Strangest thing you have heard a kid say
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My son is infamous for blurting out strange things at inappropriate times.....latest ones have been: Standing in line at the gas station and he yells out "I"M A CHEETAH...RAAAWWWRRRR" Dropped down to all fours and started growling at the other customers or "Mom, I don't like that dog, he's a basket" Me:"A basket?????" Him: "Yeah it's a bad word and i'm sorry i said it but that dog...he's just a basket"0
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I've posted this before. .but It's so good!
So my kid sometimes requires me to squat in front of the toilet while he's on it and he lays his head down on my knees. . .don't ask. .
Anyway, he's laying down on my knees and he says "I like yours better, because when mommy does it, my head goes down there and I smell something weird. ."
Of course I almost choked to death at this point but I manage to say: "Oh really Russell, what does it smell like?". .
"I dunno. . Dead Squirrels?"
(don't worry, we're already divorced )
)
OMG, I just snorted. Thanks for the laugh.0 -
I get that all the time
"Miss what do i have to do to get suspended? What would it take for you to send me to ISS?"
Tell they that they have to behave well, be polite, do their homework and excel in exams ... for a whole term. Explain that this deviation from their usual behavior will so psyche out the school, their peers and their parents that they will be suspended for a month while the issue is investigated.
(Well, it's worth a shot
why is it the more i read about High School kids antics the more I want that to be the job i go back to whenever i return to work? I'm not even qualified for regular teaching but are these kids hard enough to get teachers for that they might just let me in?0 -
My son is infamous for blurting out strange things at inappropriate times.....latest ones have been: Standing in line at the gas station and he yells out "I"M A CHEETAH...RAAAWWWRRRR" Dropped down to all fours and started growling at the other customers or "Mom, I don't like that dog, he's a basket" Me:"A basket?????" Him: "Yeah it's a bad word and i'm sorry i said it but that dog...he's just a basket"
oh yeah my kid has interesting bad words and insults. like if your whining or just opposed to his ideas.."dont' be so necessary!"
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oh no!!! Not Dead Squirrels - :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: This just made my day that is hilarious!I've posted this before. .but It's so good!
So my kid sometimes requires me to squat in front of the toilet while he's on it and he lays his head down on my knees. . .don't ask. .
Anyway, he's laying down on my knees and he says "I like yours better, because when mommy does it, my head goes down there and I smell something weird. ."
Of course I almost choked to death at this point but I manage to say: "Oh really Russell, what does it smell like?". .
"I dunno. . Dead Squirrels?"
(don't worry, we're already divorced ))
Reminds of my daughter when she was 5. She claimed to know what that body part on a girl a called.
She said, Mommy , I know what that's called down there.
And I said, you do? well what is it? (and I only asked because I could hardly imagine she really knew)
And so she didn't answer right away...she's thinking real hard....and finally she says...It rhymes with.......(long pause, as my eyes get ginormous wondering what the heck is going to come out of her mouth)......."M"ROTCH!
Oh jesus I about peed myself!0 -
In high school I was the one who kept the Quote Book... I logged all sorts of things my peers would say. Later when they read them they would laugh and have to be told of the circumstances where they said certain things. A few of my favorites were
"Do you know who I am Mrs. Porter?! Ronald McDonald is my real father!" - the redhead kid whos family owns the local McDonalds
"I swear to God... if you don't back off I'm shoving my big toe in your nostril!"
"But do you like peanut butter more than you like penis?" - sweetest girl in the class
"I can't believe I'm pregnant again.. but I guess the first thing to do is figure out if it's mine..." - freshman moron that made me want to scream
"I am NOT an alcoholic! I am Skoltar... intergalactic HERO!' -.... I think that may have been me.
again wanna teach high school.0 -
My little can't pronounce her L's very well. She's 3 and it's still hard for her, but not nearly as bad as it used to be. Anyhow, there was a 4th of July parade in our neighborhood and when the cars and "floats" went by with people waving "flags"...she starts screaming "LOOK, IT'S A FLAG PARADE; I LOVE FLAGS!!!" Only it didn't sound like flags with no L. lol. Luckily it was so noisy, no one else noticed what was really coming out of her mouth.
Unfortunately, it didn't play out that in Target when we were in the decor section and she spotted the "clocks". :blushing: And not just clocks. It was "mama, look at the great big clock!" and "hey, there's a little tiny clock; it's so cute". We've been working on telling time so she's SUPER excited about clocks...lmao0 -
Kid: can I get a 5 with a little head?
Me: Excuse me?
Kid: I need a 5 with a little head.
Me: (looking for his parents), you need what? (I asked again because I just couldn't believe what I was hearing)
Kid: You know, (he then shows me a 5 dollar bill) a 5 with a little head.
THis was when money was converting from what we remember, to the now known monopoly money. The cash change machines only accepted the older style money.
PRICELESS!!! that was about 10 years ago and I still remember it so clearly0 -
My little can't pronounce her L's very well. She's 3 and it's still hard for her, but not nearly as bad as it used to be. Anyhow, there was a 4th of July parade in our neighborhood and when the cars and "floats" went by with people waving "flags"...she starts screaming "LOOK, IT'S A FLAG PARADE; I LOVE FLAGS!!!" Only it didn't sound like flags with no L. lol. Luckily it was so noisy, no one else noticed what was really coming out of her mouth.
