Ex Got Daughter a Python. Freaking Out!! Advice Please!!

sullus

SHOOT IT!! CUT IT UP,,,, and the EX TOO!

heh. that's what I like to do with bad dates.

auroranflash

SHOOT IT!! CUT IT UP,,,, and the EX TOO!

McChubbyruewho

Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!

because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.

HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.

the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.

but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you

Yikes! OP don't do any of this.
Joint legal custody is just that, 50/50. Unless a ball python is illegal the judge would do nothing.
And I doubt your Ex is trying to undermine you, your child getting a pet for her to have at her Dad's own house that you have a fear of is not undermining.
Are they supposed to take all your fears into consideration?

my x tried to bring up in court that he thought my home is unsafe because we have a dog

turns out the judge is a dog lover

Hahah yea that happens lol

I think though it is soo improtant for both parents to feel like they have control over their kids safy, thats why I told her she does have joint legal which could mean she could have a say in court, for instance if the dog you had had bitten someone that could be just cause.

but more then likly just going to mediation my be a good place for her to take about her fear infront of a conslor and the dad, and maybe put her mind at ease

Vercell

I have one they dont get that big they are great pets dont worry

rockerbabyy

all of this.
we have a full grown ball python (about 4 feet long) as well as rats and cats and kids. my girls are 5 and 6 and both hold Apollo regularly (with supervision of course, as all kids should be with pets). if your daughter is old enough to handle the responsibility of a pet, i dont see the issue.

Your pet rats must be terrified with two predators sharing a home with them lol.

lol they arent a big fan of the cats, but they arent really out when the snake is so i think they know he exists.

PatrickSwayzesGhost

Bears repeating.

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

I am sorry but you mixed up two things

Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.

I will agree with you, partially.

You're right. A lot of people use the legal system to bully their former spouses into things.

That don't make it a good idea.

^ And it's a sure way to p!ss off a family court judge who's bogged down with things that actually matter, like, say neglected kids and deadbeat parents.

Lawyers who take cases like this are the REAL vipers of the reptile world. Not this poor ball python who never did nothing to nobody.

Katbody10

OP -- get a grip on yourself. You seem to be trying to control everything here .. You need to stop putting your fears and phobias onto your daughter. You no longer have the right to dictate what your ex husband does in his own home (you are divorced, remember?). It's no different if he turned the tables and called you saying .. Stop dating so and so .. or he demands you not marry so and so because he doesn't want a strange man in the same house with his daughter.

Would you stop dating? Would you never let that new man in your life ever set foot in your home or be near your daughter until she moved out or away to college? Are you going to put your life on hold because your ex as issues with you moving on while your daughter still lives with you? Hmmm.. I trust you don't have a revolving door of men day in and day out .. so I would imagine you'd already be cautious about introducing anyone into the environment until you were fairly sure it was a reasonable time.

You'll lose that battle with your daughter and your ex .. let it go. You don't have to like it .. it's simply not up to you.

McChubbyruewho

I am sorry but you mixed up two things

Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.

I will agree with you, partially.

You're right. A lot of people use the legal system to bully their former spouses into things.

That don't make it a good idea.

your right a lot do that, I work in a paralegal office I see that a lot. but one thing you have to think about is that parents DO have rights over their children. how scary is it to feel like the safty of your kid is out of your control.

My sister used her joint legal to stop her ex from constently moving their son from school to school, she wanted his schooling to be more stable then that. so you see sometimes it is nessacary

my hubsand has three kids with his ex girl friend, we would never go out and get a pet she was terrified about and have thier kids play with it.

the kid wanting that pet is not more important then the mommas or the fathers feelings, you know?

its just not. I stated the frist part of my post letting her know she does have rights, cause that is important for parents to have that, then I told her its best to let her daughter make this choice so perhaps they will grow closer toghter

TAMayorga

If all the good press that responders on this thread are giving ball pythons don't allay your fears, could you calmly ask your ex to move the cage to a different room in the house? Maybe that would help you come to terms with this, that she will always be awake when in proximity to the snake.

