MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!
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I think there are a lot of people who tend to forget where they started as well. For some reason or another I see many of the ones who have been supper successful also be some of the rudest. Sorry your experiences have been negative, but I think for the most part a lot of the 'nicer' people tend to stay away from the forums for that exact reason.
I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:
Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.0 -
I feel the same way! I'm sure every person that started here had a question or two..that's how we learn about MFP. If the rude people don't want to answer our questions then they need to MOVE ON..don't read our questions..simple as that! and I agree, if someone is being rude...hide them/block them!0
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I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:
Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.
Much the same here. I am so thankful that many of my questions WERE responded to with "No." I'd be in trouble otherwise.0 -
1. If you've read this far down this post, it would be a miracle. But, it would be nice to have a "report" button, and a 'like' button. It would clean up the boards tremendously. If person gets reported X number of times, they get an invitation to join an "advanced group" or something. I encourage you to ask for these features.
I almost hate to share this, but there is a report button. See at the bottom of anyone's post? It's right there. Unfortunately, some people abuse it and report people just because they feel like it and good members with a lot to offer get strikes or banned and then can no longer be helpful to the community. Or they get fed up and quit posting.
No like button, though, and there are groups on here for people that don't want to discuss on private forums. I don't know if they are "advanced" or not, but they are there.2. Forums are about kindness and being helpful. This is not a clique, it's not a club, old members don't get seniority.
Sorry, I must have missed the part where forums are about kindness and being helpful. I actually thought they were about sharing ideas and seeking advice.We are here to embrace the newbies, help them along, provide companionship, and conversation in ways that motivate people. People need positive INTERACTION often more than correct INFORMATION. It's like a good gym vibe versus a bad gym vibe. If it's gotten old for you, move on to another "gym" or group where newbies don't bother you. Let those with grace available answer nicely. The trolls need their own groups as much or not more than newbies. They are still finding their way. If they are in your way, you are the one who needs to find a more advanced group. If you are tired of "the same old" questions, don't read that thread, and certainly, don't answer to it.
The part in bold is one of the main reasons I quit teaching. When they began instructing me that, even if a student never turns in a single assignment or participates in any way (in other words, did ZERO work) the minimum grade you can give them is a 50, then I knew that teaching high school was no longer for me. Who does it help to allow someone to go through life with incorrect information as long as they feel good about themselves?? It certainly doesn't help society (in the case of education, for sure!) and it absolutely does not help the person in question.EMBRACE DIVERSITYy!
Does that mean that my right to seek tough love and also give it should be embraced as diverse, or are we only embracing the diversity of those that want their hand held while they starve themselves. As long as they feel good it doesn't matter that they are killing themselves, right?0 -
I'm eating 700 calories a day! "I completely support your decision."
I'm not going to eat for 30 days! "I completely support your decision."
I'm cutting out every food group I can think of! "I completely support your decision."
I'm doing a juice cleanse/not eating for a week/trying diet pills! "I completely support your decisions."
That site would be useless to all of us. This is what some of you want. It's baffling.
Quirky, the thing that you are possibly not considering is how many of the posts with ^^ these type of statements are made by people that are actually making fun of other people's posts, but I dont see REAL posts in this manner.
I see people posting, "I'm considering this, has anyone tried it? Your thoughts on it?" I do NOT see people wanting validation for things like you've posted above.
I do, all the time. "Please don't post unless you have experience in this", often for methods that are absolutely dangerous or completely useless. Also when being told "No, and here's why that won't work." Rude is often the next post of the OP.
Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.
That's called validation. Just because they got info from people who have tried "x" diet, still doesn't make it a good idea.0 -
here's the secret to MFP...
find the people whose tickers show that they have lost 100+ lbs. listen to those people. for the most part, they've done it and they know what works, what doesn't, what's correct, and what's not.
if they respond in a way that you think is rude, maybe the problem is that you are too quick to get offended. people with thousands of posts over a couple of years on this site have long gone past the point of writing 1000 word essay answers to every question they encounter. they will usually get right to the point and cut out all of the pleasantries. their time is just as valuable as yours or mine. if you think being blunt is the same as being rude, then maybe the forums are not the place for you. there is a lot of bluntness here, but not so much actual rudeness.0 -
I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:
Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.
Much the same here. I am so thankful that many of my questions WERE responded to with "No." I'd be in trouble otherwise.
