Ex Got Daughter a Python. Freaking Out!! Advice Please!!
Replies
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Your ex is a childish brat; it's good he's your ex.
That being said, the snake stays at his house and it's his responsibility. If anything bad were to happen it's all on him. Remember; he's trying to BUY their affections and alienate you from them by doing this.
It's an immature thing to do. Sounds like he wants to be their buddy.
Ugh! You're so much better off that he's not in the middle of your life anymore! Rejoice!
I honestly have no words. :noway:0 -
Your ex is a childish brat; it's good he's your ex.
That being said, the snake stays at his house and it's his responsibility. If anything bad were to happen it's all on him. Remember; he's trying to BUY their affections and alienate you from them by doing this.
It's an immature thing to do. Sounds like he wants to be their buddy.
Ugh! You're so much better off that he's not in the middle of your life anymore! Rejoice!
I love women who think everything a man does has something to do with them.
Some people need to get over themselves.
He got his kids a pet that will stay at his house. Someone's immature here and it ain't him.0 -
Your ex is a childish brat; it's good he's your ex.
That being said, the snake stays at his house and it's his responsibility. If anything bad were to happen it's all on him. Remember; he's trying to BUY their affections and alienate you from them by doing this.
It's an immature thing to do. Sounds like he wants to be their buddy.
Ugh! You're so much better off that he's not in the middle of your life anymore! Rejoice!
Yeah, there's no possibility that he doesn't mind snakes and neither does his new wife and maybe even the three year old thinks they are pretty cool. That is not being a childish brat (the mom is playing that part pretty well), that is not selfish or immature. I bought my kids 2 dogs because they love dogs. Does that make me childish, immature, buying their affection? Or is it just because he got them a non-traditional pet that makes him an evil man?
^ This
I don't see how he's being immature or childish because he bought HIS daugther, that's right, she's his kid too, a pet. So it happens to be a snake. Big deal! It's at his house, under his roof. Plus she's 15! It's not like she's a toddler!0 -
Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
The flip side of this is you could run into a judge who's .. y'know .. reasonable .. and be forced to allow the snake to come to your house with her.
Sorry but would never happen the judge doesn't have the right to force somthing into the home, but if something can possibly be dangerous or is against the beielf of a parent the judge can make a rulling on that0 -
Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.
the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.
but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you
Yes, guilt your daughter into agreeing with you. What could possibly go wrong?
Meh my mom did it effectivly for years0 -
1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.
2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.
3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets
4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.
all of this.
we have a full grown ball python (about 4 feet long) as well as rats and cats and kids. my girls are 5 and 6 and both hold Apollo regularly (with supervision of course, as all kids should be with pets). if your daughter is old enough to handle the responsibility of a pet, i dont see the issue.
Your pet rats must be terrified with two predators sharing a home with them lol.0 -
Your ex is a childish brat; it's good he's your ex.
That being said, the snake stays at his house and it's his responsibility. If anything bad were to happen it's all on him. Remember; he's trying to BUY their affections and alienate you from them by doing this.
It's an immature thing to do. Sounds like he wants to be their buddy.
Ugh! You're so much better off that he's not in the middle of your life anymore! Rejoice!
You got all that out of the ex-husband got their daughter a pet she has a fear of? :laugh:0 -
Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.
the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.
but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you
Yikes! OP don't do any of this.
Joint legal custody is just that, 50/50. Unless a ball python is illegal the judge would do nothing.
And I doubt your Ex is trying to undermine you, your child getting a pet for her to have at her Dad's own house that you have a fear of is not undermining.
Are they supposed to take all your fears into consideration?
I am sorry but you mixed up two things
Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.0 -
Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.
the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.
but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you
Yes, guilt your daughter into agreeing with you. What could possibly go wrong?
Meh my mom did it effectivly for years
0 -
This.Your ex is a childish brat; it's good he's your ex.
That being said, the snake stays at his house and it's his responsibility. If anything bad were to happen it's all on him. Remember; he's trying to BUY their affections and alienate you from them by doing this.
