Am I being unrealistic?

SewRue

In all honesty if you truly care about him than you need to have a courageous conversation with him about how you feel. If there aren't any feelings for him from you than you need to do what is best for you. It is easy to say cut and run. No matter what I hope you are okay with what you do. You should be free to do as you wish and you seem to know that.

Nutella91

This is everything a girl doesn't want her boyfriend to be. For God's sake, leave him! I can't think of anyone who deserves that kind of guy.

AnninStPaul

Get the hell out. Find a shelter/friends couch/work your way into a dorm at school.

MochaMixAZ

What was the question? Not to be snarky, but honestly... I can't recall what you asked.

There is no mixed signal, even if he SAYS one thing he clearly demonstrates a lack of caring for himself, and for you. As RuPaul would say, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?" I think he has clearly demonstrated he doesn't care. You don't need parents or friends to move on. You don't deserve this - no one does. You mentioned you hope he finds this - it sounds very much like you already know what you want to do, what is in your best interest, you're just looking for motivation and confirmation?

Go with your gut. It's clear to me you already know what to do. Now do it...

My best to you.


And for those that wonder, In Internet slang, a "troll" is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. The noun troll may also refer to the provocative message itself, as in: "That was an excellent troll you posted."

now_or_never13

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Micahroni84

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

TerriAnne53

Is this a joke? How could you even BE with someone like that? I'd be packing up my (or his) *kitten* and be on my way. Gross.

totally and you've got a long life a head of you.

elprincipito

WTFFFF

Jemmuno

OMG, I say get your record expunged save up some money and high tail it of there, just disappear and start a new life. This guy seems like bad news to me from everything you just said.

now_or_never13

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

Witch hunt no. Helping, yes. The thing with the internet is that everything is something you read. You can't tell tone of anything else based on a few words written.

She could of been in a much more positive place last month... I'll give you that. But posts like two years ago the father of her son didn't want anything to do with them but saying she has been with her boyfriend for 3/4 years? There has been something going on for a very long time.

Regardless of past posts, ultimately the OP needs to leave. She had said if it was her daughter she would first tell the daughter to move home (which, she can't which sure does make things a bit harder but not impossible). THe second thing she would tell her daughter is to leave. There is no excuse for not getting out of a relationship like that especially with all the support that is out there with various shelters and programs (and since the other poster apparently lives just outside of a very large city there should be great options available to her to help her).

megsmom2

Run. Run far, run fast, get away from this controlling pig. Pack your things and go....you deserve so much more than this. You may not have good role models to judge from, but this is NOT healthy....for you or for him either.

CassieAudette

I don't normally comment on message boards, but hun GET YOUR BUTT OUT NOW!!!!!!!! He is abusive--Mentally and emotionally. Please don't wait for him to get to physical! There are many places to get out and get help. No one should ever put up with being treated like that. You are worth far more!!!!

ElizabethRaeBarnes

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

I agree with the witch hunt. This person has nothing better to do than try an bring me down more. How nice of them. Is my life miserable? Yes. Jeff has very fleeting moments of kindness but its usually once a month or less. Yes, I post about the once a month or less that he is nice to me because im excited he is being nice. Do others like people who post all the time about negative boyfriends? Would people friend me if I had something nasty to say every day? I try to keep positive. Its more than I can say about the first poster. . .

now_or_never13

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

I agree with the witch hunt. This person has nothing better to do than try an bring me down more. How nice of them. Is my life miserable? Yes. Jeff has very fleeting moments of kindness but its usually once a month or less. Yes, I post about the once a month or less that he is nice to me because im excited he is being nice. Do others like people who post all the time about negative boyfriends? Would people friend me if I had something nasty to say every day? I try to keep positive. Its more than I can say about the first poster. . .

Seriously?

If you read all the posts you would see that I did try to help out. I am not trying to bring you down more so please don't accuse me of doing so or being a troll. I was simply attempting to get more background information to see what may of caused such a sudden switch as things just didn't add up.

If your life is miserable, than you need to decide to either take control of YOUR life and leave what is making you miserable or stick around and live like you are. If there are more bad moments than good... you need re-evaluate things. Which, you have now and there has been a ton of great advice which I really hope you follow. I had friended you to try and be of support as contrary to what you have said or what you may think, my goal is not to bring you down. You don't know someone's tone or meaning via a few words on the internet.

