MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

MG_Fit

Some questions defy common sense.

This is true.

tryinghard71

If we are posting something that is wrong, don't say we are stupid, don't call us names, just politely correct us so we can see the kind of success we are hoping for. Isn't that why we are all here?? To see success??

Has anyone actually called you stupid? What names have you been called?

It happens all the time. Here is just a short list of the names I have been called -

Cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-*kitten*, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey *kitten*.

Seriously Clark? LOL!! good one

Lt_Starbuck

Usually everyone calls each other stupid, not the original poster.

We see the poster asking something genuine. Then someone comes in and quotes Doctor Oz or tells you to only do cardio, to not eat a million things, to deprive yourself, to try dangerous combos, to ignore the science behind it, to never do the research for yourself... so then all the successful members come in and we're like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and then you report us and we can't help anyone anymore and Dr Oz runs rampant, telling you that raspberry ketones will keep you from getting bulky in months ending in Y if you track your avocados as vegetables instead of fruit.

mommamills

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

you have a point but the whole thing is......there is a topic posted! If it's a question that's been asked a million times or one that really seems to aggrevate you...stay out! If you don't have anything of substance to add....why "waste your time" to just be flat out ugly. I think that's the main problem on here. Yes, everyone has an opinion. Some have really great ways of explaining it so others understand and can follow and others are just "cuz that's what so and so said and she's/he's lost x amount".... So it's up to the OP to take it or leave it. Rude comments are just not necessary. If you don't want to help, then don't. Carry on with your day and be done with it.

fyi...some on this forum take the use of "you" very personal and tend to try to pick fights. I'm not saying YOU personally but collectively for those that DO make rude statements. Just to be clear

Lt_Starbuck

Also - please consider the effects of typing an article on a website with a million people, where you single out a vague nameless group and judge them all without knowing any of them. I believe this is the same thing you are upset about others doing to each other.

Thanks.

KathyPBiles

I could not agree with you more. I will be nothing but positive towards people on here. Maybe rough on myself, but no one else. Not my purpose here!

UsedToBeHusky

If we are posting something that is wrong, don't say we are stupid, don't call us names, just politely correct us so we can see the kind of success we are hoping for. Isn't that why we are all here?? To see success??

Has anyone actually called you stupid? What names have you been called?

It happens all the time. Here is just a short list of the names I have been called -

Cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-*kitten*, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey *kitten*.

Well let's be real. You troll these forums. You try to antagonize people. Not that I would call you names, but given some of your posts, I could see how you might get some of this as responses to your posts.

WendyTerry420

I think what has got my back up more is the fact that (from my own personal point of view) all this TDEE stuff is the ONLY single way to do it.

I have nicknamed it My Fitness Preachers LOL.

Every 'body' is different therefore weightloss is going to be different. I think a more friendly approach to the eat more would be "Have you tried this, maybe give it a go and see if it works for you" instead "EAT MORE EAT MORE EAT MORE!!!!!!"

Even the 1200 calorie people are *actually* using the TDEE method, just at a much larger cut than needed. They don't realize it because they don't understand.

ZoeLifts

I agree.

I find it quite funny that people have such strong opinions. Correct me if i am wrong, but we can't all be fitness and nutrition experts or else we wouldn't be on here to try and lose weight in the first place?

Well, then why have the forums or even ask a question? Obviously these forums are here for people to get advice from other non fitness experts (though, there are actually many fitness experts on here in both experience and trade) so if it bothers you to hear from people that are not "official" experts, then why even participate?

carissawhitworth

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

::applause::

/end thread

SO TRUE!! Well Said. Never seen name calling ??

quirkytizzy

I could not agree with you more. I will be nothing but positive towards people on here. Maybe rough on myself, but no one else. Not my purpose here!

You'd be doing newbies a grave disservice by being positive towards starvation diets or hopeless dreams that rasberry ketones will melt off the pounds.

EvanKeel

I wrote a blog post for these kinds of threads that I trot out sometimes:

Preface:
I received a request to post this as a blog entry, so here we have it. This was originally part of a thread about the alleged "cool kids" of MFP. Someone had indicated that sometimes these cool kids aren't so cool. Sometimes they come off sounding like jerks. Because sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference, I made a list of a few phases that I've observed myself and others going through in regard to their weight loss. They are not linear necessarily, and most people probably go from one to another back to another with relative ease, perhaps even depending on the day. We're only human, after. But here they are.