It's an immature thing to do. Sounds like he wants to be their buddy.
Ugh! You're so much better off that he's not in the middle of your life anymore! Rejoice!
I love women who think everything a man does has something to do with them.
Some people need to get over themselves.
He got his kids a pet that will stay at his house. Someone's immature here and it ain't him.0 -
^^^ Add to list:
Ball pythons are passive, often afraid of their own prey, but they're often very sweet to their human owners.
It's not likely to do anything other than look pretty in its cage, eat a couple mice here and there, and enjoy warm hands when it cuddles your daughter.
If it's at her dad's house, why are you even freaking out? You'll never see it. And it teaches her responsibility.
^^ THIS!!! I agree completely and think it will all work out in the end!0 -
I am sorry but you mixed up two things
Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.
I will agree with you, partially.
You're right. A lot of people use the legal system to bully their former spouses into things.
That don't make it a good idea.0 -
Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.
the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.
but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you
Yikes! OP don't do any of this.
Joint legal custody is just that, 50/50. Unless a ball python is illegal the judge would do nothing.
And I doubt your Ex is trying to undermine you, your child getting a pet for her to have at her Dad's own house that you have a fear of is not undermining.
Are they supposed to take all your fears into consideration?
my x tried to bring up in court that he thought my home is unsafe because we have a dog
turns out the judge is a dog lover
^^ Yea, this kind of crap can really p off the judge and backfire in a hurry.0 -
1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.
2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.
3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets
4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.
Perfectly said!0 -
I was really enjoying all the rational replies. And thenThats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
Did you ever think that the husband getting a snake for his daughter MAYBE had nothing to do with the ex wife?
Yes. Hire a lawyer to sue your husband for getting a snake. The children will be thrilled and the courts have nothing better to do.
if you read the rest of my post you will see I sugjested she do somthing eles
FACT is she is the mother and has a right to what happens with her daughter, I work at my mothers paralegal beusness and see this every day, and yes a judge will listen to this and take into account all the facts. I belive I said the father MAY be acting like that to spit her,, given he knew her fear of snakes, I have a husband who deal with an ex who controls his kids, so I am not bais agains the dads at all, but she needs to know and feel that she has the right to what heppens in her daughters life0 -
I was really enjoying all the rational replies. And thenThats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
Did you ever think that the husband getting a snake for his daughter MAYBE had nothing to do with the ex wife?
Yes. Hire a lawyer to sue your husband for getting a snake. The children will be thrilled and the courts have nothing better to do.
if you read the rest of my post you will see I sugjested she do somthing eles
FACT is she is the mother and has a right to what happens with her daughter, I work at my mothers paralegal beusness and see this every day, and yes a judge will listen to this and take into account all the facts. I belive I said the father MAY be acting like that to spit her,, given he knew her fear of snakes, I have a husband who deal with an ex who controls his kids, so I am not bais agains the dads at all, but she needs to know and feel that she has the right to what heppens in her daughters life
But doesn't he have any rights? Plus the OP has stated her daughter likes snakes and most animals. It's not hard to beleive that mayeb, just maybe, the daughter wanted her own pet snake and instead of asking her mother, who is scared to death of them, she asked her father. Big deal.0 -
I love the fact that most people replied.....Ball python's aren't "typically" aggressive!!!! lmao. I have no opinion on your situation other than.....at least it's not at your house. I'm not a snake person either but every person is different. I believe that I don't have any right to tell someone what they can and can't do within the law.0
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1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.
2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.
3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets
4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.
Bears repeating.0 -
1. Ball pythons don't get that big. They're one of the "smaller" snakes in the pet trade.
2. they're much hardier than bearded dragons and withstand captivity well, so your daughter won't likely suffer the same disappointment/heartache of losing a pet so soon after getting it.
3. Ball pythons are docile, non-venomous, and don't require a lot of attention or space compared to a lot of "exotic" pets
4. It's not fair to take your own insecurities/phobias out on your daughter. Plus, at 15, she's not a child; she can handle a baby snake.
