Am I being unrealistic?
Replies
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If this type of lifestyle and behavior is not a deal breaker for you...I am curious as to what would be.
Here is a question I ask people when they are faced with relationship issues which is this:
"If you had a daughter, would you want your daughter going out or being with a guy like this?" Would you set a good friend up with a guy like this on a date?"
If the answer is "No", then why do you accept less for yourself?
^^^ This, this, and more this.0 -
wow, so you are stuck because of your situation with no parents and no family. That is horrible but aren't you just using him? As soon as you get a job and get on your feet I would find a room for rent somewhere, anywhere would have to be better than this. Who knows maybe if you do this then he will wake up and realize how truly nasty he is. I will pray for you, that is just sick and sad.0
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My heart goes out to you. My first impression is that your boyfriend does sound depressed and insecure. I recommend couples therapy-- it really works.... However, if he holding you back, diminishing your self esteem and not being an encouraging, loving mate then you need to woman-up and say good-bye to him. Healthy body and healthy mind go together. It is hard to have one without the other. Take care of yourself. You need to keep YOU as the priority, because we cannot rely on others to take care of us. Good luck, be strong, and kick butt.0
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Sometimes people with depression don't even realize there is a problem (no matter how obvious it seems.) Maybe you need to bring it up to him. But if he doesn't want help you can't help him. Tell him he needs to get help or you won't be there anymore.0
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I dont have parents and I was in the foster system growing up. I dont have siblings to help me out either. I have a small criminal record that I am getting 'expunged' right now. I literally cannot get a job. Walmart and mcdonalds wont hire me. The coffee shop 2 miles away will hire me for 2.80 an hour- no tips. I had a pocket knife that was to long in my purse- the police considered it "dangerous concealed weapon" and gave me a felony when I was 18 years old. I am just now getting this taken care of. Within 6 months I will be able to work, get a car, pay of debts and LIVE.
Have you spoken to your school financial aid/guidance team? I am not religious but if you are: have you spoken to a local church about your situation. I know from previous posts that you have great grades - so maybe there might be some people in the parish willing to assist you or to do a trade - you make meals, run errands and tidy up at an elderly person's home (no taking care of them) and in exchange you live there rent/bill free and have the groceries thrown in. The bonus would be you could set terms and make it into a business transaction. You could interview people and see if it was a good fit. Be up front about the criminal record and explain what has happened and how you are currently getting it expunged. Maybe take out an ad in your local area and see what you think... (take a trusted friend or advisor with you to interview people).0 -
You have got to be kidding? Because there is no way even my horny self could get naked with that.......
OMG..........0 -
Yes, he sounds like a pig, but I'm more concerned about your third and fourth paragraphs. He is showing the classic signs of an abuser, the kind that will try to hurt you or worse when you defy him or try to leave. You are in a dangerous situation and need to get help. I've been there. There are organizations that you can talk to and get some perspective. Please seek them out.0
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Wow...
I never say this to anyone and I will probably get yelled at for this. Honey find God. ANY God. Just find something to believe in and bring positive energy into your life.
With that being said, you have been through a lot in your life.
Do not let yourself be the prisoner of a pig because of what he may or may not do. Who cares what he does? As long as you have air in your lungs and are alive your will over come it. Never let a man or woman hold you hostage over fear.
Yes you have a felony. MANY people were able to change and turn their lives in a better direction, and you can too.
It will be hard, but you can do it.
Kick this man to the curb, embrace the struggle that is to come. You will be surprise the goodness that will come from those around you, even strangers when you need it.0 -
What attracted you to this dude? I'm thinking you like his lack of hygiene, or rather, like having something to complain about? Surely these issues were visible when y'all began dating. Nobody slips into an absolute state of filth overnight.0
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As far as your boy friend, leave him. Anything like that is red flag...what happens if it gets worse and he turns into a horder? And tell him why you are leaving him, maybe it will be a wake up call to change his ways.
But, one thing stuck out that didn't seem right...
