Online dating

gioisa75

So I have caved to friends and signed up for online dating. Has anyone had any success at it? Currently it is a bit disappointing to say the least. Instead of a confidence booster it's making me actually depressed at the lack of response from people. just venting here.

SlickFootAnna

Well, from what I have understood, men tend to have a difference experience than women. Men have to do the legwork.

gioisa75

Trust me I am. I am really trying to communicate with people.

spade117

Use protection.

lovelyMYlovely

yes as a man you have to write the messages... lol... because woman dont like sending requests ( well at least i dont) but dont worry u will find a date.. my friend is using that right now and she likes it!!! but of course the men write her... lol..

im not into that kind of thing. i did use it once but i was tired of getting flooded with 30 messages when i logged on. other things turned me off aswell but i wont get into that lol..

good luck alot of people do have success !

trojanbb

Trust me I am. I am really trying to communicate with people.

It's almost impossible. A decent girl will get dozens of messages a day, some of them hundreds on the free sites. The average quality of the girls there is pretty low compared to what you would see in day-to-day life, so the good ones are bombarded by guys. I've had a few dates in the past few years from it so it can work...but not really worth the time and effort. Writing relevant messages that get responses takes a LONG time and it's a bit absurd to spend hours writing say 50 messages (if you can even find 50 decent girls on there) and get just a couple responses back.

AmandaWalt628

I've done the free sites and had some pretty trashy messages from guys. It was a MAJOR turn off to dating in general so I deleted the account. I then signed up for a paid site figuring that if someone actually went through the ordeal of PAYING for it, they would be more serious about it. However, the quality of men contacting me from there wasn't much better. I, like you, ended up feeling more depressed than when I started so I didn't renew that membership either. I won't try it again. I've also come to realize that I just don't really have the personality for online dating so that played a part in my decision as well.

Good luck to whatever you decide to do!!

dave4d

I met my wife on an online dating site. I have heard horror stories from others about it, though. Neither my wife, nor I can really say what drove us to go onto a dating site. It worked out for us, though.

No_Finish_Line

i can count on one hand the number of responses i've gotten out of probably 100s of hours of sending messages.

I'm pretty shy in person and fairly good at communicating through writing so i thought that it might be a good way for me to go.

Turns out i have much better luck in person, which is not saying much.

I assume that most women get so many responses that they probably don't even bother looking at a lot. that doesn't necessairly make me feel much better though.

cspence2270

I caved too..... in 2005, met my husband of 7 years that year on Yahoo. I think you just have to be careful- a lot of people out there are just looking to hook. Be honest about yourself.

I forgot to mention out wonderful little 4 y/o boy. :happy:

BEERRUNNER

VERY VERY VERY succesful!!!! Soooo succesful at that Yhaoo dating thing I got myself in trouble:devil:
It is a good vehicle to meet people!

DO IT!!!! HAVE FUN!!!:bigsmile:

And most importantly ............................No pressure , good times!!!!

CM9178

I tried online dating for years.. met a lot of people - some horrible ones, some good ones, that I dated for quite awhile but nothing that worked out long term.
Then, one day when I had given up on it, some random person sent me a message on Myspace. I randomly replied.
6 years later, we are happily married.

My sister also met her current boyfriend on Plenty Of Fish - they've been together for 1 1/2 yrs and are planning to get engaged soon.

nursedb

All I can say is make sure with each experience you have with online dating whether it be just a response or an actual date... Learn from those experiences. I have had some nice experiences and some terrible. Presently dating a really nice guy and have hidden my POF account til further! Good luck Hun! Xo

PRMinx

Trust me I am. I am really trying to communicate with people.

It's almost impossible. A decent girl will get dozens of messages a day, some of them hundreds on the free sites. The average quality of the girls there is pretty low compared to what you would see in day-to-day life, so the good ones are bombarded by guys. I've had a few dates in the past few years from it so it can work...but not really worth the time and effort. Writing relevant messages that get responses takes a LONG time and it's a bit absurd to spend hours writing say 50 messages (if you can even find 50 decent girls on there) and get just a couple responses back.

This. On the flip.

I'm trying it now and it's not really going anywhere. I haven't been contacted by many guys that I would consider dating and they guys I have gone out with have been awful. Either they are really jerky, incredibly superficial or just not my type. Part of the problem is that most people contact people based on their first impression of the photo with little thought about anything else. So, if you aren't someone's physical type off the bat, it's not going to happen. It's not like in real life where you can see how people really present themselves, smile, interact with others and so on. I'm not the most photogenic person. I know I'm getting blown off by guys who might be interested if they saw the full package in person. That's unfortunate.

demme02

I have found the "one" from online dating, so you can be successful. I did it on and off for years and it could be a very frustrating experience, but I found once I didn't put so many expectations on it, it was easier on me. I just considered it a backup plan so to say and was another avenue to put myself out there. Like losing weight, be patient as the results may be slower than expected.

wildfirediva

I have tried it off and on for years. [Most recently using OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish...both free sites].

