Why do women do it to each other?

emmabeckemeyer1

Yesterday at the gym two older teenagers walked into the body pump class. One of the teens was over weight and the other was very thin. They started the class and the thin one was not even trying and was laughing at the other who was trying to workout. She was telling her she looked stupid and the class was a joke. The bigger teen was ignoring her and kept trying but when she lost her balance (she did not fall) the thin girl said, "told you you couldn't do it." They both left.
It broke my heart to see one trying to get fit and the other "friend" putting her down!! Why are women so mean to each other?

Loftearmen

I don't know why but they really are mean. I've seen it in the work place moreso than anywhere else. They always seem to be jealous or suspicious of the other girls in the office. It's ridiculous and unprofessional. Furthermore, it seems to only be directed towards other women.

bookworm_847

I don't understand it either. I know it's not all women, but it seems to be most of them. I've always gotten along better with men because I'm not into being catty and mean just for the sake of it. Maybe it has to do with insecurity or wanting to feel like they're above someone else?

I hope the other gal returns to class without her "friend" so she can keep trying.

kaybelieve

We're jealous

omma_to_3

I think your question is really more about teenagers. As a whole, I don't see women as 'mean'. Yes, some are, but not any that I associate with LOL.

MinnieInMaine

There are just some particularly unpleasant females who just never develop past the junior high mentality of putting other females down. Thankfully there are plenty more of us who put their insecurities aside and help to support and lift up their fellow females (and male friends too).

Also, in the OP's examples, we're not talking about women, we're talking about girls. If they're still teenages, or even in their early 20's, more than likely they still have a lot of growing up to do. Hopefully the bigger girl will grow a spine and realize she doesn't need friends like that in her life.

Gemini_at_36

I don't think it's women,,,they are still children...and children can be very cruel to each other. I as an adult would never be like that to my friend, skinny or not.

emmabeckemeyer1

I don't know why but they really are mean. I've seen it in the work place moreso than anywhere else. They always seem to be jealous or suspicious of the other girls in the office. It's ridiculous and unprofessional. Furthermore, it seems to only be directed towards other women.

You are right about the work place! It is almost like they try to one up each other and it is VERY unprofessional

emmabeckemeyer1

I don't understand it either. I know it's not all women, but it seems to be most of them. I've always gotten along better with men because I'm not into being catty and mean just for the sake of it. Maybe it has to do with insecurity or wanting to feel like they're above someone else?

I hope the other gal returns to class without her "friend" so she can keep trying.

I too have always had more male friends. In most cases with men you know where you stand

sbdoolin

Those were teenagers; the mean one may just be going through a miserable phase. I don't believe most women do things like this to each other. Like men, some are mean, some are nice and most of us fall somewhere in between. It's just that the mean ones get your attention.

I'm always amazed when I hear people talk about friends who are mean to them. Who are you hanging around with?! There is an entire world of better people out there. Surround yourself with them.

KenosFeoh

There are mean men as well as mean women. I think the bigger teen needs to examine who she is choosing as a friend because it sounds like she chose poorly.

cuterbee

Those were teenagers; the mean one may just be going through a miserable phase. I don't believe most women do things like this to each other. Like men, some are mean, some are nice and most of us fall somewhere in between. It's just that the mean ones get your attention.

I'm always amazed when I hear people talk about friends who are mean to them. Who are you hanging around with?! There is an entire world of better people out there. Surround yourself with them.

I had a couple of "friends" like that as a teenager -- they were not my friends for long. I agree that people often don't notice kindness unless it is extraordinary, but even a little meanness stands out.

cnlargent

I still have a friend like this. She lost over 30 lbs eating like a bird and while in a size 2, she has no musclar definition and is definitely skinny fat. Not the way I choose to have my body. She still eats like **** and talks about how she isnt even hungry anymore, so she only eats like, once a day. Constantly tells me that I'm eating too much to lose weight (And I'm shooting for 1600 - 1800 calories net!)