What was it that warrented the search in the first place? Something with that doesn't seem right to me. People don't usually get concealed weapon charges for simple pocket knives....not unless you were snappy and decided to smart off to the officer or something like that. Not trying to be rude, so dont' take it that way...just seems odd.I had a pocket knife that was to long in my purse- the police considered it "dangerous concealed weapon" and gave me a felony when I was 18 years old.0 -
I would first see if the root is depression or just plain laziness. I am a neat freak, I have obssesive tendancies when it comes to things being clean, organized, etc. My boyfriend never helps though I am the one who puts in most time away from home. He will occasionaly do dishes, which I have to clean again because he leaves food on them. He will get stuff out of the fridge and leave it on the counter to spoil, he half-*kitten* everything and it is just pure laziness. Seriously, who is so lazy they get milk out of the fridge and can't take the effort to put it back and let it spoil instead.
It's one thing that really bothers me but one thing I feel like I just can't live with. We are working on it. Best of luck to you and make him see why he needs to be an adult. For health and safety reasons. :noway:0 -
It sounds like depression. Severe depression.
I would suggest you talk to him, give him a hug, be honest with him. Something is going on there that isn't being talked about. Kick the elephant out of the room and have a conversation with him. He may end up self-harming if his depression isn't addressed.
I can see where living like this may be taking a toll on you. If there are issues besides his lack of personal hygiene, then I would suggest leaving him. If this area is it, maybe you might be able to help him. But don't sacrifice yourself to save him.
As far as your legal issues go, find a small place (thrift store, locally owned conveniece store, etc) and go in and talk to the owners. Be up front about your legal issues and see if they are willing to hire you. Try babysitting, dogwalking, etc (these areas usually go off of word of mouth without background checks) and see if you can get work like that...Go to a local church and see if they need maid service, offer to beat their current price.
I know felons that work at walmart. One of them just got out for murder (straight up murder, not involuntary manslaughter or anything like that). Sometimes it takes for you to fill out the app then go introduce yourself to the hiring manager. Keep calling them, talking to them, making them remember your name. That will usually get you an interview, at least.
Good luck!0 -
Why would a guy that doesn't brush his teeth bother to trim his pubic hair? I do think this is a joke. A nasty one at that.0
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Wow...
I never say this to anyone and I will probably get yelled at for this. Honey find God. ANY God. Just find something to believe in and bring positive energy into your life.
With that being said, you have been through a lot in your life.
Do not let yourself be the prisoner of a pig because of what he may or may not do. Who cares what he does? As long as you have air in your lungs and are alive your will over come it. Never let a man or woman hold you hostage over fear.
Yes you have a felony. MANY people were able to change and turn their lives in a better direction, and you can too.
It will be hard, but you can do it.
Kick this man to the curb, embrace the struggle that is to come. You will be surprise the goodness that will come from those around you, even strangers when you need it.
I'm an atheist, but if appealing to a nonexistent God will help, fine. Whatever it takes.0 -
To be frank... he wouldn't be my boyfriend for long. and he shouldn't be yours either.0
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You've got to LOVE yourself first! You should not subject yourself to such a disgusting person. My goodness. No underwear, shaving without the shower on, wrappers in the bed. Heck no! You can & will make it without him!! Good luck.0
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Sorry for being mean but he's a ****, a slob and abusive.
Get out while you can. Abusive people only get worse.. he will not get better.
Even if you don't have support in your life you can get away. Look for a shelter around you.. there are programs out there to help people in your position.
If you stay, he will only get worse. He's got you in a place where he thinks you will never leave. When he is at work one day, pack up anything of importance to you and leave. Don't leave anything of importance behind. Bring what is valuable and that's it. If you have to leave clothing behind or something else than so be it. Things can be replaced... you can't.
Leave and go to the Police. Get a restraining order. If you don't leave, he will get worse. He may end up killing you.
Pack up your important belongings and hide them where he won't find them. Tomorrow, when he is gone for work leave. Don't repsond to calls, texts, emails. Leave your cell phone behind. Go to a womans shelter. Get out now before he does get worse and ends up either hurting you or killing you.0 -
As far as your boy friend, leave him. Anything like that is red flag...what happens if it gets worse and he turns into a horder? And tell him why you are leaving him, maybe it will be a wake up call to change his ways.
But, one thing stuck out that didn't seem right...I had a pocket knife that was to long in my purse- the police considered it "dangerous concealed weapon" and gave me a felony when I was 18 years old.
