Ex Got Daughter a Python. Freaking Out!! Advice Please!!

McChubbyruewho · February 2013

Thats upsetting that their being so insensitive to you!

because you have joint legal you do have a say about a good deal of things that go on over there when they effect your daughter. if you want to force the issue then I sugjest you contact either a lawyer for a consultation or if you can't offord that a paralegal. if your in southern ca I know a good one who does free consultations.

HOWEVER and unfortanitly, since your daughter is 15 I sugjest you handle this in more of a passive way. you do not want the ex to use this to make you a common enemy. so play it smart. and just ask your daughter why she would want something that makes you feel this way, tell her you are so worried for her, but let her know you trust her judgment on this, although you wish she would yeld to your feeling if she doesn't she has your support. you very may be able to guilt her to not want to worry you like this.

the thing thats awful for you is you have an ex who probably wants to undermine you and maybe feel like the fav parent, and you have a teen who I am sure wants to undermine you. So play this out smart, she has three years until she is an adult, if she feels like you beleive in her ability to make some choices in her life, she will grew closer to you.

but make sure you come off as plesant and muture not emotional, to her and him. no amount of ranting and raving will change anything so stay cool headed if nothing eles your daughter will learn from your calm respounses to such a stressful situation for you

Yikes! OP don't do any of this.
Joint legal custody is just that, 50/50. Unless a ball python is illegal the judge would do nothing.
And I doubt your Ex is trying to undermine you, your child getting a pet for her to have at her Dad's own house that you have a fear of is not undermining.
Are they supposed to take all your fears into consideration?

I am sorry but you mixed up two things

Joint Custody is 50/50 joint legal means both parents share in the legal aspect of their childs lives, where they go to school, where they move, even hair cuts, dr visits, and even religion.

Um of course 50/50 religion, school, moving (to a new town that is) but not on hair cuts, pets etc unless it is dangerous to the childs well being. Sure you can take it to court, if you want to take away court time for the family's that truly need to be there, such as domestic violence, etc. But I mean a harmless snake is SOOO more important then a restraining order issue against someone who is bashing their ex's head in.

No hair cuts do come up, for instance a daughter who is given a shave job (yes it happend) or the 5 year old son with the mohack and died hair. the court is there to make sure both parties issues are being met both for those with minor issues or major ones, in most cases they handle it in medeation. I do agree that if this snake has never bitten anyone, it may not go any where, thats why I told her to seek counsel, I told her that so she would know that resource is avilable to her, somtimes people feel more at ease if they think tehy have some control in it. but if you read my post in enitirity you will see I sugjested she let her daughter make this descision while letting her know how it makes her feel. and maybe they will grew closer togther

suzzann666 · February 2013

Is this a joke?. . a CAT is more dangerous to a 3 year old than a little snake. .

Get a hold of yourself!. .

LOL!

Metamorphasis555 · February 2013

Thanks so much to all of you who took the time to write me back.

I just finished reading through all nine pages of replies. To be honest, I'm still pretty freaked out but not as bad as I was before. I would probably feel a lot better if they'd move the snake downstairs. I talked to my ex for a few minutes earlier today and he agreed to do that. However, when I just called my daughter to say goodnight she said that they haven't moved it downstairs yet because she wants it in her room. She said she wants to be able to see it first thing in the morning, etc. Having it in close proximity to her when she's sleeping really does scare me. Supposedly the cage has locks on it but let's talk worse case scenario. What if she puts the snake back in his tank after holding it but then forgets to lock it. If he slithers over to her bed while she's sleeping, isn't it possible that it could wind itself around her neck and constrict which could kill her?? Even my ex told me earlier today that they are going to be really careful about the snake being around their 3 year old. He said that's because even with how small the snake is right now, he said it could easily kill their son if it wrapped itself tight around his neck. I get it that a 3 year old is going to have a smaller neck than a 15 year old but is it not still possible that the same thing could happen to her?

You're all saying don't worry but isn't the truth that there's no reason to worry IF she always remembers to lock the tank?? However, if she ever forgets to lock it and it escapes then it could hurt or maybe even kill her?

thrashrn · February 2013

The chance of it crawling out of the tank and killing her is about the same as a pet cat sitting on your face while you are sleeping and smothering you.

I can appriceate that you are doing some research and learning a bit about Ball Pythons. Keep learning :flowerforyou:

Metamorphasis555 · February 2013

thrashrn,
I really hope you're right.

Also, yes I have been doing some reading about them online trying to learn more about them.

Alot you say I'm overreacting and maybe I am. Keep in mind though that I've been really afraid of snakes for almost my entire life. So, in my opinion it shouldn't be that difficult to understand why I'm totally freaked out by the idea of them being around my daughter, especially if it could potentially hurt or even kill her.

