ladies, a personal question. laides only.

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  • stevenyuzk
    stevenyuzk Posts: 88 Member
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    this is a very interesting thread.
  • sPaRkLiNgLYFE
    sPaRkLiNgLYFE Posts: 609
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    maybe you're having some type of hormonal imbalance, i would see a doctor.
  • MikeAlphaBaker
    MikeAlphaBaker Posts: 3
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    i'm a creep. i'm a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here?

    You don't belong here.

    I don't care if it hurts

    You want to have control
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
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    thanks for the insight ladies. I'm not on any meds, and I don't intend to be. I don't have an obgyn or anything like that. no insurance. nothing. I don't have any family, and his, I tried talking to his mom, and all she could say is you know, mothers don't like hearing bad things about their sons. and his step mom keeps saying we'll (me and her) will just get a double divorce. so, that's a no go. my friends love me, but they're looking for any reason to hate my husband, mainly cause we eloped and I moved 500 miles away. my best friend knows that I have never liked sex. just never clicked as something that I wanted to be part of. even as a kid I hated being touched. tag, duck duck goose, no, nothing horrific happened to me, was just always the one that wanted to be around people, just not too close.

    with the intimacy, we hold hands, cuddle on the couch, hug, and kiss. not full on make out cause that leads to sex which is my issue. but that's about my comfort zone. we've tried toys, lingerie which I love, I think they're beautiful, just not with this body. yet at least. dvds toys oils incense. all great for him but all I think of is ok, so he's thinking about the chick in the movie, this oil is not coming out of these sheets,, incense gives me a head ache, and why is does this always happen when I just clean the sheets.

    some times, my drive will make it's appearance, but it's rare. and the pooch may be the last thing on his mind, but its the first on mine.

    when I was 230 and lost weight to 204 and 40 inches, I know my confidence soared, but libido I guess was the same. didn't look for guys, flirted with a guy at work, but it was banter, had no intentions just talk no touch. then I met and married my husband.
    maybe it is my confidence that is the key to this. he met me at my lowest weight when I had the most confidence.
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
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    I hope things get better for you.

    Since I have lost weight I must admit that I have a difficult time NOT thinking about sex... all day.
  • charismanoodles
    charismanoodles Posts: 343 Member
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    The more I lose weight, the more sexytimes I want, lmaoo. I feel more confident to start, if you know what I mean :blushing:
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
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    Yes, but only because I am much more confident now.
  • JamieG8991
    JamieG8991 Posts: 1,203 Member
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    Yes!!! Definitely increased sex drive!!!! Hubby's a happy man!!! :wink:
  • vegan_mama34
    vegan_mama34 Posts: 11
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    From my experience, after losing 12 lbs I can say it has improved for me. I'd have to say my libido wasn't so great after having a child a little over a year ago and not doing much about my weight or being fit.. I didn't feel good about myself or how I felt or looked in clothes that kept getting bigger in size over time : ( But, now that I've taken control and started caring about what I put in my mouth and how physical I am on my day to day, I feel way more confident and my self esteem has been way better, therefor making everything else way better ; )
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    When I was pregnant, my libido went nutzo. That is, up and down from day to day. After my pregnancies, it seemed more normal, but at that time, my problem wasn't lack of libido, but a lack of energy to do anything about it, leading to stress. I don't think it has increased since losing so much weight, but I do have TONS more energy now. Also, sex is a lot easier and more fun again. All my extra fat I was carrying was really getting in the way so my husband and me were limited on sexual positions, which made it less fun.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I have some depression, but I've always been a pretty depressing person. always out going, but half empty glass. I am on the mirena iud birth control. it's stopped my period and i'm fine with that. I don't want to be pregnant again. my daughter was a hard time and frankly, when I lose the weight, i'd be terrified to gain anything.

    I've tried talking to my husband. I tell him I feel gross and disgusting, and all he says is im not and never goes further than that. i'm not a therapy person. I feel they're just in it for the money. bad experience when I was teen. my mom had me see a therapist after my dad died. $75 for an hour, and she was usually 10 minutes late and pushed me out when my hour was up. just asked how I was feeling.

    Depression, mood swings, and lack of libido are known side effects of Mirena. You might want to try a different form of birth control.

    http://labeling.bayerhealthcare.com/html/products/pi/Mirena_PI.pdf

    http://www.healthboards.com/boards/birth-control/560714-mirena-iud-side-effects-why-not-use-form-birth-control.html
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    I have good days and bad days when it comes to my sex drive. It takes work for me, because I have depression, two small children, and no one that lives close by to watch the kids for a while so I can get a break from them. I have always had a libido on the lower end of things, especially when my weight was higher.