Bears repeating.0 -
SHOOT IT!! CUT IT UP,,,, and the EX TOO!0
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SHOOT IT!! CUT IT UP,,,, and the EX TOO!
heh. that's what I like to do with bad dates.0 -
SHOOT IT!! CUT IT UP,,,, and the EX TOO!
0 -
Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!
because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.
HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.
the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.
but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you
Yikes! OP don't do any of this.
Joint legal custody is just that, 50/50. Unless a ball python is illegal the judge would do nothing.
And I doubt your Ex is trying to undermine you, your child getting a pet for her to have at her Dad's own house that you have a fear of is not undermining.
Are they supposed to take all your fears into consideration?
my x tried to bring up in court that he thought my home is unsafe because we have a dog
turns out the judge is a dog lover
Hahah yea that happens lol
I think though it is soo improtant for both parents to feel like they have control over their kids safy, thats why I told her she does have joint legal which could mean she could have a say in court, for instance if the dog you had had bitten someone that could be just cause.
but more then likly just going to mediation my be a good place for her to take about her fear infront of a conslor and the dad, and maybe put her mind at ease0 -
I have one they dont get that big they are great pets dont worry0
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lol they arent a big fan of the cats, but they arent really out when the snake is so i think they know he exists.
all of this.
we have a full grown ball python (about 4 feet long) as well as rats and cats and kids. my girls are 5 and 6 and both hold Apollo regularly (with supervision of course, as all kids should be with pets). if your daughter is old enough to handle the responsibility of a pet, i dont see the issue.
Your pet rats must be terrified with two predators sharing a home with them lol.0 -
Bears repeating.
0 -
I am sorry but you mixed up two things
Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.
I will agree with you, partially.
You're right. A lot of people use the legal system to bully their former spouses into things.
That don't make it a good idea.
^ And it's a sure way to p!ss off a family court judge who's bogged down with things that actually matter, like, say neglected kids and deadbeat parents.
Lawyers who take cases like this are the REAL vipers of the reptile world. Not this poor ball python who never did nothing to nobody.0 -
OP -- get a grip on yourself. You seem to be trying to control everything here .. You need to stop putting your fears and phobias onto your daughter. You no longer have the right to dictate what your ex husband does in his own home (you are divorced, remember?). It's no different if he turned the tables and called you saying .. Stop dating so and so .. or he demands you not marry so and so because he doesn't want a strange man in the same house with his daughter.
Would you stop dating? Would you never let that new man in your life ever set foot in your home or be near your daughter until she moved out or away to college? Are you going to put your life on hold because your ex as issues with you moving on while your daughter still lives with you? Hmmm.. I trust you don't have a revolving door of men day in and day out .. so I would imagine you'd already be cautious about introducing anyone into the environment until you were fairly sure it was a reasonable time.
You'll lose that battle with your daughter and your ex .. let it go. You don't have to like it .. it's simply not up to you.0 -
I am sorry but you mixed up two things
Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.
I will agree with you, partially.
You're right. A lot of people use the legal system to bully their former spouses into things.
That don't make it a good idea.
your right a lot do that, I work in a paralegal office I see that a lot. but one thing you have to think about is that parents DO have rights over their children. how scary is it to feel like the safty of your kid is out of your control.
My sister used her joint legal to stop her ex from constently moving their son from school to school, she wanted his schooling to be more stable then that. so you see sometimes it is nessacary
my hubsand has three kids with his ex girl friend, we would never go out and get a pet she was terrified about and have thier kids play with it.
the kid wanting that pet is not more important then the mommas or the fathers feelings, you know?
its just not. I stated the frist part of my post letting her know she does have rights, cause that is important for parents to have that, then I told her its best to let her daughter make this choice so perhaps they will grow closer toghter0 -
If all the good press that responders on this thread are giving ball pythons don't allay your fears, could you calmly ask your ex to move the cage to a different room in the house? Maybe that would help you come to terms with this, that she will always be awake when in proximity to the snake.0
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