most emberassing place you've ever audibly farted

mcflat29

Oh come on ... lighten up for goodness sake! Topic's not so "hot" that you have to "try" to be a fireman!

People are here to support each other and lose weight and hopefully have a little fun along the way. Bodily functions are bodily functions - and they do just that - sometimes one simply 'gotta' do it.

You really do not have to read this post. It isn't required for your 9th grade Social Studies - or 7th Grade - or whatever - class. We're all adults here, having fun, laughing about the things that embarrassed us. So lighten up or just go read another thread and take yourself out of the situation. I.E. change the channel. Use the remote. Switch roads. Make it easy on yourself. Don't get all 'het up'. Cool the jets. Take a chill pill. Relllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx! Laughing doesn't hurt and if this isn't a funny thread for you (it's hysterical to me and my wife) find one that is and leave this one.

^^THIS! A-FREAKING-MEN!!

JULIUSKITTY

I have been with my husband for 3 years now and never been much of a audible farter, with the exception of a few times during sleep. He always out does me farting by night and by morning.. so one day as I climb into bed a good 10 minutes into us falling asleep.. BOOOOM!! lol!!! I woke us both up!.. and yea it was a BOOOOOM!!... I didnt know after 32 years a fart could Booom!! I was laughing histariclay while he was disturbed saying things like omg!! you moved the blanket!. or that was a rocket!! like a real rocket!!! which just made me laugh harder... then a few more little farts continued out these ones were more human like but he continued with the comments.. and I finaly said.. awww honey pay backs a B**&$ aint it?.. as I was trying to fall asleep I couldnt help it I kept laughing.. he was like stop!! I need to sleep.. but dang it I swear I had random chuckles for a good hour before I could finaly resign...fast forward to now.. now he laughs about it.. but not that night !!

mcflat29

Question: If the gal on the treadmill next to you is audibly farting (Running farts as it were) should you tap her on the shoulder and clue her in or just leave it be? :huh:

Sometimes I think people forget they're making noise because they have their headphones on and volume cranked... :laugh: :laugh:

ChaosMoosie

I have been a training instructor and technical advisor for a Fortune 500 company for many years, and have always maintained pretty tight control of my 'actions' by using judicious breaks during classes. All failed me one day... I was instructing on the use and repair of a particular machine, and had 15 of my new students in the class gathered around the machine. I was showing them how to connect power to the unit and squatted down next to the next to the machine. You'd have thought that the back side of my jeans had ripped apart! The sound was amplified by the wall behind me and the concrete floor under me and there I was, looking up at 15 pairs of eyes in a semicircle all staring at me in shock.

Then from the back I heard one student say 'No need to tear it - I'll take the whole cloth." and another one say "Speak! oh mighty toothless wonder!" and the whole class broke up laughing so hard we couldn't stop.

Took a break, calmed down, dismissed the class and started back the next morning!

ChaosMoosie

I have never laughed so hard in all my life.

My husgand and I practice "the wave." It is nightime, you fart under the covers, so you do "the wave" with the bedsheets pretending to adjust your blankets. I keep two bottles of air freshener in the bedroom for just this purpose.

My wife and I cause "the wave" .... lol~

berlynn_j

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Oh, and by the way, TEACHERS are NOT in classes to teach YOUR CHILD "manners and respect, etc.". They are there to teach classes. It is the PARENTS who teach manners. It is the PARENTS who teach respect. If YOU don't do that, there is NOTHING a teacher can do to make it happen FOR you. So teach your own child manners. Teach your own child to respect others and themselves. You'll be doing him or her a favor. After all, most teachers see a child between 4 and 8 hours a week for about 36 weeks. That is a total of 134 to 268 hours a YEAR and if you count ALL the time the kid spends in school, that comes up to only 1260 hours. The other 7,506 hours belong to YOU, hon. No way any teacher or group of teachers can compete with that or make a difference in what a kid learns by example in the 86% of time you have him/her in your control.

Teachers can encourage and cajole, but they can't do something you don't do first... with all due respect.
[/quote]

If I could start a standing ovation for this . . . I would. I you

Eb155

I had a brand new coworker and we shared a VERY small office... it was late in the day, I was totally into what I was working on, and forgot there was another person in this room I was used to being alone in.

