Hubby threw out all my "healthy food".. WTH

stubbysticks

The lack of marital respect in this thread is mind-boggling.

There are women on here advocating violence (slapping him, kicking him, hitting, etc.). Junk punches, hitting with anything, even a debit card, is violence. It shouldn't be advocated against anyone. The sheer number of women who advocate hitting a spouse is shocking.

What if guys got on here and started advocating that the husbands "junk punch" their wives or that the next time the wife buys the wrong thing that the guy slap her and make her sleep on the couch? Seriously? Do you really abuse your husbands at home, or do you just brag about it online?

How many of you would be fighting each other to be first in line to lynch any guy who even made such a suggestion that it was appropriate to lay hands on a woman in an inappropriate manner?

How much trouble is it really to feed the person in the house who generally eats 1.5 to 2 times what you eat? My husband eats around 3000 calories. Of course I make him extra food. He'd starve on my diet.

If you're in charge of the cooking, don't be a dictator. Be a considerate human being and feed your spouse what he needs/wants to eat along with the healthy stuff. Otherwise, if he does find someone who will cook what he wants, and who will be considerate of him and won't get on the net and brag about what a whipped guy he is, you women who do this will know why.

Oh, good grief. You act like the original post had any marital respect in it. Personally the whole situation sounds ridiculous to me because there actually is marital respect in my home. I have never had to junkpunch my husband but if he did some shyt this crazy, I just might. Making it about "advocating spousal abuse" is kind of a stretch, don't you think? This is the internet, for cryin out loud.

This situation didn't "just happen." It evolved somehow with this couple not staying in sync & forging some kind of compromise where she could eat the foods she wants to eat to lose weight & he could eat foods he enjoys as well. Responsibility lies on both sides. Tantrums like that don't come out of nowhere & there were probably signs earlier on that he was reaching some kind of breaking point. They both should have tried to reach some kind of compromise sooner.

Still, he's a grown-up too & just because he's frustrated doesn't give him the right to act like a douche.

monicalosesweight

I would purposely provide a salt shaker next to his meal. He can add it AFTER it's cooked. There is no difference. If he wants fried chicken - buy Kentucky Fried - and drop it at his plate. There is no need for you to eat his food or prepare junk food - it's easier to buy it pre-made. Prepare your delicious foods and just pick his up on the way home at some greasy joint. At some point, he will most likely get tired of it and may request yours. That's when you sweetly tell him that you didn't make enough for him. Frankly, I'd have probably packed my bags or changed the locks and made him go live with his mother for a week. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of yelling. But, he may have a point on the sodas. There is no reason for him to live without soda and chips. At our house, we have all the bad stuff and my family eats that stuff. I eat my healthy stuff. Basically, I don't munch on junk but it's available to all. As to why he got frustrated that you wouldn't eat the chips, that may be jealousy....or he really does miss soda that much. Can you get a mini-fridge like a college type? If yes, get a small one and put sodas, junk stuff - be it cakes or whatever he ate before, put ice cream - all the stuff he liked and tell him that's HIS fridge and the big one is the family fridge. Junk food will always be in his for his eating. Basically, his and her fridges, that should solve the problem. If you can resist chips, you can handle having the bad stuff in the house. Tell him he should provide a list of the stuff he wants in his fridge and that he can serve himself as you'll be too busy cooking for the family. It sounds more like he misses junk food. If it's fried, it's easy enough to buy that stuff and pass it on to him without your eating it. That's the advantage of buying food out - heck - most grocery stores even carry food that's pre-prepared like fried chicken so you could get his and not do a darn thing other than reheat it in the oven.

dtban

WOW that was a harsh reaction. I am thinking he secretly doesnt want you to lose weight. You lose weight, you become more attractive to other men (which personally I find ridiculous) and he fears you will leave him.

Okay. That's both unfair and nonsensical in this case.

The guy is an active man with no weight issues. I'm sure he wants the best for his wife, he just just (quite reasonably) doesn't want to starve just because she wants to lose weight. Needs vs wants.
Note that these "healthy" foods were moreso low calorie than healthy - nothing wrong with whole milk. At all.

I totally disagree with people saying he should cook and buy his own food. That just removes quite a large part of the relationship between them, and considering he is the one employed in the house, by all fairness it would mean he buys whatever he wants and OP has to deal with it.

