Ex Got Daughter a Python. Freaking Out!! Advice Please!!

benol1

Hi Metamorphasis

If you look closely at my avatar you will see that I am looking at the head of a snake that is resting on my watch. Its a lowland copperhead, a venomous snake. I'm a certified venomous snake handler and have handled one of the most venomous snakes in the world, the tasmanian tiger snake. In my experience, fear of snakes is more of a hazard than the snakes themselves.

What your ex is doing is attempting to put a psychological barrier between yourself and your daughter. My advice to you is not to respond with fear and panic, but take control and nullify the situation. Don't allow your ex to have such control over you!
I recommend that you investigate snake handling courses run by your local wildlife/national parks service or qualified animal rescue professionals in your area. When I did my course I was amazed at just how docile most snakes are. Snakes usually only bight people out of fear, or being stepped on. If snakes have no reason to fear you - they won't bight.

I also think that the experience for your daughter of taking care of a snake is an excellent learning experience. Its not as simple as looking after pet dog or cat.
They say that the greatest revenge is success and happiness, and in relation to your ex's attempt to play with your head, I wish you every success in overcoming your snake phobia and happiness now and the future.
kind regards,

Ben

ohnstadk

Two nights ago, I got a phone call from my daughter saying guess what pet I just got to replace Steven? (Steven was her baby bearded dragon that died recently after only a few weeks of having him). She then told me that her dad bought her a baby bell python.

I immediately burst into tears. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been absolutely terrified of any & all snakes and both my ex-husband and my daughter are well aware of that. This is truly like a living nightmare for me to have a python around my daughter!! Right now it's just a baby and is apparently still quite small. However, I'm well aware of just how huge they can become. My daughter is 15 but I am still so afraid for her. She's not scared at all. Unlike me, she's never been afraid of snakes and she loves pretty much all animals including reptiles.

My first instinct was to contact my ex and ask him what the he** he's thinking getting a python as a pet when he has two children in the home (our 15 year old daughter as well as his 3 year old son). However, I still haven't said anything yet because I wanted to wait a day or so until I calmed down a little and figured out what to say to him. If I said something right away, I knew it would just turn into a huge argument. My mother says I should insist that he get rid of the snake. I wish it was that simple but unfortunately I don't think it is. I looked online and it actually is legal to keep them as a pet in our state. Also, my ex bought it through legal means from our local PetSmart store. So, he supposedly has a legal right to have it but what about the safety of the kids?? He already told my daughter that if I complained about it he'd just tell me that it's HIS pet and t have no right to make him get rid of it. My daughter isn't complaining or afraid of it so that doesn't help things as far as me being able to get it out of his house. I don't know what in the hell my ex-husband and his new wife are thinking!! Here I am pretty much a basket case worrying about our teenager. I can't even imagine how in the world they aren't worried about it with a 3 year old in the house!! The 3 year old is their child though, not mine so nothing I can really do about that since it's legal to own one in our state.

We have shared custody of our daughter so she's not over at his house every single day. However, she is over there quite a bit. Right now they are keeping it (supposedly in a special snake tank with locks) in her bedroom!! I just about had a heart attack when I heard that. I feel like I'm going to be an absolute nervous wreck every single time she goes over to his house, especially when she spends the night there. I've been bawling my eyes out about this for the past two nights. Someone please give me advice on the best way to handle this way my ex. My mom said that I should at the very least insist that he move the snake out of her bedroom and keep it downstairs & I definitely agree with that!! What should I say to him to express my concerns?? I'm so freaked out by this that every time I try to decide what to say to him, I can barely even think straight to gather my thoughts. I'm so upset about this that I feel like just saying wtf are you thinking, yelling at him, etc. but I know that's not going to help anything. Whether I get mad at him or ask him nicely to please get rid of the thing, chances are that either way he's going to insist on keeping it since he claims now that it's his pet.

