What have you learned from your relationships?

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Replies

  • andreacordd
    andreacordd Posts: 11
    - Speak your mind.
    - Don't change for someone just to make them happy (unless it's a negative thing)
    - "It takes two to tango"
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    If you think you just have terrible taste in men or don't understand why you keep ending up in ****ty, emotionally abusive, or turbulent relationships, chances are the problem is you.

    I've learned more about the issues I have with myself from relationships than I have about how to work with other people.

    Agreed.
  • mum212
    mum212 Posts: 173 Member
    yea im out of that violent relationship now for the past 7 years thank god x
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    That I prefer to be single. Dating's fine, FWB is great, but I guess I'm not the relationship type.
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
    I've learned that people change and will surprise you. They will do things you would never expect.

    I've also learned to take chances. I've learned without communication it all falls apart. I've learned that if they want to, people are capable of change.
  • PaulFromEssex
    PaulFromEssex Posts: 245
    I have learnt that actually I WAS right on a few occasions! :bigsmile:
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    Never believe that it's your fault when a spouse cheats. Never believe that even the best spouse, can't become a cheater. I would be receptive to an "open" marriage anyday. The most important person in my relationship is ME! Plus the two most important words a man will ever say (repeatedly); "Yes Dear".
  • Tatiyanya
    Tatiyanya Posts: 255 Member
    If you think you just have terrible taste in men or don't understand why you keep ending up in ****ty, emotionally abusive, or turbulent relationships, chances are the problem is you.

    I've learned more about the issues I have with myself from relationships than I have about how to work with other people.

    I always use the "I like challenge" line of defense, but really its because "we accept the love we think we deserve". :)
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    yea im out of that violent relationship now for the past 7 years thank god x

    Me, too.
    Out 14 now but had kids with him- not the best idea, but love my boys.
    Married 13 to my Prince Charming (well, most of the time- lol!)
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    I learned never to go back to mans a place unless I am 100% sure of who they are and what their intentions are.

    I've also learned that I deserve to be respected and not treated like crap.
  • samantha1242
    samantha1242 Posts: 816 Member
    If you think you just have terrible taste in men or don't understand why you keep ending up in ****ty, emotionally abusive, or turbulent relationships, chances are the problem is you.

    I've learned more about the issues I have with myself from relationships than I have about how to work with other people.

    This. Also, to love myself and put myself first.
  • Ramberta
    Ramberta Posts: 1,312 Member
    You can't plan out your future with someone, as badly as you both may want to. You just can't. Take it day by day, don't just assume that you'll always be together, because it makes it that much harder to end the relationship if you're living in a fantasy world.

    You also can't force yourself to love/not love anybody. Your feelings may change, and you may not want them to, but it's only harder on yourself if you try to force something that is no longer there, or was never there to begin with. Or to walk away from someone when your heart is telling you that's who makes you happy, not your partner.

    And lastly, open communication is key to a successful relationship of any kind, but especially a close one. Speaking in code and making your partner read between the lines is just going to make both parties miserable. Overanalyzing each tiny bit of communication, however, is just as bad.

    I would do everything that I have done, though, in a heartbeat. My experiences were strange and awkward, but they were mine, and as sappy as it is to say, each person I got 'involved' with in one way or another has shaped me into the person I am today.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Love unabashedly and trust people until they give you a reason not to. If you never put yourself in a position where you could get hurt, you will miss out on a lot of really great things. Risk your heart. If you are wrong, you will heal.
  • fara180
    fara180 Posts: 1,260 Member
    if neither of you are going to give in, you have to give up. and sometimes you give your best and it's still not enough.
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
    Love unabashedly and trust people until they give you a reason not to. If you never put yourself in a position where you could get hurt, you will miss out on a lot of really great things. Risk your heart. If you are wrong, you will heal.

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    and

    :flowerforyou:
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    I learned never to go back to mans a place unless I am 100% sure of who they are and what their intentions are.

    I've also learned that I deserve to be respected and not treated like crap.
    The intention is ALWAYS the same. I thought all women knew that.
  • Amy62575
    Amy62575 Posts: 422 Member
    I've learned not to ignore the little red flags, the deal breakers and the things I absolutely despise just because I don't want to be alone. I have learned that being alone is never lonely if you love yourself. I have learned I deserve much more than I've settled for in the past and that if someone wants me, they'll need to show me they are amazing...because I will be single until that day comes.

    Edited to add: Despite what I've been through I always give people the benefit of the doubt and I truly believe chivalry isn't dead.
  • PaulFromEssex
    PaulFromEssex Posts: 245
    Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Ex's are a pain in Uranus!
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Ex's are a pain in Uranus!

