The Side of Weight Loss No One Talks About
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The irrational fear that my husband has: he thinks I "settled" on him years ago. He is now worried that when I get healthy and am feeling that confidence boost, I will see the err of my ways and leave him.
He just doesn't realize he is stuck with me
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Realizing that the only reason you got fat in the first place was to disappear. Then as you lose the weight, you lose a great protective shield and have to deal with the many things you were hiding from.
...and this. ^0 -
I'm realizing food was my coping mechanism for my life.
As I continue to realize all of the things that make me unhappy,
my dependency on food continues to lessen.
I think the most surprising is how unhappy I am in my marriage and how controlling Dh has become.
After me bringing up divorce he's working on it, and I feel less hungry, and less of a need to log.
We'll see what happens.0 -
I'm realizing food was my coping mechanism for my life.
As I continue to realize all of the things that make me unhappy,
my dependency on food continues to lessen.
I think the most surprising is how unhappy I am in my marriage and how controlling Dh has become.
After me bringing up divorce he's working on it, and I feel less hungry, and less of a need to log.
We'll see what happens.
^ This is soo familiar to me0 -
Realizing that the only reason you got fat in the first place was to disappear. Then as you lose the weight, you lose a great protective shield and have to deal with the many things you were hiding from.
Oh yeah, this really hits home. My life now is drastically different than it was 20 yrs ago, and the extra weight I gained was instrumental in changing a lot of habits and destructive thinking. Now that the weight is coming off, it is a delicate balance to make sure I keep the positive mental changes I have made, but not let the destructive, dangerous thinking resurface.
It is interesting how my self esteem actually improved when I was 80 pounds overweight. When you no longer have the 'pretty package' you must look inside yourself to find your true value without that shell.
It sounds weird, but my disability and weight gain was actually a blessing for me. I did find my true value, and have an amazing marriage to a man who has loved me no matter what my weight was. But now, the focus is on my health, more than just looking good in a pair of skinny jeans. (Altho that is really fun!)
I feel like I have been given a second chance at a healthy life, and this time I am so much wiser, and appreciate the little things that are so much easier now. I am so excited to see how I will feel with another 30-40 pounds gone!0 -
Great idea on the clothes exchange ...I'm in! :-)0
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How sometimes the people you thought were your biggest supporters turn out to be the ones trying to make you fail.
My ex-husband was all for me losing weight until i started too then i guess he got scared and started bringing home all the fatting food and then got mad when i would not eat it with him. I continued to lose the weight and then lost him. It was all for the best because i found my true love..someone who supports me. If your SO does not want the best for you then they don't really love you..0 -
That when you shop in regular sized clothes section of a store you are thinking that everyone is wondering why the fat chic is in their side of the store. lol. I am a pretty much a solid 12 but when I go looking for clothes I swear everyone is wondering why I am there.
HAHA I know exactly what you mean! I went shopping with my daughter recently and we were trying on the same brand/style of jeans, just in different sizes. I had a sudden realization of just how weird it was that I was trying on skinny jeans in the junior section with my daughter and wondered if the changing room lady was thinking I was a fraud, and should be shopping in the old fat lady section. lol0 -
Absolutely not. My point was that people should try to have realistic expectations. Projecting much?
No, just reacting to your frankly miserable posts in this thread, and every other thread I've seen you in. You're one of those anonymous blue users, yet you stick out since you're always posting something negative. Do you need a hug? You sound like you need a hug.
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That losing weight is the easy part. Life long maintenance is where it gets tricky.0
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Probably changing the way I eat as a lifestyle. I went to a friends house the other day and they wanted to order pizza, and knew I was changing my eating habits, so they were trying to plan around me, I mean it is nice..but I have cut a lot out, and they don't understand that a Fast Food Premium salad with lots of meat is NOT healthy for me..better than pizza..but I just hate how people say, "Well, I know you cant eat this" or "Oh, we should of bought a 2 liter of diet pop for you" Im like, "Do you have a sink, that has water in it?". I just get overwhelmed by it.
But isn't it so nice that your friends were trying to be supportive of you in your weight loss? Many people would have just told you that one slice of pizza wouldn't hurt, or that you need to lighten up and have some fun, etc. I think it is really nice that they thought of you and were trying to plan around you and your needs. It's all how you look at it.0 -
It's called "Hungry" by Alan Zadoff. I read it one sitting and it chronicles his journey over expectations that he had over what would happen when he lost weight.