The Christmas Morning Phase:
It's Christmas morning and you're motivated. Duh, you just got presents. You want to play with them all. Getting started is kind of like this, and marketing companies are more than happy to peddle presents to us...designed to excite us. The problem is, a lot of it is crap that's actually designed to make us intellectually lazy and inhibit our critical thinking skills. But that thought seems like such a betrayal that being confronted with it is not only embarrassing but kind of hurtful. So when the supposed cool kid metaphorically stomps in and breaks all of our toys, it's seen as being very mean.

The Know It All Phase:
I may, or may not, have been known to fall into this category myself from time to time. I plead the 5th. You have more than a little knowledge that's often context specific but seems fairly general, so you think it applies to everyone and every situation (or most everyone and most situations), but really you're not sure why it's "True." And sometimes people in this phase really do know it all, more or less. It's what we do with the knowledge that says something about us as well. You see the Christmas Morning people with some amount of condescending compassion because they're simply ignorant. Sometimes you push them gently to the right direction because you know their dreams are fragile and other times you kick them over a cliff because you have had it with hearing about how EVIL bananas are. It really depends on how the Christmas Morning people present themselves because sometimes they're not Christmas Morning people at all...sometimes they're in..

The Flat-Out Liar, Willfully Ignorant Phase:
This may be a matter of perspective. Someone latches onto a fitness/nutrition philosophy with such religious zeal that the "science" behind it seems valid. Frequently discussions about authority and sources will devolve into anecdotal evidence that is ultimately unconvincing. Judging whether or not someone is in this phase can be tricky. Unfortunately, it's very easy for a Christmas Morning Person to look like a Willfully Ignorant person because the Willfully Ignorant derive a certain amount of self-sustaining energy by dangling presents in front of the Christmas Morning crowd.

The Enlightened Phase:
We're all trying for this, or at least we claim we are. I have encountered very few people who get here without dipping their toes in the Know It All pool when the weather is warm. The Enlightened understand how research functions and they're more than willing to have a discussion about it. Not only that but they're skilled at deflecting logical fallacies and questionable research without sounding like a jerk...even when it seems like other party is just trolling or trying to pejorative in some way. The Enlightened keep their cool and allow the other party to hang themselves with their own rope. Their personal satisfaction with themselves is never expressed as humor because it never needs to be expressed at all; it simply is. Their willingness to concede points of failure and growth may or may not be met with their own humor and they probably don't mind other people teasing them. If the teasing is, in fact, cruel, their inner strength allows them to remain confident in themselves without feeding the cruelty by fighting against it. The unfed troll will die of starvation.

Lt_Starbuck

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

you have a point but the whole thing is......there is a topic posted! If it's a question that's been asked a million times or one that really seems to aggrevate you...stay out! If you don't have anything of substance to add....why "waste your time" to just be flat out ugly. I think that's the main problem on here. Yes, everyone has an opinion. Some have really great ways of explaining it so others understand and can follow and others are just "cuz that's what so and so said and she's/he's lost x amount".... So it's up to the OP to take it or leave it. Rude comments are just not necessary. If you don't want to help, then don't. Carry on with your day and be done with it.

fyi...some on this forum take the use of "you" very personal and tend to try to pick fights. I'm not saying YOU personally but collectively for those that DO make rude statements. Just to be clear

Rude is subjective.

There is a very very very large part of the community that is not motivated and does not find support through the sweet kind polite responses and needs the tough love and dont be stupid remarks. Those people have just as much right to motivation and support as those who prefer the hugs.

Those people should not be alienated and commenters cannot be expected to know which type of person the original poster is through like... superpowers ahead of time.

lastly, everyone says - if a post ticks you off - dont go into it! - well that works both ways. If 30 people respond in the manner you prefer - and 5 are jerks and 1 is neutral. Ignore the jerks, be thankful for the 30 you asked for - take your motivation and go put it to use. it is much better to lean on the 30 that get you, than to waste the gift of their responses by ignoring them in favor of fighting with the 5 that weren't what you needed.

