The Side of Weight Loss No One Talks About

Mr_Bad_Example

Here's something that no one talks about when you decide to get healthier: the fact that you didn't need the lure of a silly television show, the promise of a big reward check, or fifteen minutes of fame for being the biggest loser. You decided to do this because you wanted it badly enough for yourself that nothing was going to stop you. You decided that you were worth the pain, sweat, and effort. You decided that you had had enough of not being satisfied with yourself and your station in life, and you set out to do something about it. That is a decision that not only demands, but commands respect. And when you hit that goal, you don't need any of the fluff, pomp, or circumstance. You have your health, pride, and respect... that's what no one tells you about weight loss.

And it's kind of bad *kitten*.

the_great_unknown

I recently transferred to a new office with my company in a new state and my supervisor has made comments that suggest that I got to where I am by being attractive. First of all, I still have a lot of weight to lose, and second of all. I was not always attractive at all and I busted my butt to get to where I am. I never thought this would be an issue. I am torn between being offended and laughing.

upgetupgetup

...obsessing now that I am skinny that I will wake up fat, exercising allllllllllllllllll the time! Afraid of gaining a pound, I believe I have created me somewhat of a food disorder...

THIS! My abnormal psych teacher told me that I have "disordered eating" patterns. She said it's not healthy to be afraid of gaining a pound, or eating too many calories, or looking up restaurant foods and basing my social life around the places I can eat at. She said I shouldn't know exactly how many calories and carbs are in so many different foods, and that exercising just to eat more is crazy.

And sometimes it feels crazy...

*disclaimer: I am not "skinny", just smaller

Moderation is the key. I think your psych teacher may just be a bit paranoid. There is nothing wrong with finding out how many calories are in food before we eat them. That is just smart, when you are trying to lose or maintain weight. It is no different than looking at the price tag before you buy something. It would be very irresponsible to go thru a store just grabbing whatever we wanted without knowing how much we were spending, So it is just as irresponsible to go eat whatever we want without knowing the cost.

Of course, like with anything, if it starts taking over your life and interfering with your daily loving and relationships, then it may be becoming an obsession, but I think if we just remain aware, and do gut checks frequently, we will be fine.

no actually, technically, counting calories and macros is obsessive behaviour*. unfortunately, it's necessary to maintain physical health in the context of a sick society.

* i think the important distinction between 'normal'/necessary obsession and kind-of pathological stuff is the emotional experience that accompanies the counting. If a person can count consistently and casually, and not feel *guilt* or have some other extreme response to an 'over' day, but can coolly moderate behaviour to fall within norms (that fall within recommended nutritional guidelines), that to me would seem functional. Functional, in that the calorie counter is maintaining both physical and psychological health.

What i'd consider hurtful 'obsessive' counting would involve emotional distress (guilt, fear), or would involve unreasonable goals (900 calories a day), or behaviour (excessive and regular bingeing <- though with bingeing, part of that is a normal process, a reaction to TOO MUCH deficit (ie, deprivation) - many people 'binge' or overcompensate before they learn how to eat foods that encourage satiety within reasonable limits, and once they're at it for a while, learn to manipulate guidelines to fit their tastes and lifestyle, and lose, and maintain the weight loss; so bingeing in THAT context, I think is normal too, part of a statistically normal learning process.

And implicit in learning process is a 'normal' model of 'learning to lose weight', with norms defined by the pool of experience of e.g. the mfp community, & the larger fitness community, along with folk and specialist consensus on nutrition and health (which address the actual biological theories of weight loss; hunger etc).

Gwyn1969

Not mine, but the belief that you can completely change your body shape through weight loss and exercise and that everyone who works hard will end up looking like a fitness model. The idea that your fat distribution pattern and goals have no bearing on how you work out, especially if you are close to your goal.

huh?

There is no reason anyone who works hard enough shouldn't look like a fitness model. Provided you are doing the right kind of exercise and have the right nutrition.

You are a little naive if you think that fitness models are not chosen with a certain body type in mind, just like any model. Some people will never attain that 'perfect' shape because their bodies are simply not shaped that way. Even buff and at an ideal weight, I will never look like Jillian Michaels (for example, I know she's not a model), because she has a different body type than I. I will look like a fit me. Short, with short skinny-ish legs, unusually short arms, and somewhat thick around the middle with a rather flat behind. Even at my most fit, this is what I looked like. Not unattractive, but certainly not 'cover of Fitness Magazine' attractive.

