Ex Got Daughter a Python. Freaking Out!! Advice Please!!

Metamorphasis555

Two nights ago, I got a phone call from my daughter saying guess what pet I just got to replace Steven? (Steven was her baby bearded dragon that died recently after only a few weeks of having him). She then told me that her dad bought her a baby bell python.

I immediately burst into tears. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been absolutely terrified of any & all snakes and both my ex-husband and my daughter are well aware of that. This is truly like a living nightmare for me to have a python around my daughter!! Right now it's just a baby and is apparently still quite small. However, I'm well aware of just how huge they can become. My daughter is 15 but I am still so afraid for her. She's not scared at all. Unlike me, she's never been afraid of snakes and she loves pretty much all animals including reptiles.

My first instinct was to contact my ex and ask him what the he** he's thinking getting a python as a pet when he has two children in the home (our 15 year old daughter as well as his 3 year old son). However, I still haven't said anything yet because I wanted to wait a day or so until I calmed down a little and figured out what to say to him. If I said something right away, I knew it would just turn into a huge argument. My mother says I should insist that he get rid of the snake. I wish it was that simple but unfortunately I don't think it is. I looked online and it actually is legal to keep them as a pet in our state. Also, my ex bought it through legal means from our local PetSmart store. So, he supposedly has a legal right to have it but what about the safety of the kids?? He already told my daughter that if I complained about it he'd just tell me that it's HIS pet and t have no right to make him get rid of it. My daughter isn't complaining or afraid of it so that doesn't help things as far as me being able to get it out of his house. I don't know what in the hell my ex-husband and his new wife are thinking!! Here I am pretty much a basket case worrying about our teenager. I can't even imagine how in the world they aren't worried about it with a 3 year old in the house!! The 3 year old is their child though, not mine so nothing I can really do about that since it's legal to own one in our state.

We have shared custody of our daughter so she's not over at his house every single day. However, she is over there quite a bit. Right now they are keeping it (supposedly in a special snake tank with locks) in her bedroom!! I just about had a heart attack when I heard that. I feel like I'm going to be an absolute nervous wreck every single time she goes over to his house, especially when she spends the night there. I've been bawling my eyes out about this for the past two nights. Someone please give me advice on the best way to handle this way my ex. My mom said that I should at the very least insist that he move the snake out of her bedroom and keep it downstairs & I definitely agree with that!! What should I say to him to express my concerns?? I'm so freaked out by this that every time I try to decide what to say to him, I can barely even think straight to gather my thoughts. I'm so upset about this that I feel like just saying wtf are you thinking, yelling at him, etc. but I know that's not going to help anything. Whether I get mad at him or ask him nicely to please get rid of the thing, chances are that either way he's going to insist on keeping it since he claims now that it's his pet.

PapaverSomniferum

1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.

2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.

3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets

4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.

My0WNinspiration

Eeewww

RoadsterGirlie

What Paperver said. I would love to have a ball Python.

She is in no danger whatsoever. They are very docile, intelligent, and will make great bonds with their owners.

I'm jealous.

chubby_checkers

It's not your house. You can't make the rules. Yes, I understand it's your daughter too, but this is something you need to work out with yourself.

PapaverSomniferum

What Paperver said. I would love to have a ball Python.

She is in no danger whatsoever. They are very docile, intelligent, and will make great bonds with their owners.

I'm jealous.

I had a friend whose ball python slept in his bed every night, and sat by the window, watching the world like a cat during the day. I'm not sure what OP thinks will happen to her teenage daughter if she has a snake in her room. It won't give her herpes (herpetology pun, bad bad bad, smack me)

Joreanasaurous

1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.

2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.

3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets

4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.

This. I have had one before. They really are fantastic pets.

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

^^^ Add to list:

Ball pythons are passive, often afraid of their own prey, but they're often very sweet to their human owners.

It's not likely to do anything other than look pretty in its cage, eat a couple mice here and there, and enjoy warm hands when it cuddles your daughter.

