Why do women do it to each other?

upgetupgetup

Some of it is cultural. I've noticed in traveling and living all over that places where the culture is relatively "foreign" (to ours), there's not necessarily the same level of cattiness in young or immature women. One place I lived the men were cattier than the women. It took a few stints abroad for me to realize that.

This too, North American style teasing/bullying doesn't happen everywhere.

cathynicolette

I don't think it's women,,,they are still children...and children can be very cruel to each other. I as an adult would never be like that to my friend, skinny or not.

*THIS* You, ma'am are correct. they are children. and very likely the skinny minnie is jealous of the friend because the friend is actually a sweet person instead of insensitive and cruel.

erinxo13

Wow thats horrible. I hope the girl ditches the mean girl. I've never had someone do that to me at the gym, friend or otherwise. I've had more than my fair share of getting bullied but this bugs me, her 'friend' should be supportive.

Shock_Wave

Sounds to me like the bigger girl picked the wrong work out partner.

reasnableblonde

I don't know why but they really are mean. I've seen it in the work place moreso than anywhere else. They always seem to be jealous or suspicious of the other girls in the office. It's ridiculous and unprofessional. Furthermore, it seems to only be directed towards other women.

You are right about the work place! It is almost like they try to one up each other and it is VERY unprofessional

THIS.

Mamalea32

Personally I find myself comparing myself to other woman all of the time. I do not go so far as to laugh at others or make comments. I think some of that behavior might be due to a thin person's discomfort with how to act in a gym with someone who isn't in the best shape. She may have been trying to "play it cool".....It may also be insecurity. Either way that is horrible behavior. I am thin and one of the smallest peeps in my workplace and in my gym and I am very sensitive when topics about weight and health come up. I do feel a bit uncomfortable and I do wait for snide remarks toward me regarding my good shape.

Mr_Excitement

It's true-- for all the stereotypes about girls being more nurturing, I've often noticed the same thing you allude to. They tend to be very mean to one another. The men I know mostly have life-long friendships with the same handful of guys, and while much is left unsaid, it's mostly the things that don't need to be said or just shouldn't be said anyway.

Women have this problem with communication. TOO MUCH COMMUNICATION.

JessicaP327

Yesterday at the gym two older teenagers walked into the body pump class. One of the teens was over weight and the other was very thin. They started the class and the thin one was not even trying and was laughing at the other who was trying to workout. She was telling her she looked stupid and the class was a joke. The bigger teen was ignoring her and kept trying but when she lost her balance (she did not fall) the thin girl said, "told you you couldn't do it." They both left.
It broke my heart to see one trying to get fit and the other "friend" putting her down!! Why are women so mean to each other?

I have no tolerance whatsoever for that kind of behavior and I would have approached the girl.

Years ago, I was at Applebees with a friend. There was a group of "jock" kids sitting at one table and on the other side of the glass partition was a young high school boy with his girlfriend (or female friend). The jocky type kids were picking on him, tapping the glass and laughing at him and the other kid looked so upset and embarassed.

So I told my waiter what was happening and what I wanted to do: to send a cake to the ring-leader jock, equipped with all of the singing the clapping, whole nine yards. And my waiter got the entire wait staff over to have a performance- even got the ring leader up and made him do some stupid little butt shake in front of his friends.

After, I went over to the jock and gave him a piece of my mind. He was beat red and so embarassed. Granted that could have been a bad idea had I been alone (me at 5'3" and not intimidating looking), to approach an entire table of high school jocks, but luckily had my enormous male friend with me. Still, if I was alone I'd have still gone and said something to the kid, minus the show.

In any case, high school kids in general are nasty little jerks, and in general, so are many people! I don't know what possesses them to do this to one another, but its disgusting. Next time it happens (if it does) I hope you would remember my story and go say something to the other girl!

xoxo

AlanTuring

I think a lot of it is just the need for the verification of our importance by males (or females, no discrimination intended)
Not all women are like this, though
Not even all teenagers are like this...the situation you described just sounds like a bad friend choice

I think this comes pretty close to it. And of course, it's not a generalization that applies across the board - many girlfriends are supportive and lovely people.

But I think that when it comes down to it, it's the idea that women are subordinate to men and need the approval of men, thus making for a zero sum game. Just to speculate, for instance, a thin girl could be hanging out with a fat girl, on some subconscious level, because being around someone who isn't conventionally attractive helps to make her look even more attractive. If her fat friend loses weight, she will become less pretty as a result, so she has to tear at her friend in order to make sure that she stays fat and unattractive, for the sake of her own beauty.

