MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

Maddalen101

Don't let the trolls grind you down.
There are LOTS of supportive people on MFP.
When you see posts, etc. that you like from people who seem supportive and knowledgeable, ask to friend them!
Chances are they will say "yes", and you'll start building a core group of wonderful and supportive MPF friends who will cheer, sympathize, and offer good, workable advice.
Please feel free to add me.

Libb3C

I am so thankful for the fabulous friends I have on MFP and their vast knowledge that allows me to mostly get answers from those who are supportive!

christinefultz

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

Agreed, Lora!

MartinaNYC

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

Hey, every post has a title- if you see from the title that it is a question you already heard about and you don't feel like reading it/ answering to it, just don't. People are not asking you directly. No need to get so annoyed. Old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions and therefore they feel they have the right to give rude answers? Oh please! About saving yourself some time and moving to next post instead of wasting 5 precious minutes of your life giving a rude answer?

Maddalen101, feel free to add me if you need new friends and extra support!

sherrirb

Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.

I do have a lot of time on my hands to read the forums. Aside from other things, I'm a hermit. Don't leave the house much.

And I have seen very few responses that have been actually rude towards newbies. But there are those who see the word "No" as ineffably rude and upset themselves daily with it.

Quirky, Lt_Starbuck actually posted something that is very valid, if you havent seen her post yet.

Usually everyone calls each other stupid, not the original poster.

We see the poster asking something genuine. Then someone comes in and quotes Doctor Oz or tells you to only do cardio, to not eat a million things, to deprive yourself, to try dangerous combos, to ignore the science behind it, to never do the research for yourself... so then all the successful members come in and we're like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and then you report us and we can't help anyone anymore and Dr Oz runs rampant, telling you that raspberry ketones will keep you from getting bulky in months ending in Y if you track your avocados as vegetables instead of fruit.

I see this kind of thing more often then not. I can see this as being construed as rudeness by a newbie.

quirkytizzy

Hey, every post has a title- if you see from the title that it is a question you already heard about and you don't feel like reading it/ answering to it, just don't. People are not asking you directly. No need to get so annoyed. Old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions and therefore they feel they have the right to give rude answers? Oh please! About saving yourself some time and moving to next post instead of wasting 5 precious minutes of your life giving a rude answer?

Maddalen101, feel free to add me if you need new friends and extra support!

Those threads often require replying to, as posters WILL go on to do whatever damaging approach they have posted about. And the "rude" answer in return often amounts to "No. This will not work. Try this instead."

Lt_Starbuck

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

Why be dumbfounded. I was just stating a fact for me. As a new person it made me not feel welcomed to ask questions. Is it ok for me to have an opinion too and it not match yours? See, when I started on here I did not read rules from MFP that said you must search before you can post on a topic or that you can't post a topic that has been posted before. This is a rule MFP users have made up not MFP.

dumbfounded because she stated everything so sweetly, so calmly - with extra explanations and so so so so patiently. I cant comprehend how that could be considered making someone feel bad. It makes me scared that I should never post at all - no matter how kind and polite I try to be, if someone feels bad it's my fault. Even if Im being super careful. It isnt anything to do with their perspective or their mindset? just my message, no matter how kindly delivered, would be rude.

That makes me not want to try to help people anymore.

You just crushed me.

conniemaxwell5

I understand there are a lot of resources on this site and others, but I don't always have the time to do the research. It's often faster to pose the question and hope that someone will give me some good information. Everyone has different levels of knowledge and understanding and some need more help than others. Some may not understand how to do the research but do understand how to post a question. If someone thinks its a stupid question, they shouldn't post a response at all. Or they could have a little grace for the person who is making an effort to learn and reply with some helpful information. There is never, ever a good reason to be rude to someone.

Arkhos

If you post a thread that has been beat to death already, you will get rude answers. There is a search function on MFP and when you are new you should search before you post. Read the stickies, that is what they are there for. When you have a question that hasn't been answered 5000 times before, post it and I bet people here won't be rude.

That being said, I have never had anyone be rude to me in the forums, most have been supportive and helpful.

How about if you've seen a thread for the 5000th time you don't post in it? Somehow, some people feel that they have to post rude comments just because they personally have seen the question asked over and over. You see the thread title, so why are you bothering to post a reply? Let others who are not sick and tired of helping people answer the thread. Not that hard to do either.

janetsalley

You're right...but an @sshole is going to be an @sshole, I'm quite sure they were @ssholes before getting on MFP and they will be @ssholes until they die, just ignore them...!!!

WendyTerry420

I think there are a lot of people who tend to forget where they started as well. For some reason or another I see many of the ones who have been supper successful also be some of the rudest. Sorry your experiences have been negative, but I think for the most part a lot of the 'nicer' people tend to stay away from the forums for that exact reason.

I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:

Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.

denise8986

I feel the same way! I'm sure every person that started here had a question or two..that's how we learn about MFP. If the rude people don't want to answer our questions then they need to MOVE ON..don't read our questions..simple as that! and I agree, if someone is being rude...hide them/block them!

quirkytizzy

I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:

Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.

Much the same here. I am so thankful that many of my questions WERE responded to with "No." I'd be in trouble otherwise.

