FWB after! hahahahaha

fuzzieme

I think that you should hold off tonight, because you asking the question suggests you are developing some strong feelings. By abstaining tonight, you might learn more about your feelings. For example; if you miss your friend tonight and are thinking about the fun you missed, then you'll know you might as well boogie, but if instead you are thinking about your potential boyfriend, you'll know he's what you truly want. A social experiment on yourself

CallMeCupcakeDammit

Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.

I'm with this guy. I always stop sleeping with one before I start sleeping with the other, but I wait until I know it's going in that direction before I cut off the first guy.