^^QFT!!!!!!0 -
You need to make some friends to converse back and forth with, to give and show support and answer any questions you may have. Non of my MFP friends are rude or ignorant or make fun of me and I've only been here a few weeks. Introduce yourself and make some new friends.0
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I ignore the people that are rude. I have surrounded myself with "friends" that support me and give me encouragement. I hope you find a group of people that will support you and give you encouragement.
Add me, if you'd like.
This!!!! Totally agree!
The people I have as friends on here have been very supportive. If they're not I delete them. And please feel free to add me and we can help each other. Good luck!0 -
I think there are a lot of people who tend to forget where they started as well. For some reason or another I see many of the ones who have been supper successful also be some of the rudest. Sorry your experiences have been negative, but I think for the most part a lot of the 'nicer' people tend to stay away from the forums for that exact reason.
I sure remember where I started! I was holding on to all kinds of dieting myths that I'd gotten from my mom and from friends, etc. Thank God for the so-called "rude" people who told me the truth and backed it up with links to the research. :flowerforyou:
Without MFP, I would not have had the success that I'm having! Telling the truth *is* being supportive of my goals, imho.
Agreed. I was a newbie once. I argued (non-sensically) with some of the people who are now on my friends list.
I'm thankful they had the good graces to overlook my early stupidity. I'm also thankful I had the sense to read, research, and take advice......which has clearly worked out pretty well for me. I'm happy with my progress, I feel good about myself. I know some stuff and I like to help where I can. I still get stuff wrong, but I know some people who are way smarter than me. So, that's kind of awesome.
11lbs to goal and I think I'll keep listening to the so-called rude people.0 -
It doesn't matter if the questions has been asked 1 billion times being rude is un-called for and reflective of other issues that maybe were not dealt with while changing to a healthy lifestyle. I too have noticed rude responses and or just general dis-respect. Personally, I will not say it if I will say it to your face. I'm sure most mean well however things can and will get lost in the translation from mind to keyboard and back to mind. Hopefully as time goes along most are here to help.0
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And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.
And a search function.
I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.
So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.
To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.
Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.
If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.
I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.
AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF
Ok, my turn to be dumbfounded! Which part made you feel bad and which part dumbfounded you?0 -
And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.
And a search function.
I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.
So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.
To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.
Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.
If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.
I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.
AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF
Ok, my turn to be dumbfounded! Which part made you feel bad and which part dumbfounded you?
That whole conversation confused me. LOL!0 -
There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.
This is exactly the problem. It's the Internet. Stop reading "rudeness" into every post that merely expresses a differing viewpoint. If you're new and have so far not done anything to piss anyone off, then don't assume that anyone here is out to get you. No one here knows that you're super sensitive and that simply telling you you're wrong is going to send you into hysterics.
I have never forgotten where I started. I was absolutely clueless when I first joined this site. But I was patient enough to read and to learn to TRY to improve myself every day. Somehow, trying to get long-time, successful members of this site banned for not really feeling the idea of of a group therapy session never occurred to me.0 -
This is exactly the problem. It's the Internet. Stop reading "rudeness" into every post that merely expresses a differing viewpoint. If you're new and have so far not done anything to piss anyone off, then don't assume that anyone here is out to get you. No one here knows that you're super sensitive and that simply telling you you're wrong is going to send you into hysterics.
This. Very few of us are interested in chasing off new people. We don't comb through the Intro section gleefully looking for people we can bully. What we are interested in is your health, so sometimes, you're going to be told you're wrong. Dead wrong. Flat out wrong. Take the information given and do something positive with it.0 -
I think what has got my back up more is the fact that (from my own personal point of view) all this TDEE stuff is the ONLY single way to do it.
I have nicknamed it My Fitness Preachers LOL.
Every 'body' is different therefore weightloss is going to be different. I think a more friendly approach to the eat more would be "Have you tried this, maybe give it a go and see if it works for you" instead "EAT MORE EAT MORE EAT MORE!!!!!!"
If every body was different, why bother teaching anatomy and physiology? Why do schools teach human biology? If were all so different how do Doctors figure out how to treat us when were sick? We are not all special.0 -
So for everyone who says you should use the search function more, are you claiming that you have not asked a question that also has not already been asked on here before? :huh:
You stick around long enough & you'll have seen every question under the sun on these boards, no matter how ridiculous.0 -
We are here to embrace the newbies, help them along, provide companionship, and conversation in ways that motivate people. People need positive INTERACTION often more than correct INFORMATION. It's like a good gym vibe versus a bad gym vibe. If it's gotten old for you, move on to another "gym" or group where newbies don't bother you. Let those with grace available answer nicely. The trolls need their own groups as much or not more than newbies. They are still finding their way. If they are in your way, you are the one who needs to find a more advanced group. If you are tired of "the same old" questions, don't read that thread, and certainly, don't answer to it.
