Am I being unrealistic?
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Depressed or not, that's not really the biggest issue. The thing that truly worries me is that he is emotionally abusive and controlling. He's telling you who you can see and where you can go, he'd threatening you with what he will do to you if you leave and he still "enjoys" tormenting his ex. Even if he starts taking care of himself and the home, that will most likely not change. And if he doesn't want you to get a job because he's afraid of who you will meet, that won't change when you graduate from college either.
Get some help, girl. There are a lot of groups out there for women like you. See if there is a women's shelter in your area or contact the Domestic Abuse Helpline (dahmw.org). They can help you find a place to go, employment, maybe even grants to help pay for college and bills. Let them know when you contact them that you are afraid of what he might do when you leave. But, if you have no family, no job and are in a safe place, what can he honestly do to you? But get out, get out now!0 -
Wow. Well, I assume you already know what you SHOULD do, just read through your post and ask yourself what you would tell your daughter if she was dating someone like that.
Then take that advice.0 -
This sounds emotionally abusive and unclean. No one in here can tell you what to do, but it sounds like you know what you want. You didn't say one thing that is keeping you with him...0
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Okay....I only got through the first paragraph and.....why are you with this guy again? Seriously...get out now! Run! Run away and don't look back!!!0
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Do you have any friends that would consider allowing you to stay with them while you finish college? You definitely need to get a job . . . whatever kind of job you can . . . it will give you back ownership of your life. Remember the feeling that you had when you wanted OUT of a particular foster home? Find that feeling and get out now!0
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Sorry, I wanna say this is the nicest possible way .... GET YOURSELF THE HELL OUTTA THERE ... I wanna throw up, he sounds like a disgusting pig, believe me I have suffered with depression for over 20 years, I wore underwear, showered every day, twice a day sometimes, I cleaned house, looked after my family and never ever threatened someone.
Controlling is the word you used and you are right, please please get out. This is not right and as someone else said and its something I have said to people too, if this was your child in this relationship, what would you be telling them to do ? I know what I would say to my girls. .
My heart is breaking for you .... please be careful ... you may not have family around but you can get out, you will be okay x0 -
"I feel trapped. I am actually scared sometimes. What if I did leave and he hurts me? He told me what he did to his x wife when she left. . . He is an IT major and he sent naked pictures of his x wife to EVERYONE she works with. She was fired. He still enjoys harassing her. If he isnt going to be nice to me, I dont know what to do anymore."
Plus the motion cameras? WTF? Is this dude like a hacker or something?
If I was in that situation I would be scared sh*tless. I'd say run and run now. Go to the police if you're afraid that he's going to harass you in some way. If you're genuinely in fear for your life, the police have to do something about it. You could get a restraining order?
This is rude but this dude sounds like a total controlling douche, like someone you'd see on America's most wanted.
If you're dependant on him for your college tuition, housing, or whatnot; I'm sure you could take a semester off of school until you get your record cleared; find a job and pay bills on your own. It will be hard, but having your own freedom and not living with a psycho is MUCH better than the current situation you describe.0 -
You are in a tough situation and it isn't going to get better. That guy doesn't deserve human company. But, if you can tough it out for six months until you can get a job and get out on your own then do it. I'm sorry, nobody deserves to be treated like that!0
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And to add... Where is your mother that you spoke about in previous posts? Where is the brother you mentioned? What happened in the last month with your boyfriend as in Jan you posted that you are happy and you are lucky... now this??? You also pointed out in a previous post that you want to lose weight and be happier/healthier so when your son who you gave up for adoption meets you in the future he won't be ashamed of you. If this post is real, get out now so you have the chance to meet your son in the future. And on your profile you have that you work 35 hours a week. Get out while you can.
Rut Roh. You have contradicted yourself multiple times. Troll? A-ho?0 -
Even if he is depressed, all you can ask him to get help, but he has to do it for himself. You can't fix him!
Sometimes its hard to to be objective when you're in the middle of it, but the fact that you wrote this means you know deep down inside what you need to do. Step back and assess where you are. Regardless of your past, you are not stuck here. You are BETTER than this situation and owe it to yourself to do better. I love what someone else said - if you had a daughter, would you want this situation for her?
