If the Groom doesn't/didn't want a wedding

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Replies

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,030 Member
    My take on the OP was that he wanted to just go to civil hall and get married. My father and stepmom did that and said they did it because they didn't want to spend money on a wedding. To me, civil hall is getting married rather than having a wedding. If I misinterpreted and he wants a small civil ceremony wedding, than I apologize and retract my opinion. My wedding was a tiny civil ceremony - a friend's mother married us - and like I said, we had chinese. So let's be clear on what we're talking about here - it's possible I misinterpreted here, but it's just as possible you did.

    If he won't budge at all, how can she compromise? If my read on the OP is right, he won't budge on no wedding at all. I agree with you, both parties should compromise - but it sounds like him getting his way and her doing all the compromising.
    Just sayin' as the OP, this isn't MY SITUATION. It's my clients and her view and story.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • AsellusReborn
    AsellusReborn Posts: 1,112 Member
    My take on the OP was that he wanted to just go to civil hall and get married. My father and stepmom did that and said they did it because they didn't want to spend money on a wedding. To me, civil hall is getting married rather than having a wedding. If I misinterpreted and he wants a small civil ceremony wedding, than I apologize and retract my opinion. My wedding was a tiny civil ceremony - a friend's mother married us - and like I said, we had chinese. So let's be clear on what we're talking about here - it's possible I misinterpreted here, but it's just as possible you did.

    If he won't budge at all, how can she compromise? If my read on the OP is right, he won't budge on no wedding at all. I agree with you, both parties should compromise - but it sounds like him getting his way and her doing all the compromising.
    Just sayin' as the OP, this isn't MY SITUATION. It's my clients and her view and story.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition


    Meant original post, not original poster. Sorry :) When I said he, I meant the groom, not the op as in original poster.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    You know, the wedding is a non-issue. It's just a day. But, part of being in a marriage is deciding what is a bigger deal to your spouse than to you, and what you can give on. If they are having so much trouble compromising over the ceremony, how in the world are they going to be able to deal with all of the other things that come their way through the years?

    If neither one is willing to bend, then they are both the problem.
  • kingscrown
    kingscrown Posts: 615 Member
    I'm surprised if they are close enough to get married that this is a surprise? Maybe more thought needs to go into who you're marrying if you didn't know this about them. What else do you not agree on?
  • SFsista
    SFsista Posts: 30 Member
    Rekindle Thank You! I also agree with Cool, HUGE sign here...slammin on breaks for me.
  • kelly101386
    kelly101386 Posts: 389 Member
    As long as the people you love are there, where does it matter where you get married? We had a small ceremony, about thirty guests in general and our day was perfect and we didn't go into debt for it! I think she should buck up her ideas, the honeymoon sounds awesome. If neither of them can compromise though, then what kind of future does that indicate?
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
    I would, some ppl are just not into big parties, lots of ppl staring at you, being the center of the attention.. And im saying this cause I am that way.
    if I EVER get married it would be just a civil ceremony, no party, no fancy dinner, no dress, no cake (well probably a nice chocolate one hehe), no dancing, no awkward stuff. I pass.
  • Laddiegirl
    Laddiegirl Posts: 382 Member
    I think this couple needs to learn to compromise and find a middle ground. Thats going to be one of the most important things to take into their marriage to make it last and now is the best time to start that off.

    My SO and I are discussing marriage and we're going to have to find that same compromise. I'd rather run off to city hall with our parents & siblings, but he has already said it wouldn't feel right without having the big wedding. He's greek and every wedding is a huge party (we went one this summer, 2 days of activities and 400 guests, it was HUGE but still not the biggest wedding he'd been to) so thats how he sees how a wedding is celebrated. We'll likely end up with a church ceremony & reception that is small for him, but big to me as a compromise. I want to make him happy with the day, but still respect what I'd be comfortable with.

    My grandparents just celebrated 53 years on a marriage that started in a small chapel in Reno with the church secretary as witness. More than any specific type of wedding, THAT is what I want, 50+ years with the man I love. :)
  • jakkidoodles
    jakkidoodles Posts: 103
    Hmmmm it's a tough one..... But I want to point something out. Women start planning their weddings when they are about 6 years old. It IS a big deal for them. Personally, I want to get married at midnight in the woods with only our 2 children present (obv 2 witnesses) and then bugger off to Australia! But I used to want a huge wedding with a meringue dress and choirs singing. I understand that men have just as much right to input into how the day goes, but if you take the dream away from the girl, you're just asking for a lifetime of misery and resentment.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    I'm uncomfortable with big ceremonies, so I'd take the civil ceremony and the huge honeymoon any day :D
  • HMVOL7409
    HMVOL7409 Posts: 1,588 Member
    Would you marry/had married him? A client of mine is upset that her fiancee only wants to have a civil ceremony and no wedding. It's not a money issue, they both make more than enough to have a huge wedding if they want. My understanding is that the fiancee feels that only they (along with their parents as witnesses) need to be present to for their vows. No need for a spectacle which is how he feels about weddings. He's willing to have a great honeymoon though (which is a 1 month European trip).
    She has said that if he feels this way now and won't compromise, that he may not be the one to marry. Thoughts?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    I'm a woman and this is exactly how I felt and what I wanted. Weddings are a circus these days and ridiculous. They were never my thing or something I dreamed of when I was young. My husband felt the same way and we throroughly enjoyed our simple ceremony by a waterfall. We are not any less married than someone paying 25,000K. However we do almost have our house that we built completely paid off (3 yrs!) bc we chose a different path. Not too many couples our age can say that...;)

    I feel if she truely loves this person and wants to be with him a party or not shouldn't change that. What's important here, a party or a marriage??
  • Sassymama66_75HARD
    Sassymama66_75HARD Posts: 91 Member
    I often think the "wedding" is a test of how you will get along once you are married. Does one person give in on everything? Do you fight every detail? Divide and conquer? I think it shows a lot about who you are and will become as part of a couple.

    Interesting that they are so polar opposite - hope they are able to find a middle ground.
  • goron59
    goron59 Posts: 890 Member
    The wedding is primarily for the mother of the bride, at least it's fairly common in American culture.
    So he should probably suck it up and let her have her day.

    If she thinks that a wedding is representative of married life, then the marriage won't last long.

    Anyone who thinks that their wedding will be the happiest day of their life is doomed to being increasingly miserable for the rest of their life.

    For me? Our wedding was relatively low key civil ceremony, but we had good friends and family around us, everyone had a good time and we're still going 11 years later :-)
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    You had me at 'one month european trip':love: Screw the wedding!

    THIS! I am an anti wedding militant to start with though. Colossal waste of money, antiquatied bs.
  • RobfromLakewood
    RobfromLakewood Posts: 684
    I think it's silly to be so against the wedding. If you have the resources and it would make your bride happy, if all goes well, she'll never get this opportunity again. I can see not wanting a wedding, i can understand thinking it's a waste, I can't understand saying no to something the love of your life wants, when it's within your ability to provide it.

    Plus, why not celebrate your love and commitment with your friends and family. I would have been fine without the wedding, the important part was Felicia with me forever and for always afterwards. But it was a kick in the pants to have our friends and family together, enjoying the company, the food, the incredible cupcake tower by my incredibly talented best friend and sister. While life together is made up of more average days, made less average by the one you love, some big events along the way are nice to have there as well.


    Is it a reason to not get married? I don't think so, but is there a reason to say no? I don't think so either.

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