It is definitely interesting. I do get several messages and respond in one way or another to about 75% of them. I am one of those rare girls that will take a chance to reach out to a man while searching if their profile really speaks to me. You think the lady's are poor at responding, the guys are worse unless you look like a Scottsdale Barbie (I live near Scottsdale so the expectation is high out here).

But I have met some shady characters who seemed ok online and I have met some cool people on occasion, and some I have remained friends with but mutually it wasn't there romantically. I too am the type that does a little better in person (when I do actually get out in a place I can meet people outside work).

desiv2

My friend used match.com and was successful, she got a few good dates, then found someone she really fell for. This was all within weeks. Also, a few other friends have gotten married from match.com.. perhaps you should try it?

They also have websites geared more specifically to certain types, age groups, interests, etc. maybe try those?

Either way, don't get discouraged, and keep your confidence up. It helps.

MasterKat

I met my husband online....8 years ago. I will tell you it took some time to weed out the weirdo, creeper, drama filled, truth stretching, send money to me in Africa guys. But I did also meet a few decent people along the way. When I met my husband... the connection was almost instant. I agree with looking for people that have actually paid for the service...they tend to take it a bit more serious. And...yes, guys have the hard part of reaching out to someone... a lot of girls like to be woo'd. Good luck!

KANGOOJUMPS

no, get a dog, cat, fish, budgie>

jbutterflye

I tried online dating for years.. met a lot of people - some horrible ones, some good ones, that I dated for quite awhile but nothing that worked out long term.
Then, one day when I had given up on it, some random person sent me a message on Myspace. I randomly replied.
6 years later, we are happily married.

My sister also met her current boyfriend on Plenty Of Fish - they've been together for 1 1/2 yrs and are planning to get engaged soon.

I had something similar. Tried online dating years ago when a friend suggested it. Back then it wasn't as common as it is now. Had several first dates with people who were not what they made themselves out to be online. Even had a woman propositioning me for a threesome with her husband. lol! After a while I was about to give up when I got this message from someone.. sounded nice but nothing that stood out in a big way but I had a good feeling about it for some strange reason. I told myself I would answer ONE LAST message and that was it. And 14 years later we're still married.

SerenaFisher

I did Match.com years ago, met someone I had a semi-serious relationship with years ago. I actually met the guy I've been with for eight years online as well, but it was in an AIM chat room, he thought I was a porn bot because I was promoting my website. How'd he find out I wasn't? Went to the page lol. In any case he was 20 minutes from me and contacted me once when I was dating, and then six months later and I had become single. We've been together ever since.

I feel dating sites can work, as long as you use it to meet local people, or people close enough to meet up with on a regular basis. I have seen people have long term relationships that are distanced but they usually end poorly because one person meets someone closer. I am convinced me and Tim worked out simply because he was within driving distance so we spent every day or near every day together.

PRMinx

I met my husband online....8 years ago. I will tell you it took some time to weed out the weirdo, creeper, drama filled, truth stretching, send money to me in Africa guys.

I die.

So true.

Momf3boys

I never have but when I was married my husband enjoyed the online entertainment...and that's why he is now my EX...lol

The_Enginerd

Trust me I am. I am really trying to communicate with people.

It's almost impossible. A decent girl will get dozens of messages a day, some of them hundreds on the free sites. The average quality of the girls there is pretty low compared to what you would see in day-to-day life, so the good ones are bombarded by guys. I've had a few dates in the past few years from it so it can work...but not really worth the time and effort. Writing relevant messages that get responses takes a LONG time and it's a bit absurd to spend hours writing say 50 messages (if you can even find 50 decent girls on there) and get just a couple responses back.

This. On the flip.

I'm trying it now and it's not really going anywhere. I haven't been contacted by many guys that I would consider dating and they guys I have gone out with have been awful. Either they are really jerky, incredibly superficial or just not my type. Part of the problem is that most people contact people based on their first impression of the photo with little thought about anything else. So, if you aren't someone's physical type off the bat, it's not going to happen. It's not like in real life where you can see how people really present themselves, smile, interact with others and so on. I'm not the most photogenic person. I know I'm getting blown off by guys who might be interested if they saw the full package in person. That's unfortunate.

I'm curious what kind of guys you are getting that you would not consider dating. Someone not interesting? Someone with no job?

I got lucky meeting my SO 7 years ago through Craigslist of all places after I had given up on dating sites. I was there looking for motorcycles and perused over to the personals as kind of a lark.

dodihere

I found my husband online.