This is was what drew me to reading the book in the first place.
From the Back Cover
"I sought help not to control my weight but to deal with the emotional turmoil that was lurking just beneath the food. Over the course of a year, more than 100 pounds fell from my body, and my thin life, the one I'd been waiting nearly thirty years for, finally began. It was nothing like I expected. For starters, Calvin Klein did not call with a modeling offer. The gifts of the thin life, which I'd always assumed included a beautiful wife, gorgeous house, and handsome Labrador retriever, did not materialize. My life was not suddenly perfect. It was a lot more interesting than that. It turned out that losing weight was only the first step in a much larger and more amazing journey."
I can relate to this on so many levels, I plan to purchase this book.
While my self esteem has come along way, I feel there has been alot more exposed to work on then I would have ever realized.
Maybe I thought that the weight loss would fix everything? or maybe I thought that these issues weren't there?
but man, have I done alot of growing in the last 2 years. It is unreal, and while most of my 'screw ups' have come on the dating scene, I have given myself alot more self worth and that is hard to do. To look back on all your failures and pick apart what went wrong, what I ignored, what I could have done better and then actually DO IT, is very hard. So much is rising to the surface, but I am becoming such a better person for it. Well I believe so anyways
Losing weight is one thing, uncovering the unexpected is another... and only people who experience this will ever understand what we mean.0 -
Even ifyou are thin you get wrinkles and if you are too thin the skin still hangs. My sister who was always thin still has skin hanging etc. You cannot defy gravity. Just be happy with who you are. I always buy one or two items as I lose weight since I do not want to look like crap and therefore less determined to complete the task at hand. I always feel good about myself when the clothing fits well.0
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Sometimes friends try to sabotage and green with envy. You know who your true friends are!!0
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I had a bit of an issue a few years ago, that I have VERY much moved passed:
I had just bought a new trench coat, and was trying it on for my mom. It fit like a glove, and happened to be "sample size". I looked in the mirror and had a moment of, who have I become? Who am I?
I had this funny feeling of not being me anymore, because I always felt like I was the fat one. Who am I, if I'm not the fat one?
I moved on from that feeling very quickly,.0 -
...obsessing now that I am skinny that I will wake up fat, exercising allllllllllllllllll the time! Afraid of gaining a pound, I believe I have created me somewhat of a food disorder...
THIS! My abnormal psych teacher told me that I have "disordered eating" patterns. She said it's not healthy to be afraid of gaining a pound, or eating too many calories, or looking up restaurant foods and basing my social life around the places I can eat at. She said I shouldn't know exactly how many calories and carbs are in so many different foods, and that exercising just to eat more is crazy.
And sometimes it feels crazy...
*disclaimer: I am not "skinny", just smaller
Moderation is the key. I think your psych teacher may just be a bit paranoid. There is nothing wrong with finding out how many calories are in food before we eat them. That is just smart, when you are trying to lose or maintain weight. It is no different than looking at the price tag before you buy something. It would be very irresponsible to go thru a store just grabbing whatever we wanted without knowing how much we were spending, So it is just as irresponsible to go eat whatever we want without knowing the cost.
Of course, like with anything, if it starts taking over your life and interfering with your daily loving and relationships, then it may be becoming an obsession, but I think if we just remain aware, and do gut checks frequently, we will be fine.0 -
that i'd become flatchested0
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My boobs are so small now! I was so used to this voluptous body, in and out in geenrous curves in all the right places (and a little at the wrong ones.) Now my breasts sag and my butt is wrinkled, and I feel invisible and small rather than tall, slim and awesome.
But in a year I will have built a whole new wardrobe. Clothes that fit may help.0 -
Its strange because people suddenly act jealous and feel as if your judging them. i didnt tell anyone but its obvious now. One lafy actially yelled at me and said shes been going to the gym for a year now. also some weirdos comment on my clothes as if i look better because of the clothes. when in reality its the weight loss that makes me look better0
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You are a little naive if you think that fitness models are not chosen with a certain body type in mind, just like any model. Some people will never attain that 'perfect' shape because their bodies are simply not shaped that way. Even buff and at an ideal weight, I will never look like Jillian Michaels (for example, I know she's not a model), because she has a different body type than I. I will look like a fit me. Short, with short skinny-ish legs, unusually short arms, and somewhat thick around the middle with a rather flat behind. Even at my most fit, this is what I looked like. Not unattractive, but certainly not 'cover of Fitness Magazine' attractive.Not mine, but the belief that you can completely change your body shape through weight loss and exercise and that everyone who works hard will end up looking like a fitness model. The idea that your fat distribution pattern and goals have no bearing on how you work out, especially if you are close to your goal.
huh?
