If the Groom doesn't/didn't want a wedding
Replies
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truth
This is the funniest and most honest qoute ever!!!!!0 -
I agree with him. I also believe that if she feels so strongly that their marriage is only worth the while if they have the "spectacle' then perhaps she isn't the girl to marry.0
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I'd rather have a small ceremony with only the closest friends and family involved. Nothing too lavish. I agree that most weddings today are more like carnivals and are a huge waste of money. The fact she is contemplating not marrying him simply because he does not share her views on a grand ceremony is warped beyond imagination. I'd rather see the money applied towards a dream home or leisure activities that would enrich our lives.0
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Her opinion isn't the only one that matters so yes, she should take his into consideration and compromise somewhere in the middle.0
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He's not taking her wants and needs into consideration at all? I wouldn't marry him for that reason alone. I don't care about a wedding, personally. But I care that my partner cares about me, especially if it's important to me.Would you marry/had married him? A client of mine is upset that her fiancee only wants to have a civil ceremony and no wedding. It's not a money issue, they both make more than enough to have a huge wedding if they want. My understanding is that the fiancee feels that only they (along with their parents as witnesses) need to be present to for their vows. No need for a spectacle which is how he feels about weddings. He's willing to have a great honeymoon though (which is a 1 month European trip).
She has said that if he feels this way now and won't compromise, that he may not be the one to marry. Thoughts?0 -
I think big weddings are a gigantic waste of money but I went thru this same issue when I was getting married. We were eloping and sneaking off to Cabo but a last second crying fit forced a change of plans. We were practically on the plane.
I'm going to go against type and say the woman should be worried. At a certain point relationships are about compromise and sacrifice. If he's not willing to reconsider, then there may be underlying control issues that will be an major problem down the line.
Not saying call it off. But take a closer look and see if there's a pattern.0 -
My husband wanted more of a wedding than me. I was cool with the honeymoon. And seriously, if that's enough to be a deal breaker, you're better of not getting married.
My sentiments exactly.0 -
She's being ridiculous. Tell her to stop showing off and get her priorities straight0
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I'm having a medium wedding (100 guests) and I can see the appeal of a small, intimate wedding (especially the cost!). If they can't agree, they should compromise (e.g. 30 of their closest friends and family). I find it quite alarming there's discussions of deal breakers. When you get to the having booked your wedding part there shouldn't be any major doubts anymore about anything! (I'm getting married after 14 years together, we've worked through all the crap!!)0
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I think most people here are adding their opinions on if they should have a big wedding or not and why, but that isn't the question. The question is if she should still consider this man who will not even compromise to do things her way for just one day as someone she should marry.
I think if this is something she had always dreamed of, and if it really that big of a deal for her, him not compromising to do this for her shows a clear lack of caring for her desires and needs. A relationship is a big and take balancing act of what each party wants, not a one sided appeasing deal. If he wanted to make her truly happy, he would at least give her a small wedding. It is just a party for one day (if that even, could be the evening).
They need to have a serious conversation about compromising. If it starts like this, it will end up not too great in the end.0 -
I think weddings and funerals are for the family; not the couple or the dead people (I mean, the people getting married are already committed). Our weddings welcome the new person into the family. It is a ceremony welcoming her into his family and vise versa. I can see why she may not feel married without their families involved. I wonder what her feelings are? She should talk from her heart and not try to win him over with logic. She may feel on a deep level that he does not really want her in his family. They need to have a deeper conversation about it.0
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From my perspective (I'm neutral on it BTW), from working with her and just talking with her, she's got a great heart and is a caring person. But I do know the crowd she hangs with are mega money people (believe that's how she met her fiancee). My town just opened up a new outlet center (Paragon Outlets in Livermore CA) and her and her girlfriends all went out on shopping sprees buying Coach and Prada bags as well as Saks 5th Avenue and Vera Wang clothing.
His tastes are high too. He lives in a very nice home (area homes start at 1.5 million) and drives an Audi A8. He seems nice (I've ran into him once at the gym and she introduced me to him and he complimented me on helping her) and even donated to our holiday fundraisers for children who aren't as fortunate as others.
Since I haven't heard from him at all about this (and don't intend to), I'll just say that I believe that for her, it's the expectation from everyone else around her to have a fabulous wedding. I don't think she wants to let them down.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
You had me at 'one month european trip'
Screw the wedding!
Exactly!! They're pretty pointless affairs in my opinion.
But ideally this should be something they'd have gotten on the same page about before getting engaged or wedding planning. Compromise is a major key to making a relationship work. If there's zero - skip any form of wedding
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[/quote]Funny, he's a divorce lawyer by career.:laugh:
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
[/quote]
Then it makes perfect sense. He must have seen a lot of clients that had lavish weddings and ended up cutting each other's throats in his office. That would make anyone question the value of an overpriced party.
