Strangest thing you have heard a kid say

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  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I was babysitting an 8 old boy named Van and his 9 yr old sister Bella. While I was helping Bella with her homework, I smelled something burning. I looked up, saw smoke, and sprinted into the kitchen. I found Van running around with an oven mitt on his hand, wrapped around what looked to be a a charred piece of wood. It was a burrito.

    Me: Van! What did you do!

    Van: I microwaved the burrito... It said twenty minutes

    Me: NO you put it in the oven for twenty minutes, and you aren't even supposed to be cooking!

    Van: Well when you watch us, mom usually comes home drunk and I figured a burrito would fix her because burritos are good for hangoverjobs.

    Me:...
  • Gr8ChangesAhead
    Gr8ChangesAhead Posts: 836 Member
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    Walking down the boardwalk in NJ ( my oldest had just bought herself a hermit crab and cage) and my 7 year old yells, "When I get older I wanna be just like my sister and have a boyfriend and get crabs, I almost pissed my self laughing.
  • DefluffinMyStuffin
    DefluffinMyStuffin Posts: 76 Member
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    When my daughter was about four, we were shopping at Sam's Club and she saw this picture on the exit door and says so matter-of-factly in her awesome deadpan way..."Mommy, look. That's the door we should run out of if we get chased by a big chicken".
    chicken.png
    I kept a picture like that on my phone forevah because one glance and I'd fall out laughin' again. :tongue:
  • jessmart83
    jessmart83 Posts: 283 Member
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    I took my best friends 5 year old to McDonalds. We got up to the register and i said "Moo what would you like to drink?"... her response "I need some Vodka!"
  • Nikki31104
    Nikki31104 Posts: 816 Member
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    While walking through Wal- Mart one day my son who was about 4 at the time asked me if I was going to have more babies. I said no thinking he would leave it at that. Oh no...he then said VERY loudly "Is it because the dentist took out your baby parts?"
  • lovelyMYlovely
    lovelyMYlovely Posts: 1,066 Member
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    my daughter has hard times taking naps... ( she hates it actually ) so to get her to take naps i tell her that she needs to get good rest or she wont get enough beauty sleep, she asks what is beauty sleep- I explain that if kids grow up to not get enough rest they end up turning really ugly like this ( then i made a ugly face lol ) she was surprised and said " oh no" so i tuck her in and tell her good night! she wakes up 2 hours later and the first thing she says to me is " look how beautiful I am now" haha! lol..
  • Liatush
    Liatush Posts: 627 Member
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    My son has such funny remarks sometimes. He has a crush on this girl, but he is too shy to tell me her name. Guess, he asked. I said, well, I need at least first and last letter of her name. So he says A and A. First name that comes to my mind is Agatha. So I guessed it.

    He bursts out laughing and goes, really mom? Agatha? that's an old lady name!! Hey Agatha, what a sexy cane you got there!

    I was on the floor!

    Oh, and he's 11. Smart-tush.
  • sarantonio
    sarantonio Posts: 880 Member
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    Both mine are goofy as hell
    My favorites are when my son (7) barged into the bathroom and I was doing the "brazillian butt lift pencil test" and he ran out laughing and yelling "Mom is trying to put a pencil up her butt!"

    And my daughter (4) ask if she could grow a "moose-stache" when she gets older, when I told her no she sadly replied "But I alweady do take my bite-a-mins!!"

    Edit: Oh, when my niece was 4 she had a habit of screaming "oh my nuts!" when she fell, she's the only girl of 4
  • honey_bee_keysha
    honey_bee_keysha Posts: 773 Member
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    My seven year old niece told me the other day that she thinks I should have a baby so she could have a sister. She insisted that I could go to the hospital tomorrow and pick out a baby.....like I'm picking out a bag of chips or something lol
  • sarantonio
    sarantonio Posts: 880 Member
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    My son has such funny remarks sometimes. He has a crush on this girl, but he is too shy to tell me her name. Guess, he asked. I said, well, I need at least first and last letter of her name. So he says A and A. First name that comes to my mind is Agatha. So I guessed it.

