Strangest thing you have heard a kid say

Only1Mickee

When my oldest tried telling me what kind of dog the president had she kept repeating "watergese portudog" I laughed so hard. I finally had to correct her.

LuznLulu1979

my 3 year old son was eating from a bag of peanuts & i asked if i could have some ...he looks at me all concerned and serious and says: NO because u will throw up and die! haha silly kid ..I guess he just didnt want to share

ldonahue74

my youngest one, when he was about 4, developed this HUGE crush on faith hill. he was totally convinced that she was his girlfriend. one day, we were at his aunt's house visiting, and he had just woke up from a nap, and he came to tell me about how he had a dream about his girlfriend. they had gone on a picnic in the woods, and they were climbing trees, and he found a monkey and he caught it for her. pretending like i'm interested, i ask him what he did with the monkey, and he tells me he gave it to her, and she was petting his monkey. at this point, his aunt and i look at each other, our minds going straight into the gutter with the innuendo, of course, and we snicker. then he tells us how the monkey escaped and he was trying to catch it, and his monkey was jumping into the bush, and out of the bush, and into the bush, and out of the bush. i think we almost died laughing LOL

leoniemaree

my son told his teacher at school that his dad in hospital with echidna rocks took the teacher all day to work out it was kidney stones, he was 5 at the time, and he used to love that "potato show" MASH lol

MissMay87

My 2-year-old nephew was sick with the flu last week. A few days ago my six-year-old daughter wakes up coughing and sneezing and says "Mom, I think Bray got me sick. I told him to stay away from me, but he didn't listen!"

A few minutes into the halftime show of the Super Bowl my daughter turns to us and says "I thought we were watching football." Hahaha. She cracks me up.

ldonahue74

my youngest one was full of them when he was little (he's a teenager now, and barely talks to his old mom lol), most of them are quite inappropriate for a public forum or i could probably fill this myself lol...but he had an intestinal malrotation when he was a baby, and needed surgery. he's got a scar from one side of his stomach to the other. and when he was little, he would ask about it, and i'd try to explain to him that the doctor had to cut him so she could fix his insides. which would lead to him running up to random strangers, and yanking up his shirt, asking "do you want to see where i got cut by a KNIFE?!?!"

hajenkatt

Just this afternoon from my six year old son on the way home from school:

Son: Mom, you know what makes me sad about Grandpa?
Me: No, what honey?
Son: That he has all those red veins on his face.
Me: Oh, okay darlin' but let's not tell him that because we don't want to hurt his feelings.
Daughter chimes in: What do you mean? Red veins on his face?
Me: Some people just have them.
Son: It means he's dying.

MichelleZannone

The other night at the dinner table I heard from my nephew " Aunt Shell I know what lesbian's eat" me: "what is that?" him: " cats" I about spit out my food!!!!:noway:

tobejune

My son (3) to his Grandmother: "You can't drive because you're a girl."
Grandmother: "But I DO drive...."
Son: "Well.... That's because you're sort of a 'manish' girl."

He's clearly been spending too much time in the car with his father.

joyundefined

This is taken a few years ago, after my 5th graders had to watch the sex education video:

One of the girls comes up to me with wide eyes and says, "Ms. G, I saw IT, and IT was HAIRY!!"

I about died trying not to laugh and look properly traumatized for her.

ObtainingBalance

Lolll

LovelyLaura2321

The 3 1/2 year old boy I nanny consistently says he wants to eat church people........

so creepy...

Kayla_292to165

when my daughter was 4, she swallowed a penny. After x-rays and a quick check by the doctor, he said she was good to go but we'd probably lost our penny forever. Putting her hands on her hips, she looks right at him and says "that's ok. We have lots of money at home." and she walked out of the room.

wickedwendy6

This is a very old story that gets retold often:

I was at my sister's house and the phone rang. Her 10yr old son answered it and it was a female friend of his 16 yr old brother, so off 10yr old goes to find 16yr old only to discover that he is in the toilet. He goes back to the phone and says "He can't come to the phone right now - he's doing plops!"

LissaK1981

My parents live close to a dairy queen and my little sister walked over there one day and was pan handling for ice cream, she told someone that her dad never let her see her mom and some other sad lines. This is a very small town, a friend brought her home and told my mom what she was saying. Mom says to my little sister "What if they put your Dad in jail for your lies?" My little sister said "It's OK, I'd go visit him."

Also when she was really little when she was scared she would say "I'm creepy"

chubbygirl253

My sister is 6'2" & her husband is 5'6" and they have a toddler who just turned 3. He thinks mommy is grown up but he always talks about when he gets big or when daddy gets big. Because dad is short he doesnt think dad is a grown up.

Maribel_1986

My mom's favorite story to tell about me as a child was the day I threw a temper-tantrum. Note that I was always a very docile child... I never acted up in any way. This particular day when I was about three, I didn't get my way and threw a toy across the room screaming. I looked up at my mom, eyes round as saucers and asked, "Do you think Santa saw that?"

That is so CUTE!!! :laugh:

stubbseyt

my sons friend used to come over after school and look down the toilet and pass judgement on its cleanliness.. it was never dirty.. i used to call him the toilet attendant!

TheLuSir

"Look, mom! A chocolate man!"

Brianna72994

When my oldest was about a year old she was climbing up one of those little tyke toy slides. When she got to the top and bent to sit down, she passed gas and immediately looked up at me surprised. She then very seriously said "bless you"...I was crying for laughing so hard--kids are awesome

Haha this one is my favorite. Too cute!

stoked2b

Last night my daughter said that day at school she learned all about "the stinks". I said, "the stinks? What is that?" (Besides the obvious). She said it looks like a lion and it's in Egypt! I said, "ohhhh! The Sphinx!"

Nutella91

idk but kids grab my *kitten* all the time! like, kids on the street, just run to you, grab your *kitten* and run away, it really pisses me off.

vnsswsh6

LOL! my grandson came to me , he said Ma, you are old school and I'm new school!:laugh:

Chubbyhulagirl

Bump for laughs

TheLuSir

idk but kids grab my *kitten* all the time! like, kids on the street, just run to you, grab your *kitten* and run away, it really pisses me off.

Main St. at Disneyland, CA? Yeah, me too...

TheLuSir

I was 7, my sis was 5.

Dad: Where is your sister?
Me: I dunno.
[Dad walks upstairs] Dad: What are you doing?
Sis: Oh, just nailing a nail in the wall.
Dad: What?! Go to your room!

Ha, priceless...

rtwinrn06

Bump. Getting funny looks at work.

TheLuSir

My mom and dad had a water bed (when they were the latest fad). My sis jumps on the bed to wake my parents up.

Sis: Time to get up.
Dad: Go back to sleep, babygirl.
Sis: Nope! Come on, dad. Rock the boat!

My dad looks over at my mom and they both bust out laughing!

Brianna72994

bump

TheLuSir

Heard this in class tonight:

(Son is 6)

[Commercial comes on for male enhancement] Do you want to be bigger? Longer?....
Son: Hey, dad! Do you want to be bigger and longer?
Mom: Oh my lord...