Unfortunately, it didn't play out that in Target when we were in the decor section and she spotted the "clocks". :blushing: And not just clocks. It was "mama, look at the great big clock!" and "hey, there's a little tiny clock; it's so cute". We've been working on telling time so she's SUPER excited about clocks...lmao
:laugh: :laugh: :sad: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
my almost 3 year old: "daddy...you're an *kitten*."
me: "excuse me?"
kid: "you are an *kitten*...mommy said so."0 -
My 4 year old twin boys are CONSTANTLY coming out with ridiculous things. I probably have a new story every day of the week (and tell my coworkers all of them)
My son recently came into the bathroom while I was getting ready for work and says "My daddy has a furry penis" (we're divorced) and so I'm like "oh yeah?" and he says "yup, one day he was just standing there and the hair from his head fell from his head and got stuck, now he has a furry penis"
hmmm........inventive?0 -
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My family was preparing to move to Iowa from Missouri and were trying to pump up our then 2 year olds about it. Their grandparents live in Iowa and I knew they would be excited abou that! I said "Deven, do you know who lives in Iowa?"
Very expectant pause, and then he responded with enthusiasm, "Jesus!?"
Please don't blow me up about the next statement. I honestly have NO idea where my kid heard this from.
Deven was telling me that he was too scared to go to the downstairs of the church alone. I asked him "why?" He responded that he was afraid of monsters.
Very seriously, I looked him in the face and said, "Honey, there are no such things as monsters! You have no reason to be afraid!"
He said, with wide eyes, "UH HUH, Mom, Barack Obama is a MONSTER!".0 -
Bump to read later... I'm trying to do it at work and I can't control laughing outloud!!!
Funny stuff people!0 -
Bump to read later!
I had to stop because I was laughing too loud at work!! :laugh: :laugh:0 -
My son (who is 3) is non stop entertainment.
An aunt was visiting once and she asked him did he have any money in his pockets. He said no so she pulls out the dollar and gives it to him. He proceeds to tell her he can't buy anything with a dollar. LOL.
Different day, he's getting out of the tub and as I'm toweling him off, he begins to slap his naked parts. I said "what are you doing?" He replies. "look mommy, I'm hitting my penis." I reply, "Why are you doing that? Stop it." He says. "It's big." I damn near fell on the floor.
I was also watching some movie and my son is very aware of bad words, but he's a smarty-pants about it. As soon as someone in the movie let out a choice word. He said "Awww. Mommy he said *kitten*. he's not supposed to say *kitten*. Why did that man say *kitten* when he's not supposed to say *kitten*. *kitten* is a bad word mommy." Thank you son. *sigh* lol.0 -
After giving my son (7 at the time) ginger ale for an upset stomach: "thanks mom. Now I know what my vomit is going to taste like later."0
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Watching a movie with a couple kids I babysit where a character goes to jail. One was scared and had to close his eyes. The other one's response? "I want to go there when I grow up!"0
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I work in a supermarket, and the other day a little kid (probably between 6-8yrs) came in with his mum.. They were both stood looking at the alcohol, and the boy said 'mum, please can i have a bottle of baileys?' His mum said 'no darling, not tonight' then the little boy then said 'PLEASE mum, i love Baileys!'
My face was shocked!!! My mouth dropped to the floor! I couldnt believe what this little boy had said to his mum!0 -
One day my 3 year old niece said , "I married Ethan. My boyfriend is Brandon. But I'm in love with the other Brandon."
She really thinks that she married Ethan because she was the flower girl and he was the ring bearer in my sister's wedding. I don't know what's up with the other two guys. LOL0 -
I've posted this before. .but It's so good!
So my kid sometimes requires me to squat in front of the toilet while he's on it and he lays his head down on my knees. . .don't ask. .
Anyway, he's laying down on my knees and he says "I like yours better, because when mommy does it, my head goes down there and I smell something weird. ."
Of course I almost choked to death at this point but I manage to say: "Oh really Russell, what does it smell like?". .
"I dunno. . Dead Squirrels?"
(don't worry, we're already divorced ))
O.M.G.!!!!
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!0 -
"take the damn picture"0
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My little can't pronounce her L's very well. She's 3 and it's still hard for her, but not nearly as bad as it used to be. Anyhow, there was a 4th of July parade in our neighborhood and when the cars and "floats" went by with people waving "flags"...she starts screaming "LOOK, IT'S A FLAG PARADE; I LOVE FLAGS!!!" Only it didn't sound like flags with no L. lol. Luckily it was so noisy, no one else noticed what was really coming out of her mouth.
Unfortunately, it didn't play out that in Target when we were in the decor section and she spotted the "clocks". :blushing: And not just clocks. It was "mama, look at the great big clock!" and "hey, there's a little tiny clock; it's so cute". We've been working on telling time so she's SUPER excited about clocks...lmao
LMAO!!!!!!! OH. MY!!!!0 -
My coworker' s kids:
"What's my favorite food?"
"PINK"
"No I don't eat colors! Stop saying stuff!"0 -
"Mommy, why do octopussesses have 8 testicles?"0
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I've posted this before. .but It's so good!
So my kid sometimes requires me to squat in front of the toilet while he's on it and he lays his head down on my knees. . .don't ask. .
Anyway, he's laying down on my knees and he says "I like yours better, because when mommy does it, my head goes down there and I smell something weird. ."
Of course I almost choked to death at this point but I manage to say: "Oh really Russell, what does it smell like?". .
"I dunno. . Dead Squirrels?"
(don't worry, we're already divorced ))
oh my gawd. LOL!0 -
"Santa works at Wal-Mart"0
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When my son was three he told me he didn't want to get married. I said "Oh really? Why?". He responded "Cause then I'd have to see their boobs.". I laughed and said "Well, I think you may change your mind someday."
When I told a friend of mine about the conversation she said "Well, it just goes to show ya, he's already thinking about them!".
that is so cute!0 -
My son to my dad: "papa, how old were you when the dinosaurs lived?"
That was two years ago and we still die laughing.0 -
When my son was 5 or 6 (he's 14 now) he called me an insolent wench.
I was laughing too hard to do anything about it.0
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