    Yep
  • styledsky
    styledsky Posts: 121 Member
    I have learned that I am too damn nice to people in general and fall into the friend zone way to fast. But, I don't care- I believe you should be friends first.

    I'd rather have a good mate than a partnership that wasn't right for the both of us. My close friends are family to me.
  • Angeloftheshore
    Angeloftheshore Posts: 227 Member
    What I learned from past relationships...
    - Not to give them as much time as I did to "see if they will work". It usually was just me hoping I could get it to work, or hoping I could get someone to change, or hoping they would care about me so much they would change for me. It does not work like that. Either people are right for you or they are just wishful thoughts.
    -To be who you are, not who you think they want you to be just because you want them to want you back.
    - That your individuality is just as important within the relationship. Yes there is "we" stuff. But there should also be just "you" stuff too.
    - Dating can be fun, but it is also phoney in some respects. Dates usually don't leave their dirty laundry on the floor when you come to visit, but they may when you live together, as an example.

    What I learned from the relationship I am in....
    -That the "right" one is the one that everything flows easy and naturally with, never argumentative or filled with anger.
    - That the more you are just yourself with people, the truer the people who do come into your life will be, because you are just you, no surprises. So they really love you for all of you, good, bad, crazy and boring. This goes with friends too.
  • leighdiane91
    leighdiane91 Posts: 225 Member
    I have learned that unless he's the perfect guy for me, I am happier alone. I was engaged to a guy I had dated for 3 years, but I woke up one day and realized I was settling (he is a wonderful wonderful guy, but not MY wonderful guy. and marrying him would have been a huge mistake for both of us. he would have been settling TOO). The other guy I dated was a jerk. So was the one after that. So I decided to take a year off from dating anyone at all..... it's been two years since then and I am happier than ever! Maybe one day I will date again, if I meet a guy who interests me and keeps my attention (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, physically) but until that day, I am happy by myself.

    Also, I feel like I need to be able to love myself completely, before I let anyone else try.
  • crazytreelady
    crazytreelady Posts: 752 Member
    Bickering is completely different than fighting... When you start throwing dishes at each other, then you have to worry.
  • MissKalhan
    MissKalhan Posts: 2,282 Member
    1) Don't lose yourself in a relationship ever again, it takes a long time to find yourself afterwards.
    2) Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.
    3) Don't stay with someone who will speak down to you or hit you when you speak your mind.
    4) Don't fully support someone ever again.
    5) If they truly love you they will understand that there are certain things you can't change and they will accept it instead of throwing it in your face.
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
    Learn to laugh laugh and laugh some more
    Learn that life will go on with you or without you
    Learn patience and don't be quick to judge, discard rumors but don't let frustrations grow !!!
    Learn to be honest to others you must be honest to yourself
    Cry together, Heal together

    and alot more
  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
    Love unabashedly and trust people until they give you a reason not to. If you never put yourself in a position where you could get hurt, you will miss out on a lot of really great things. Risk your heart. If you are wrong, you will heal.

    Exactly. :heart:
  • Junken_Diraffe
    Junken_Diraffe Posts: 716 Member
    What I learned from the relationship I am in....
    -That the "right" one is the one that everything flows easy and naturally with, never argumentative or filled with anger.
    - That the more you are just yourself with people, the truer the people who do come into your life will be, because you are just you, no surprises. So they really love you for all of you, good, bad, crazy and boring.

    ^This. couldn't have said it better. :heart:

    Also, always trust your gut. If you think it's maybe time to leave, IT IS. If you feel like you can't be you, 100% of the time, it's not the right relationship. When you turn into something you never wanted to be, it's time to go. Cheating doesn't have to mean a physical encounter.
  • CheriLMT
    CheriLMT Posts: 220 Member
    I think I learned to not be so trusting, that you cannot change a person even if it would be for the better (education and such), and I need to be alone right now anyway
  • jen81uk
    jen81uk Posts: 177 Member
    Bickering is completely different than fighting... When you start throwing dishes at each other, then you have to worry.


    It was a steel toe capped boot and a jug of cold water than made me think... yeah this isn't right, :-/ he totally deserved both... I just wish it hadn't taken me 9 and a half years, ironically both were the same incident.

    So far I have not thrown anything at my new mr lol 9 months in xx
  • Huzke
    Huzke Posts: 97 Member
    I've learned that you cannot expect other people to provide you your happiness. Figure out what makes you happy, really happy, and make sure you have that under control. Also make sure you really love yourself and that you're not just looking for someone to give you the love you've been unable to give yourself. Make sure you truly know yourself before involving someone else because if you rely on them for these things they will likely fail to provide them for you and you will both be miserable in the end.

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