MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

quirkytizzy

Often being told to use the search function is simply because there is too much information to convey in one post. 1200 calorie diets, for example, brings up an ungodly number of pages.

We cannot condense all of that into a single thread.

Yes, I've seen some incredibly rude people here. And they're not the snarky oldtimers either. They're angry newbies, demanding answers and immediate fixes. Stubborn people who not only refuse to listen to the advice offered to them, but also argue with the people offering it. Then they go on to post threads about how mean everyone on MFP is. Happens all the time.

This. Most often the rudest people I have seen are newbies huffing and puffing when told their idea is not a good one.

Lt_Starbuck

MIND BLOWN SQUARED.

-leaving thread-

save yourselves!!!!!

tryinghard71

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

Oh no, I don't feel bad now. LOL! I was just meaning that as a new person someone saying that to me made me feel bad. Right or wrong. It was just the feeling of "why are you asking a question that has been asked over and over" go to the search function. Chalk it up to me being new and a little scared to even post a question. I was just saying I could see how this can come across even when meant with the best intentions.

Mustang_Susie

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

So, it's not okay to ask a question that has been asked before but it's okay to respond to that question with rudeness and name calling?
Sounds like a double standard to me.
Question askers have to follow "forum etiquette" but question responders can reply any old way they feel like because they are "fed up"?
It's the question askers fault that people are being rude to them?
I don't think so.
Each person is responsible for his or her own response.
Responders can chose to politely refer a person to a "stickied" thread or say nothing and move on.
The old adage: if you don't have anything nice to say...

sherrirb

I'm eating 700 calories a day! "I completely support your decision."

I'm not going to eat for 30 days! "I completely support your decision."

I'm cutting out every food group I can think of! "I completely support your decision."

I'm doing a juice cleanse/not eating for a week/trying diet pills! "I completely support your decisions."

That site would be useless to all of us. This is what some of you want. It's baffling.

Quirky, the thing that you are possibly not considering is how many of the posts with ^^ these type of statements are made by people that are actually making fun of other people's posts, but I dont see REAL posts in this manner.

I see people posting, "I'm considering this, has anyone tried it? Your thoughts on it?" I do NOT see people wanting validation for things like you've posted above.

I do, all the time. "Please don't post unless you have experience in this", often for methods that are absolutely dangerous or completely useless. Also when being told "No, and here's why that won't work." Rude is often the next post of the OP.

Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.

cmriverside

Keep posting, OP. I was new here when there were only a few new posts an hour. Now things pass by so quickly that no one remembers what happened last night.

I promise you will learn more about yourself in internet forums than you ever thought possible.

A couple times early-on I left in a huff because someone pissed me off. Hey! You can do that on internet forums and no one will come to your house and give you a hard time! And I got over it and came back.

I left one time for a few months because I was overwhelmed with all the conflicting advice. Then I came back after doing lots research and getting my feet under me regarding my approach to weight loss and fitness. This site is a treasure trove of good (and bad) information. You have to wade through it all and find things that resonate with you.

However you tend to deal with these forums is how you deal with the world in general. Figure out why other people irritate you so much and you will make your own real life so much better. This is actually a very safe place to work out whatever issues you have in yourself because if it gets to be too much, just hit Ctrl +W. You can't always do that in real life. Walk away and think about why you are upset - because really - people in an internet forum can't harm your real life. This is a safe place to learn to control your anger and frustration. Anger and frustration come from you, not from us.

This is actually a really tame forum. I'm a member of several forums, and some can get really bad. The moderators here do jump in if there is actual name-calling or personal attacks.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Admiral_Derp

It would be so much easier if everyone on the internet could come to an agreement on what constitutes a rude reply. That just ain't gonna happen.

quirkytizzy

Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.

I do have a lot of time on my hands to read the forums. Aside from other things, I'm a hermit. Don't leave the house much.

And I have seen very few responses that have been actually rude towards newbies. But there are those who see the word "No" as ineffably rude and upset themselves daily with it.

ironanimal

It would be so much easier if everyone on the internet could come to an agreement on what constitutes a rude reply. That just ain't gonna happen.

Disagreeing with someone, obviously.

tryinghard71

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

Why be dumbfounded. I was just stating a fact for me. As a new person it made me not feel welcomed to ask questions. Is it ok for me to have an opinion too and it not match yours? See, when I started on here I did not read rules from MFP that said you must search before you can post on a topic or that you can't post a topic that has been posted before. This is a rule MFP users have made up not MFP.

RhonndaJ

Like all sources of information, MFP is a place were you need to pick and choose what you take in. If you're finding that MFP people aren't helpful or supportive, my thought is that this is what you're focusing on.