Glad a select few are responding to that comment.

No, not everyone who works hard enough will look like a fitness model. I started at 300 pounds, my goal is 150. I'm already prepared for the loose skin I'm facing in my future. I'm not gonna look like any kind of model - and I'm totally cool with that, because that isn't the goal.

I do think it's silly to say anyone can look like a fitness model.

Even fitness models don't look like fitness models. Ever met Photoshop?

impylaurie2

For the question of losing weight and buy new clothes. Try going to a resale shop, my daughter works at a high end resale shop and you can get great clothes for great prices.! People come in to buy jeans because they need them and they still need to lose more weight. If you live in California Look up The Closet in Calfornia they have 3 stores and also an online store.

CloudyBlue72

Maybe i'll understand if I lose weight (I've only recently started using the site) but honestly the part about clothes annoys me. If/when I start losing weight i'll be proud to be dropping sizes, not upset

heidihorton

Maybe i'll understand if I lose weight (I've only recently started using the site) but honestly the part about clothes annoys me. If/when I start losing weight i'll be proud to be dropping sizes, not upset

It's not that were upset, it's exciting! It's just also very expensive if you buy them for every size and buy 4-5 pairs. This year I have bought 20+ pairs of jeans alone, not counting tops. Each pair cuter and more expensive ( smaller sizes have so many more options) . That's about 600+ dollars.

CloudyBlue72

I only buy one pair of jeans a year, from discount stores, as it is, so I guess I wouldn't really understand, haha

alexveksler

Sex. So much energy when you drop 6 sizes and 1/3 of your body weight.. It is amazing...

escapeartist90210

When I lost weight the first time; currently losing it the second. I was 10 pounds away from my goal but everyone called me skinny and said I was super thin. I couldn't get used to being skinny because mentally I was still obese, ya know. The next logical move for my body would've been to gain some muscle and stuff but I screwed it because I was eating way above maintenance.

babycakes1970

When you are still 30 pounds or more away from your goal weight and people try to tell you that you should not lose any more.

Bucky2BeBetty

1. That a plateau could go on for a very long time.
2. That I would lose weight in my feet.
3. How sore my butt would get sitting on bleachers. (It really does hurt!)

kamcando

It's okay. I'm older too, and quite frankly I wouldn't wear some of the bathing suit styles today, even if I looked great in them. If I have to get a Brazilian wax to wear one, forget about it! :-)

mg720

my biggest issue is dealing with being "Mentally fat", Its so much more than just needing to lose weight but also a personal journey. I started in 2010 and i am still trying to emotionally deal with everything. One day at a time is my motto!

exactly this. I also just try to take it one day at a time. I began my journey at around 208 pounds back in jan of 2011. I now am in maintenance, i hit goal weight of 125 this past summer (i stay around 122-125 since then) but mentally i still sometimes feel like that 208 pound woman with no self esteem. It is very difficult and i do not think many people talk about this or even realize it until they are in that place. The pounds may come off but the mental part of the journey is an entire different task.

mgobluetx12

No one told me that I would look WORSE in a bathing suit than I did 66lbs ago.

courtneyparsons

My best friends are much more overwieght than myself and have terrible eating/health habits and don't have intentions of changing them. That is completly fine but it's hard sometimes to go hang out because it's always somewhere unhealthy to eat or have drinks etc. It's also hard not to have thier support for the healthy things that I love like running events or Zumba fundraisers etc.
Do I search for a healthy set of friends? How do you handle this stuff?

Oh....and my boobs are always the first thing to go!! :ohwell:

For me too! It's very sad, but I found that my overweight friends NEVER said anything about my weight loss, but my healthy weight friends did all the time.

I just always tried to invite my OW friends to Zumba or to dinner at my house instead of going to Denny's. And if that didn't work, I would invite my HW friends to go. It sucks to be left out, but why put yourself in that position?

Hope that helps!


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courtneyparsons

This comment: "So when do you think you'll be done with the whole healthy thing?"

Never.