BrettPGH

Hahah yea that happens lol

I think though it is soo improtant for both parents to feel like they have control over their kids safy, thats why I told her she does have joint legal which could mean she could have a say in court, for instance if the dog you had had bitten someone that could be just cause.

but more then likly just going to mediation my be a good place for her to take about her fear infront of a conslor and the dad, and maybe put her mind at ease

Good news. The kids are safe. Just because the ex-wife has an irrational fear does not mean the courts need to get involved.

No lawyers, no judges, no mediation, no counseling. She just needs to relax about the fact that snakes exist and her daughter likes the one her dad got for her.

sullus

If all the good press that responders on this thread are giving ball pythons don't allay your fears, could you calmly ask your ex to move the cage to a different room in the house? Maybe that would help you come to terms with this, that she will always be awake when in proximity to the snake.

Or just ask the ex to TELL you he moved the cage. good enough.

vim_n_vigor

If all the good press that responders on this thread are giving ball pythons don't allay your fears, could you calmly ask your ex to move the cage to a different room in the house? Maybe that would help you come to terms with this, that she will always be awake when in proximity to the snake.

Or just ask the ex to TELL you he moved the cage. good enough.

SageGoddess320

When I read this, I actually felt bad for your ex. You need to chill out lady. Seriously.

BrettPGH

your right a lot do that, I work in a paralegal office I see that a lot. but one thing you have to think about is that parents DO have rights over their children. how scary is it to feel like the safty of your kid is out of your control.

My sister used her joint legal to stop her ex from constently moving their son from school to school, she wanted his schooling to be more stable then that. so you see sometimes it is nessacary

my hubsand has three kids with his ex girl friend, we would never go out and get a pet she was terrified about and have thier kids play with it.

the kid wanting that pet is not more important then the mommas or the fathers feelings, you know?

its just not. I stated the frist part of my post letting her know she does have rights, cause that is important for parents to have that, then I told her its best to let her daughter make this choice so perhaps they will grow closer toghter

I disagree. I don't think the children should be deprived of enjoying a pet snake because her mother has an irrational fear. The snake is not dangerous to the children. At least no more so than a dog or cat.

I think she needs to grow up and let her children live their lives, not put her own fears on them.

A lot of people have irrational fears. Clowns, snakes, spiders, the dark... If a mother is afraid of clowns should an ex-husband be sued for taking his kids to the circus?

I think since you work in the legal field you have a bias that things should be settled by a judge. Myself, and many others, feel that the last thing a person should do is drag their ex and the kids into a courtroom every time they don't like something.

sinclare

It's all about perspective.

Her pet died, and her dad bought her a replacement pet. And she likes it!

Don't make a big deal out of it....it will just create trouble with you and your daughter.

And at 15, life is hard enough, already

McChubbyruewho

I was really enjoying all the rational replies. And then

Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!

because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.

Did you ever think that the husband getting a snake for his daughter MAYBE had nothing to do with the ex wife?

Yes. Hire a lawyer to sue your husband for getting a snake. The children will be thrilled and the courts have nothing better to do.

if you read the rest of my post you will see I sugjested she do somthing eles

FACT is she is the mother and has a right to what happens with her daughter, I work at my mothers paralegal beusness and see this every day, and yes a judge will listen to this and take into account all the facts. I belive I said the father MAY be acting like that to spit her,, given he knew her fear of snakes, I have a husband who deal with an ex who controls his kids, so I am not bais agains the dads at all, but she needs to know and feel that she has the right to what heppens in her daughters life

But doesn't he have any rights? Plus the OP has stated her daughter likes snakes and most animals. It's not hard to beleive that mayeb, just maybe, the daughter wanted her own pet snake and instead of asking her mother, who is scared to death of them, she asked her father. Big deal.

yes of cource the same as her, if she got a dog that bites he could also asks the judge to order the dog be kept from the presence of the child.