Instead of focusing on the positive and helpful responses that abound, you're focusing on the few 'rude' responses that show up.

We're all adults here, and while asking that people behave nicely is reasonable, it's never going to get through to the people that aren't behaving nicely. It really is so much easier, and far less frustrating, to change our own outlook on things, than to try to get other people to change.

Just something to think about.

wikitbikit

2. Forums are about kindness and being helpful.

No, forums are about discussion. Sometimes it's kind (and sometimes it's not), sometimes it's helpful (and sometimes it's not), and sometimes it's just a bunch of hot air.

dp1228

If you post a thread that has been beat to death already, you will get rude answers. There is a search function on MFP and when you are new you should search before you post. Read the stickies, that is what they are there for. When you have a question that hasn't been answered 5000 times before, post it and I bet people here won't be rude.

That being said, I have never had anyone be rude to me in the forums, most have been supportive and helpful.

^^ exactly. I have been on this site for two years and honestly I've never been personally offended by anyone because:

1. I used the SEARCH feature on the forums and researched my questions because I figured with the millions of people on this site SOMEONE else probably had my question. and you know what? I found all the answers without having to post anything for months.

2. being blunt and being rude are two different things. yes there are a LOT of rude people on here but there are also just some really blunt and straight to the point people as well. some people are just too sensitive. and some people forget that this is an INT ERNET forum and that it's not going to be all sunshine and roses. no matter what there are going to be rude people. if it's in the extreme, report them, ignore them, and move on.

3. i dont ask questions on the forum unless I'm ready for feedback from all types of different people. and I dont expect to like all the answers i get.

I personally don't get how someone who is committed and serious about thier health would get discouraged by some a-hole on a forum. There's no way that would stop me from losing weight.

AQ3107

I am perfect.
End of Discussion.

wbfd22

OP has still yet to offer up (or even participate again) examples of these name calling posts. Perhaps they have all been blocked and removed by the mods? We will assume so.


Name calling - yeah, that's pretty rude and uncalled for. I've seen it a few times, but that's it. It should be reported.

But name calling =/= giving advice in a straightforward manner, i.e. eat more than 200 calories today or you are going to have major health issues (which is how most of those replies are given). Most of the people that complain about "rudeness" on MFP are actually complaining about the delivery of the message, which is not actually rudeness, nor is it bullying. Or they are upset because they are not recieving validation for their poor choices.

It is just how that person delivers information and how the OP receives the information. If we could control these factors, I guess then we could all just get along and unicorns would fart rainbows that smell like cotton candy.

Sorry I haven't been able to participate in my conversation again, I'm at work and have to wait for an appropriate time. To respond to your questions, I didn't say in my post that I was personally called names. When I used the term "we" i was lumping new MFP users as a whole. Maybe I was misunderstood.

I haven't personally been called names. I have rarely posted, because I have read name calling and extreme rudeness and as someone else referred to as "tough love". Sometimes its inteh way its written and sometimes it is blunt and unnecessary. Can I find the posts, probably with a lot of back reading, yes. However I certainly don't have the time right now.

As a new member, I am using the search engine and I am reading posts to get the answers to questions. But the "old timers" (as someone named them) should be willing to share their wealth of knowledge with us newbies. Afterall, they are the ones who have been here longer, asked questions themselves and have seen success. If they are sick of seeing a question, just ignore it. These forums would be quite lonely if no one was posting new questions (as repeated as they are).

A new friend I made today referred to MFP as the new Facebook.........I have to say I agree!!

Thanks for all the feedback and comments. I hope my journey is as successful as some of the others on here.

sherrirb

Usually everyone calls each other stupid, not the original poster.

We see the poster asking something genuine. Then someone comes in and quotes Doctor Oz or tells you to only do cardio, to not eat a million things, to deprive yourself, to try dangerous combos, to ignore the science behind it, to never do the research for yourself... so then all the successful members come in and we're like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and then you report us and we can't help anyone anymore and Dr Oz runs rampant, telling you that raspberry ketones will keep you from getting bulky in months ending in Y if you track your avocados as vegetables instead of fruit.

Here is a valid point. Thank you for posting. I do see this kind of thing where some people respond with ridiculous, off the wall drivel like Dr Oz stuff. These people are just being a complete jerk in the first place. I see this quite often and what transpires is not helpful to the OP.

quirkytizzy

I am perfect.
Discussion closed.

I like you.

AQ3107

I am perfect.
Discussion closed.

I like you.

Perfection likes you right back.

socajam

Exactly

skinnyinnotime

I'm eating 700 calories a day! "I completely support your decision."

I'm not going to eat for 30 days! "I completely support your decision."

I'm cutting out every food group I can think of! "I completely support your decision."

I'm doing a juice cleanse/not eating for a week/trying diet pills! "I completely support your decisions."