ZoeLifts

1. If you've read this far down this post, it would be a miracle. But, it would be nice to have a "report" button, and a 'like' button. It would clean up the boards tremendously. If person gets reported X number of times, they get an invitation to join an "advanced group" or something. I encourage you to ask for these features.

I almost hate to share this, but there is a report button. See at the bottom of anyone's post? It's right there. Unfortunately, some people abuse it and report people just because they feel like it and good members with a lot to offer get strikes or banned and then can no longer be helpful to the community. Or they get fed up and quit posting.

No like button, though, and there are groups on here for people that don't want to discuss on private forums. I don't know if they are "advanced" or not, but they are there.

2. Forums are about kindness and being helpful. This is not a clique, it's not a club, old members don't get seniority.

Sorry, I must have missed the part where forums are about kindness and being helpful. I actually thought they were about sharing ideas and seeking advice.

We are here to embrace the newbies, help them along, provide companionship, and conversation in ways that motivate people. People need positive INTERACTION often more than correct INFORMATION. It's like a good gym vibe versus a bad gym vibe. If it's gotten old for you, move on to another "gym" or group where newbies don't bother you. Let those with grace available answer nicely. The trolls need their own groups as much or not more than newbies. They are still finding their way. If they are in your way, you are the one who needs to find a more advanced group. If you are tired of "the same old" questions, don't read that thread, and certainly, don't answer to it.

The part in bold is one of the main reasons I quit teaching. When they began instructing me that, even if a student never turns in a single assignment or participates in any way (in other words, did ZERO work) the minimum grade you can give them is a 50, then I knew that teaching high school was no longer for me. Who does it help to allow someone to go through life with incorrect information as long as they feel good about themselves?? It certainly doesn't help society (in the case of education, for sure!) and it absolutely does not help the person in question.

EMBRACE DIVERSITYy!

Does that mean that my right to seek tough love and also give it should be embraced as diverse, or are we only embracing the diversity of those that want their hand held while they starve themselves. As long as they feel good it doesn't matter that they are killing themselves, right?

IronPlayground

I'm eating 700 calories a day! "I completely support your decision."

I'm not going to eat for 30 days! "I completely support your decision."

I'm cutting out every food group I can think of! "I completely support your decision."

I'm doing a juice cleanse/not eating for a week/trying diet pills! "I completely support your decisions."

That site would be useless to all of us. This is what some of you want. It's baffling.

Quirky, the thing that you are possibly not considering is how many of the posts with ^^ these type of statements are made by people that are actually making fun of other people's posts, but I dont see REAL posts in this manner.

I see people posting, "I'm considering this, has anyone tried it? Your thoughts on it?" I do NOT see people wanting validation for things like you've posted above.

I do, all the time. "Please don't post unless you have experience in this", often for methods that are absolutely dangerous or completely useless. Also when being told "No, and here's why that won't work." Rude is often the next post of the OP.

Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.

That's called validation. Just because they got info from people who have tried "x" diet, still doesn't make it a good idea.

WinnerVictorious

here's the secret to MFP...

find the people whose tickers show that they have lost 100+ lbs. listen to those people. for the most part, they've done it and they know what works, what doesn't, what's correct, and what's not.

if they respond in a way that you think is rude, maybe the problem is that you are too quick to get offended. people with thousands of posts over a couple of years on this site have long gone past the point of writing 1000 word essay answers to every question they encounter. they will usually get right to the point and cut out all of the pleasantries. their time is just as valuable as yours or mine. if you think being blunt is the same as being rude, then maybe the forums are not the place for you. there is a lot of bluntness here, but not so much actual rudeness.

ZoeLifts

I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:

Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.

Much the same here. I am so thankful that many of my questions WERE responded to with "No." I'd be in trouble otherwise.

^^QFT!!!!!!

jjkale

You need to make some friends to converse back and forth with, to give and show support and answer any questions you may have. Non of my MFP friends are rude or ignorant or make fun of me and I've only been here a few weeks. Introduce yourself and make some new friends.

AndraSales

I ignore the people that are rude. I have surrounded myself with "friends" that support me and give me encouragement. I hope you find a group of people that will support you and give you encouragement.

Add me, if you'd like.

This!!!! Totally agree!

The people I have as friends on here have been very supportive. If they're not I delete them. And please feel free to add me and we can help each other. Good luck!

LoraF83

I think there are a lot of people who tend to forget where they started as well. For some reason or another I see many of the ones who have been supper successful also be some of the rudest. Sorry your experiences have been negative, but I think for the most part a lot of the 'nicer' people tend to stay away from the forums for that exact reason.

I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:

Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.

Agreed. I was a newbie once. I argued (non-sensically) with some of the people who are now on my friends list.

I'm thankful they had the good graces to overlook my early stupidity. I'm also thankful I had the sense to read, research, and take advice......which has clearly worked out pretty well for me. I'm happy with my progress, I feel good about myself. I know some stuff and I like to help where I can. I still get stuff wrong, but I know some people who are way smarter than me. So, that's kind of awesome.

11lbs to goal and I think I'll keep listening to the so-called rude people.