WHat this could also have been is the daughter could have wnated teh snake cause she knew how her mom feels about it, and the dad just wanted to make her happy dispite how he knows the mom feels about it.

children will use parents against eachother speshly those who are split.

the point is they really should co parent, I think it would be more compassionate to ask the daughter to pick a defferent pet and to honer her mother by not worrying her so much, she is the momma! her fears my be unwarrented but she is still a scared momma who feels like she has no control, the father should be more muture then that. I think

vim_n_vigor

I was really enjoying all the rational replies. And then

Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!

because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.

Did you ever think that the husband getting a snake for his daughter MAYBE had nothing to do with the ex wife?

Yes. Hire a lawyer to sue your husband for getting a snake. The children will be thrilled and the courts have nothing better to do.

if you read the rest of my post you will see I sugjested she do somthing eles

FACT is she is the mother and has a right to what happens with her daughter, I work at my mothers paralegal beusness and see this every day, and yes a judge will listen to this and take into account all the facts. I belive I said the father MAY be acting like that to spit her,, given he knew her fear of snakes, I have a husband who deal with an ex who controls his kids, so I am not bais agains the dads at all, but she needs to know and feel that she has the right to what heppens in her daughters life

But doesn't he have any rights? Plus the OP has stated her daughter likes snakes and most animals. It's not hard to beleive that mayeb, just maybe, the daughter wanted her own pet snake and instead of asking her mother, who is scared to death of them, she asked her father. Big deal.

yes of cource the same as her, if she got a dog that bites he could also asks the judge to order the dog be kept from the presence of the child.

WHat this could also have been is the daughter could have wnated teh snake cause she knew how her mom feels about it, and the dad just wanted to make her happy dispite how he knows the mom feels about it.

children will use parents against eachother speshly those who are split.

the point is they really should co parent, I think it would be more compassionate to ask the daughter to pick a defferent pet and to honer her mother by not worrying her so much, she is the momma! her fears my be unwarrented but she is still a scared momma who feels like she has no control, the father should be more muture then that. I think

Or, if she pushes too hard, she'll have a 15 year old telling the judge that she wants to move in with her father and not spend time with her mother. Guess what? There are plenty of judges that will listen to the input and requests of a child that age. A fight like this will not end well for the mother. End of story - it is his house and she doesn't get to control it.

fit4lifeUcan2

I would make her keep it at the dads house. IF he was dumb enough to get it for her without discussing it with you first then let him keep it at his house. Our son had a corn snake and I was very relieved when he gave it away to a friend. No matter how clean you keep that tank it will smell. And its not picnic trying to feed the thing either. Gross and mortifying were my feelings on that. My husband ended up having to take care of it. I refused! Since it was my husbands bright idea to let him have it without talking it over with me first I told him its on you buddy. Thankfully my sons friend's parents were okay with him getting the snake from us and they've taken better care of it than our son did.

oops just reread OP's first post. I see it is staying at the fathers house. Well in that case its not up to you. Its in his house not yours. As many others stated don't put your fear on your daughters. As long as its not in your house it shouldn't be a problem.

BrettPGH

yes of cource the same as her, if she got a dog that bites he could also asks the judge to order the dog be kept from the presence of the child.

WHat this could also have been is the daughter could have wnated teh snake cause she knew how her mom feels about it, and the dad just wanted to make her happy dispite how he knows the mom feels about it.

children will use parents against eachother speshly those who are split.

the point is they really should co parent, I think it would be more compassionate to ask the daughter to pick a defferent pet and to honer her mother by not worrying her so much, she is the momma! her fears my be unwarrented but she is still a scared momma who feels like she has no control, the father should be more muture then that. I think

The worst thing you can do is indulge someone who's being unreasonable. It will only encourage more of the same behavior from her.

And is what you described in any way a good situation for these two families? She'll sue over the snake, he'll sue over dogs, lawyers get rich so I see the upside on your end :bigsmile:

That "scared momma who feels like she has no control" is the problem. She needs to stop worrying about controlling every second of her children's lives, especially when they're not with her. If this were at all a dangerous situation I'd completely agree with you. But the children are almost grown, spend part of their time with their dad, and she just needs to accept that not everything in life is about her and her irrational fears.

Put your kids first. Not your fears.