When do you let your FWB go?

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  • PamelaGatorMom
    PamelaGatorMom Posts: 348 Member
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    It’s ultimately up to you, however the fact that you’ve brought it here asking for help & you are questioning sleeping with the FWB guy again clearly means you have some concern for whatever reason.

    1.True 2 dates doesn’t seem like much but sometimes it’s the quality of the dates not the quantity!
    2.FWB guy will be there even if you tell him “no” tonight & you wanna go back to him later down the line (he IS a man! LOL)
    3.The one BIG question I would ask myself in your situation is, How would YOU feel if this new guy was hooking up with someone tonight??

    Now I’m a little older & been there done that…I had went on a few dates with a guy really liked him (enough to even let him meet my baby at the time) he was in college out of town & didn’t wanna DTR, so one weekend I was out of town with a bunch of friends including a FWB (although back then we didn’t have a name for it) I had been talking to the “new guy” on the phone & he knew I was with friends out of town. I ended up hooking up with my FWB. I honestly didn’t see anything wrong because I wasn’t in a relationship.

    A few weeks later I called his place & a girl answered he said they [the roommates] had lots of company & could he call me back. I didn’t hear from him until 2 days later. I assumed the worst & my heart kinda sank but I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone, so when he came home 2 weeks later we went out & I told him about feeling a ting of jealously when another girl answered the dorms phone, I continued to tell him about the hook-up (yes I was young & naïve) turns out the girl who answered the phone was his roommates girlfriend and he had come home that weekend to make our relationship “official” but couldn’t get over the fact that after I talked to him on the phone that night & told him how much I missed him & wanted to see him that I would be with another guy. We tried to still date but needless to say that always bothered him. When I looked at the big picture I agreed I would have been upset if he was talking to me one minute & bedding down with some chic the next.

    As an older married person (18 years with hubby) I would say put the FWB on hold even if you think there is the slightest chance that you & this new guy might go somewhere.
  • EstiloPanama
    EstiloPanama Posts: 245
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    lol.........
  • Lize11e
    Lize11e Posts: 419
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    Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

    As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.

    ^ this.
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
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    If you're questioning what to do with your FWB, you already know it would be "wrong" to do anything with him for right now. If he is a friend, you should be able to talk straight to him about it...and call him up if the other thing doesn't work out.
    I agree. Obviously, if he's just an FWB, if you have to stop sleeping with him, then it shouldn't cause any friction. It's not like there is commitment there.
  • cdgabbert
    cdgabbert Posts: 55 Member
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    Go with your gut - not advice...

    And either way - you NEVER want to ruin a good thing over something that never is or was...
  • Anthonydaman
    Anthonydaman Posts: 854 Member
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    Just me, but if we went on two dates and there was a connection and I then found out you slept with someone else I would have trust issues with you
  • EstiloPanama
    EstiloPanama Posts: 245
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    It is a personal thing. If I go out with someone, and I think there is potential, I just feel weird sleeping with someone else. So I would then have to explain to the FWB that I need to take a break from the benefits while I see where things go with the person I am seeing.

    But I am a serial monogamist. I rarely even date more than one person at a time. YMMV

    That's awesome. Glad to see there are still real men left in this world! Gladly, I finally met someone like that, and now engaged to him. Life is good. Cheers : )
  • babyblooz
    babyblooz Posts: 220 Member
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    God, I'm so glad I'm an old married lady. :laugh:
  • gimpygramma
    gimpygramma Posts: 383 Member
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    My mother always said, "when in doubt, leave it out."

    I say tell the FWB you've got a "maybe" on the hook and until you figure out if he's a keeper you're gonna hold off on appreciating the "benefit" portion of your friendship. If he's really your friend and not just your occasional hookup, he'll get it and not give you cr@p about your decision.

