Am I being unrealistic?
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If you have talked to him and he see"s nothing wrong, I would end the relationship. That is hard! but it will not get better. Oh, and I would tell him that as well.0
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I would call troll, but I knew too many guys like that in college.
yep...0 -
I would call troll, but I knew too many guys like that in college.
LOL0 -
My boyfriend is 33 years old and in the obese range. He is 5'9'' and 230 pounds. He never works out. He showers about once a week. I never see him brush his teeth or floss. His toothbrush is yellow, no joke. He accidentally tipped over a can of soda in the guest room last night, didn't clean it up. I found it stuck to the carpet this morning. He never puts his dirty laundry in the hamper I bought for him. He has a custom large walk in closet and he leaves stuff all over the floor. We agreed that I can be in full time college if I clean the house; he pays the bills this year. He doesn't wear boxers and there is actually butt stain marks in his jeans. He will leave wrappers by the bed when there is a trash can less than a foot away. I know 'its my job' to clean everything but really?! Some days I want to scream. He shaves his pubic hairs in the shower, without the shower actually on, leaving a HUGE mess all over. He leaves his facial shavings all over the sink/counter in the bathroom. He is a chain smoker and wipes his crusty smoker lips on the bathroom towels... I dont know what to do. He smokes in his car but not the house. I wish he wouldn't smoke in the car, it looks like an ash tray but because I dont pay for it- 'I cant say anything.' Is it wrong of me to wish he would be a little cleaner? I am feeling used and its a huge turn off that he has become this messy.
Beyond it being disrespectful it is just plain gross. I am sorry but no amount of whatever he is paying whilst you are in school is worth that.
He needs an intervention - because surely others are noticing his hygiene issues and it could affect his staying in employment. I am sure you are correct in that he does sound as if something is up re: depression or whatever. It is hard to keep your spirits up if you are around someone who has basically given up on what most of what people in the west consider civilized. I stay at home and my husband takes the mickey every so often - like socks left in the living room, and not picking up his garbage in the kitchen, but personal hygiene is a line in the sand and I also feel that the minimum to be done is turning on a shower head to wash any body hair down the drain that is there. Sure you are cleaning but he doesn't have to make it harder (my deal with my husband is that he doesn't make my work harder by not maintaining things - like hanging up coats, putting things in the hamper, etc...if it doesn't get in the hamper or at least ON it (when the laundry bag is not inside) then it does not get washed - even if I know it is dirty...he is an adult and there is no excuse for disrespecting our house in that way).
You need to renegotiate terms and if you care about him - call him on his slide in taking care of himself. You are not there to pander to your partner's worst excesses - sometimes helping is telling someone the harsh truth.
You need to put your foot down and you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences. What does it say about your self esteem if you feel you aren't worth more than that!0 -
Just Break Up
Seriously...
This. Not even joking. How on earth could you kiss or love on a guy with THAT bad of hygiene?
Agreed... I will say this often jokingly, but the guy doesn't sound any good for you... I mean I know that as an online audience we don't know the whole story, but it sounds like the two of you just aren't right for each other... not to mention the fact that he seems to act like a child. But as others have said... what the hell do you see in him?0 -
When something sounds too good to be true (having someone support you financially while you go to school), it usually is.
You would be much better off leaving him, getting a job, living alone and going to school part-time.
I didn't read replies yet, but he doesn't seem to have many redeeming qualities, and you don't seem to be that in to him (how could you be?).
Cut your losses, pack your stuff and leave him to his own filth and squalor.0 -
skid marks in undies are to be expected0
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:noway: How and why are you attracted to him? Did you mean that at one point he wasn't like this and he became like this?
Girl, find your spine and put a mofo in his place! I don't care if he's paying bills while you go to school! My man tells me that **** and I ain't having it. Today I looked at the pile of dishes and said, "What are you on dish strike or something?" I was running late for an appt with the baby and he washed them finally!!!! SPEAK UP! If you don't he won't take you seriously ever. And back up what you say. Or he really won't ever take you seriously. Okay. With that said, no you are not being unreasonable unless you're just taking his ****.0 -
And how on earth does his tooth brush get yellow when he doesn't even use it? :huh:
Lazy person who drinks cola, tea or coffee and doesn't rinse their brush when they occasionally use it...if he doesn't even wash himself do you reckon he would take the time to sort out his toothbrush?! Ick!0 -
skid marks in undies are to be expected
Hahaha! LOL My man does his own laundry!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!0 -
jesus.
reading that made me queasy. girl, i literally got sick to my stomach thinking about your boyfriend. it's time to move on. you're a lovely girl....go stay with friends.0 -
I agree with the depression theory - one of the signs of depression is a deteriorating living space and personal hygiene. He also sounds pretty passive-aggressive. Maybe talking to him about if he's happy with the situation (you clearly aren't), and find out if there are changes you could both make. If he's willing to work on it, great. But don't accept unhappiness-2 years is a long time to be miserable. Don't let him drag you down with him!0
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eeeeew! i AM SO SORRY! Ya if he's footing the bill I would just take it for as long as you possibly can and then run run like the wind from that...Its hard to care about someone that doesnt care about himself.0
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You are trying to fix someone - stop trying to help - you can't. Plan your exit - don't wait six months - find a room mate if you have to - just get OUT of there. What an awful place to be. You deserve better.0
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That is disgusting! I can't believe you have put up with it. That said, it sounds like you're using each other. You for the money, and him for someone who will actually be within 10 yards of him. I honestly think you're getting the short end of the bargain. Frankly, I would think you could find someone else better. At least less gross.0
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He seems incredibly depressed, and until he decides to get help, he will just drag you down with him. Please do not live in squalor just to have bills paid to go to school. That environment is so bad for your mental health and energy.0
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You ARE being unrealistic.............. to yourself! Demand better, please. That kind of behavior is DISGUSTING. Surely you realize that you are worth more....0
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What even attracted you to this guy?
