When do you let your FWB go?

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  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
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    So, I have this guy who I occasionally sleep with. He is a great friend and an equally good lover.

    Here is my dilemma. I am seeing this other guy. I have only been on 2 dates with him but I really like him. We haven't defined the relationship and I have no idea what his expectations are for us, but I can see the possibility of this becoming a real relationship. I don't want to bring up the "define this relationship" topic yet.

    Now, as for my FWB, I went out with friends to a bar last night and he was there. He left early and left his hat. He texted me and asked me to grab his hat, saying that he will come to my house and pick it up tonight. I know what is going to inevitably happen if he comes over tonight.

    My problem is, I don't know if sleeping with my FWB at this point in the relationship could be constituted as betrayal if the relationship does happen to go somewhere with the guy I'm dating.

    Sleeping with my FWB has never crossed over into my dating another guy before.

    What are your thoughts on this?

    I guess you have the ability to not have the "inevitible" happen too.....you do have the option of using self control.

    I was just saying that it is inevitably going to come up. Of course I have a choice, which is why I posted on here to find out whether I should feel bad about saying yes.
  • GypsyPirate
    GypsyPirate Posts: 42 Member
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    If you're questioning what to do with your FWB, you already know it would be "wrong" to do anything with him for right now. If he is a friend, you should be able to talk straight to him about it...and call him up if the other thing doesn't work out.
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 467 Member
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    And if you truly see this other guy as someone with potentional, why risk it no becoming something for sex with someone you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with???
  • FitBeto
    FitBeto Posts: 2,121 Member
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    Take this tip (it applies to women too!):
    Every man should have a woman that can cook
    Every man should have a woman that can give great sex
    Every man should have a woman that can make him laugh
    Every man should have a woman that he can share his heart with
    Every man should have a woman that can clean
    And in no way should these women ever meet.

    There is no reason the guys should know about each other - until you are ready to give one up.
  • darkguardian419
    darkguardian419 Posts: 1,302 Member
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    When I was single, if I went on a date with someone, the FWB would be put on hold. If we set up a second date it would stay on hold, but if nothing was said, the FWB would be back on until something came up (second date, a different date)
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
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    If he's just a FWB you should be able to turn him down without hurt feelings at any time. If either of you are having a hard time with that, someone is more involved than they are letting on.
  • HotDolphinMama
    HotDolphinMama Posts: 82 Member
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    I think this is one of those individual choices things.
    If you feel like you are "cheating" or worried about what the new guy will think/feel about the FWB relationship, than I would say tell your FWB and just take a little break. He was your friend (I assume) before the benefits came up so He should be cool about it. The fact that you are asking leads me to believe that you should err on the side of caution.
    If the relationship with new guy works out, good. You can feel free and clear. And if it doesn't - well, call mr FWB the next day and invite over for a hookup.
    Be casual with Mr. FWB tonight - yeah, it could lead you-know-where but you could also just offer a drink and fill him in on the break thing. :tongue:
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    You guys have been on two dates. You're not IN a relationship yet. You're free to do what you want just as he is. I had to let my FWB go when I knew I was going most likely start sleeping with the new guy.

    In the beginning I'd go on a date with the new guy and then meet the FWB after! hahahahaha
  • fuzzieme
    fuzzieme Posts: 454 Member
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    I think that you should hold off tonight, because you asking the question suggests you are developing some strong feelings. By abstaining tonight, you might learn more about your feelings. For example; if you miss your friend tonight and are thinking about the fun you missed, then you'll know you might as well boogie, but if instead you are thinking about your potential boyfriend, you'll know he's what you truly want. A social experiment on yourself ;)
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

    As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.

    I'm with this guy. I always stop sleeping with one before I start sleeping with the other, but I wait until I know it's going in that direction before I cut off the first guy.
  • MommaKit79
    MommaKit79 Posts: 852
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    It is a personal thing. If I go out with someone, and I think there is potential, I just feel weird sleeping with someone else. So I would then have to explain to the FWB that I need to take a break from the benefits while I see where things go with the person I am seeing.

    But I am a serial monogamist. I rarely even date more than one person at a time. YMMV


    ^^This is me too!! My Personal Opinion, because I have been there, is to hold off on what MAY happen tonight. Maybe make an excuse of telling the FWB that you wont be home tonight but you can meet him somewhere to give him his hat while your out. AND, if you need something to ACTUALLY do, call a Girl friend to help you out.
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    Have your fun tonight, afterwards let him know you've been on a couple dates that might lead somewhere. He should understand if you don't want the benefits part coming up.

    As far as feeling guilty about having a FWB while dating the new guy, that's an individual decision. I wouldn't worry about it until you've made yourselves clearly exclusive.

    Thats exactly what I did. After the marathon we laid in bed and I told him I was seeing this guy and that it may be getting a bit more serious than I anticipated. He asked me if he was a good guy, I said yes, we high-fived, and that was the end of it :)
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    I think you should see FWB before going on your date, so you are in a better mood:)
  • autumnwater
    autumnwater Posts: 449 Member
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    It sounds like you've made up your mind and that you no longer feel comfortable keeping your FWB relationship.
  • salcha76
    salcha76 Posts: 287 Member
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    When I found the guy that wow'd me, I shut any other door I had left open with anyone else.....I found someone that was worth it & 2 years later have been thankful I made that decision every day. Follow your gut.
  • badmojo108
    badmojo108 Posts: 72
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    It's a personal judgement call, I don't think your wrong either way. However if you are questioning if its wrong then there is a part of you that thinks it is wrong. So I think it's best to play it safe and put he FWB on hold. If he is really a FWB and a good friend he will understand, if he isn't ok with it then maybe you aren't really just FWBs.
  • trulycrazed
    trulycrazed Posts: 79 Member
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    If you even feel like it's a moral or emotional dilemma for you, don't do it. There is nothing wrong with not fooling around with you friend... this doesn't mean that you are jumping to conclusions about your new possible relationship, just that you don't want to possibly screw up something that could possibly be something, or that you need some time to weigh your options. That being said, if you want to sleep with him, do it... just be true to yourself and what you think is right in this situation.
  • justkeepswimng
    justkeepswimng Posts: 506
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    I've always tended to be a serial monogomist as well but I have been on so many dates with guys lately that fell through. I don't know. I think I may just let him come pick up the hat, tell him about the new guy and see how he reacts. If I feel guilty about it when he's here, I won't do anything. Otherwise, since me and the other guy haven't defined anything, if I don't feel guilty about it, we may still sleep together.
  • mcshoelovin22
    mcshoelovin22 Posts: 263 Member
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    Get more than 2 dates under your belt before you drop the FWB....hope it goes your way
  • fuzzieme
    fuzzieme Posts: 454 Member
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    you sound quite sweet, like someone who would never hurt someone deliberately. You're right, just stick by your gut feeling, you know nothing is socially unacceptable about indulging tonight; but you are still questioning it. If you think you may feel bad about it tomorrow, that could eat you up and spoil everything. Good luck either way, stick with your plan and whatever happens will be right for you :)

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