CarlieeBear · February 2013

I've had a crazy fear of snakes that gave me horrible nightmares for years. What helped me was education. I have a friend with an animal husbandry degree who had a pet snake when I met her. She brought it out one night when I was at her place and she taught me about snakes....their habits, what kind of places they like to be...and I didn't have a snake nightmare for a very long time. I do sometimes get them now and would not choose to live with one, but the dreams are extremely rare and not as bad.

Please educate yourself. Go to a nature center and talk with an expert. I'd even urge you to "meet" her new pet and touch it if you can. I did that with my friend's snake...not the head, though.

When I was younger, I was afraid of many things. The thing that has helped me the most is to learn about the things I fear and to face my fears. Breathe deep and slow while facing them ... it helps!

ladymiseryali · February 2013

thrashrn,
I really hope you're right.

Also, yes I have been doing some reading about them online trying to learn more about them.

Alot you say I'm overreacting and maybe I am. Keep in mind though that I've been really afraid of snakes for almost my entire life. So, in my opinion it shouldn't be that difficult to understand why I'm totally freaked out by the idea of them being around my daughter, especially if it could potentially hurt or even kill her.

Ball pythons are docile. What might help you get over your fear of snakes would be to expose yourself(not in the dirty way) to them. Meet your daughter's new pet. You don't have to touch it or be extremely close to it right away, but just watch it. Work up to being able to touch it. Getting over your fear and then being able to enjoy your daughter's pet with her may bring you guys closer.

Joreanasaurous · February 2013

The chance of it crawling out of the tank and killing her is about the same as a pet cat sitting on your face while you are sleeping and smothering you.

I can appriceate that you are doing some research and learning a bit about Ball Pythons. Keep learning :flowerforyou:

I have had a snake escape before... honestly? All that happened was we had a whole lot of less gophers and we would occasionally find a snake skin on the ground that was constantly getting larger. My mom grew to love that snake.

When I was a kid I had a pet tarantula that I was scared was going to escape and crawl into my ear and lay it's eggs there. I think the odds of that happening are about par with the snake escaping and strangling your daughter.

Maybe you can find an exotic or reptile store that has someone knowledgeable about snakes and you and your daughter both can go in. She can learn more about the care of the snake and you can hear from an expect how safe it is from someone who can answer all your concerns and questions in person.

Lesa_Sass · February 2013

thrashrn,
I really hope you're right.

Also, yes I have been doing some reading about them online trying to learn more about them.

Alot you say I'm overreacting and maybe I am. Keep in mind though that I've been really afraid of snakes for almost my entire life. So, in my opinion it shouldn't be that difficult to understand why I'm totally freaked out by the idea of them being around my daughter, especially if it could potentially hurt or even kill her.

One would think that her father loves her enough to not get a snake that would potentially kill her just to get under your skin.

I have an incredible irrational fear of snakes, to the point that I will have an anxiety attack if even around a plastic one. So trust me, I understand your fear but at the same time, I am intelligent enough to know that pythons, especially a baby one, is not going to come close to harming your daughter. And as long as it stays at his house, the only thing that you are doing by freaking out over this is giving them the satisfaction they were looking for.

Today you are making the choice to obsess over this and allow it to rent space in your head, for free no less. Give it an eviction notice and go about your life. This is a battle that is not worth the toxicity you are bringing down on yourself.

Allanira · October 2013

Your ex might not have been thinking about your fears and phobias whem he got y'alls daughter a ball python. She lost her previous pet and he wanted to get her something to make her happy. Be glad its not a burmese, rock or other large constrictor. I have a ball python. I also have a dog and 5 cats. My cats and dog have gotten my 2 yr old and my ball hasnt. She has never bitten. Even at her hungriest times. My cats have tried to smother me for not giving them extra food and treats and my dog has knocked me over. Yes you can get sick and so can the snake if not properly cleaned and proper conditions met. I do feed live food to my snake not for the "thrill" but because I can't stand the smell of corpses, be they human or animal. Its a quirk of mine. I don't get the food till ready to feed and I make sure she strikes right before letting it go. I also make sure her enclosure is well secured and my son isnt around her unless I am. I wash our hands before and after and use hand sanitizer. A baby ball isnt big enough to wrap around her neck and kill her. Mine is almost 4 yrs old and osnt full grown. I have been bitten once by a ball that hadn't been fed in a very long time due to the owners financial problems. It felt like getting a sewing needle in my finger. I enjoy watching mine at night when I cant sleep. She does some pretty silly stuff. My in laws think ALL snales are going to hurt my babies. Im pregnant right now and both boys will be raised knowing how to care for different kinds of pets. Well except spiders, hamster and gerbils. Rats are fine though as long as they are properly taken care of. So relax a little and let your daughter enjoy her pet and learning about different animals.