There is no reason anyone who works hard enough shouldn't look like a fitness model. Provided you are doing the right kind of exercise and have the right nutrition.
Thank you. Just because no one wants to pay you to model fitness outfits does not mean you're ugly or that all the work is meaningless. But ridiculous expectations can lead to disappointment and recidivism.
You are Morrisey and I claim my £5
Don't get the reference. Why am I surprised that some people here are not interested in reality?0 -
I totally get what you're saying. I've known people who when they were losing weight assumed they'd have a perfect body once they reached their goal and when they realized that wasn't true became discouraged and gained the weight back. I've come to understand that I will probably never be able to wear a bikini (due to loose skin from years of being overweight and having 2 babies) but I accept that and will not be set up for huge dissapointment down the line. There is a definite difference between being realistic and being negative. I know that when I reach my goal my body will be leaps and bounds better than when I started but I probably won't have a models body and that's okay.0
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I've discovered that you can get addicted to the feeling of success when you lose weight. So when you get to a weight where you shouldn't lose any more weight, it can be hard to stop wanting to do it. At first I felt skinny, but after a while I started feeling fat again, even though my measurements were all the same.
This is exactly what happened to me. I started out wanting to weigh 115lbs and when I got down to it I wanted to weigh 110lbs and then 105lbs, and so on. Got down to 95lbs and still felt fat. I am now back at 105lbs and I have really bad days sometimes.0 -
Feeling A LOT colder. Also, seeing bones "stick out" more and realizing it's not always unhealthy as long as you're treating yourself right.0
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Feeling A LOT colder.
I know, I live in Michigan! It was easily -22 with wind chill this winter and I freeze my buns off anyway! I'll take it over the heavy and warm me though:laugh:0 -
Feeling A LOT colder.
I know, I live in Michigan! It was easily -22 with wind chill this winter and I freeze my buns off anyway! I'll take it over the heavy and warm me though:laugh:
Agreed. I definitely take this over not being cold but being a lot heavier and unhealthier.0 -
That I would not want to go back to my old lifestyle. That I would become someone I used to dislike - someone who enjoyed healthy eating and exercise. That my tastes would change and that I would choose my life now over my old one because I prefer it.
That my focus would shift from doing it to lose weight, to health and fitness with weight loss as a nice bonus.
^This. I started out just trying to lose weight because I was uncomfortable and ashamed in my own body. Now my focus has redirected to being fit and strong, and even the fact that I've been plateaued on the scale since December doesn't really bother me. As long as I can lift a few pounds heavier or do a few more pushups each time, that's enough for me.
And I've totally become one of those people I used to scorn/dislike, who have a focus and emphasis on fitness and healthy, clean eating. I've always done my own cooking, but I've gradually shifted away from cooking heavy cream or cheese based meals to lighter dishes with more of an emphasis on vegetables or legumes, and I don't miss it one bit. I'll still indulge if I get the urge, but honestly, I don't, often. Chocolate is a different matter, but I've also learned that I CAN have my cake and eat it, too... if I'm willing to work for it! I also did not realize how much MORE I would learn about cooking and how much fun I would have experimenting with cooking with whole grains. I feel like I can have much more creativity in my cooking now (although it really helps that I unburdened myself of an extremely picky eater). I also never thought I'd intentionally buy kale.0 -
Being afraid to buy new clothes that fit because in a few months they won't fit so nicely. I hate to waste money, but I also hate looking homeless when I wear my worn out, three-sizes-too-big clothes.
HAHA! this is me right now!! But it's less being afraid and more my bank account does not jive with my wardrobe needs. LOL
What am I afraid of? That I will revert back to unhealthy living. I mean.. it would be hard to do with the people I'm surrounded by and the way I've adjusted my life to fit into healthy living.. but it's certainly easy to get lazy and just order take-out.. every night.. or buy ready made crap to heat up..