If it's at her dad's house, why are you even freaking out? You'll never see it. And it teaches her responsibility.

the_journeyman

I had Ball for several years. They're pretty easy, feed 'em, keep 'em warm, keep their enclosure clean. They typically aren't aggressive but they can bite and bring blood but are pretty harmless. The one I had was a little over three feet long and gentle. It's not under your roof, so I don't see you have much say in whether or not it stays or goes.

JM

teamAmelia

Two nights ago, I got a phone call from my daughter saying guess what pet I just got to replace Steven? (Steven was her baby bearded dragon that died recently after only a few weeks of having him). She then told me that her dad bought her a baby bell python.

I immediately burst into tears. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been absolutely terrified of any & all snakes and both my ex-husband and my daughter are well aware of that. This is truly like a living nightmare for me to have a python around my daughter!! Right now it's just a baby and is apparently still quite small. However, I'm well aware of just how huge they can become. My daughter is 15 but I am still so afraid for her. She's not scared at all. Unlike me, she's never been afraid of snakes and she loves pretty much all animals including reptiles.

My first instinct was to contact my ex and ask him what the he** he's thinking getting a python as a pet when he has two children in the home (our 15 year old daughter as well as his 3 year old son). However, I still haven't said anything yet because I wanted to wait a day or so until I calmed down a little and figured out what to say to him. If I said something right away, I knew it would just turn into a huge argument. My mother says I should insist that he get rid of the snake. I wish it was that simple but unfortunately I don't think it is. I looked online and it actually is legal to keep them as a pet in our state. Also, my ex bought it through legal means from our local PetSmart store. So, he supposedly has a legal right to have it but what about the safety of the kids?? He already told my daughter that if I complained about it he'd just tell me that it's HIS pet and t have no right to make him get rid of it. My daughter isn't complaining or afraid of it so that doesn't help things as far as me being able to get it out of his house. I don't know what in the hell my ex-husband and his new wife are thinking!! Here I am pretty much a basket case worrying about our teenager. I can't even imagine how in the world they aren't worried about it with a 3 year old in the house!! The 3 year old is their child though, not mine so nothing I can really do about that since it's legal to own one in our state.

We have shared custody of our daughter so she's not over at his house every single day. However, she is over there quite a bit. Right now they are keeping it (supposedly in a special snake tank with locks) in her bedroom!! I just about had a heart attack when I heard that. I feel like I'm going to be an absolute nervous wreck every single time she goes over to his house, especially when she spends the night there. I've been bawling my eyes out about this for the past two nights. Someone please give me advice on the best way to handle this way my ex. My mom said that I should at the very least insist that he move the snake out of her bedroom and keep it downstairs & I definitely agree with that!! What should I say to him to express my concerns?? I'm so freaked out by this that every time I try to decide what to say to him, I can barely even think straight to gather my thoughts. I'm so upset about this that I feel like just saying wtf are you thinking, yelling at him, etc. but I know that's not going to help anything. Whether I get mad at him or ask him nicely to please get rid of the thing, chances are that either way he's going to insist on keeping it since he claims now that it's his pet.

Do you think that he did think that he did this to hurt you? Either way, you said that he knows that you're afraid of snakes. It's his house, so there's nothing that you can do, so I wouldn't bring it up. You don't want him to think that he's getting to you. However, if HE brings it up, just let him know that you prefer that she not have it, but as long as she doesn't bring it to your home, you don't mind. Good luck.

LetsMakeupXtina

give him to me

vim_n_vigor

Yeah, I just read about this, and I think you may be overreacting just a teeny bit. She will be fine. It wouldn't be my first choice as a pet, but it actually looks much easier to care for than my dogs are.

smaldark

Slice it up and put it on a salad.

skylark94

1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.

2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.

3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets

4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.

All of this. You probably have images of a monster Burmese Python in your head (we have them living wild here in Florida).