This. I really can't tell you how great it felt that one time I lost my job and went to the unemployment office to see if they could help me find work, only to hear, "We don't have any correct information to give you, but good luck and have a nice day!" Completely made me forget my worries.0 -
You tell 'EM Honey!!
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I know you would never word it this way, but what you've said can easily be read like this: Your time is too valuable to waste looking up information for yourself, so therefore it's ok to expect that when you post a question everyone who chooses to take time out of their day to respond to it--without being paid or, in many cases, even thanked--should gracefully, cheerfully, and never rudely (which is in the eye of the beholder) give you that information.I understand there are a lot of resources on this site and others, but I don't always have the time to do the research. It's often faster to pose the question and hope that someone will give me some good information. Everyone has different levels of knowledge and understanding and some need more help than others. Some may not understand how to do the research but do understand how to post a question. If someone thinks its a stupid question, they shouldn't post a response at all. Or they could have a little grace for the person who is making an effort to learn and reply with some helpful information. There is never, ever a good reason to be rude to someone.
I'm not disagreeing that people should/could be a little more nice, but again: this is a free site. Information is being shared freely. It's going to come in all kinds of packages. If you (general you, of course) need to have it all packaged politely and cheerfully and on demand, you may want to look into hiring a nutritionist or personal trainer.0 -
I've found that the quality of answers is directly related to the quality of the question, whether the poster actually appears to have done any research of their own before asking, and how the poster reacts to answers that aren't in total agreement with them. There is an old adage that sums all this up but for some reason I can't remember it right now.0
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Could we all stop please?
Perfection is having a mild heart attack here.
Am gonna tell my mummy on you'all!0 -
I am new to MFP. I'm not new to exercise or diets or calorie counting.
So please, from a new MFP member, please go easy on us. If we are posting something that is wrong, don't say we are stupid, don't call us names, just politely correct us so we can see the kind of success we are hoping for. Isn't that why we are all here?? To see success??
Glad you're here, you'll meet some good ppl, I promise!:flowerforyou:
Nicely put:drinker:agree. some people need to learn forum etiquette. just because we are online and not face to face gives you the right to treat other people with disrespect. You should treat others the way you would like to be treated in person or in the forums.0 -
People need positive INTERACTION often more than correct INFORMATION. I
This. I really can't tell you how great it felt that one time I lost my job and went to the unemployment office to see if they could help me find work, only to hear, "We don't have any correct information to give you, but good luck and have a nice day!" Completely made me forget my worries.
Holy crap, NO to the bolded part. No, no, no, NO.
I think the reply quoted settles it quite well.0 -
I tend ask my friends things on my profile as I know I will get a sensible answer, the forums are a joke, the say they have moderators but my only experience of this was removing one of my posts not because of its content but because or the profile picture which wasn't even me it was a face in hole job! If that's the extent of the moderating then there's no hope for the forums!!0
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And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.
And a search function.
I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.
So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.
the problem with using the search function is that if they respond to an old thread, people tend to lose it and ask why newbies are resurrecting old threads. Its really a lose lose for newbies in that regard.
Newbies, there are nice people out there who are more than willing to help. Hang in there.0 -
This is a personal favorite, and maybe a cautionary tale of why it might not be a good idea to help a new person:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915530-so-confused0 -
If I'm being a complete idiot, my real friends tell me to stop being a complete idiot.
That's not rude, that's love
we may not all have time to dress it up in flowers and hugs, but "don't do this [cleanse/dr. oz supplement/detox/HGC injection/cabbage f**king soup diet], it would be a waste of your time" is supportive, informative advice.0 -
This is a personal favorite, and maybe a cautionary tale of why it might not be a good idea to help a new person:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915530-so-confused
I remember that thread. A perfect example of what constitutes "rude" for many people. Absolutely mind-boggling.
I have several threads in my own post history very similar to that.
Most recent one of a poster asking for validation, not advice, and being upset at being told their diet plan was at best useless and at worst dangerous. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/916203-master-cleanse0 -
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