Ed98043

I did online dating in my 20's and had great success with it. Now in my 40's I tried it once and, like you, was left really depressed and discouraged. Not only because the guys that contacted me were seriously defective - but also because the site I signed up with (I think it was Match) also lets you see everyone that looked at your profile and didn't contact you. Gee, thanks for that.

I think online dating is best for young, pretty women. Men, unless they're insanely good-looking, have to work hard because men outnumber women and because 90% of the guys are going after the same 10% of the girls. You've got to have some serious game to get her attention for longer than it takes her to hit delete...or you've got to dial back your expectations a bit and take a chance on a girl that's maybe not getting a hundred offers a day.

odddrums

I've done a lot of dating using okcupid, it's alright but you really need to spend time on there and don't let a lack of responses get to you. I usually just send out a question or 2, simple and short. No need to get super involved in first messages, they can actually work against you. I think about it as meeting someone in person, you wouldn't start a conversation with a total stranger by rattling off a long story and a bunch of questions, it would just be a little "Hello, I like your glasses. Do you ever go swimming the ocean?" or something like that.

I met a few girlfriends and made some friends, but you definitely have to kiss a lot of frogs and put up with a lot of lack of contact. I say don't do just online dating, but keep it as a part of your normal dating routine of going out, talking to new people and expanding your social network.

Serenitytoo

I met my BF last March on POF. I had to weed through a lot of undesireables. I had pretty much given up and hadn't been on in months when on a whim I logged in again. His picture showed up in the recently added. He had only just rejoined to give it another try. I didn't tend to write to guys as I never got responses, but I wrote to him (who had also given up on writing messages since many had been ignored). Somehow that was the right time to connect. (Funny enough, he used to work where I do and our time overlapped for 3 years, but we never met)

The best tip I can give you is say more than Hi in your email. You don't have to put a lot of work in, but at least put something there that shows you actually read her profile. Ask an interesting question. For me the only ones I tended to ignore completely were the ones that had less than 5 words in the email. Otherwise I would at least send a response.

Good luck!

PRMinx

Trust me I am. I am really trying to communicate with people.

It's almost impossible. A decent girl will get dozens of messages a day, some of them hundreds on the free sites. The average quality of the girls there is pretty low compared to what you would see in day-to-day life, so the good ones are bombarded by guys. I've had a few dates in the past few years from it so it can work...but not really worth the time and effort. Writing relevant messages that get responses takes a LONG time and it's a bit absurd to spend hours writing say 50 messages (if you can even find 50 decent girls on there) and get just a couple responses back.

This. On the flip.

I'm trying it now and it's not really going anywhere. I haven't been contacted by many guys that I would consider dating and they guys I have gone out with have been awful. Either they are really jerky, incredibly superficial or just not my type. Part of the problem is that most people contact people based on their first impression of the photo with little thought about anything else. So, if you aren't someone's physical type off the bat, it's not going to happen. It's not like in real life where you can see how people really present themselves, smile, interact with others and so on. I'm not the most photogenic person. I know I'm getting blown off by guys who might be interested if they saw the full package in person. That's unfortunate.

I'm curious what kind of guys you are getting that you would not consider dating. Someone not interesting? Someone with no job?

I got lucky meeting my SO 7 years ago through Craigslist of all places after I had given up on dating sites. I was there looking for motorcycles and perused over to the personals as kind of a lark.

I'm pretty open to most types, but there are some things that are immediately a turn off including, someone who smokes regularly (been there, done that), someone who does not have a job, someone who does not like animals, someone who can't type a coherent sentence, someone who wants a housewife and someone who does not want children. From a physical perspective, I'd have a hard time dating someone my height or shorter (i'm 5'5) and I prefer a guy who isn't skinnier than I am. If I can take you in a wrestling match, we are probably not a match.

The other big turnoff is the guy who will only date in the "skinny" category or otherwise comes across as superficial. If I see that, I usually run in the other direction because, to me, it implies that all they care about is looks and I don't want that kind of pressure (been there too and its awful).

A very nice to have is an interest in traveling and a non-picky eater.

I wouldn't think this is a tough list, but it's hard to find!

kloco

So I have caved to friends and signed up for online dating. Has anyone had any success at it? Currently it is a bit disappointing to say the least. Instead of a confidence booster it's making me actually depressed at the lack of response from people. just venting here.

I met my boyfriend online. We've been together for a year and a month now and many more months to come. We're super happy and I'll probably never find anyone else who meshes so well with me.

gioisa75

So I have caved to friends and signed up for online dating. Has anyone had any success at it? Currently it is a bit disappointing to say the least. Instead of a confidence booster it's making me actually depressed at the lack of response from people. just venting here.

I met my boyfriend online. We've been together for a year and a month now and many more months to come. We're super happy and I'll probably never find anyone else who meshes so well with me.

That's awesome! Thanks everyone for an actual response and not a sarcastic one.