Never again. I am determined! And this time I'm truly dedicated!0 -
That I would not want to go back to my old lifestyle. That I would become someone I used to dislike - someone who enjoyed healthy eating and exercise. That my tastes would change and that I would choose my life now over my old one because I prefer it.
That my focus would shift from doing it to lose weight, to health and fitness with weight loss as a nice bonus.
^This. I started out just trying to lose weight because I was uncomfortable and ashamed in my own body. Now my focus has redirected to being fit and strong, and even the fact that I've been plateaued on the scale since December doesn't really bother me. As long as I can lift a few pounds heavier or do a few more pushups each time, that's enough for me.
And I've totally become one of those people I used to scorn/dislike, who have a focus and emphasis on fitness and healthy, clean eating. I've always done my own cooking, but I've gradually shifted away from cooking heavy cream or cheese based meals to lighter dishes with more of an emphasis on vegetables or legumes, and I don't miss it one bit. I'll still indulge if I get the urge, but honestly, I don't, often. Chocolate is a different matter, but I've also learned that I CAN have my cake and eat it, too... if I'm willing to work for it! I also did not realize how much MORE I would learn about cooking and how much fun I would have experimenting with cooking with whole grains. I feel like I can have much more creativity in my cooking now (although it really helps that I unburdened myself of an extremely picky eater). I also never thought I'd intentionally buy kale.
Totally understand where you are coming from! I started on this journey for a different reason then you did, but the end results are the same.. Now i'm the one at the grocery store pointing at all the *formerly weird* fruits and veggies, naming them and rattling off 5 different way to cook them to anyone who will listen. LOL
I was the girl who burned water and set grills on fire. Now i'm the girl with the super amazing looking plates of food for dinner, that has everyone in my life asking for the recipes. And I even figured out how to eat my buffalo wings without all the fat and grease! (and they are even crispy and fried!)
Oh my.. I've even stepped food in an Asian market and bought stuff.. Now there's something i' NEVER thought I'd do. but I'll never go back! Even my son likes dinner better and even though his plate are mostly veggies.. I rarely get complaints anymore.
Oh yes.. I've also plateaued.. and I really don't care. I'm still losing inches and getting stronger and I feel better and I am healthier. So the weight doesn't matter anymore. Just a number. Everyone has noticed that I've lost weight and gained muscle. And when people at work notice.. you know you 're doing something right! Plus my doctor has given me a clean bill of health (and a follow-up to check on said bill in 3 months LOL!) so I couldn't be happier!0 -
You are a little naive if you think that fitness models are not chosen with a certain body type in mind, just like any model. Some people will never attain that 'perfect' shape because their bodies are simply not shaped that way. Even buff and at an ideal weight, I will never look like Jillian Michaels (for example, I know she's not a model), because she has a different body type than I. I will look like a fit me. Short, with short skinny-ish legs, unusually short arms, and somewhat thick around the middle with a rather flat behind. Even at my most fit, this is what I looked like. Not unattractive, but certainly not 'cover of Fitness Magazine' attractive.Not mine, but the belief that you can completely change your body shape through weight loss and exercise and that everyone who works hard will end up looking like a fitness model. The idea that your fat distribution pattern and goals have no bearing on how you work out, especially if you are close to your goal.
huh?
There is no reason anyone who works hard enough shouldn't look like a fitness model. Provided you are doing the right kind of exercise and have the right nutrition.
Thank you. Just because no one wants to pay you to model fitness outfits does not mean you're ugly or that all the work is meaningless. But ridiculous expectations can lead to disappointment and recidivism.
You are Morrisey and I claim my £5
Don't get the reference. Why am I surprised that some people here are not interested in reality?
It's a British thing, although I'm surprised you don't know who Morrisey is.0 -
Get recommendations for a good tailor! Call around for prices. Sure, there are still costs involved, but I've been able to hold off on replacing several pair of pants...three or four pair of pants adjusted by a good tailor may be the same as one new pair of pants. A really good tailor will also be able to tell you if your (previously adjusted) clothes can no longer be taken in without losing the shape of the garment.
As for wrap dresses and other items...I've learned to try on new things that previously didn't work. I've had some pleasant surprises!0
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