    He bursts out laughing and goes, really mom? Agatha? that's an old lady name!! Hey Agatha, what a sexy cane you got there!

    I was on the floor!

    Oh, and he's 11. Smart-tush.

    Thats hilarious!!
  • mcflat29
    mcflat29 Posts: 2,159 Member
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    My nephew, 4 at the time: So I was playing with the crocodile that lives in the garden out back who's friends with the frogs and the toads and the bugs and they said they all have to work together to have a healthy garden and -mumble mumble- and I learned a lot... so I grabbed a tomato and eated it and told them to have a good day and that's how I got here....:laugh:

    He loves long stories for easy answers. I asked why he was visiting Grandma and Grandpa (my parents). My brother lives right behind my parents so he can walk from one yard to the other if the gate's open. :laugh: :laugh:

    Oh, the crocodile that "lived" in their garden was a decoration...
  • mamasmaltz3
    mamasmaltz3 Posts: 1,111 Member
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    When my son was three he told me he didn't want to get married. I said "Oh really? Why?". He responded "Cause then I'd have to see their boobs.". I laughed and said "Well, I think you may change your mind someday."

    When I told a friend of mine about the conversation she said "Well, it just goes to show ya, he's already thinking about them!".
  • RNDougherty
    RNDougherty Posts: 58
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    My mom had just gotten her eyebrows tattooed and it was darker than the natural color. When my son saw her he asked "Grandma, why are you so mad? someone gave you angry eyebrows".

    Another time I asked him if he wanted to go to the 99 cent store with me and he said "No mom, they have girls with mustaches at the 99 cent store". I went alone and noticed he was right, many were quite hairy lol.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    My mom had just gotten her eyebrows tattooed and it was darker than the natural color. When my son saw her he asked "Grandma, why are you so mad? someone gave you angry eyebrows".

    Another time I asked him if he wanted to go to the 99 cent store with me and he said "No mom, they have girls with mustaches at the 99 cent store". I went alone and noticed he was right, many were quite hairy lol.


    Angry eyebrows! Lol.
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
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    My mom had just gotten her eyebrows tattooed and it was darker than the natural color. When my son saw her he asked "Grandma, why are you so mad? someone gave you angry eyebrows".

    Another time I asked him if he wanted to go to the 99 cent store with me and he said "No mom, they have girls with mustaches at the 99 cent store". I went alone and noticed he was right, many were quite hairy lol.

    Ah yes, the combination of incredible awareness, and brutal honesty. I love it.

    Why is it that this is cute when kids do it, but adults get called *kitten*? xD
  • Lady_Lamb
    Lady_Lamb Posts: 103 Member
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    3 year old girl in my class: "My dad uses the word "reptilian" and he doesn't even know what it means." Me: "Hmm... What was he describing as being reptilian?" Girl (very casually): "My farts."
  • RollinDawg
    RollinDawg Posts: 235 Member
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    Heard a kid tell his mom "Bite me!" and he survived. I couldn't believe it, if I'd ever said that to my mom (which I never would have ever thought of doing) I would have been dead on the spot. I wanted to kick his butt for her since she wouldn't do it.
  • MorganLeighRN
    MorganLeighRN Posts: 411 Member
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    My husband and I took our son to his 5 year check up with his doctor. When she was checking his testicles she could find one. His doctor said "I can't find your other testicle. When do you think it will come back?" Without missing a beat, he responds "Maybe when you stop touching it!" My husband, my son's doctor and I were on the floor.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    I teach 6th grade...so I've filed away quite a collection over the years. My favorite it still one from my very first year. We were discussing the presidential line of succession in the event of a presdent's death or resignation. One kid asks, "But how do you even manage to kill a president?" Another kid looks at him all incredulous-like, with big eyes and yells "Mercenaries, BOY! Assassins! NINJAS!"

    I nearly died laughing. It was class dismissed after that. I just couldn't follow that act...

    :laugh:
  • NuggetLovesEdie
    NuggetLovesEdie Posts: 477 Member
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    I'm in love with this thread. Just what I needed after a long day!

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