If they can't compromise on party size and location, they should not get married. Gosh, what would happen when they need to compromise on a house or vehicle purchase?? or on family responsibilities??0 -
My hubby and I had a pretty large wedding. It wasn't about the extravagance, the money or the spectacle. It was about wanting to celebrate one of the happiest days of our lives with all the people who we care about and care about us and invested in our lives and happiness. Not everyone is comfortable with such big gestures and that's fine too. But if they can't compromise... BOTH of them give a little...then that doesn't bode well for the future.0
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Considering I want, at most, a backyard barbeque if I ever get married? That'd be perfectly fine with me. Honestly I have to admit, it annoys the heck out of me when people insist on massive spectacle weddings. All that money could be put to such better use, like a house or retirement savings!
As long as the families are involved, it's not a big deal.0 -
totally not a deal breaker for me.... i'd be happy to be off to Europe for a month! :-)0
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I got married during a Sabres game intermission with my brother and his friend as witnesses. I am not kidding. We were all drunk. I regret nothing.0
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I always thought I wanted a big wedding. I have a huge family and I figured that everyone should be invited. My other half, only has himself, his parents, an aunt, and two cousins. He has about 6 people, where I have (only counting aunts/uncles, cousins, g-parents and parents) about 50. It would end up being a family reunion for my side. Whenever we talk about getting married he always says he doesn't want a big to-do, he was fine with going to the courthouse. It used to annoy me.. But I understand where he is coming from, and as i'm getting older and the realization of a wedding in my future, I do not want the huge ceremony I always thought of. I want it to be small and very intimate.
I think that if there are any differences of opinions on the details of the actual wedding, then both should be willing to compromise. Why start the marriage off unhappy? From either side. If she goes ahead and plans the huge wedding, he'll hate it. If she ends up just going to the courthouse with their parents, she'll be miserable. If they can't compromise on something like this then maybe they aren't right for each other.
And personally, if it was the choice of a very small wedding and a big (month long) honeymoon or a huge wedding and a week long or couple of day long honeymoon. I'd choose the small wedding. But that's just me.0 -
I think if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life and that's your soul mate it wouldn't matter where and how, just so it's done. My girlfriend planned the wedding of her dreams and some horrible things came up that year- they ended up just having a wedding in their home- she's spoiled, we all know that wasn't what she would've liked to happen, but it's about the marriage not the wedding that matters. My opinion only of course 0
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truth
this is just full of awesome.0 -
Not to hijack my own thread, but at my wedding of 300 people, there were probably about 180 there that I hadn't seen in a long, long, time (I was either a baby or like 8 years old) or even knew. Heh, mothers and mothers in law invite everyone...................
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
If this is her first wedding, I understand her point. All little girls dream of a fairytale wedding, where they become cinderella. She looks at her future husband as Prince Charming and she wants to be the belle of the ball.
No, not all little girls. I never dreamed of my wedding. My husband, as fantastic as he is, is not Prince Charming and I did not want to be belle of the ball nor Cinderella. Our wedding was about us, what we wanted.
I agree with those talking about compromise, it is pretty important to a relationship. Its kinda hard to judge this situation without knowing his side as well.0 -
Not to hijack my own thread, but at my wedding of 300 people, there were probably about 180 there that I hadn't seen in a long, long, time (I was either a baby or like 8 years old) or even knew. Heh, mothers and mothers in law invite everyone...................
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
is that a plus or a minus?0 -
Would you marry/had married him? A client of mine is upset that her fiancee only wants to have a civil ceremony and no wedding. It's not a money issue, they both make more than enough to have a huge wedding if they want. My understanding is that the fiancee feels that only they (along with their parents as witnesses) need to be present to for their vows. No need for a spectacle which is how he feels about weddings. He's willing to have a great honeymoon though (which is a 1 month European trip).
She has said that if he feels this way now and won't compromise, that he may not be the one to marry. Thoughts?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It is about the people getting married and not the guests, but it is also a celebration of a union. I wasn't that bothered about having a huge wedding (29 years ago) but my father wanted his daughter to have a big day and we went along with his wishes.
This should have been discussed even before the engagement. There is going to be one unhappy bride and I bet her parents will also feel the same.
I have a 27 year old daughter and I am looking forward to the day she walks down the ailse.0 -
What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?
As for the wedding itself, I could care less. My wedding was in a community center and I catered in chinese. It was awesome, 40 people, and including my dress and the tux rental less than $500. It was what I wanted and my husband didn't cre.0 -
One of the few days that I say just let the woman have what she wants. Or you'll never hear the end of it.0
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What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?
I'm pretty sure a civil ceremony is still a "wedding".0 -
One of the few days that I say just let the woman have what she wants. Or you'll never hear the end of it.
I agree.0 -
What sets this off for me isn't that he doesn't want a wedding - it's that he knows she does and won't compromise at all. That would have me asking, do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will never meet me in the middle?
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Poor Potential Groom to Be!
Everyone heaping on him since HE won't compromise with her for the big day.
Sounds like it's just as true for her.
Compromise means 'you give some, I give some'.
And if she can't compromise, she's just as at fault as he is.0
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