I suspect the offering of the nachos (which are freaking awesome, btw) and subsequent rage was his reaction to showing OP what it was like to have a food you didn't want forced on you, and OP not getting the message. There was no food he usually enjoys in the house because OP threw it away, so he threw her stuff away. No one wants to be force fed food they don't want.
I'm pretty sure a compromise can be reached by buying to suit both of their needs - buy whole milk for him, 2% for her, ice cream for him, yoghurt for her. If OP can't control her cravings or whatever around her husbands food, that's not the foods fault nor her husbands: it's hers.

I dont agree with this....i am the ASSUMED cook in my house, not because I dont work, we both have jobs!

19kat55

Yes and it would be basic good manners for her to love her husband enough to fix him the foods he enjoys too. I don't think the hubs would have been so upset if she were fixing him the things he enjoys let's say 3 nights out of 7. I bet that would be a compromise he could live with. They obviously have different caloric needs with his activity level vs. hers. Give the man some whole milk and foods he enjoys that fill him up. And again, if money is an issue and it is not affordable to make two meals, make a healthy meal some nights and meals he enjoys some nights. It really is not difficult. There is no reason they can't both have what they want, through mutual compromise, and have a strong relationship. Give and take.

Not really - if he cooks, he can cook what he likes. Unless the food is inedible, theres no reason not to eat it. Like I said, if he needs more calories, he could always have seconds or eat some bread after.

The give and take is that she has given her time and effort to cook dinner. The least he could do is say thankyou.

We do have separate milks in our house, but if we didn't, I wouldnt think about moaning - its only milk.

Having said all this, I am a very 'generalist' eater and like almost anything.

I truly "get" what you are saying. I just have a different perspective on where I see the problem here. Where you appear to think he should just "eat it and shut up and be grateful" I am of the opinion out of love for him she should make sure she fixes him the things he enjoys to eat, at least some of the time. I love my hubs to death and if he wants to eat something I prefer not to eat, I will fix it for him. And he knows that and is very appreciative about it. He never complains about what I fix. Most nights it will be healthy food we can both eat and enjoy. But those times he wants something different, I am more than happy to do it for him. Because I love him. And we've been married for 27 blissful years. So I've learned a few things about compromise and how to make a relationship work.

yes, but i think the problem here is how he went about it. if my husband came to me nicely, i would nicely respond, but, if my husband acted like a douche bag, throwing my stuff in the trash and making demands on me, then all hell would break lose. so, the responses that the op is getting, is in direct response to her husbands abusive behavior. i dont have the problem the op has, my husband complies with whatever i want, and we have been married for many many years, with 5 kids from ages 7-14... this is how our family works, and it works well... however, if my husband acted in that manner over something so minor; food; then believe me, the gates of hell would have opened up and swallowed him whole. the problem is not him wanting different food, the problem is him verbally attacking her the way he did.

I agree with you that his outburst was not acceptable. You will not here an argument from me that is ever acceptable. He should have COMMUNICATED with her that he would appreciate it if some nights she would fix the foods he enjoyed. I had not responded to any of your posts. And do not stand in judgment of you or how "your family works". What works in my family is mutual love, respect, and compromise. No one in my family demands there way. We discuss and work it out. There is not a "my way or the highway" mentality about it.

arnie900

This sounds abusive. He's feeling threatened that you want to change yourself for the better and he felt like no one else would want you if you were overweight and now he might lose you if you improve yourself. He's trying to control you and it's not OK. You should seek counseling with or without him. It starts with this and gets worse. Don't let it; you're in control.

SteveJWatson

When I was growing up my mother cooked one meal for dinner. If I didn't like it then I had best find myself something else to eat. She didn't take orders and then churn out eight individual meals for every member of the household. If other people have the time/desire to do such things good on them, but I know I don't.

Yeah, I can only imagine how far demanding my mum made something else for dinner would have gotten any of us. :bigsmile:

I know for a fact my dad doesn't like most veg, but only because when he cooked for us when mum was out he wouldn't make any, but I never heard him complain or saw him leave any food on his plate, ever.

I think 'not really liking' something seems to be some kind of barrier to eating it nowadays.

