When do you let your FWB go?

124

Replies

  • louisel809
    louisel809 Posts: 335
    When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    Do you best to look really really sick to avoid doing anything about it now. Old jammies with holes, mess up your hair, no make up, cough a lot, and keep making sniffing sounds. See where things go with the other guy. Then make your decision.:flowerforyou:

    HAHA! I've totally done this!!! Wishing I hadn't, cuz I ended up marrying the wrong one. :ohwell:
  • andreacordd
    andreacordd Posts: 11
    I honestly kept mine until I was sure things were going to go places with the man who is now my husband. My FWB has been through thick and thin with me, and he is still a good friend of mine, to this day. We had a FWB kinda thing for close to 4 years, through several relationships and it didn't stop until I was sure I had found the one. But I couldn't just kick him out of my life, so we're still good friends. Talk pretty much every day.

    My husband knows that the past is in the past, and that he is a dear friend of mine and it doesn't bother him. I'm pretty positive the friendship we have isn't typical of an ex FWB, but it works for us. So I guess you can say I didn't "let him go," we just transitioned into strictly friendship.

    ^ THIS. One of my former fwb was and is currently my best friend. As for the previous one, I was straight up with him and told him that I had met someone else and he had relationship potential. By the third date I knew it was going places so I told my fwb I couldn't see him anymore, and that's how I have my guy. :)
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

    That's the beauty of our relationship. We weren't like bff's or anything before we started sleeping together. I know him because he is my best friend's husband's brother. We would see each other at all of the events that their family would have and started sleeping together out of a mutual magnetic sexual attraction.

    If he developed feelings and I wasn't seeing anyone, I wouldn't mind exploring more of a relationship. If he develops feelings and I am seeing someone, then no harm no foul because we were never bffs or anything.

    If he never develops feelings for me, then we can just keep doing what we're doing when neither of us is in a relationship.
  • ashleighlive
    ashleighlive Posts: 43 Member
    So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

    Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

    Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

    My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

    Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

    What are your thoughts on this?

    I guess you have the ability to not have the "inevitible" happen too.....you do have the option of using self control.

    I was just saying that it is inevitably going to come up. Of course I have a choice, which is why I posted on here to find out whether I should feel bad about saying yes.

    If you have gone to the effort of posting this thread you are second guessing it on some level.
    I would assume that is because you can see a future with this new man. Sure it's only been two dates, but you've also chatted online, and have the personal connection from the dog park.

    By now assumedly a bond has formed, and you have developed feelings for him, to some extent.
    I, alike to another poster am a serial monogamist and very old fashioned for my tender age.

    You don't want something trivial like a night of meaningless fun to be an awkward conversation when yourself and the new guy may embark in a relationship.

    You've obviously thought about this, I vote leave it.
    Don't compromise what could be your future.
  • Maggot9
    Maggot9 Posts: 4 Member
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.
  • Hirgy03
    Hirgy03 Posts: 332 Member
    If FWB gets "jealous", AND...... if he leaves hats laying around with the automatic assumption that he's going to come over and have some fun with no discussion or evident come-on made by you, I'd say its time to dump FWB, as he is showing clear control tendencies. He may say all the right things to have you think he only sees it as a FWB relationship, but the jealousy and "assumption of sex at the drop of a hat (ahem)", seems to me like he sees the two of you as a relationship that he controls, and that you just inconvenience from time to time with another date or two.

    Either be completely up front with FWB, and if he isn't showing control issues or jealousy, I see no harm unless you have told the new interest that you are exclusive to him right now already (which I doubt), then you can do what you wish on your own time....do you know that he doesn't have the same situation maybe with the girl down the block? Its way too early too go exclusive (at least if its because of the other person 'staking claim' of some sorts). If you are doing it because that is what YOU want to do, because you feel this is the relationship that you want to pursue to the end, then by all means go for it.

    But again...... the jealousy issues with FWB make me think that he sees himself as much more to you than just a FWB, which could eventually cause some major issues.
  • saintspoon
    saintspoon Posts: 242 Member
    When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

    That's the beauty of our relationship. We weren't like bff's or anything before we started sleeping together. I know him because he is my best friend's husband's brother. We would see each other at all of the events that their family would have and started sleeping together out of a mutual magnetic sexual attraction.

    If he developed feelings and I wasn't seeing anyone, I wouldn't mind exploring more of a relationship. If he develops feelings and I am seeing someone, then no harm no foul because we were never bffs or anything.

    If he never develops feelings for me, then we can just keep doing what we're doing when neither of us is in a relationship.

