MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

tedrickp

Maybe I am too familiar with other message boards...because MFP seems quite kind in comparison.

I haven't seen too much "in your face" rudeness here, but I mostly browse success stories and only check out a few other threads that directly interest me (usually they include beer in the title).

I have seen a lot of examples of what above posters have mentioned though - when an OP asks a question then gets defensive when the answers don't please them. Sometimes those answers are stated bluntly and matter-of-factly...but that is quite different than rude IMO.

Even worse is when random people get defensive about the answers. Perfect example was a recent diet coke thread. Someone mentioned quitting diet coke (fair enough, good on them) and a couple members just mentioned they thought it wasn't necessary. Thread blows up - not from the OP as much as random people acting like they told her not to quit.

Funny thing is the two people saying it wasn't a huge deal never said don't quit....AND they had lost a combined like 500 lbs :O

tryinghard71

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

Why be dumbfounded. I was just stating a fact for me. As a new person it made me not feel welcomed to ask questions. Is it ok for me to have an opinion too and it not match yours? See, when I started on here I did not read rules from MFP that said you must search before you can post on a topic or that you can't post a topic that has been posted before. This is a rule MFP users have made up not MFP.

dumbfounded because she stated everything so sweetly, so calmly - with extra explanations and so so so so patiently. I cant comprehend how that could be considered making someone feel bad. It makes me scared that I should never post at all - no matter how kind and polite I try to be, if someone feels bad it's my fault. Even if Im being super careful. It isnt anything to do with their perspective or their mindset? just my message, no matter how kindly delivered, would be rude.

That makes me not want to try to help people anymore.

You just crushed me.

Ummm, I think that is taking it a little extreme. Don't want to "crush" anyone. My point was simply to say that when you are new, ask a question, and told look it up, use the search field, this has been posted 1000 times go read. It does not feel good. I did not think the above post was bad. Was just telling her that I felt that way when I started. Sorry you are crushed. Hopefully you will be ok.

jofjltncb6

If one thinks MFP is rude or non-supportive, then they haven't been in the mommy forums... once involved in the mommy forums, one will realize that this place is full of rainbows and unicorns.

I am remarkably thick-skinned...and yet, my wife has shown me some posts on *that site* that would have had me huddled in the corner in the fetal position sobbing inconsolably.

jofjltncb6

What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.

You'll love my thoughts on FR on my profile page then.

quirkytizzy

What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.

I don't add people who eat below 1200. Why? I can be triggered by people eating starvation level diets. Not to mention, starvation level diets are bad in general.

I don't see what's wrong with not wanting that on your friends list. I have no wish to add people who are active in their eating disorders. Why WOULD you want that?

cmriverside

Try going to a Scuba forum and talking about diving to 200 feet on air.....or an 80 tank...try going to a Cat forum and saying you just declawed your cat.

How about a dog forum and asking about Cesar Milan?

Or a wedding forum and talk about a destination wedding.

I'm sure there are baby forums...I guess that would fall under Mommy forums. Ugh. I can't even imagine. Thankfully I forgot to have kids. I probably shouldn't say THAT on a Mommy forum either.

AQ3107

What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.

I don't add people who eat below 1200. Why? I can be triggered by people eating starvation level diets. Not to mention, starvation level diets are bad in general.

I don't see what's wrong with not wanting that on your friends list. I have no wish to add people who are active in their eating disorders. Why WOULD you want that?

Thank you for making page 10.
I was winning a pound with each page.
Won a tenner - oh from my colleague!
Time to go home now x
Ladies and Gents please do excuse me.

ecogranny

Remember its easy for people to be rude when they are hiding behing anonmity and also that the majority of MFP members are so supportive and put in a lot ot ime and effort in giving others advice. So dont be put off. Remember also the old .song "accentuate the poitive eliminate the negative ". Good luck

redheaddee

Welcome to the interwebz. Thinned skinned people need not apply.

quirkytizzy

Funny, there have now been multiple threads posted where the poster was being told "No" and flipped out.

Not a single link of someone actually being treated badly.

Curious.

ladyraven68

What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.

probably because they want like minded friends.

It's difficult to see how someone who eats 1000 calories and runs miles but is afraid of lifting as it would make her bulky, would be compatible with someone who eats 2000 cals and lifts heavy.

I doubt they will be friends for long...

tryinghard71

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

Ok, my turn to be dumbfounded! Which part made you feel bad and which part dumbfounded you?

Im dumbfounded that the top comment was seen as rude.

Never used the word rude. You are reading my post how you want to read it. Because I never even used that word. I said when you ask a question and people tell you to go read, look it up or research it can make you feel bad. Like you are not supposed to be asking a question. That was all. I was not disagreeing with what she said. I was telling her that when I was new I felt that way. Not right now today. Not when I read what she wrote. I was talking about when I was new just like I said. sigh.

