Am I being unrealistic?
ElizabethRaeBarnes
Posts: 74 Member
My boyfriend is 33 years old and in the obese range. He is 5'9'' and 230 pounds. He never works out. He showers about once a week. I never see him brush his teeth or floss. His toothbrush is yellow, no joke. He accidentally tipped over a can of soda in the guest room last night, didn't clean it up. I found it stuck to the carpet this morning. He never puts his dirty laundry in the hamper I bought for him. He has a custom large walk in closet and he leaves stuff all over the floor. We agreed that I can be in full time college if I clean the house; he pays the bills this year. He doesn't wear boxers and there is actually butt stain marks in his jeans. He will leave wrappers by the bed when there is a trash can less than a foot away. I know 'its my job' to clean everything but really?! Some days I want to scream. He shaves his pubic hairs in the shower, without the shower actually on, leaving a HUGE mess all over. He leaves his facial shavings all over the sink/counter in the bathroom. He is a chain smoker and wipes his crusty smoker lips on the bathroom towels... I dont know what to do. He smokes in his car but not the house. I wish he wouldn't smoke in the car, it looks like an ash tray but because I dont pay for it- 'I cant say anything.' Is it wrong of me to wish he would be a little cleaner? I am feeling used and its a huge turn off that he has become this messy.
I think he is depressed and needs to get help. I have tried being nice. I have tried giving him his space. I have invited him to workout with me... Nothing is working. He plays video games when he gets home from work or he works more in his office. We never get to 'connect' with eachother, we never really talk. I miss my best friend. I feel like I have been alone for over a year now.
He is VERY controlling of me. Everything is 'his' or mine. There is no, 'Ours'. He will go out and buy $500.00 worth of clothing for himself but I cannot get a haircut. I have actually started cutting my own hair. He says who I can hang out with and when. He doesn't like me having friends of any type really. I finally hung out with my friend whitney for the first time in 7 months. He actually told me he doesnt want me to get a job because he is afraid I will meet someone and leave him. He tracks my calls, texts and location from my phone. He has motion sensored- night vision cameras on the house that he says are for protection. There has been times I dont leave the house for 2 weeks at a time because I do my college online. I feel trapped. I am actually scared sometimes. What if I did leave and he hurts me? He told me what he did to his x wife when she left. . . He is an IT major and he sent naked pictures of his x wife to EVERYONE she works with. She was fired. He still enjoys harassing her. If he isnt going to be nice to me, I dont know what to do anymore.
I dont have parents and I was in the foster system growing up. I dont have siblings to help me out either. I have a small criminal record that I am getting 'expunged' right now. I dont do drugs, I actually can blood drug test clean. I literally cannot get a job. Walmart and mcdonalds wont hire me. The coffee shop 2 miles away will hire me for 2.80 an hour- no tips. I had a pocket knife that was to long in my purse- the police considered it "dangerous concealed weapon" and gave me a felony when I was 18 years old. I am just now getting this taken care of. Within 6 months I will be able to work, get a car, pay of debts and LIVE.
I think he is depressed and needs to get help. I have tried being nice. I have tried giving him his space. I have invited him to workout with me... Nothing is working. He plays video games when he gets home from work or he works more in his office. We never get to 'connect' with eachother, we never really talk. I miss my best friend. I feel like I have been alone for over a year now.
He is VERY controlling of me. Everything is 'his' or mine. There is no, 'Ours'. He will go out and buy $500.00 worth of clothing for himself but I cannot get a haircut. I have actually started cutting my own hair. He says who I can hang out with and when. He doesn't like me having friends of any type really. I finally hung out with my friend whitney for the first time in 7 months. He actually told me he doesnt want me to get a job because he is afraid I will meet someone and leave him. He tracks my calls, texts and location from my phone. He has motion sensored- night vision cameras on the house that he says are for protection. There has been times I dont leave the house for 2 weeks at a time because I do my college online. I feel trapped. I am actually scared sometimes. What if I did leave and he hurts me? He told me what he did to his x wife when she left. . . He is an IT major and he sent naked pictures of his x wife to EVERYONE she works with. She was fired. He still enjoys harassing her. If he isnt going to be nice to me, I dont know what to do anymore.
I dont have parents and I was in the foster system growing up. I dont have siblings to help me out either. I have a small criminal record that I am getting 'expunged' right now. I dont do drugs, I actually can blood drug test clean. I literally cannot get a job. Walmart and mcdonalds wont hire me. The coffee shop 2 miles away will hire me for 2.80 an hour- no tips. I had a pocket knife that was to long in my purse- the police considered it "dangerous concealed weapon" and gave me a felony when I was 18 years old. I am just now getting this taken care of. Within 6 months I will be able to work, get a car, pay of debts and LIVE.