I mean, I went for the cheek lift and everything - no sense in letting it get stifled in crappy office chair foam.

We ended up becoming really close friends, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm so classy.

I think you've just become my new best friend!

When I was a young kid, I was taking a bath with a friend and farted. She puked right in the tub it smelled so bad! Another time I farted in the car with my fiance and he got out and puked! Another time I farted around him and he had to go stick his head in the freezer to keep his eyes from watering. It's like we were meant to be

Damn girl, what are you eating?????

I can hardly breathe or see right now BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You're AWESOME

choochoobell

Bumping for later

trixiemou

This thread is so funny. have not farted reading it but have very nearly wet myself......... Tears are streaming!!!!!

weightedfootsteps

This is not my story...but I nominate this lady...FTW! Reposted from her site: hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/


Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it's the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that's "Silent But Deadly" for you prudes).

It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That's when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good. He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I'm not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn't want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a
15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms. We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn't allowed myself to eat in years. I didn't want to be "that girl" so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?

That's when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways - uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn't feeling well and probably needed to head home. On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn't having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks.
Then I realized ...

My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I'm in trouble. Big trouble. The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard. "Seriously, you need to hurry - I'm in a lot of pain." I managed to say through gritted teeth.

"Wow, it's that bad? What's wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?"
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you're writhing in pain is because you have to fart?

Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out.
The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced it's way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I'm home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud.
Not in a, "am I smelling something?" sort of way. More like a "is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?" sort of way.

Suddenly, I panicked. "Roll down the windows!" I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).

"What? Why?" Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
"I can't roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!"

"What's going on?" Rob yells back to me, "Why are you ..." then it hit him.
I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, "Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!" he screamed.

"Roll down the windows!" As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.

It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.

Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows.
We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.

We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way. He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, "Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!" and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.

I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.

Then I heard it. Rob's voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.

"Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?"

"Get away from the door!" I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist. "Ok, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*

"I'm fine, Rob - just leave the shoes there. I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay, are you sure you're ..."

"I'm fine! Get away from the door!"

This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin' hint!

Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I'd hear from him. I didn't think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours. But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we're married and he's laying on the couch while I type this ... "It was your rack that saved you," he just lovingly reminded me.

Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.

My absolute favorite story by far!!!! And I feel for this lady!!!

My most embarrassing was when I was in fifth grade...I had gas buildup and a cold!!! We all know that doesn't go together at all!!!! Well, I started coughing and coughing. Finally I coughed so hard a couple slipped out. The boy behind me said ewww!!!! You farted!!! Really loudly. Well...I told him, "you try holding them in when you cough that hard!!" He looked at me like I was insane..that I should have been more embarrassed because I was called out on it. I was truly embarrassed but I wasn't going to let him know:blushing: :laugh: :laugh:

JULIUSKITTY

Hey!! where did all our fart stories go? I was being quite amused!

Alex_is_Hawks

i never audibly fart....


true story....

i haven't heard one YET.

_noob_

i never audibly fart....


true story....

i haven't heard one YET.

wow...loud and deadly make the best farts too.

iAMsmiling

i never audibly fart....


true story....

i haven't heard one YET.

Yea, but you cheat.

AmyFett

I farted on my first push giving birth to my first daughter. I was so embarrassed... I know it's normal and all, but doesn't make it less embarrassing!

Absonthebrain

I should never have openned this thread - I'm laughing so hard they are going to know Im not actually working. Taxes are not this funny.

LOL they sure arent this thread is super funny!

MereExtraordinaire

Shortly after my boyfriend and I first started dating, I accidentally farted -- LOUDLY -- at the fire station where he works, right in front of his coworkers. All we did was stare at each other, wide-eyed, and then laugh uncontrollably for the next five minutes.

fiferize

At work in the hallway outside my office door. I guess I am not a lady....

TrailRunner61

During my annual visit to my gynecologist. He paused and moved back a bit but never said anything. I wanted to die. Nothing has compared since.

BriskaPacojame

bump.... gotta read this later.