FammaMel

I agree. I very rarely join the forums just for that reason. I do however appreciate my friends lists where I can post a status with questions and they help me to understand better. To those being bullied, I would gear your energy on here toward your friends list for moral support first and take the name calling with a grain of salt. There are always going to be those who cannot contain themselves... We are all here to learn and what works for one does not always work for another. Its a learning process.

ladyraven68

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AmyRhubarb

If you post a thread that has been beat to death already, you will get rude answers. There is a search function on MFP and when you are new you should search before you post. Read the stickies, that is what they are there for. When you have a question that hasn't been answered 5000 times before, post it and I bet people here won't be rude.

That being said, I have never had anyone be rude to me in the forums, most have been supportive and helpful.

:drinker:

AMEN! The search button is quite useful! I've spent a lot of time on the boards in the past 2 years, doing my own research, looking for answers and examples from those who are doing it right and have great success. I don't know if I ever needed to actually ASK a question, searching pretty much always found me the topics and information I was looking for.

I would also agree with those who said that some of those who claim to be receiving rudeness or "bullying" (really starting to hate that word, as it's extremely overused and misused) are often those asking for advice and opinions, and just don't like the answers they receive.

Today is my 560th straight day of logging into MFP, and I've found nothing but great support here.

JoanB5

1. If you've read this far down this post, it would be a miracle. But, it would be nice to have a "report" button, and a 'like' button. It would clean up the boards tremendously. If person gets reported X number of times, they get an invitation to join an "advanced group" or something. I encourage you to ask for these features.

2. Forums are about kindness and being helpful. This is not a clique, it's not a club, old members don't get seniority.

We are here to embrace the newbies, help them along, provide companionship, and conversation in ways that motivate people. People need positive INTERACTION often more than correct INFORMATION. It's like a good gym vibe versus a bad gym vibe. If it's gotten old for you, move on to another "gym" or group where newbies don't bother you. Let those with grace available answer nicely. The trolls need their own groups as much or not more than newbies. They are still finding their way. If they are in your way, you are the one who needs to find a more advanced group. If you are tired of "the same old" questions, don't read that thread, and certainly, don't answer to it.

3. Understand that if a person's maintenance calories are 1600, but they have put on weight, they need to net 1200 to see any results at all, and those results will be slower and just as much painful if not more so. They cannot get to the 500 cals per day deficit as most others can.. It is "healthy" for that person. It takes MORE work the closer you get to your goal. Those people need just as much encouragement, if not more, to not give up. I am one of those people. My husband has lose more than I have, in less time, and can each much more than I can. But, he is a huge encouragement to me, and I am so thankful for that. He could not eat where I am and be healthy due to his size and extra caloric needs, but he is convinced, as I am, that it's where I need to be to be healthy. We don't pick at each other. We are all at different places. It's a beautiful thing. EMBRACE DIVERSITYy!

Lt_Starbuck

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

almc170

Yes, I've seen some incredibly rude people here. And they're not the snarky oldtimers either. They're angry newbies, demanding answers and immediate fixes. Stubborn people who not only refuse to listen to the advice offered to them, but also argue with the people offering it. Then they go on to post threads about how mean everyone on MFP is. Happens all the time.

homerjspartan

If we are posting something that is wrong, don't say we are stupid, don't call us names, just politely correct us so we can see the kind of success we are hoping for. Isn't that why we are all here?? To see success??

Has anyone actually called you stupid? What names have you been called?

It happens all the time. Here is just a short list of the names I have been called -

Cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-*kitten*, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey *kitten*.

Well let's be real. You troll these forums. You try to antagonize people. Not that I would call you names, but given some of your posts, I could see how you might get some of this as responses to your posts.

This is a quote from Christmas Vacation. It was meant to be funny. Which is all I ever do on these forums. Try and be funny. I don't alwys succeed, but I try. The only person EVER made fun of in any of my posts is myself.

But, since you have accused me, can you please reference one of these many posts of mine while trolling these forums where I have antagonized someone, or in any way been mean or negative?