A ball is not going to get to be much more than 3-4 feet and is one of sweeties of the snake world.

Lisa1971

Yeah, I just read about this, and I think you may be overreacting just a teeny bit. She will be fine. It wouldn't be my first choice as a pet, but it actually looks much easier to care for than my dogs are.

This. You'll be fine mama. They're small and harmless.

PatrickSwayzesGhost

Flush it down the toilet and tell the kid it ran away.

LetsMakeupXtina

Slice it up and put it on a salad.

ewwwww.

rockerbabyy

1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.

2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.

3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets

4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.

all of this.
we have a full grown ball python (about 4 feet long) as well as rats and cats and kids. my girls are 5 and 6 and both hold Apollo regularly (with supervision of course, as all kids should be with pets). if your daughter is old enough to handle the responsibility of a pet, i dont see the issue.

jenj1313

1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.

2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.

3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets

Agreed...

AlongCame_Molly

Two nights ago, I got a phone call from my daughter saying guess what pet I just got to replace Steven? (Steven was her baby bearded dragon that died recently after only a few weeks of having him). She then told me that her dad bought her a baby bell python.

I immediately burst into tears. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been absolutely terrified of any & all snakes and both my ex-husband and my daughter are well aware of that. This is truly like a living nightmare for me to have a python around my daughter!! Right now it's just a baby and is apparently still quite small. However, I'm well aware of just how huge they can become. My daughter is 15 but I am still so afraid for her. She's not scared at all. Unlike me, she's never been afraid of snakes and she loves pretty much all animals including reptiles.

My first instinct was to contact my ex and ask him what the he** he's thinking getting a python as a pet when he has two children in the home (our 15 year old daughter as well as his 3 year old son). However, I still haven't said anything yet because I wanted to wait a day or so until I calmed down a little and figured out what to say to him. If I said something right away, I knew it would just turn into a huge argument. My mother says I should insist that he get rid of the snake. I wish it was that simple but unfortunately I don't think it is. I looked online and it actually is legal to keep them as a pet in our state. Also, my ex bought it through legal means from our local PetSmart store. So, he supposedly has a legal right to have it but what about the safety of the kids?? He already told my daughter that if I complained about it he'd just tell me that it's HIS pet and t have no right to make him get rid of it. My daughter isn't complaining or afraid of it so that doesn't help things as far as me being able to get it out of his house. I don't know what in the hell my ex-husband and his new wife are thinking!! Here I am pretty much a basket case worrying about our teenager. I can't even imagine how in the world they aren't worried about it with a 3 year old in the house!! The 3 year old is their child though, not mine so nothing I can really do about that since it's legal to own one in our state.

We have shared custody of our daughter so she's not over at his house every single day. However, she is over there quite a bit. Right now they are keeping it (supposedly in a special snake tank with locks) in her bedroom!! I just about had a heart attack when I heard that. I feel like I'm going to be an absolute nervous wreck every single time she goes over to his house, especially when she spends the night there. I've been bawling my eyes out about this for the past two nights. Someone please give me advice on the best way to handle this way my ex. My mom said that I should at the very least insist that he move the snake out of her bedroom and keep it downstairs & I definitely agree with that!! What should I say to him to express my concerns?? I'm so freaked out by this that every time I try to decide what to say to him, I can barely even think straight to gather my thoughts. I'm so upset about this that I feel like just saying wtf are you thinking, yelling at him, etc. but I know that's not going to help anything. Whether I get mad at him or ask him nicely to please get rid of the thing, chances are that either way he's going to insist on keeping it since he claims now that it's his pet.

subconscious_ink

1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.

2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.

3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets

4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.

This, exactly. My biology teacher had a ball python that she kept in a cage at school. Nothing ever happened to any of her students, and we were even allowed to handle it if we wanted to (and were careful, obviously). I can't remember its name now, but it was a very gentle animal.

geebusuk

4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.

Another vote for this.

