When do you let your FWB go?

KatWood

And if you truly see this other guy as someone with potentional, why risk it no becoming something for sex with someone you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with???

I agree with this statement. I wouldn't want to risk it becoming an issue later on if a serious relationship did develop and he found out that you were with the FWB after you started dating him. If the situation was reversed and he has a FWB how would you feel?
I agree that it technically isn't betrayal but that doesn't mean you should do it either. If you are asking this question it shows you are uncomfortable with it. Follow your heart.

justkeepswimng

It is sad to see that there are so many people who don't value what commitment truly is, no wonder the divorce rate is so high. If you are concerned that there may be an issue "if" someone finds out down the road; then don't do it. If the person is a "friend", they will understand. What happens in the dark always comes to light.



Wow. I just now saw this. Did you not understand from my original description that no commitment has been made? I'm not worried about him finding out down the road as we have not made anything official. I am just wondering where you draw the line that makes it official. So maybe you should take your self-righteous judgement somewhere else, or here's an even better though, keep it to yourself.

digitalbill

Put the FWB on hold for now.
Right now, it seems like he is simply a convenient ride every once in a while.
IF this thing with the new guy works out, it would really suck to tell him that you were messing around still when you first started to date.

And if this new guy doesn't pan out, you can always leave your own hat at the bar.....

justkeepswimng

Put the FWB on hold for now.
Right now, it seems like he is simply a convenient ride every once in a while.
IF this thing with the new guy works out, it would really suck to tell him that you were messing around still when you first started to date.

And if this new guy doesn't pan out, you can always leave your own hat at the bar.....

Lol. Right. The "hat mishap" was obviously purposeful as when I told him that he left it, he asked me to get it instead of just sending it home with his brother who lives in the same town as him and I am 20 miles away. Seriously, you would think at this point if we wanted some, we could just call each other up and say so instead of playing "hat games." :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Rhonnie

I'd say if you aren't sleeping with the new interest yet then you are probably good. If you are sleeping with him, then it's probably time to cut things off with FWB.

ritoosh

well just wait until u know where u stand with the guy then break it off. but what helps is to slowly distance urself from the fwb (like not see each other as much) that what i always do with mine lol

JewelsinBigD

You already know what to do - if it wasn't an issue - you would not have posted about it.

ValerieMartini2Olives

When I have an FWB and I start dating someone, I keep seeing the FWB until the other person and I make things more serious. But I let the FWB know early on that I am dating someone and this might be the last time.

justkeepswimng

well just wait until u know where u stand with the guy then break it off. but what helps is to slowly distance urself from the fwb (like not see each other as much) that what i always do with mine lol

We honestly very rarely get together as we both have extremely busy schedules. That's one of the reasons I kind of hate to turn him away, but I kind of think new guy might be worth it. I'm not worried about it being a problem in the future. I just need to decide for tonight.

meghan6867

Why not have a chat with your FWB gentleman? Explain that you've recently started seeing someone and you would like to see how that works out. Explain that him that you'd like to just be friends for now... have some pants on time.

I realize it's just been two dates... but if you truly see any sort of potential future with this other guy, you should give him an honest chance.

louisel809

When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

Do you best to look really really sick to avoid doing anything about it now. Old jammies with holes, mess up your hair, no make up, cough a lot, and keep making sniffing sounds. See where things go with the other guy. Then make your decision.:flowerforyou:

HAHA! I've totally done this!!! Wishing I hadn't, cuz I ended up marrying the wrong one. :ohwell:

andreacordd

I honestly kept mine until I was sure things were going to go places with the man who is now my husband. My FWB has been through thick and thin with me, and he is still a good friend of mine, to this day. We had a FWB kinda thing for close to 4 years, through several relationships and it didn't stop until I was sure I had found the one. But I couldn't just kick him out of my life, so we're still good friends. Talk pretty much every day.

My husband knows that the past is in the past, and that he is a dear friend of mine and it doesn't bother him. I'm pretty positive the friendship we have isn't typical of an ex FWB, but it works for us. So I guess you can say I didn't "let him go," we just transitioned into strictly friendship.

^ THIS. One of my former fwb was and is currently my best friend. As for the previous one, I was straight up with him and told him that I had met someone else and he had relationship potential. By the third date I knew it was going places so I told my fwb I couldn't see him anymore, and that's how I have my guy.

justkeepswimng

When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

That's the beauty of our relationship. We weren't like bff's or anything before we started sleeping together. I know him because he is my best friend's husband's brother. We would see each other at all of the events that their family would have and started sleeping together out of a mutual magnetic sexual attraction.