Although we never struggled (that I knew of) financially, growing up, my dad especially was from a very poor family - my grandad would save and drink the veg water (that which was not used to make gravy) to get all the 'goodness' out. He was the kind of man who would crack the bones from his meat and eat the marrow. So, I guess some of this has rubbed off on me. I can still make one whole chicken stretch to at least three days (usually four) worth of meals for a family of three - my wife says she has never seen anyone make such a large pile of meat from a seemingly used carcase....

aliciabavina

I agree with Maddalen101! lyou can eat foods you love as long as you keep track of your calories!. so having his and hers in the fridge would make it easier for both parties! Those in the household that are not trying to get fit still eat what they love! and you still get to eat what you want for yourself in order to be healthy and help you lose weight!. my situation when i joined was somewhat similar ...however my husband is fit and works out and is always trying to eat healthy...me..not so much! so when i decided now is the time for me to be serious and lose this weight i went and bought healthier snacks meals etc! my problem? he eats all the things i like and when i go to eat or drink something its gone!..lol But we decided my healthy meals and or snacks get put in a certain cabnet and in the fridge i have things that i like to eat on a certain shelf...it works for us so hopefully you and your husband can work something out and just know that we are all here rooting for you and are here whenever you need support!

SteveJWatson

The guy is an active man with no weight issues. I'm sure he wants the best for his wife, he just just (quite reasonably) doesn't want to starve just because she wants to lose weight. Needs vs wants.
Note that these "healthy" foods were moreso low calorie than healthy - nothing wrong with whole milk. At all.

I totally disagree with people saying he should cook and buy his own food. That just removes quite a large part of the relationship between them, and considering he is the one employed in the house, by all fairness it would mean he buys whatever he wants and OP has to deal with it.

I suspect the offering of the nachos (which are freaking awesome, btw) and subsequent rage was his reaction to showing OP what it was like to have a food you didn't want forced on you, and OP not getting the message. There was no food he usually enjoys in the house because OP threw it away, so he threw her stuff away. No one wants to be force fed food they don't want.
I'm pretty sure a compromise can be reached by buying to suit both of their needs - buy whole milk for him, 2% for her, ice cream for him, yoghurt for her. If OP can't control her cravings or whatever around her husbands food, that's not the foods fault nor her husbands: it's hers.

Or: he could just eat more of what she made and stop acting like a spoiled child.

rachel4304

WOW that was a harsh reaction. I am thinking he secretly doesnt want you to lose weight. You lose weight, you become more attractive to other men (which personally I find ridiculous) and he fears you will leave him.

Okay. That's both unfair and nonsensical in this case.

The guy is an active man with no weight issues. I'm sure he wants the best for his wife, he just just (quite reasonably) doesn't want to starve just because she wants to lose weight. Needs vs wants.
Note that these "healthy" foods were moreso low calorie than healthy - nothing wrong with whole milk. At all.

I totally disagree with people saying he should cook and buy his own food. That just removes quite a large part of the relationship between them, and considering he is the one employed in the house, by all fairness it would mean he buys whatever he wants and OP has to deal with it.

I suspect the offering of the nachos (which are freaking awesome, btw) and subsequent rage was his reaction to showing OP what it was like to have a food you didn't want forced on you, and OP not getting the message. There was no food he usually enjoys in the house because OP threw it away, so he threw her stuff away. No one wants to be force fed food they don't want.
I'm pretty sure a compromise can be reached by buying to suit both of their needs - buy whole milk for him, 2% for her, ice cream for him, yoghurt for her. If OP can't control her cravings or whatever around her husbands food, that's not the foods fault nor her husbands: it's hers.

QFT!

Pinkigloopyxie

Buy skim and whole milk, let him add whatever he wants to his own plate, etc. If he wants to cover his own veggies and chicken with a cup of cheese, let him. Just control your own portions.

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

The lack of marital respect in this thread is mind-boggling.

There are women on here advocating violence (slapping him, kicking him, hitting, etc.). Junk punches, hitting with anything, even a debit card, is violence. It shouldn't be advocated against anyone. The sheer number of women who advocate hitting a spouse is shocking.

What if guys got on here and started advocating that the husbands "junk punch" their wives or that the next time the wife buys the wrong thing that the guy slap her and make her sleep on the couch? Seriously? Do you really abuse your husbands at home, or do you just brag about it online?

How many of you would be fighting each other to be first in line to lynch any guy who even made such a suggestion that it was appropriate to lay hands on a woman in an inappropriate manner?