Please don't be a victim of your circumstances. Be your own hero and fight for what you deserve.0 -
You have to make the choice you have to either sacrifice your dignity to stay home, or sacrifice staying at home and leave him, find a city where there are places to work, and get your own place. So if your dignity is not worth it and kissing his disgusting yellow teeth and having to smell his body odor while he treats with with disrespect is worth it than we all wish you the best.
You know in your heart of heart what you need to do. Make that hard choice if you want to live with courage and dignity.0 -
Wow.
You need to get away from him. Talk to a domestic violence/batterred women's shelter. They can help you come up with ideas on how to leave, how to support yourself while living on your own, etc.
His controlling behavior is a problem - a HUGE problem.
You don't deserve to be treated that way!0 -
This is a believable story...0
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I can't believe I am responding to this but this doesn't seem logical at all. This sounds very troll-ish.
But in the even that it is real, I think you know what you need to do and don't need commentary from all of us.
I can't get past the butt stains in jeans......0 -
Your college campus should have free counseling. Talk to them about your situation. It sounds like you are in a co-dependent/abusive relationship. Best of luck. :flowerforyou:0
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Sorry I just got to yellow tooth brush and I already want to lose my breakfast all over my keyboard. Why are you with this guy? From your picture and what I read from your post, you don't seem like a needy trailer trash slob, and you don't need him! Get out while you still can! I have waited long periods of time for people to change their ways. Why should he change when he still has everything he wants (you)? Good luck to him, but I wouldn't waste my time!
I totally agree. Also, this is definitely not good for you physically or emotionally. It's enough to put you into a depression state. I know that some things are easier said that done, but there has got to be a way for you to get out of this mess...literally. It breaks my heart to know that you are going through something this horrid.0 -
This can't be real. And why would you want to connect with someone. You need to go and see some of the free counselors at your school because you are suffering from serious issues which may stem from growing up in the foster care system. Are you seeking attention so bad that you will put up with anything this man does from you.
Leave his a** and worry about what happens later on.
One question, why would you want to connect with someone like this anyways. He is not good for you whatsoever! Get out before it's too late and you end up pregnant from a scumbag! Eww he sounds like the bottom of someone's shoe.0 -
depression or not...........what a pig!!0
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Yes, you have described many abusive behaviors. Along with the excellent advice above, wipe the computer hard drives on your way out. Delete all photos. If there are any printed photos, shred them.Sorry for being mean but he's a ****, a slob and abusive.
Get out while you can. Abusive people only get worse.. he will not get better.
Even if you don't have support in your life you can get away. Look for a shelter around you.. there are programs out there to help people in your position.
If you stay, he will only get worse. He's got you in a place where he thinks you will never leave. When he is at work one day, pack up anything of importance to you and leave. Don't leave anything of importance behind. Bring what is valuable and that's it. If you have to leave clothing behind or something else than so be it. Things can be replaced... you can't.
Leave and go to the Police. Get a restraining order. If you don't leave, he will get worse. He may end up killing you.
Pack up your important belongings and hide them where he won't find them. Tomorrow, when he is gone for work leave. Don't repsond to calls, texts, emails. Leave your cell phone behind. Go to a womans shelter. Get out now before he does get worse and ends up either hurting you or killing you.0 -
I don't mean to be a jerk but get out. And no he won't change.0
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Depression no excuse for how he treats you. It could explain his lack of hygiene, but that could just be laziness and the depression is just an excuse. I've been clinically diagnosed with a few mental health problems, depression being one of them. It is used to generalize and used as an excuse. You need to find out which one. You need to tell him its time to get help and if he wont go alone, suggest relationship therapy. Give him a choice, he goes or you leave. This way, at least you are trying. If things dont change - leave. If you are not willing to do therapy - leave. It is a toxic environment and tough love is in order.
I can understand the work situation while you are in school. I am working on my Masters degree and it leaves very little time to work. But, I also know schools offer housing and work study. I also know that you would qualify for some help through your DHS office if you would reach out to them. They can help you find a place to live and maybe even some food assistance and cash assistance.
His mental health is affecting yours. You owe it to yourself to get out or get help for the both of you. Having said that, you can't fix him unless he wants it.0 -
Depressed or not, that's not really the biggest issue. The thing that truly worries me is that he is emotionally abusive and controlling. He's telling you who you can see and where you can go, he'd threatening you with what he will do to you if you leave and he still "enjoys" tormenting his ex. Even if he starts taking care of himself and the home, that will most likely not change. And if he doesn't want you to get a job because he's afraid of who you will meet, that won't change when you graduate from college either.