If he developed feelings and I wasn't seeing anyone, I wouldn't mind exploring more of a relationship. If he develops feelings and I am seeing someone, then no harm no foul because we were never bffs or anything.

If he never develops feelings for me, then we can just keep doing what we're doing when neither of us is in a relationship.

ashleighlive

So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

What are your thoughts on this?

I guess you have the ability to not have the "inevitible" happen too.....you do have the option of using self control.

I was just saying that it is inevitably going to come up. Of course I have a choice, which is why I posted on here to find out whether I should feel bad about saying yes.

If you have gone to the effort of posting this thread you are second guessing it on some level.
I would assume that is because you can see a future with this new man. Sure it's only been two dates, but you've also chatted online, and have the personal connection from the dog park.

By now assumedly a bond has formed, and you have developed feelings for him, to some extent.
I, alike to another poster am a serial monogamist and very old fashioned for my tender age.

You don't want something trivial like a night of meaningless fun to be an awkward conversation when yourself and the new guy may embark in a relationship.

You've obviously thought about this, I vote leave it.
Don't compromise what could be your future.

Maggot9

Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

Hirgy03

If FWB gets "jealous", AND...... if he leaves hats laying around with the automatic assumption that he's going to come over and have some fun with no discussion or evident come-on made by you, I'd say its time to dump FWB, as he is showing clear control tendencies. He may say all the right things to have you think he only sees it as a FWB relationship, but the jealousy and "assumption of sex at the drop of a hat (ahem)", seems to me like he sees the two of you as a relationship that he controls, and that you just inconvenience from time to time with another date or two.

Either be completely up front with FWB, and if he isn't showing control issues or jealousy, I see no harm unless you have told the new interest that you are exclusive to him right now already (which I doubt), then you can do what you wish on your own time....do you know that he doesn't have the same situation maybe with the girl down the block? Its way too early too go exclusive (at least if its because of the other person 'staking claim' of some sorts). If you are doing it because that is what YOU want to do, because you feel this is the relationship that you want to pursue to the end, then by all means go for it.

But again...... the jealousy issues with FWB make me think that he sees himself as much more to you than just a FWB, which could eventually cause some major issues.

saintspoon

When the fwb started getting feelings. Gets weird. It's a lose lose situation. This was a genuine "friends" situation, he was my best friend........now I think he maybe hates me.

That's the beauty of our relationship. We weren't like bff's or anything before we started sleeping together. I know him because he is my best friend's husband's brother. We would see each other at all of the events that their family would have and started sleeping together out of a mutual magnetic sexual attraction.

If he developed feelings and I wasn't seeing anyone, I wouldn't mind exploring more of a relationship. If he develops feelings and I am seeing someone, then no harm no foul because we were never bffs or anything.

If he never develops feelings for me, then we can just keep doing what we're doing when neither of us is in a relationship.

So what if you told FWB about new guy...... & FWB said "NOOOOOOO I couldn't stand to not see you/touch you anymore..... be with me!!!!" ........ then what?

I have a lil feeling you secretly really wanna be with your FWB but don't think he wants to be with you. Obviously if he doesn't want to be serious with you you're gonna try to find somebody who does. When possible serious guy comes along you don't wanna lose what you have with FWB but at the same time can't just have a play-pal relationship that isn't going anywhere & not look for anybody else. I think.... "perfect situation" would to be mutually in love with your FWB? Am i right? I know it's really hard to admit to yourself!

legnarevocrednu

So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

What are your thoughts on this?

If you want to do the deed, do it! It's only been two dates...definitely not a betrayal. I probably would end the FWB if and when you decide to get intimate with the other guy. You don't have feelings for your FWB do ya? I had to end it with mine when I drunkinly told him that I loved him. Don't make that mistake. Good luck!

justkeepswimng

Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you

this. you said yourself there was a connection between you two. if I found out you were sleeping with someone even "only" 2 dates in, I'd drop you in a second. give the guy a fair chance. your priorities are all kinds of f*cked up, only thinking about getting laid when you have something budding with someone else.

Kind of judgemental don't you think? I am trying to take the high road because I might have feelings for this guy but I have been on a lot of dates with guys that I thought I had a connection with when they were just looking to hit it and quit it. They like to play the game long enough to make me establish an emotional connection and get me to sleep with them and then they're done. At least I know where I stand with my FWB. So, I hesitate to blow him off for a relationship that might not work out.