It's pretty terrible and twisted, and it's also exactly the reason why everyone who thinks that feminism is over and we're all equal now should be punched in the face. Society is still set up in a pretty ****ty way, and there are a whole lot of messages out there that tell girls that they're supposed to wait around for a guy to validate their existence. All we can do is recognize how terrible it is, and each of us work as hard as we can to fix it in our little corners of the world.

blues4miles

Anyone who thinks men don't do this hasn't paid attention or doesn't work in an office full of guys :laugh:

Guys can be some the meanest to one another. Super competitive about how much weight they can lift, whatever they modded their car with last week, etc. The minute a guy wears a pink shirt or actually acts a little compassionate he is usually called out on it and mocked for being effeminite etc. How many times have I heard a guy call one of his friends a b@#$ or a pu$$y. This sort of wolf pack teasing is considered normal though, and I think when we see similar behavior in women we tend to think of it as b@#chy or catty.

I also think certain societal norms offer men more chances to compete with one another in ways that are not personal (and women are picking up these habits, I'm just saying historically this has been men only): favorite sports team, weight lifting, competing with your teammates at work for promotions etc. At my workplace in a male dominated profession, the guys are far more likely to have all male teams. They are more likely to have male peers in their group. The women here tend to be support staff and don't have a "team" or "peers" but are usually kind of by themselves. This leads to them competing with other support staff females because it's human nature and we're all competitive. But it's looked at as catty because there's really no benefit to the competition. However, the guys that are competing with their male peers are just doing so for career advancement so the same behavior is not looked upon the same way. Just my perspective.

Cadori

I think your question is really more about teenagers. As a whole, I don't see women as 'mean'. Yes, some are, but not any that I associate with LOL.

Agreed. I find it more a mark of maturity (or lack of), not gender. I'm nice to everyone.

fresh_start59

I think your question is really more about teenagers. As a whole, I don't see women as 'mean'. Yes, some are, but not any that I associate with LOL.

Oh, but they are. It's just the older women are not so blantant--well, not usually. Most of the taunting takes place behind the other person's back -- unless the taunter and tauntee are "friends". In that case, it happens face to face and behind their back.

I don't see this so much in the workplace, but then, where I worked was more of a professional environment. But I see it a lot in crafting venues.

happyheart15

I hate when people generalize women as mean like some have in this thread. I am a woman and I'm not mean, petty, or nasty. Growing up, I was bullied by boys.

RumpusP

Yesterday at the gym two older teenagers walked into the body pump class. One of the teens was over weight and the other was very thin. They started the class and the thin one was not even trying and was laughing at the other who was trying to workout. She was telling her she looked stupid and the class was a joke. The bigger teen was ignoring her and kept trying but when she lost her balance (she did not fall) the thin girl said, "told you you couldn't do it." They both left.
It broke my heart to see one trying to get fit and the other "friend" putting her down!! Why are women so mean to each other?

Honestly? I've seen exactly that kind of stuff in males, too, so it's certainly not a female-specific behavior.

Cadori

I don't see this so much in the workplace, but then, where I worked was more of a professional environment. But I see it a lot in crafting venues.

Well that different. Knitters are NOTORIOUS *****es!

Loftearmen

Anyone who thinks men don't do this hasn't paid attention or doesn't work in an office full of guys :laugh:

Guys can be some the meanest to one another. Super competitive about how much weight they can lift, whatever they modded their car with last week, etc. The minute a guy wears a pink shirt or actually acts a little compassionate he is usually called out on it and mocked for being effeminite etc. How many times have I heard a guy call one of his friends a b@#$ or a pu$$y. This sort of wolf pack teasing is considered normal though, and I think when we see similar behavior in women we tend to think of it as b@#chy or catty.

I also think certain societal norms offer men more chances to compete with one another in ways that are not personal (and women are picking up these habits, I'm just saying historically this has been men only): favorite sports team, weight lifting, competing with your teammates at work for promotions etc. At my workplace in a male dominated profession, the guys are far more likely to have all male teams. They are more likely to have male peers in their group. The women here tend to be support staff and don't have a "team" or "peers" but are usually kind of by themselves. This leads to them competing with other support staff females because it's human nature and we're all competitive. But it's looked at as catty because there's really no benefit to the competition. However, the guys that are competing with their male peers are just doing so for career advancement so the same behavior is not looked upon the same way. Just my perspective.

I haven't ever experienced this and I have been on hockey teams, wrestling teams, football teams, powerlifting teams, and have worked in an office full of guys.

I also didn't know the extent to which women are mean to one another until I had a conversation about it with my wife and my mother. Apparently women do and say a lot of things that men (at least the ones I have come in contact with during my lifelong athletic career and 15 years in the workforce) would never say without expecting to get their azzes beat in the parking lot. Men tend to be straight up with one another when they disagree.

DonnaLeeCattes

Well this one is simple to answer, my son told me a long time ago Women are *****es! .............hahaha..............I got to say he is right too

Cre8veLifeR

People in general can be mean. Maybe the thin girl needs her friend to stay heavier so she can feel better about herself. People are mean for lots of reasons, usually a fear of some sort. They both need a hug.

3RachaelFaith3

Just a guess, but seems like thinner girl wants her heavier friend so stay heavy, so she's not a threat to her. Nasty and hateful, but some people are just like that. It's ridiculous.

CorvusCorax77

i made it through the first handful of comments before I decided this thread is worthless misogynist crap.

Have a nice day.