    So what if you told FWB about new guy...... & FWB said "NOOOOOOO I couldn't stand to not see you/touch you anymore..... be with me!!!!" ........ then what?

    I have a lil feeling you secretly really wanna be with your FWB but don't think he wants to be with you. Obviously if he doesn't want to be serious with you you're gonna try to find somebody who does. When possible serious guy comes along you don't wanna lose what you have with FWB but at the same time can't just have a play-pal relationship that isn't going anywhere & not look for anybody else. I think.... "perfect situation" would to be mutually in love with your FWB? Am i right? I know it's really hard to admit to yourself!
  • legnarevocrednu
    legnarevocrednu Posts: 467 Member
    So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

    Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

    Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

    My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

    Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

    What are your thoughts on this?
    If you want to do the deed, do it! It's only been two dates...definitely not a betrayal. I probably would end the FWB if and when you decide to get intimate with the other guy. You don't have feelings for your FWB do ya? I had to end it with mine when I drunkinly told him that I loved him. Don't make that mistake. Good luck!
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

    That's the beauty of our relationship. We weren't like bff's or anything before we started sleeping together. I know him because he is my best friend's husband's brother. We would see each other at all of the events that their family would have and started sleeping together out of a mutual magnetic sexual attraction.

    If he developed feelings and I wasn't seeing anyone, I wouldn't mind exploring more of a relationship. If he develops feelings and I am seeing someone, then no harm no foul because we were never bffs or anything.

    If he never develops feelings for me, then we can just keep doing what we're doing when neither of us is in a relationship.

    So what if you told FWB about new guy...... & FWB said "NOOOOOOO I couldn't stand to not see you/touch you anymore..... be with me!!!!" ........ then what?

    I have a lil feeling you secretly really wanna be with your FWB but don't think he wants to be with you. Obviously if he doesn't want to be serious with you you're gonna try to find somebody who does. When possible serious guy comes along you don't wanna lose what you have with FWB but at the same time can't just have a play-pal relationship that isn't going anywhere & not look for anybody else. I think.... "perfect situation" would to be mutually in love with your FWB? Am i right? I know it's really hard to admit to yourself!

    Nope. That isn't the case at all but thanks for playing.
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.

    You're right. I see no need for you to drop something in your life over two dates. When you feel YOURSELF getting serious, then you'll know when to let go.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I know if I found out that someone I had an interest in and was attempting to date, even casually, had a piece of *kitten* on the side it would have been over. I would not be able to trust them. I know it's early, but I think that there is a level of respect that just goes unsaid in such situations. If you think it can go somewhere, keep opp away. If it doesn't work out with this new guy, I'm sure your other guy will still be around, or you can find yourself a new fwb.
  • Maggot9
    Maggot9 Posts: 4 Member
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.

    You're right. I see no need for you to drop something in your life over two dates. When you feel YOURSELF getting serious, then you'll know when to let go.

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?

    AMEN!
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,298 Member

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?

    AMEN!

    I agree.

    Would you care if you found out down the line that your now current boyfriend was giving some other girl a ****ens up until the night before you have the "chat"? My bet is that you would...
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.

    You're right. I see no need for you to drop something in your life over two dates. When you feel YOURSELF getting serious, then you'll know when to let go.

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?

    Once again, very judgemental. You have absolutely no idea how often "my legs are open" for somebody. Try reading my posts and not just the advice that others have given me and you would know that I don't think it is a good idea for me to sleep with my FWB tonight and that I plan on letting him know that things are on hold indefinitely. You must be very bitter about something to take out frustrations like that on a complete stranger. I hope whatever girl broke your sweet little heart, you learn to live happily again.
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    Suspend the FWB for now. You can always reevaluate things with him if the new guy doesn't work out. I think confusing the issue will make it difficult to decide what you really want. Messy.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.

    You're right. I see no need for you to drop something in your life over two dates. When you feel YOURSELF getting serious, then you'll know when to let go.

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?

    Once again, very judgemental. You have absolutely no idea how often "my legs are open" for somebody. Try reading my posts and not just the advice that others have given me and you would know that I don't think it is a good idea for me to sleep with my FWB tonight and that I plan on letting him know that things are on hold indefinitely. You must be very bitter about something to take out frustrations like that on a complete stranger. I hope whatever girl broke your sweet little heart, you learn to live happily again.

    Ummm you came to a public message board seeking advice about what do to with your vagina. Stop being *****y towards the people who gave you good solid advice.
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
    Before they want to cuddle
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    Before they want to cuddle

    <
    loves to cuddle:blushing:
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
    Before they want to cuddle

    so THATS where you went.:sad:
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.