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stephanj

I totally get what you're saying. I've known people who when they were losing weight assumed they'd have a perfect body once they reached their goal and when they realized that wasn't true became discouraged and gained the weight back. I've come to understand that I will probably never be able to wear a bikini (due to loose skin from years of being overweight and having 2 babies) but I accept that and will not be set up for huge dissapointment down the line. There is a definite difference between being realistic and being negative. I know that when I reach my goal my body will be leaps and bounds better than when I started but I probably won't have a models body and that's okay.

^^^this. I recently realized I was self sabotaging because I wasn't prepared for the fact that losing the pregnancy weight would not erase what pregnancy had done to my body. Now that I have accepted that at goal I will still be imperfect, I have started to lose the last few pounds. But no sexy black string bikini is in my future- I will be wearing a "momkini" at best.

Francl27

I was 'skinny' once. Well, I looked good. Supposedly. I had lost 30 lb in a diet. I can't remember. Heck I can't even remember enjoying it because it all came back so fast.

I've only lost 1/4 of what I want to use this time and I'm terrified it's going to happen again. Even if I eat better and know better about what I eat. Terrified I'll just stop losing no matter how much I try, and I'll just be discouraged. Even if I reach my goal, I don't think the fear that I'll get it all back will go away.

Heck I don't even know how I'm going to keep exercising during school holidays with the kids in my feet. So I'm not even really enjoying having lost almost 20 lbs. I'm just worried I'm not going to able to keep it down.

nebslp

Exercise can be fun! I started about a month ago and it is addicting. Since it's become a regular thing almost every day, I don't have to force myself to be active any more. Now I look forward to deciding what I want to do almost every day...DVDs, youtube videos, biking, weight machine, Wii Sports, etc. Fun stuff!!

slowly_changing12

During my weight loss journey... I never thought I would hear people tell me to stop losing weight. You have already lost enough. I just hate when people tell me that lol.

gertudejekyl

people are a little nicer...more strangers make eye contact...

Cait_Sidhe

That I'd look like a Les Mis character in my winter coat.

fortunafitgoddess

When we start to get to the core of why we are overweight and eat unhealthy and don't exercise...we begin seeing changes...it's not a overnight miracle it's a journey and a work in progress.

fortunafitgoddess

When we start to get to the core of why we are overweight and eat unhealthy and don't exercise...we begin seeing changes...it's not a overnight miracle it's a journey and a work in progress.

So beautifully said!!

mozzie88

That my boobs shrunk..

drewboy30

For me it has been body starvation and how to understand that .... only coming onto MFP have I ever heard about it and seen long discussions giving me a better understanding.

kestrel359

How differently I would be treated.I kind of resent it sometimes.

I'm the same person with the same personality and the same brain.

Yet I was with the same company for 14 years and didn't get any of the promotions I put in for until I lost weight.

THIS!!!!

Man! I have noticed just how much my weight was impeding my job success too. Still pi$$es me off.

I agree that it is horrible to pass someone up on jobs just because of their weight. And no one should have to go through that. But from what I have seen it is Confidence that get promotions more than anything else regardless of current skills even. The more confident in themselves and what theyre doing is way more likely to get promoted in my opinion.

I dont know if you were as confident then as you are now that you are getting these promotions. You may have been in your mind but it wasn't projecting out in the way you thought it was to other people. I doubt the majority of people (always some *kitten* holes though) are thinking she's/he's fat lets not promote her. But when comparing two people theyre going to pick the person that seems like they feel like theyre more able to accomplish the job.

If you look at peoples before and after pictures and just look at their faces. Youll tend to see how much happier they are with themselves and project that to other people.

Hell even look at mine and I wasnt really too down on myself about my weight.

All I'm saying is that sometimes it's us and not them.

A couple of months ago the Wall Street Journal had an article about research that had been done that showed that overweight individuals were less likely to succeed in business not because of their confidence level, as you suggest, but because many people have the mind set that if a person can not manage to take care of themselves then they probably can't handle the higher level of responsibility.
I know it sucks having proof that people really are that critical of others, but that's the way it is.

Brummig

That my boobs shrunk..

Never thought I'd miss them - but I do a bit!

Also the "go on you can treat yourself now, you can eat what you want", followed by the "no point being skinny if you're going to be miserable" comment. People don't understand, I eat what I want, and if I don't want a dessert I don't have one, if I think I am too full to really enjoy it, then I dont order one - my choice!

Maris_Swan

The mental part of losing weight has been the most challenging for me. It's all about wrapping your head around your new image and trying to fight the body dysmorphia.