How much trouble is it really to feed the person in the house who generally eats 1.5 to 2 times what you eat? My husband eats around 3000 calories. Of course I make him extra food. He'd starve on my diet.

If you're in charge of the cooking, don't be a dictator. Be a considerate human being and feed your spouse what he needs/wants to eat along with the healthy stuff. Otherwise, if he does find someone who will cook what he wants, and who will be considerate of him and won't get on the net and brag about what a whipped guy he is, you women who do this will know why.

You're missing the part where instead of him having a reasonable conversation with her, he went bat****crazy and threw a temper tantrum. It's hard to respect somebody that clearly didn't respect his wife enough to explain that he wanted to be able to eat his food too in a manner that a husband should address his wife- ya know, like not throwing her food out...

No. Pretty sure I got that part of the OP's thread. Did you not get the part where they sat and had a long conversation and apologized to each other?

Respecting other people seems like such a big deal for some people.

This man has been accused of being an abuser and a drunk in this thread. Not to mention "bat [insert expletive here] crazy". That isn't deserved, and I'm not even sure OP expected that sort of rancor from the women on this board.

I am glad the OP and her husband are doing just fine with this. My comment wasn't even directed at her. It was directed to the angry hoard that decided to attack her husband and suggest physical violence.

Women who advocate that sort of thing are disrespecting themselves, their spouses and women as a group.

I choose not to advocate violence. If my remark against women suggesting "junk punches" offends you, does that say something negative against me? I tend to think it does not.

sunsnstatheart

The guy is an active man with no weight issues. I'm sure he wants the best for his wife, he just just (quite reasonably) doesn't want to starve just because she wants to lose weight. Needs vs wants.
Note that these "healthy" foods were moreso low calorie than healthy - nothing wrong with whole milk. At all.

I totally disagree with people saying he should cook and buy his own food. That just removes quite a large part of the relationship between them, and considering he is the one employed in the house, by all fairness it would mean he buys whatever he wants and OP has to deal with it.

I suspect the offering of the nachos (which are freaking awesome, btw) and subsequent rage was his reaction to showing OP what it was like to have a food you didn't want forced on you, and OP not getting the message. There was no food he usually enjoys in the house because OP threw it away, so he threw her stuff away. No one wants to be force fed food they don't want.
I'm pretty sure a compromise can be reached by buying to suit both of their needs - buy whole milk for him, 2% for her, ice cream for him, yoghurt for her. If OP can't control her cravings or whatever around her husbands food, that's not the foods fault nor her husbands: it's hers.

Or: he could just eat more of what she made and stop acting like a spoiled child.

Not every man is going to be happy with no control over what he eats at home. Name calling seems a bit much.

Colleen118

What he did was wrong. However this is a change you need to make, not him or the rest of the family. That was probably the hardest thing for me to accept. I was the one who had insulin resistance, I was the one with no thyroid, I was the one with the medical concerns... they should not have to burden my "sufferage" when they are perfectly healthy.

I eat meals with them, but different. Instead of having the ptoatoes or whatever heavy starchy side they have, my hubs (who does the majority of the cooking) makes me a spare side of veggies... something none of them will eat like aperagus. Now I get to eat some things I had given up because they wouldn't eat it and they still have the foods they want.

But to toss all of your food and ultimately threaten you... that is not healthy and is not supportive. There is a more deep seeded issue that requires attention there.

Shadowknight137

The guy is an active man with no weight issues. I'm sure he wants the best for his wife, he just just (quite reasonably) doesn't want to starve just because she wants to lose weight. Needs vs wants.
Note that these "healthy" foods were moreso low calorie than healthy - nothing wrong with whole milk. At all.

I totally disagree with people saying he should cook and buy his own food. That just removes quite a large part of the relationship between them, and considering he is the one employed in the house, by all fairness it would mean he buys whatever he wants and OP has to deal with it.

I suspect the offering of the nachos (which are freaking awesome, btw) and subsequent rage was his reaction to showing OP what it was like to have a food you didn't want forced on you, and OP not getting the message. There was no food he usually enjoys in the house because OP threw it away, so he threw her stuff away. No one wants to be force fed food they don't want.
I'm pretty sure a compromise can be reached by buying to suit both of their needs - buy whole milk for him, 2% for her, ice cream for him, yoghurt for her. If OP can't control her cravings or whatever around her husbands food, that's not the foods fault nor her husbands: it's hers.