Same friend who thinks that lifting weights will cause me to get bulky, and she doesnt want get bulky. And "too bad you just arent built to be a size 2". This chick is 5'5" and 110 lbs. Thanks, but no thanks, I'm shooting for 140-150 and looking good naked for my husband.

carrieous

Are you asking this about women or teenagers?

stephaniemejia1671

I work out alone. Because of situations like that. I tend to get focused when I workout so I really wouldn't be able to concentrate on punching someone in their face, it would mess up my mojo. Misery likes company.

roiLEI1554

I think a lot of it is just the need for the verification of our importance by males (or females, no discrimination intended)
Not all women are like this, though
Not even all teenagers are like this...the situation you described just sounds like a bad friend choice

ijavagypsy

The root cause is usually fear or jealousy. Go figure.

ejwme

Some of it is cultural. I've noticed in traveling and living all over that places where the culture is relatively "foreign" (to ours), there's not necessarily the same level of cattiness in young or immature women. One place I lived the men were cattier than the women. It took a few stints abroad for me to realize that.

iorahkwano

Maybe the heavier friend was being cocky & saying what the fit girl does isn't hard? Devaluing her hard work? That's the only situation I could think of where someone would do this (assuming they're not just being an *kitten*).

I remember one of my coworkers & I were at a race... and a fit girl (who had never been to our gym) was being cocky saying her gym was better than ours, that they workout the hardest & that she was gonna come to our gym to show us it's easy.

She showed up, I wasn't there to see it. She didn't come back for a few days... When she did, my coworker (who was at that last workout) made fun of her because she had thrown up at the workout! And he said it in front of everyone!

WIN.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

None of my female friends act like that. I don't act like that. And we wouldn't tolerate it from male or female friends. Why does anyone choose to be mean? Because they can, and because others allow it.

upgetupgetup

Are you kidding? Have you ever witnessed the abuse teen boys put each other through? Sometimes in disgusting ways. Teenagers' brains aren't cooked yet, they're all psychos, regardless of gender.

upgetupgetup

Some of it is cultural. I've noticed in traveling and living all over that places where the culture is relatively "foreign" (to ours), there's not necessarily the same level of cattiness in young or immature women. One place I lived the men were cattier than the women. It took a few stints abroad for me to realize that.

This too, North American style teasing/bullying doesn't happen everywhere.

cathynicolette

I don't think it's women,,,they are still children...and children can be very cruel to each other. I as an adult would never be like that to my friend, skinny or not.

*THIS* You, ma'am are correct. they are children. and very likely the skinny minnie is jealous of the friend because the friend is actually a sweet person instead of insensitive and cruel.

erinxo13

Wow thats horrible. I hope the girl ditches the mean girl. I've never had someone do that to me at the gym, friend or otherwise. I've had more than my fair share of getting bullied but this bugs me, her 'friend' should be supportive.

Shock_Wave

Sounds to me like the bigger girl picked the wrong work out partner.

reasnableblonde

I don't know why but they really are mean. I've seen it in the work place moreso than anywhere else. They always seem to be jealous or suspicious of the other girls in the office. It's ridiculous and unprofessional. Furthermore, it seems to only be directed towards other women.

You are right about the work place! It is almost like they try to one up each other and it is VERY unprofessional

THIS.

Mamalea32

Personally I find myself comparing myself to other woman all of the time. I do not go so far as to laugh at others or make comments. I think some of that behavior might be due to a thin person's discomfort with how to act in a gym with someone who isn't in the best shape. She may have been trying to "play it cool".....It may also be insecurity. Either way that is horrible behavior. I am thin and one of the smallest peeps in my workplace and in my gym and I am very sensitive when topics about weight and health come up. I do feel a bit uncomfortable and I do wait for snide remarks toward me regarding my good shape.

Mr_Excitement

It's true-- for all the stereotypes about girls being more nurturing, I've often noticed the same thing you allude to. They tend to be very mean to one another. The men I know mostly have life-long friendships with the same handful of guys, and while much is left unsaid, it's mostly the things that don't need to be said or just shouldn't be said anyway.