LoraF83

My thoughts exactly. Reading posts where a "regular" attacks a postee for their opinion (or misinformation) just to tell them they're doing something wrong has really discouraged me from posting publicly with any questions I might have. That being said, I've found some really awesome friends on here and have approached them directly with questions but still hesitate to ask via the message boards for fear I'll get attacked.

What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.

Attacks or corrects? Two different things. Misinformation should be corrected - if it's allowed to be perpetuated, then it could put someone else at risk. Take the cleanse thread Tizzy posted on page 9. Someone could read that and think "great idea" and end up with medical problems.

And as far as friends lists go - everyone has the right to chose who they want to interact more closely with.

BrettPGH

Try going to a Scuba forum and talking about diving to 200 feet on air.....or an 80 tank...try going to a Cat forum and saying you just declawed your cat.

How about a dog forum and asking about Cesar Milan?

Or a wedding forum and talk about a destination wedding.

I'm sure there are baby forums...I guess that would fall under Mommy forums. Ugh. I can't even imagine. Thankfully I forgot to have kids. I probably shouldn't say THAT on a Mommy forum either.

Any forum for loving mothers trying to raise their children right looks like Dante's ninth circle of hell compared to this place. People here really don't know how tame this place is.

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

I'd really like to see an example too! I never get to read any of the good stuff :sad: I wonder if others see it as mean and they are over sensitive.

I've not seen an example of people being actually bullied. But there are a couple of threads up on the previous page where people thought they were being treated rudely.

Those who insist we are being rude ought to take a gander at those threads.

I'm only really rude to those who are my friends, or that I know can take it. For instance if I see a joke thread posted by BurtHuttz I will be rude to him openly on it, or any of the others who play along. The only other instance of where I was rude was to someone who was obviously baiting someone and looking for it. When called, got rude, so I get rude back... ie the All the girls need to add me threads by that guy in the towel who said all "girls" need to be collected like artifiacts, and that they were a whole different species.

I will freely admit to being a jackhole to that guy.

e_trexler

The snarkyness on these boards is terrible. I'm here for support, not someone who think they know it all.

kimosabe1

true that!

meeper123

There are a lot of jerks out there dont worry about them they will never be anything more than bitter people on the net. Just be thankful you where given proper manners

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I'm eating 700 calories a day! "I completely support your decision."

I'm not going to eat for 30 days! "I completely support your decision."

I'm cutting out every food group I can think of! "I completely support your decision."

I'm doing a juice cleanse/not eating for a week/trying diet pills! "I completely support your decisions."

That site would be useless to all of us. This is what some of you want. It's baffling.

Quirky, the thing that you are possibly not considering is how many of the posts with ^^ these type of statements are made by people that are actually making fun of other people's posts, but I dont see REAL posts in this manner.

I see people posting, "I'm considering this, has anyone tried it? Your thoughts on it?" I do NOT see people wanting validation for things like you've posted above.

I do, all the time. "Please don't post unless you have experience in this", often for methods that are absolutely dangerous or completely useless. Also when being told "No, and here's why that won't work." Rude is often the next post of the OP.

Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.

It actually happens all the time and often the OP won't even listen to those who do have experience with the product. I went into a thread about Slimquick, which I tried back in the day. I told the OP that I had no results from it. She ignored me and kept narrowing the field of people she would take advice from: only women (ok, that's me also), only women with medical conditions (I also fit that bill), only women with medical conditions who tried the product in addition to diet and exercise (*raise my hand*), only women with medical conditions who tried the product in addition to diet and exercise and who also have children (lost me there, so my advice wasn't any good).

Lt_Starbuck

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

Why be dumbfounded. I was just stating a fact for me. As a new person it made me not feel welcomed to ask questions. Is it ok for me to have an opinion too and it not match yours? See, when I started on here I did not read rules from MFP that said you must search before you can post on a topic or that you can't post a topic that has been posted before. This is a rule MFP users have made up not MFP.

dumbfounded because she stated everything so sweetly, so calmly - with extra explanations and so so so so patiently. I cant comprehend how that could be considered making someone feel bad. It makes me scared that I should never post at all - no matter how kind and polite I try to be, if someone feels bad it's my fault. Even if Im being super careful. It isnt anything to do with their perspective or their mindset? just my message, no matter how kindly delivered, would be rude.

That makes me not want to try to help people anymore.

You just crushed me.

Ummm, I think that is taking it a little extreme. Don't want to "crush" anyone. My point was simply to say that when you are new, ask a question, and told look it up, use the search field, this has been posted 1000 times go read. It does not feel good. I did not think the above post was bad. Was just telling her that I felt that way when I started. Sorry you are crushed. Hopefully you will be ok.

Please dont talk to me anymore, I find you condescending and rude.

Ive had terrible experiences and been through hell and I have triggers that I expect you to know about before judging me as having an extreme reaction.