Get some help, girl. There are a lot of groups out there for women like you. See if there is a women's shelter in your area or contact the Domestic Abuse Helpline (dahmw.org). They can help you find a place to go, employment, maybe even grants to help pay for college and bills. Let them know when you contact them that you are afraid of what he might do when you leave. But, if you have no family, no job and are in a safe place, what can he honestly do to you? But get out, get out now!
This my dear is the best thing you could do for yourself...I am truly afraid for you, get out as soon as you can...you are better than this...no matter what!!!0 -
Yes, you have described many abusive behaviors. Along with the excellent advice above, wipe the computer hard drives on your way out. Delete all photos. If there are any printed photos, shred them.Sorry for being mean but he's a ****, a slob and abusive.
Get out while you can. Abusive people only get worse.. he will not get better.
Even if you don't have support in your life you can get away. Look for a shelter around you.. there are programs out there to help people in your position.
If you stay, he will only get worse. He's got you in a place where he thinks you will never leave. When he is at work one day, pack up anything of importance to you and leave. Don't leave anything of importance behind. Bring what is valuable and that's it. If you have to leave clothing behind or something else than so be it. Things can be replaced... you can't.
Leave and go to the Police. Get a restraining order. If you don't leave, he will get worse. He may end up killing you.
Pack up your important belongings and hide them where he won't find them. Tomorrow, when he is gone for work leave. Don't repsond to calls, texts, emails. Leave your cell phone behind. Go to a womans shelter. Get out now before he does get worse and ends up either hurting you or killing you.
this. make preparations and then GTFO. that is just too much to deal with and his behavior seems abusive, imo.0 -
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Domestic violence shelters are not restricted only to women who are physically abused. Check around for some resources. There are people out there who will help you.0
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You have to look at yourself and ask, Why are you ALLOWING yourself to be in this type of situation? Is this what YOU think you deserve, or is this the BEST you think you can be with??????
This is how he likes to live his life but the fact remains that you stay for a reason? Those reason are only known by you. He is living his life how he wants/likes too.0 -
Just leave. I'm sorry. Go to a local women's shelter. Do whatever you have to, but get the **** out. Get a restraining order if you need to. What makes you think he's going to actually allow you to graduate so you'd be independent of him? He already controls who you can see, where you can go. He actually is depressed it sounds like, and you know what? You can't fix him. I had a guy who had the same hygiene problems and depression (but without the abuse) and I got out and I swear it's so much better. Your situation is more difficult because you don't have your own money, but I swear, there is help out there and you need to take that help and get out before he gets worse.0
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I agree with the intervention idea. Whether this is based on depression or laziness, the behavior needs to be addressed, especially because it's affecting YOU as well.
If he is unwilling or unable to then recieve help for his depression or change his behaviors, then you must truly ask yourself if the relationship is a good thing for you to be in, or if he's just dead weight that will do nothing but pull you down with him.
There is a difference between your role of "cleaning the house" meaning emptying the trash cans, vacuuming the floors, dusting, and all those other "standard wear and tear" activities and him, apparently, feeling free to make a mess and not bother about it. My mother, for example, cleans the house- hoovering, dusting, laundry, etc in exchange for my father being the income earner. But you can d@mn well count on the fact that he cleans up his spills, puts his dirty laundry in the hamper, and otherwise cleans up the "unique" messes he creates. (Plus he actually does the dishwashing- a holdover from his first job back in the 60's.)0 -
Even if this is a troll post, I have a serious question.
I have a job AND a car. I brush my teeth twice a day and shower once a day. I have lost 60lbs in the last two years. Why can't I find a girlfriend?0 -
You should start building up your retaliation ammo now. Take pictures (of his disgustingness), get recordings of things, jot down names and emails of important things. Make sure you know his boss's email address or at least someone important who can receive the information you're about to send them. Then, take yourself to a battered women's shelter in your area. I think if you call 211 they can direct you to one. He thinks you're weak, and that you won't leave. Surprise him.0
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Good relationships should be 50/50 anyway. You shouldn't have to wait on this guy or do all of "anything" just because he's paying the bills. Sounds more like he's paying you to be a maid. Depressed or not, he's a 33 year old man, not a child. He needs to grow up and take care of himself. He obviously doesn't want you to be happy. Don't be with anyone who doesn't want your happiness first.0
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