What was it that warrented the searh in the first place? Something with that doesn't seem right to me. People don't usually get concealed weapon charges for simple pocket knives....not unless you were snappy and decided to smart off to the officer or something like that. Not trying to be rude, so dont' take it that way...just seems odd.
Could be the blade. Maybe it was a switch blade? I know those are illegal to carry here but there is no limit on a fixed blade, length or otherwise.0 -
bluntly YOU'RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. if he controls your every move and doesn't let you hangout with your friends AND doesn't want you to get a job because you'll find someone else is WRONG. YOU DESERVE BETTER. It's hard to live on your own but you need to do this for yourself.0
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If this type of lifestyle and behavior is not a deal breaker for you...I am curious as to what would be.
Here is a question I ask people when they are faced with relationship issues which is this:
"If you had a daughter, would you want your daughter going out or being with a guy like this?" Would you set a good friend up with a guy like this on a date?"
If the answer is "No", then why do you accept less for yourself?
^^^^^^^^^0 -
Thank you for making me feel extremely fastidious and incredibly wonderful.
I'm seriously neither one of those, but I live alone and am WAY cleaner than that & moderately fun to be around.
One think I will say is that you have needs and if he is not meeting those needs, it's just not going to work. It doesn't matter if you don't pay for anything or not. If he's not willing to engage in some give and take, that's not a partnership, that's servitorship.
Good luck!0 -
You've got to LOVE yourself first! You should not subject yourself to such a disgusting person. My goodness. No underwear, shaving without the shower on, wrappers in the bed. Heck no! You can & will make it without him!! Good luck.
Actually that wasn't too bad. I was grossed out with the skid marks and yellow tooth brush!!!!!!0 -
The stalker tendencies you describe frightened me more than anything else you said about him.
he sounds more than depressed - he sounds very unhinged, like he's one stress away from mental collapse or explosion.
I understand you have nowhere to go in terms of family - is there a friend who can take you in?
can you speak to someone at an abused women's shelter - perhaps you can be taken into one?
I understand your fear, that he might be stalking your email and things like that - you might have to somehow get a message to a trusted friend who can then make the contact with a women's shelter for you.
You don't have to make any specific moves now ... just know where your escape hatch is.
You must genuinely want one, as you posted on this forum.
Find your way ... looks like we're all rooting for you!0 -
You've got to LOVE yourself first! You should not subject yourself to such a disgusting person. My goodness. No underwear, shaving without the shower on, wrappers in the bed. Heck no! You can & will make it without him!! Good luck.
Actually that wasn't too bad. I was grossed out with the skid marks and yellow tooth brush!!!!!!
^ This. Of all the choices, "wrappers in the bed" seems pretty tame . . .0 -
You're being as realistic as your post.
I call BS.0 -
And to add... Where is your mother that you spoke about in previous posts? Where is the brother you mentioned? What happened in the last month with your boyfriend as in Jan you posted that you are happy and you are lucky... now this??? You also pointed out in a previous post that you want to lose weight and be happier/healthier so when your son who you gave up for adoption meets you in the future he won't be ashamed of you. If this post is real, get out now so you have the chance to meet your son in the future. And on your profile you have that you work 35 hours a week. Get out while you can.0
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You have got to be kidding? Because there is no way even my horny self could get naked with that.......
OMG..........
you want to put that where?0 -
This is an awkward and unpredictable situation to live in. You need to just get out. Bragging about what he did to his Ex and getting her fired is not cool. This man has control issues among other things! If your college is not local then perhaps you an find a local college, even if it is a junior college. Apply and go to school locally and live on campus. Or, move to where your college is and become a resident on campus rather than an online student. Get a student loan to help with your tuition and expenses. Better to have student debt that is your own than to live in this situation, because this situation will not improve with time. This man has to want to help himself, you can't decide that for him Take care of yourself and your own financial issues some other way. You might call a women's/children's abuse hotline and ask for help & advice.0
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If this type of lifestyle and behavior is not a deal breaker for you...I am curious as to what would be.
Here is a question I ask people when they are faced with relationship issues which is this:
"If you had a daughter, would you want your daughter going out or being with a guy like this?" Would you set a good friend up with a guy like this on a date?"
If the answer is "No", then why do you accept less for yourself?0 -
for all the women complaining that you couldnt do it to him cause this is nasty.....
remember the next time you want to cuddle and aunt flo is in town.....0
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