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Replies
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i mean this in the nicest way possible.. he sounds like a pig, and reading that makes me want to vomit. i am huge on personal hygiene and that just all sounds so disgusting, i would never be able to live with that. sorry girl =\0
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How can you live like that? I am not trying to be rude, but what is keeping you there?0
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I would call troll, but I knew too many guys like that in college.0
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Is this a joke? How could you even BE with someone like that? I'd be packing up my (or his) *kitten* and be on my way. Gross.0
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I would call troll, but I knew too many guys like that in college.
I concur.0 -
I am also SO SORRY!!! I would withhold all favors until at least his personal hygiene improves...gross...sorry!!!0
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DTMFA0
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Oh my run now and run fast.0
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Thank you for your replies. I am feeling lost most days. He plays video games and rarely connects with me. I think he is depressed and its depressing for me. I want him to get better and happier. I cant force anything though.
I graduate in early 2015. Less than 2 years of college left. 0 -
Just to counteract all of the 'EWWW OMGZIES WHAT A DISGUSTING PIG" comments.....a lot of the time this kind of behaviour (a complete lack of regard for personal hygiene/health) can be symptoms of depression. Especially if this behaviour has happened gradually and has not been there all along. Have you talked to him? No one wants to live that way. It's possible that this could be a lot more than someone just being a "lazy slob"0
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If this type of lifestyle and behavior is not a deal breaker for you...I am curious as to what would be.
Here is a question I ask people when they are faced with relationship issues which is this:
"If you had a daughter, would you want your daughter going out or being with a guy like this?" Would you set a good friend up with a guy like this on a date?"
If the answer is "No", then why do you accept less for yourself?0 -
DTMFA
DTMFA?
Don't Touch My F'in *kitten*?0 -
I worked my way through college, living in my own house, paying my own bills, supporting myself and a toddler. I won't lie--it was HARD. But it wasn't impossible. I survived.
I would definitely prefer that to what you are describing.0 -
Sorry I just got to yellow tooth brush and I already want to lose my breakfast all over my keyboard. Why are you with this guy? From your picture and what I read from your post, you don't seem like a needy trailer trash slob, and you don't need him! Get out while you still can! I have waited long periods of time for people to change their ways. Why should he change when he still has everything he wants (you)? Good luck to him, but I wouldn't waste my time!0
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No you aren't ! If thats the way he likes to live his life he has a right to do that, but if you don't agree then you just are not compatable.
And at 33 years of age .. unless he really really wanted to , I doubt he will ever change .
Sorry hun0 -
Just Break Up
Seriously...0 -
Are you putting up with this because he's paying the bills? If that's the only attraction, consider: if you were selling yourself on a street corner, you'd get enough money to pay the bills as well ... and after your shift was up, you could go home to a clean place.0
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Thank you for your replies. I am feeling lost most days. He plays video games and rarely connects with me. I think he is depressed and its depressing for me. I want him to get better and happier. I cant force anything though. I graduate in early 2015. Less than 2 years of college left.
cut and run now. Maybe it will be the kick he needs to get in gear, or maybe he never will, but do not under any circumstance consider marrying this man or having children with him.0 -
Not to sound rude, but I'd dump his lazy *kitten*.0
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Saw your reply. Yes, it sounds like he's depressed. And ruining your own life won't help him get better.0
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Don't settle for for this, because unless he changes before marriage...it's not likely he's going to change after.0
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Just Break Up
Seriously...
This. Not even joking. How on earth could you kiss or love on a guy with THAT bad of hygiene?0 -
Sounds like severe depression, or just plain laziness. I would urge him to speak to someone about this because it is not normal adult behavior. Out of curiosity how do you respond to all this? Also I would make it very clear just because he is paying the bills and you are going to the school an doin the house work, the house work should not include cleaning up after him. I mean come on. Has he always been this way? if not I would say this depression.0
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there are good guys out there
in fact, they are right here under your nose.
pick any one you want.0 -
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And how on earth does his tooth brush get yellow when he doesn't even use it? :huh:0
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Is this real? I don't understand what the initial attraction was if this is how he is?
No way, no effing way....0 -
ditch that *kitten* you deserve so much better. Relationships are based on working together. the teeth and body washing thing wants to make by throw up...........Love you deserve so much better hes taking advantage of you. A real man will treat you like a princess and work with you to get things done not work against you like this slob is doing.0
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My boyfriend does tons of *kitten* I find disgusting, but I'm not disgusted by him and I wouldn't post about it on a public forum.
Point is, you're clearly disgusted with him. Time to move on.0 -
Go to the library or online and get the book He's Just Not That Into You. Read it and thank me after
But seriously? I'm no neat freak, I never have been and everything you said disgusts me. There's a difference between messy and dirty.0
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