Women have this problem with communication. TOO MUCH COMMUNICATION.

JessicaP327

Yesterday at the gym two older teenagers walked into the body pump class. One of the teens was over weight and the other was very thin. They started the class and the thin one was not even trying and was laughing at the other who was trying to workout. She was telling her she looked stupid and the class was a joke. The bigger teen was ignoring her and kept trying but when she lost her balance (she did not fall) the thin girl said, "told you you couldn't do it." They both left.
It broke my heart to see one trying to get fit and the other "friend" putting her down!! Why are women so mean to each other?

I have no tolerance whatsoever for that kind of behavior and I would have approached the girl.

Years ago, I was at Applebees with a friend. There was a group of "jock" kids sitting at one table and on the other side of the glass partition was a young high school boy with his girlfriend (or female friend). The jocky type kids were picking on him, tapping the glass and laughing at him and the other kid looked so upset and embarassed.

So I told my waiter what was happening and what I wanted to do: to send a cake to the ring-leader jock, equipped with all of the singing the clapping, whole nine yards. And my waiter got the entire wait staff over to have a performance- even got the ring leader up and made him do some stupid little butt shake in front of his friends.

After, I went over to the jock and gave him a piece of my mind. He was beat red and so embarassed. Granted that could have been a bad idea had I been alone (me at 5'3" and not intimidating looking), to approach an entire table of high school jocks, but luckily had my enormous male friend with me. Still, if I was alone I'd have still gone and said something to the kid, minus the show.

In any case, high school kids in general are nasty little jerks, and in general, so are many people! I don't know what possesses them to do this to one another, but its disgusting. Next time it happens (if it does) I hope you would remember my story and go say something to the other girl!

xoxo

AlanTuring

I think a lot of it is just the need for the verification of our importance by males (or females, no discrimination intended)
Not all women are like this, though
Not even all teenagers are like this...the situation you described just sounds like a bad friend choice

I think this comes pretty close to it. And of course, it's not a generalization that applies across the board - many girlfriends are supportive and lovely people.

But I think that when it comes down to it, it's the idea that women are subordinate to men and need the approval of men, thus making for a zero sum game. Just to speculate, for instance, a thin girl could be hanging out with a fat girl, on some subconscious level, because being around someone who isn't conventionally attractive helps to make her look even more attractive. If her fat friend loses weight, she will become less pretty as a result, so she has to tear at her friend in order to make sure that she stays fat and unattractive, for the sake of her own beauty.

It's pretty terrible and twisted, and it's also exactly the reason why everyone who thinks that feminism is over and we're all equal now should be punched in the face. Society is still set up in a pretty ****ty way, and there are a whole lot of messages out there that tell girls that they're supposed to wait around for a guy to validate their existence. All we can do is recognize how terrible it is, and each of us work as hard as we can to fix it in our little corners of the world.

blues4miles

Anyone who thinks men don't do this hasn't paid attention or doesn't work in an office full of guys :laugh:

Guys can be some the meanest to one another. Super competitive about how much weight they can lift, whatever they modded their car with last week, etc. The minute a guy wears a pink shirt or actually acts a little compassionate he is usually called out on it and mocked for being effeminite etc. How many times have I heard a guy call one of his friends a b@#$ or a pu$$y. This sort of wolf pack teasing is considered normal though, and I think when we see similar behavior in women we tend to think of it as b@#chy or catty.

I also think certain societal norms offer men more chances to compete with one another in ways that are not personal (and women are picking up these habits, I'm just saying historically this has been men only): favorite sports team, weight lifting, competing with your teammates at work for promotions etc. At my workplace in a male dominated profession, the guys are far more likely to have all male teams. They are more likely to have male peers in their group. The women here tend to be support staff and don't have a "team" or "peers" but are usually kind of by themselves. This leads to them competing with other support staff females because it's human nature and we're all competitive. But it's looked at as catty because there's really no benefit to the competition. However, the guys that are competing with their male peers are just doing so for career advancement so the same behavior is not looked upon the same way. Just my perspective.