    But my opinion is that you are having more issues than just your sex drive. I am never repulsed by my husband's touch, even when I'm dead tired...one thing that stood out to me in your last post is "he's thinking about the chick in the DVD." Right there, I can tell you that he's not, because she's not the one having sex with him, YOU are. If he's telling you that you are beautiful, believe him. He means it. And don't argue with him about it, say thank you. Because if you continually tell him he's wrong, eventually you might change his mind.

    ETA: I mean this in the kindest, gentlest way possible, OP. Not trying to be mean, just stating my opinion. Best of luck.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    I can't get enough of my man. So, probably not the right woman to answer this question.
  • Hollisss
    Hollisss Posts: 88 Member
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    Actually at my heaviest weight I was the most confident sexually.
  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
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    Yes, at my heaviest (I've been there two different times with two different husbands) I hated sex, had the same running conversations in my head as you list. But also, yes, as I lost weight it improved (for women, it's all in the head and the hormones) and now I'm at least as likely to initiate sex as my husband. Interestingly enough, with pregnancies 1 and 2, no interest in sex. With 3rd pregnancy I couldn't get enough. Husband was actually sleeping on the couch to get away from ME, LOL.

    I think as your opinion of yourself changes (improves), you will find it coming back, assuming you have no other underlying conditions.
  • broox80
    broox80 Posts: 1,195 Member
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    Last year I joined MFP and quickly lost about 20 pounds and found my libido!! Now
    I am starting all over again since I just had a baby. Yes the libido increase led to a baby ;).
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    I remember losing my drive early, especially after having children. Good heavens, after working all day, keeping up with the kids all night, I just didn't want to be messed with.

    Back in June of last year, I went for hormone replacement therapy. It was WONDERFUL! I got my drive back! It's expensive as all get-out though. Sheesh.
  • mandyneedtolose
    mandyneedtolose Posts: 398 Member
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    I think it is as our bodies change we grow more confidence .. thus changing everything up!! :)
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I have good days and bad days when it comes to my sex drive. It takes work for me, because I have depression, two small children, and no one that lives close by to watch the kids for a while so I can get a break from them. I have always had a libido on the lower end of things, especially when my weight was higher.

    But my opinion is that you are having more issues than just your sex drive. I am never repulsed by my husband's touch, even when I'm dead tired...one thing that stood out to me in your last post is "he's thinking about the chick in the DVD." Right there, I can tell you that he's not, because she's not the one having sex with him, YOU are. If he's telling you that you are beautiful, believe him. He means it. And don't argue with him about it, say thank you. Because if you continually tell him he's wrong, eventually you might change his mind.

    ETA: I mean this in the kindest, gentlest way possible, OP. Not trying to be mean, just stating my opinion. Best of luck.

    I agree. I think the other issues are causing a low sex drive.
  • Rawzy
    Rawzy Posts: 4
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    OKay so here is the thing. Usually your libido should increase with exersice. If its decreasing you could be looking at a lot of other factors affecting your everyday life.
    Your sex drive should be improving... First, endurance exercise your stamina. Second, you can become more flexible through aerobic and gymnastic exercise. Third, exercise of any type can prevent you from cramping up during orgasm. Finally, exercise causes the release of endorphins into the limbic and prefrontal areas of the brain. The increased level of endorphins may also influence the buildup of hormones that power your libido. Endorphins also reduce stress, which is a major sex drive inhibitor.
    Exercise provides a psychological boost, as well. Regular exercise leads to a higher self-esteem. As you become more fit, you feel more confident and enjoy sex more. exercising also puts you more in touch with your physical body and enables you to feel more sexual, as opposed to the sense of detachment you have if you are ashamed of your body.
    But what you have to realize is what you eat can also affect your libido, or sex drive. Whats the use of all this exersice to feel better and healthier is your not feeding your body the proper fuel and nutrients. Foods that boost or improve your sex drive are things like: Avocado, almonds, strawberries, basil, Dark chocalate, Asparagus, bananas, citrus fruits, arugula, HOney, figs. and even seafoods. Try incorporating some of these things do your daily diet, and im sure youll see your sex drive increase as well as making your skin and body feel delicious :P
    I study food science and nutrition at school, so i defenatley know my stuff haha. IF you have any questions im here to answer.
    ALSO: NOTE: Anxiety and stress and lead to decreased libido and sex drive. This is due to your happy endorphins shutting down because stress is all you can focus and thing about, this is why breathing exersises and yoga is very reccomended when trying to lose weight or exersicing intensely.

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