Or: he could just eat more of what she made.

Is that so?

Okay, then. Let's flip things around.

Let's say the husband is trying to gain weight, OP is the one who works and earns the income and has no weight issues/is happy with her weight. Husband is the one who buys and cooks the food. For this reason, he cooks up more calorie dense meals: big meat and potato dinners, nachos, etc, etc. Stuff like, well. I'd cook.
Is it fair to say she should simply eat smaller portions of what he eats? That could very well amount to barely anything - a tiny portion of nachos. Alternatively, she could eat similarly to him. And gain weight.

See where I'm going wth this?
The guy doesn't want to lose weight, and I suspect he also doesn't want to shovel down large volumes of food he clearly doesn't like.

cuterbee

[Not every man is going to be happy with no control over what he eats at home. Name calling seems a bit much.

And that's why every man should know how to cook.

sunsnstatheart

[Not every man is going to be happy with no control over what he eats at home. Name calling seems a bit much.

And that's why every man should know how to cook.

And every woman should work full time?

nucsubman

You just keep up what you're doing! He's probably worried that you'll become so much more attractive that someone will try to sweep you off your feet!!! LOL!!

TigressPat

I seriously am baffled by how asinine the majority of the replies to this post are.
Do you know nothing about men?

So many of you are so quick to condemn the OP's hubby for being selfish, immature, abusive, insensitive, blah, blah blah...

Did any of you READ the original post?

He supported her for TWO MONTHS without complaining, without the slightest objection while she single handedly decided to change both their lifestyles without even consulting him.

So he acted like a child and blew up after 2 months of starving. I would too.

yeah, let's just chuck everything and kick him out. Or better yet, abuse him verbally and physically and play tit-for-tat money games like so many also suggested.

Yes, that's the perfect solution. It's all his fault for being skinny naturally and liking to eat "real" food.

And so many posters insist the hubby has an anger management problem, a drinking problem, a fear of his wife "getting Hot" problem. Projecting much?

The guy is not EATING. He's sucked it up and said nothing for TWO MONTHS. He's not overweight, yet he's being starved. He works. She doesn't. He pays for the groceries. She only buys the groceries she wants that are conducive to her new eating regime. She (and so many of you) don't seem to think that by paying for the groceries (and probably everything else in the house) he has a right to ask for FOOD he can enjoy. Maybe she doesn't have to cook it (though she should at least part of the time) but at the very least it should be AVAILABLE to him. And those of you who say he should get his own food are very quick to condemn him from bringing Taco Bell home! If he pays for it, it's ALL his food IMO.

there is no hidden agenda here, no ulterior motive. he doesn't want to sabotage her. He's HUNGRY.

Most men aren't that complicated Ladies.

I agree with those who say communication is essential to a relationship, of course, but it certainly does not sound as if the OP consulted her hubby at all when making major life decisions that affect him. and you all think this is fine, and he's an *kitten* for not being supportive!!! How would you feel if your SO suddenly decided that for his/her health you were going to become a vegan, a meatatarian, or eat only raw foods? Why is it ok her for to make that choice for both of them? Because you personally happen to agree with the choice she elected to make???

Poor guy.

jmcreynolds91

my husband eats any and everything also. At first when i started dieting things were hard because we both ate crappy. Now we have learned that its okay for me to have a giant salad and him fried chicken. He drinks sodas in front of me and it doesnt bother me. I have learned to say no. I think its fine to buy his type food and i buy mine. I just steer clear of it all.

susiemeri

I'm trying to sort through all of the responses here but don't see anything addressing this: I cook healthy food for my family because I want THEM to be healthy as well. If my husband and teenagers want to stuff themselves silly with junk food, that's their perogative, but they won't be doing it on my watch.

My fiance died suddenly ten years ago at the age of 42 of a massive coronary. He ate what he liked, didn't take care of himself, and shunned the idea of any kind of healthy eating. I love my husband and my kids, and I love myself. I don't feel like the OP should have to keep unhealthy food on hand because her husband wants to eat that way.

What I do when cooking for the family is just make extras of the stuff that the rest of them like -- pasta or chili or whatever - cook it all in a healthy way and seriously? Nobody is the wiser. They don't know if the chili is vegetarian or if the meat is extra lean or whatever. And if they're still hungry, they know where the peanut butter is!