I am not a negative person. If you are at a point in life where everyday is negative, you need to do something to change.

misspastry

Just to counteract all of the 'EWWW OMGZIES WHAT A DISGUSTING PIG" comments.....a lot of the time this kind of behaviour (a complete lack of regard for personal hygiene/health) can be symptoms of depression. Especially if this behaviour has happened gradually and has not been there all along. Have you talked to him? No one wants to live that way. It's possible that this could be a lot more than someone just being a "lazy slob"

And what kind of delusional world are you living in that this behavior would even remotely be ok?

pseudomuffin

Most interesting background in her posts... talks about going out with her boyfriend, how happy she is -- they go to the gym together?...


Hmm.

I never said I had been to the gym with him... We havent had a gym membership since 2011 because he never went. Yes, I post how much I love school but to quote how happy I am with him... where are these posts? Who are you?

In January you posted ...

"My boyfriend and I have came a long ways over 3 years. We dont really talk about serious stuff anymore because we cover all the small stuff first and it never get serious. I use to have to bring things up and we would fight. Now its just, "what would you like for breakfast?" Or "Lets go to the gym together!" Our life is pretty simple and happy now. I am lucky. "

"I try to stop around 7 pm. My boyfriend will take me to a movie dinner date once a month or so, I break the rule then. For the most part, its 7 pm. "

"I make 1/15 of what he makes so money is very tight for me right now."

In December...

"My life is awesome."

I really dont know where these posts are. ? Seriously. and they call me a troll. Look in the mirror. I am asking for advice. Not this.

These are your posts/responses on previous threads. First bunch from January 2013 and the last one from December 2012. Everything you post is recorded and visible to everyone here.

I offered advice previously based on your original post as an attempt to help you in your situation. Upon reading your previous posts I was just trying to get more insight into the situation as it didn't add up. It's confusing. You have referred to the fact that you've been with your boyfriend for three/four years... but have a son who was given up as his dad wanted nothing to do with you or him. Your first post makes him seem horrible... other posts you seem happy with him... other posts just make it all very confusing.

And don't call me a troll... I am not a troll and really don't appreciate being called one when all I was doing was pointing out differences. I never once called you one so relax and don't call others a troll.

Her back post really shouldn't mean anything since they are in the past. Multiple things could have changed since then. She could have been in denial or had a more positive out look in her previous post. This may be the post after the last straw broke the camels back. This might be the post that comes after she allowed herself to be honest about how bad things really are. I know I shouldn't assume anything about you either but you aren't coming across as trying to gather more info to be helpful. You are coming across wanting to go on a witch hunt.

I agree with the witch hunt. This person has nothing better to do than try an bring me down more. How nice of them. Is my life miserable? Yes. Jeff has very fleeting moments of kindness but its usually once a month or less. Yes, I post about the once a month or less that he is nice to me because im excited he is being nice. Do others like people who post all the time about negative boyfriends? Would people friend me if I had something nasty to say every day? I try to keep positive. Its more than I can say about the first poster. . .

Having been in an eerily similar relationship, I'll offer this explanation to Sherlock Holmes here: when you get THIS miserable you latch on so desperately to the nice things that happen every once in a while because there's no other way to cope with your situation. That's why abused women often say things like, "Oh, he's not that bad, just last week he did x, y, z! What a great guy..." and they perpetuate the delusion because they have to in order to carry on. So even if she did post that stuff in the past, it was probably helping herself perpetuate a good mood she was in because her boyfriend had a really on day and acted like a normal human being to her for once.

erin4455

Uhh, what? Yeah, sounds like he's depressed and unmotivated and unless you want to be depressed too, I'm not sure what you're doing there. You wrote this long complaint...sounds like you already know what you should do.

Jerrypeoples

remember people, we are only getting 1 side of the story

for all we know shes a neat freak...

Mustang_Susie

There's two sides to every relationship and I don't think you've shared everything about yourself.
Stop bashing him and worry about yourself.
Quit complaining and do something about it.
If you don't like him and he's not going to change then leave.
Unless you just want attention and people to feel sorry for you?

Jerrypeoples

susan, get out of my head

and those magazines were in there were for research...