    ^^^^This. I am really too old and out of it to weigh in on this topic but the way I see it, the fact that you`ve posted the question suggests that you are not comfortable with sleeping with your friend when you are exploring the possibilities of this new relationship. If you are feeling uneasy about it I`d say, don`t do it.
  • PamelaGatorMom
    PamelaGatorMom Posts: 348 Member
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    God, I'm so glad I'm an old married lady. :laugh:

    I was thinking the same thing when I replied :smile:
  • PhoenixFitLife
    PhoenixFitLife Posts: 229 Member
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    i think that you're failing to look at this from the other stand point. let's say that this blossoms into an amazing relationship.... you may feel that you are carrying the baggage of sleeping with another man early in the foundation of your relationship..... Wheeew!, and if he some how found out on his own it may be World War 3 lol.... i think you should just use self control until you know where this is going. what could it hurt???..... the other guy will still be there if it doesn't work........... but hey!..... it's just advice :)
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
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    i think that you're failing to look at this from the other stand point. let's say that this blossoms into an amazing relationship.... you may feel that you are carrying the baggage of sleeping with another man early in the foundation of your relationship..... Wheeew!, and if he some how found out on his own it may be World War 3 lol.... i think you should just use self control until you know where this is going. what could it hurt???..... the other guy will still be there if it doesn't work........... but hey!..... it's just advice :)

    Thats great advice. You are a smart man.
  • HeavenLeAngel127
    HeavenLeAngel127 Posts: 211 Member
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    I'm a believer if you have sex with one person potential partners should have the right to know before you engage with them that you are sexual active with someone else.

    If the relationships escalates into a physical one that honesty is important. If you feel that it would bother the relationship guy and you see a relationship coming on then you should stop physical relations with the fwb and inform the relationship guy that you were sexually active in the recent past but you are completely open and available to him.

    If you see a guy as something serious he deserves the truth and he should be adult enough to see you ended something not serious because you saw him as potential partner. Not saying you will be, but being open to the idea would mean being available to the idea.

    This is obviously if you want to be exclusive. If don't then I still believe in openness. You are not required to give details and it is no ones business but your own. But with the risks in the world everyone has a right to know what they are in for.
  • PottsvilleCurse1925
    PottsvilleCurse1925 Posts: 354 Member
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    Why not just do what you feels like the right thing to do for you? Who cares what people on MFP thinks?
  • Bumbeen
    Bumbeen Posts: 263 Member
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    This thread makes me feel like I am from the 1950s.......
  • piratemerdi
    piratemerdi Posts: 212 Member
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    I think personally, if I was really into someone that I had been dating, I would feel guilty about seeing someone else on the side, even if it's not emotionally attached. I'd also feel pretty hurt if I found out that someone that I was in a relationship with, had been sleeping with someone else before we were "official". But, it's really up to your own morals, and how you feel about the situation. eVeryone's different when it comes to stuff like this.
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
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    I think that I would be upset if I knew he was sleeping with another girl tonight. Even though we've only been seeing each other for a very short period, we seem to have a strong connection.

    I've dated guys before that my FWB knew about and we would go on hold for that period. He always gets a little bit jealous but is understanding.

    I think I can practice a little self control tonight. I might not have instance gratification but if everything pans out with the new guy, I will feel much better later.
  • KimberlyDCZ
    KimberlyDCZ Posts: 525 Member
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    We met at the dog park and then he found me on an online dating site that we are both on. He recognized me from the dog park and we started talking online. We have been talking for a few weeks. We went on both dates this week.

    I've done a lot of online dating. (thankfully I'm done with that as I've been with someone awesome for a year now) So what I would suggest is asking him "so is there anyone else you're talking to online?" bc usually there is! I mean, you have to keep your options open when getting to know someone online at least until you meet in person. This should help you decide how serious he is about you... which would help you decide on when/how to tell your fwb. If the fwb is a good friend, you should be able to talk to him about people you're seeing outside of your "relationship" with him.
  • marlynej
    marlynej Posts: 21 Member
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    Had about the same thing happen to my great niece--she went out on a couple of dates with this guy she really liked,than another guy asks her out--she goes out with him and the first guy finds out and accuses her of cheating and dropped her. Use your own judgment and the best to you hope it all works out. Different guys will always act differently to the same situation.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    Do you best to look really really sick to avoid doing anything about it now. Old jammies with holes, mess up your hair, no make up, cough a lot, and keep making sniffing sounds. See where things go with the other guy. Then make your decision.:flowerforyou:

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