Have you actually researched the snake? First its a Royal Ball Python - not a "bell" python as you call it. Second as you say its a baby, and will be a baby for years - a baby isnt going to do much harm to anyone. Ball pythons recieved the name they have for a reason - they ball up when scared, meaning when and it the snake ever gets scared it will just hide its head and believe that since you cant see its head you wont be able to harm it. Balls are beefy snakes, however at 3-4 ft (at full adult size which it is far far far from) it is still a small snake in the animal kingdom. Also, Ball pythons are considered to be one of the calmest snakes in the world (even in the wild they rarely bite anyone or harm them in any way). I am sure you are thinking but pythons curl up around their pray. Yes this is true, however, ball pythons are not tree snakes meaning that the strength is minimal - a baby couldnt hurt a person this way if it tried- and it wont try. Even a full grown Ball Python will probably never hurt a small child, and certainly not a teen. Why? Because the baby Ball is probably currently eating pinky mice that havent even opened there eyes yet. The largest animal a python will ever eat is a large rat, and that is full grown. Snakes only attack larger prey when they are starved and snakes dont eat the same way you and I do. When young they eat about once a week, when they are an adult they either eat two half meals a month, or a full meal (one large rat) a month. In addition, missing that meal does NOT starve them, balls can go six or more months not eating (even when they are offered food because they simply are not hungry yet). The chances of this ball hurting anyone are slim to none. Please do your research because a cat or dog is more likely to harm your daughter. She is more likely to get hit by a car walking to school, or bitten by the neighbors dog.

I am not saying that she shouldnt be supervised with the animal, in fact ALL children should be supervised with ANY animal. Also you showed concern with her having the animal in her room, WITH a lock on the cage, I assure you that the lock is more designed to protect the animal from your daughter then your daughter from the animal.

newjourney2015

Haven't read through all of this (8+ pages, say what?), but I did read the OP's post.
And to the OP, I had a ball python when I was 10 and they are no big deal and take multiple YEARS to get up to a larger size, and even then Ball Pythons do not get up to the size that Burmese Pythons do. They are very slender creatures so it's not going to constrict your daughter and kill her, nor your son. At worst it might bite one and their bites are also no big deal thing and don't require stitches or anything. Just neosporin and a bandaid. If it were a more dangerous snake and decided to bite and constrict, you last resort bite its tail and it would most likely release the target. But really, ball pythons are rather passive. Mine used to curl up in my hand so I could place it on the top of my head to get snuggly. Hardly a dangerous monster.

Most likely (and rather unfortunately), the snake will die either from the poor conditions that pet stores raise them in, or your daughter won't know how to properly care for one. Which isn't necessarily a reflection on your daughter, Ball Pythons can be finicky with what they want to eat and that can lead to starvation.

Your daughter seems to be excited for the snake, so I'd suggest encouraging her to be responsible and take care of it, as they are detail-oriented pets. They are great quiet companions, and a companion that you yourself won't have to see!

And it could be a great opportunity for you and your daughter, together, to learn how to properly take care of it. Could be a great opportunity to have a bonding moment with your daughter and she would be proud of you for setting your fears aside. At 15, it will only get harder to create those bonding opportunities.

MyChocolateDiet

Then next time you go pick up your daughter. Tell her she can bring the python with her. Have animal control at the end of the block...ready to "move in" at your signal!

Lesa_Sass

Hi Metamorphasis

If you look closely at my avatar you will see that I am looking at the head of a snake that is resting on my watch. Its a lowland copperhead, a venomous snake. I'm a certified venomous snake handler and have handled one of the most venomous snakes in the world, the tasmanian tiger snake. In my experience, fear of snakes is more of a hazard than the snakes themselves.

What your ex is doing is attempting to put a psychological barrier between yourself and your daughter. My advice to you is not to respond with fear and panic, but take control and nullify the situation. Don't allow your ex to have such control over you!
I recommend that you investigate snake handling courses run by your local wildlife/national parks service or qualified animal rescue professionals in your area. When I did my course I was amazed at just how docile most snakes are. Snakes usually only bight people out of fear, or being stepped on. If snakes have no reason to fear you - they won't bight.

I also think that the experience for your daughter of taking care of a snake is an excellent learning experience. Its not as simple as looking after pet dog or cat.
They say that the greatest revenge is success and happiness, and in relation to your ex's attempt to play with your head, I wish you every success in overcoming your snake phobia and happiness now and the future.
kind regards,

Ben

:flowerforyou:

misymousie

It's more afraid of you!

sullus

I'm not sure why the consensus in here seems that the husband is somehow being mean or abusing the wife by proxy. Is anyone open to the possibility that he just simply doesnt care what the wife's opinion on this is? And that he doesnt have to care? snake's not illegal. snake's not dangerous. no court would order the snake out of the house, and the mother might end up reprimanded for even bringing it to court.

clydethecat

i noticed that the op has not come back to the thread. me thinks she doth protest too much.

sullus

I think it would be hysterical for the daughter to eff with the mom a little. Maybe some day when dad's picking her up ... "um mom, I dont know how to tel you this, but I snuck cuddles over to the house in my bag, and well .. he kind of got away. I haven't been able to find him since yesterday afternoon. oh well, gotta go. bye!"

It's what I would have done to my mom.

ohnstadk

Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!

because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.

HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.

the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.

but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you

Yikes! OP don't do any of this.
Joint legal custody is just that, 50/50. Unless a ball python is illegal the judge would do nothing.
And I doubt your Ex is trying to undermine you, your child getting a pet for her to have at her Dad's own house that you have a fear of is not undermining.
Are they supposed to take all your fears into consideration?

I am sorry but you mixed up two things

Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.

Um of course 50/50 religion, school, moving (to a new town that is) but not on hair cuts, pets etc unless it is dangerous to the childs well being. Sure you can take it to court, if you want to take away court time for the family's that truly need to be there, such as domestic violence, etc. But I mean a harmless snake is SOOO more important then a restraining order issue against someone who is bashing their ex's head in.

ohnstadk

SHOOT IT!! CUT IT UP,,,, and the EX TOO!

you obviously dont have kids, the way she handles this can make her daughter HATE her for life

ohnstadk

When I read this, I actually felt bad for your ex. You need to chill out lady. Seriously.

My thoughts exactly

AmberSpamber

Snakes are great pets. I grew up around them. Ball Python, Milk Snake, Columbian Red Tail Boa. I think you will be fine. It will teach your daughter some responsibilty and show her how cool the world is. Don't keep her from living and enjoying life because you have a fear. Its great that she can embrace it! If it's at his house and she doesn't bring it around, who cares?

_Timmeh_

Hi Metamorphasis

If you look closely at my avatar you will see that I am looking at the head of a snake that is resting on my watch. Its a lowland copperhead, a venomous snake. I'm a certified venomous snake handler and have handled one of the most venomous snakes in the world, the tasmanian tiger snake. In my experience, fear of snakes is more of a hazard than the snakes themselves.

I totally read this part in a Steve Irwin accent.

Midnight_Sunshine

When I read this, I actually felt bad for your ex. You need to chill out lady. Seriously.

My thoughts exactly

Key word: EX

seresha

I myself own a ball python. And i can say, absolutely without a doubt, that they are one of the best pets to own. Odin is roughly 8 months old and he is the sweetest, most gentle creatuee. They are increadibly easy to maintain, they are docile, and you will fall in love with them. Ball pythons do have teeth, but they rarely bite (unless threatened), obviously if your hand comes out of no where at its face, it may bite, but more often than normal, they will just **** their head back. The are called ball pythons because their biggest deffence is to curl up in a ball. I have had people that are terrified of snakes touch and hold him and they fall in love. Your kid will be just fine, I promise you:)

ladymiseryali

Personally I would say take it back, and buy a cat or dog like a BORING sheep.

Fix that for you

Although I have two cats and love them to death, I miss my corn snake. I gave him to a friend because I couldn't take him with me when I moved. I miss the little dude. :frown:

ladymiseryali

I will never understand why anyone would want a snake for a pet other than maybe to derive some kind of sick pleasure of watching them devour small animals. They don't do a damn thing except lay there all day.

I never fed my snake live animals.....well, only once because the seller that I got my food from accidentally gave me a live one. Never again. I felt sorry for the mouse. I know it's part of nature for one animal to kill and eat another, but still.....So yea, I didn't get a snake to watch it kill prey. I got a snake because he was cute.

McChubbyruewho

I'm not sure why the consensus in here seems that the husband is somehow being mean or abusing the wife by proxy. Is anyone open to the possibility that he just simply doesnt care what the wife's opinion on this is? And that he doesnt have to care? snake's not illegal. snake's not dangerous. no court would order the snake out of the house, and the mother might end up reprimanded for even bringing it to court.

When you deal with co parenting both parents really should care about how the other feels, thats what co parenting is, they also have the choice to just go to medeation. mediation can be a good place for two parents who don't get along work thru things.

Geeky_Girl

I didn't read all the responses, so sorry if this is a repeat.

It sounds to me like your ex got the snake for a couple reasons. One: a pet for your daughter (and him too, probably). Two: to freak you out. It's obvious you don't like snakes (I'm not a big fan either), but you don't have much choice in the matter. Don't let your ex drive a wedge between you and your child (and, at 15, that's not too hard to do sometimes). Be supportive. Maybe offer to take her to a snake handling class or a pet store to learn more about the snake. Show her that you think she's old enough to handle things like having a pet (that happens to be a snake).

Again, I'm not a fan of snakes, but, if she's going to have it at her father's house, and she gets comfortable with handling it and it isn't aggressive, I would suggest perhaps possibly entertaining the idea of... handling the snake yourself. At least pet it. Your daughter would like it.

Anyway, just my two cents. I really hope it goes okay. Don't worry