I wouldn't put up with it. Everybody else that lives here (son, son's GF, husband) smokes. I don't. I insist that the smokers all go outside. Smoking inside not only pollutes the air that I have to breathe (I not only live here but work here, too). Smoking inside would make everything smell bad, and the walls would turn yellowish-brown. I won't have it! They don't smoke in our truck, either.
As for the poor hygiene - serious sick to the stomach. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!
You have rights. Assert them.0 -
Oh my run now and run fast.
^^^ this^^^0 -
Sorry, I can't be in a relationship with someone I'm not "doing it" to. I couldn't "do it" to him...he's gross. I don't want skid marks on my thighs.0
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Was he like this before you agreed to do the cleaning? If he was like that, then no amount of you cleaning is going to change him. Did he grow up in a messy house? Messy breeds messy. If he wasn't then he's taking advantage of your good nature - just because you've agreed to do the cleaning doesn't give him an excuse to make a mess for you to clean.
Most of all, you need to talk to him. Not while he's playing on the computer but a time when you're both free to talk, say after a meal. Tell him calmly that you need him to listen to what you have to say then explain what you would like from him and how his current behaviour is making you feel and ask how he sees your living/housework situation. If he isn't prepared to listen or you can't come to a suitable compromise then I'm afraid it's time to be selfish and decide how you want to continue.0 -
Ummm GAG me. That is seriously disgusting! Was he always like this or did it happen after you were in charge of clean up? Either way, it doesn't sound like you are happy or attracted to him any longer. I know a lot of people who stay in relationships like this due to financial reasons, but why spend all this time unhappy? Take out some loans and look into some income housing if you have to in order to get through school. Chances are, even with an ultimatum, he is not going to change. It's only going to get worse the longer it goes on.
My husband and I both work, but he cooks and cleans more than I do. He just feels like it's his responsibility to help out around the house. He even does his own laundry (he works in a machine shop so his clothes get filthy). He should want to help you out even if he is the only one working. A relationship should be a team.0 -
I'm very gullible - - this is a joke, right? If not, this man is absolutely vile and if I had few alternatives, I'd rather be an au pair or get an arrangement where I provided household services for room and board. I'd look for scholarships.0
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yuck. I'm OCD when it comes to tidy body tidy mind. I don't know how you live with that.... but I'm not sure that boy who looks like a man will ever grow up... usually they do by the latest there 30's
good luck... don't waist your life on something your unhappy with sweetie... its all about the lifestyle change
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I'm not really sure why you put up with all of that...doesn't sound worth it to me.0
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Wow! please by all means let him read these posts as well as your post and let reality sink in and maybe he will see that he is really a "nasty, filthy slob" and he's Damn lucky to have someone like you to put up with him. If he can't change then you need to BOUNCE, and quickly!!!!!!!0
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Blech!!! This guys sounds NASTY! I actually dated a guy like that...he was my first boyfriend. Looking back I didn't think I deserved anything much better, and I was "lucky" to have anyone like me. I hope this isn't the case for you. You are beautiful and deserve to be with someone who wants to be the best they are for you, and someone who doesn't treat you as a live-in maid! If this is his norm there is NO changing him. If he wasn't like this when you guys first got together then it sounds like depression and something you two should talk about. But, again, if he isn't willing to change or get help there comes a point where you have to cut and run.0
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If you are on this website, you must think enough of yourself that you want to do something with your lifestyle. That being said, think enough of yourself to truely ask yourself if you deserve this treatment? I think the answer is probably "No" you don't deserve this. I don't think you are being unrealistic to expect more from him.
You need to take a good hard look at your options. You are cleaning up the charge so you can get a job. Great for you. What else can you do in the meantime to make ends meet so you can better your situation? Are you willing to suck this situation up for however long it lasts?
You need to do what is best for you!!!! PERIOD!!!
I wish you the best of luck.0 -
If he wasn't like this to begin with, then it's either depression, or he decided that since you're sort of his "live-in maid" now, he can be as lazy as he wants because he doesn't have to do the work to maintain his living space. Either way, it might be better just to walk away.
Have a talk with him first and tell him that you're concerned about him. Ask him if anything is wrong, and let him know that you've noticed some personal changes in him, and that he seems distant lately, etc. He may come out and tell you that he's depressed or something, in which case you guys can work through it together if you want. But if the talk doesn't change anything between the two of you, you might want to get out of the relationship.0 -
Is this a joke? How could you even BE with someone like that? I'd be packing up my (or his) *kitten* and be on my way. Gross.
This. Exactly.0
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