    You're right. I see no need for you to drop something in your life over two dates. When you feel YOURSELF getting serious, then you'll know when to let go.

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?

    Once again, very judgemental. You have absolutely no idea how often "my legs are open" for somebody. Try reading my posts and not just the advice that others have given me and you would know that I don't think it is a good idea for me to sleep with my FWB tonight and that I plan on letting him know that things are on hold indefinitely. You must be very bitter about something to take out frustrations like that on a complete stranger. I hope whatever girl broke your sweet little heart, you learn to live happily again.

    Ummm you came to a public message board seeking advice about what do to with your vagina. Stop being *****y towards the people who gave you good solid advice.

    Awe. Bless your little heart.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.

    You're right. I see no need for you to drop something in your life over two dates. When you feel YOURSELF getting serious, then you'll know when to let go.

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?

    Once again, very judgemental. You have absolutely no idea how often "my legs are open" for somebody. Try reading my posts and not just the advice that others have given me and you would know that I don't think it is a good idea for me to sleep with my FWB tonight and that I plan on letting him know that things are on hold indefinitely. You must be very bitter about something to take out frustrations like that on a complete stranger. I hope whatever girl broke your sweet little heart, you learn to live happily again.

    Ummm you came to a public message board seeking advice about what do to with your vagina. Stop being *****y towards the people who gave you good solid advice.

    Awe. Bless your little heart.
    Hey I'm not the one putting my business out there for others, then getting mad when I get advice I didn't want to hear. If you wanted someone to just shake their head and agree with you, then you definitely came to the wrong place! There is no misunderstanding you... people just simply don't agree with you. It's not being judgemental when you asked for advice!
  • LizHowerton
    LizHowerton Posts: 329 Member
    Two dates doesn't count as a relationship to me. Have you slept with the guy you are interested in?
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

    this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

    Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.

    You're right. I see no need for you to drop something in your life over two dates. When you feel YOURSELF getting serious, then you'll know when to let go.

    All these people saying "break it off with the FWB once you start getting intimate with the new guy" are *kitten* backwards in their way of thinking. Why must your legs always be open for somebody? Can you not just STOP having sex with the FWB long enough to see if the new guy is worth pursuing a relationship with?

    Once again, very judgemental. You have absolutely no idea how often "my legs are open" for somebody. Try reading my posts and not just the advice that others have given me and you would know that I don't think it is a good idea for me to sleep with my FWB tonight and that I plan on letting him know that things are on hold indefinitely. You must be very bitter about something to take out frustrations like that on a complete stranger. I hope whatever girl broke your sweet little heart, you learn to live happily again.

    Ummm you came to a public message board seeking advice about what do to with your vagina. Stop being *****y towards the people who gave you good solid advice.

    Awe. Bless your little heart.
    Hey I'm not the one putting my business out there for others, then getting mad when I get advice I didn't want to hear. If you wanted someone to just shake their head and agree with you, then you definitely came to the wrong place! There is no misunderstanding you... people just simply don't agree with you. It's not being judgemental when you asked for advice!

    Who's mad? You seem like you have a lot of anger issues you may need to work on. I'm sorry that the life of a complete stranger can get your panties in such a bunch. I wish you a lot of luck with that.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    I don't wear any so no bunching. Thanks anyway for trying to insult me.
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    I don't wear any so no bunching. Thanks anyway for trying to insult me.

    Awe, figurative panties sweetie, but thanks for showing up.
  • KathrynCatlady
    KathrynCatlady Posts: 86 Member
    How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I know if I found out that someone I had an interest in and was attempting to date, even casually, had a piece of *kitten* on the side it would have been over. I would not be able to trust them. I know it's early, but I think that there is a level of respect that just goes unsaid in such situations. If you think it can go somewhere, keep opp away. If it doesn't work out with this new guy, I'm sure your other guy will still be around, or you can find yourself a new fwb.

    When I am in the OP's situation, it's a Don't Ask, Don't Tell situation. I've felt a connection with people after a couple dates, but until I am sure (and they are too, and it's explicitly discussed), there is no way in heck I am giving up on my really-good-in-bed FWB. And even if those two dates turn into a relationship down the line, I would never tell that person I was still sleeping with someone on our first X-amount of dates. Why would it matter at that point? Everything before you're in a relationship with someone is the past, and there was no obligation or discussion about monogamy. Most people, once they are sexually active with someone new, will drop the other person... but it doesn't sound like OP is even touching the Sex subject with the new guy, and until she does, (if I was her) I'd just let things live as is.
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
    I just told my FWB that I would bring his hat to his brother next time I'm in town. I just want to give myself the opportunity to see where it goes with the new guy.

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