Am I being unrealistic?

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  • fara180
    fara180 Posts: 1,260 Member
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    jesus.

    reading that made me queasy. girl, i literally got sick to my stomach thinking about your boyfriend. it's time to move on. you're a lovely girl....go stay with friends.
  • stonerollin42
    stonerollin42 Posts: 7 Member
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    I agree with the depression theory - one of the signs of depression is a deteriorating living space and personal hygiene. He also sounds pretty passive-aggressive. Maybe talking to him about if he's happy with the situation (you clearly aren't), and find out if there are changes you could both make. If he's willing to work on it, great. But don't accept unhappiness-2 years is a long time to be miserable. Don't let him drag you down with him!
  • Lyonsgurl
    Lyonsgurl Posts: 22 Member
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    eeeeew! i AM SO SORRY! Ya if he's footing the bill I would just take it for as long as you possibly can and then run run like the wind from that...Its hard to care about someone that doesnt care about himself.
  • tenaces1
    tenaces1 Posts: 2
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    You are trying to fix someone - stop trying to help - you can't. Plan your exit - don't wait six months - find a room mate if you have to - just get OUT of there. What an awful place to be. You deserve better.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    That is disgusting! I can't believe you have put up with it. That said, it sounds like you're using each other. You for the money, and him for someone who will actually be within 10 yards of him. I honestly think you're getting the short end of the bargain. Frankly, I would think you could find someone else better. At least less gross.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    He seems incredibly depressed, and until he decides to get help, he will just drag you down with him. Please do not live in squalor just to have bills paid to go to school. That environment is so bad for your mental health and energy.
  • MelisMusing
    MelisMusing Posts: 421 Member
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    You ARE being unrealistic.............. to yourself! Demand better, please. That kind of behavior is DISGUSTING. Surely you realize that you are worth more....
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    What even attracted you to this guy?

    I wouldn't put up with it. Everybody else that lives here (son, son's GF, husband) smokes. I don't. I insist that the smokers all go outside. Smoking inside not only pollutes the air that I have to breathe (I not only live here but work here, too). Smoking inside would make everything smell bad, and the walls would turn yellowish-brown. I won't have it! They don't smoke in our truck, either.

    As for the poor hygiene - serious sick to the stomach. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!

    You have rights. Assert them.
  • FinallyDoingMe
    FinallyDoingMe Posts: 84 Member
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    Oh my run now and run fast.

    ^^^ this^^^
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
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    Sorry, I can't be in a relationship with someone I'm not "doing it" to. I couldn't "do it" to him...he's gross. I don't want skid marks on my thighs.
  • JacquiC72
    JacquiC72 Posts: 49 Member
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    Was he like this before you agreed to do the cleaning? If he was like that, then no amount of you cleaning is going to change him. Did he grow up in a messy house? Messy breeds messy. If he wasn't then he's taking advantage of your good nature - just because you've agreed to do the cleaning doesn't give him an excuse to make a mess for you to clean.

    Most of all, you need to talk to him. Not while he's playing on the computer but a time when you're both free to talk, say after a meal. Tell him calmly that you need him to listen to what you have to say then explain what you would like from him and how his current behaviour is making you feel and ask how he sees your living/housework situation. If he isn't prepared to listen or you can't come to a suitable compromise then I'm afraid it's time to be selfish and decide how you want to continue.
  • AmberLee2012
    AmberLee2012 Posts: 540
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    Ummm GAG me. That is seriously disgusting! Was he always like this or did it happen after you were in charge of clean up? Either way, it doesn't sound like you are happy or attracted to him any longer. I know a lot of people who stay in relationships like this due to financial reasons, but why spend all this time unhappy? Take out some loans and look into some income housing if you have to in order to get through school. Chances are, even with an ultimatum, he is not going to change. It's only going to get worse the longer it goes on.

    My husband and I both work, but he cooks and cleans more than I do. He just feels like it's his responsibility to help out around the house. He even does his own laundry (he works in a machine shop so his clothes get filthy). He should want to help you out even if he is the only one working. A relationship should be a team.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    I'm very gullible - - this is a joke, right? If not, this man is absolutely vile and if I had few alternatives, I'd rather be an au pair or get an arrangement where I provided household services for room and board. I'd look for scholarships.
  • missiontocomplete
    missiontocomplete Posts: 4
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    yuck. I'm OCD when it comes to tidy body tidy mind. I don't know how you live with that.... but I'm not sure that boy who looks like a man will ever grow up... usually they do by the latest there 30's
    good luck... don't waist your life on something your unhappy with sweetie... its all about the lifestyle change ;)
  • wildcatnyc
    wildcatnyc Posts: 2,410 Member
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    I'm not really sure why you put up with all of that...doesn't sound worth it to me.
  • dawnj87
    dawnj87 Posts: 98 Member
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    Wow! please by all means let him read these posts as well as your post and let reality sink in and maybe he will see that he is really a "nasty, filthy slob" and he's Damn lucky to have someone like you to put up with him. If he can't change then you need to BOUNCE, and quickly!!!!!!!
  • GrnEyz80
    GrnEyz80 Posts: 121
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    Blech!!! This guys sounds NASTY! I actually dated a guy like that...he was my first boyfriend. Looking back I didn't think I deserved anything much better, and I was "lucky" to have anyone like me. I hope this isn't the case for you. You are beautiful and deserve to be with someone who wants to be the best they are for you, and someone who doesn't treat you as a live-in maid! If this is his norm there is NO changing him. If he wasn't like this when you guys first got together then it sounds like depression and something you two should talk about. But, again, if he isn't willing to change or get help there comes a point where you have to cut and run.
  • dawn_eichert
    dawn_eichert Posts: 487 Member
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    If you are on this website, you must think enough of yourself that you want to do something with your lifestyle. That being said, think enough of yourself to truely ask yourself if you deserve this treatment? I think the answer is probably "No" you don't deserve this. I don't think you are being unrealistic to expect more from him.

    You need to take a good hard look at your options. You are cleaning up the charge so you can get a job. Great for you. What else can you do in the meantime to make ends meet so you can better your situation? Are you willing to suck this situation up for however long it lasts?

    You need to do what is best for you!!!! PERIOD!!!

    I wish you the best of luck.
  • subconscious_ink
    subconscious_ink Posts: 194 Member
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    If he wasn't like this to begin with, then it's either depression, or he decided that since you're sort of his "live-in maid" now, he can be as lazy as he wants because he doesn't have to do the work to maintain his living space. Either way, it might be better just to walk away.

    Have a talk with him first and tell him that you're concerned about him. Ask him if anything is wrong, and let him know that you've noticed some personal changes in him, and that he seems distant lately, etc. He may come out and tell you that he's depressed or something, in which case you guys can work through it together if you want. But if the talk doesn't change anything between the two of you, you might want to get out of the relationship.
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
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    Is this a joke? How could you even BE with someone like that? I'd be packing up my (or his) *kitten* and be on my way. Gross.

    This. Exactly.

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