Do you drive your daughter around?

It seems more likely she'll be injured in your car than by the snake.

Making a fuss of it is unlikely to help anything - it seems they've done their research and chosen a good pet.

If you felt the same way about cats, would you consider calling your ex up and telling him he had to get rid of his cat?

sullus

unless the snake's coming to your house with your daughter, I really don't see what this has to do with you.

Cameron_1969

Is this a joke?. . a CAT is more dangerous to a 3 year old than a little snake. .

Get a hold of yourself!. .

meg7399

As long as the snake is not going between houses you seem fine. It does sound like its in a secure tank which is good. I am not a fan of pets like that, but some kiddos are. Just do your best and be thankful she hasn't rebelled toward something like drugs instead!! :P

logicman69

1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.

2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.

3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets

4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.

Agreed with this.. especially #4

MizTerry

Do not do not do NOT project your fears onto your daughter.

So long as the snake stays at HIS house, then all is well. Draw the line with your daughter that if she wants to keep the snake, it must stay over THERE.

I have the same fear of tarantulas.

My own mother had a fear of snakes, so I didn't get one until I got married.

Lleldiranne

I have a 14-year old daughter. Let me tell you, if you raise a stink about the snake, you risk pushing your daughter away. If it were something to be living in your house, I can see where there could be an issue. But it's going to stay at her dad's house, right? You don't even have to see it!

This is a critical age, teens are learning how and when to be independent from their parents. If you are overbearing and restrictive, you can often end up with a rebellious teen. It's important to pick your battles, so that when it's something that is crucial you can stick to your guns (for example, no tolerance for smoking or alcohol), and when it's something less important it is okay to let her have her choice (the snake, for example).

Whether or not he got the snaking thinking about your phobia (and maybe it was an underhanded way to get you to be the "bad guy" and let him shine as the "fun parent" or whatever), you can decide to deal with it in a mature way. It isn't really reasonable to say "I don't like snakes, so you can't have one at your dad's". Sorry, but it's not. She's old enough to care for it responsibly. And you don't have to contribute anything to cover the expense of her pet, either.

So yeah, in reality, I think this issue is far less about the snake and more about how you react to it in building a relationship with your daughter.

BogQueen1

I have a ball python. It's pretty small. They do not grow very fast, and max out at 4 feet or so. Most of it's time will be spent curled in a... well a ball. Hence the name. They are very non agressive and non 'twitchy' for lack of a better term. They are also very tolerant of handling. Mine has always had trouble shedding (something you will want to watch for) and when he gets 'stuck' you have to rub his skin off after soaking him for a while, sometimes starting with the head. Fortunately, I think this feels good to them, as he's usually a pretty willing and active participant in the process.

They also can be fussy feeders. We are lucky that ours is a very good, very active feeder (we always feed prekilled mice, live prey is dangerous to all parties). I would also recommend a separate tank for feeding. It minimizes accidents because if they get used to the only thing happening when you open their tank up is food dropping in, it increases your chances of getting nailed.

Snakes are quiet, and if your daughter keeps it in her room, and keeps it clean, you will rarely know it is there. If you are weird about it, let the ex come over and help feed and maintain. All in all, this is a VERY good starter snake. I promise you, this is not one of the big 'I'm going to try and eat you' pythons.

Read up on it, do your own research. If you find you absolutely can not tolerate it, well, try a leopard gecko. Those are hard to kill. Let the ex keep the snake at his house. We have 2 iguanas, a ball python, a red tail boa (not a starter snake btw), a blue tongued skink, and a bearded dragon. As well as three dogs. If you have any questions at all, you can message me. Best of luck to you.

Edit to add: If the snake is kept at the Dad's house, and you are freaking out because you think a ball python is going to eat their three year old, well, you really need to do some reading before having a panic attack. Google is amazing.

krissielynn87

I think you're overreacting just a little bit

hearthemelody

My father breeds ball pythons and has about 70.

NBD.