That site would be useless to all of us. This is what some of you want. It's baffling.

Quirky, the thing that you are possibly not considering is how many of the posts with ^^ these type of statements are made by people that are actually making fun of other people's posts, but I dont see REAL posts in this manner.

I see people posting, "I'm considering this, has anyone tried it? Your thoughts on it?" I do NOT see people wanting validation for things like you've posted above.

I do, all the time. "Please don't post unless you have experience in this", often for methods that are absolutely dangerous or completely useless. Also when being told "No, and here's why that won't work." Rude is often the next post of the OP.

Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.

There really are alot of posts that say this, they then get very offensive if someone calls them out on their op of nonsense.

Maddalen101

Don't let the trolls grind you down.
There are LOTS of supportive people on MFP.
When you see posts, etc. that you like from people who seem supportive and knowledgeable, ask to friend them!
Chances are they will say "yes", and you'll start building a core group of wonderful and supportive MPF friends who will cheer, sympathize, and offer good, workable advice.
Please feel free to add me.

Libb3C

I am so thankful for the fabulous friends I have on MFP and their vast knowledge that allows me to mostly get answers from those who are supportive!

christinefultz

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

Agreed, Lora!

MartinaNYC

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

Hey, every post has a title- if you see from the title that it is a question you already heard about and you don't feel like reading it/ answering to it, just don't. People are not asking you directly. No need to get so annoyed. Old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions and therefore they feel they have the right to give rude answers? Oh please! About saving yourself some time and moving to next post instead of wasting 5 precious minutes of your life giving a rude answer?

Maddalen101, feel free to add me if you need new friends and extra support!

sherrirb

Then you must have a lot of time on your hands to read the forums. I have only seen a very small handful of posts in this manner that you speak of when the poster only wants responses from people "who've had experience".
Most of the people with "experience" usually give the OP the info they need to hear.

I do have a lot of time on my hands to read the forums. Aside from other things, I'm a hermit. Don't leave the house much.

And I have seen very few responses that have been actually rude towards newbies. But there are those who see the word "No" as ineffably rude and upset themselves daily with it.

Quirky, Lt_Starbuck actually posted something that is very valid, if you havent seen her post yet.

Usually everyone calls each other stupid, not the original poster.

We see the poster asking something genuine. Then someone comes in and quotes Doctor Oz or tells you to only do cardio, to not eat a million things, to deprive yourself, to try dangerous combos, to ignore the science behind it, to never do the research for yourself... so then all the successful members come in and we're like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and then you report us and we can't help anyone anymore and Dr Oz runs rampant, telling you that raspberry ketones will keep you from getting bulky in months ending in Y if you track your avocados as vegetables instead of fruit.

I see this kind of thing more often then not. I can see this as being construed as rudeness by a newbie.

quirkytizzy

Hey, every post has a title- if you see from the title that it is a question you already heard about and you don't feel like reading it/ answering to it, just don't. People are not asking you directly. No need to get so annoyed. Old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions and therefore they feel they have the right to give rude answers? Oh please! About saving yourself some time and moving to next post instead of wasting 5 precious minutes of your life giving a rude answer?

Maddalen101, feel free to add me if you need new friends and extra support!

Those threads often require replying to, as posters WILL go on to do whatever damaging approach they have posted about. And the "rude" answer in return often amounts to "No. This will not work. Try this instead."

Lt_Starbuck

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

Why be dumbfounded. I was just stating a fact for me. As a new person it made me not feel welcomed to ask questions. Is it ok for me to have an opinion too and it not match yours? See, when I started on here I did not read rules from MFP that said you must search before you can post on a topic or that you can't post a topic that has been posted before. This is a rule MFP users have made up not MFP.

dumbfounded because she stated everything so sweetly, so calmly - with extra explanations and so so so so patiently. I cant comprehend how that could be considered making someone feel bad. It makes me scared that I should never post at all - no matter how kind and polite I try to be, if someone feels bad it's my fault. Even if Im being super careful. It isnt anything to do with their perspective or their mindset? just my message, no matter how kindly delivered, would be rude.

That makes me not want to try to help people anymore.

You just crushed me.

conniemaxwell5

I understand there are a lot of resources on this site and others, but I don't always have the time to do the research. It's often faster to pose the question and hope that someone will give me some good information. Everyone has different levels of knowledge and understanding and some need more help than others. Some may not understand how to do the research but do understand how to post a question. If someone thinks its a stupid question, they shouldn't post a response at all. Or they could have a little grace for the person who is making an effort to learn and reply with some helpful information. There is never, ever a good reason to be rude to someone.

Arkhos

If you post a thread that has been beat to death already, you will get rude answers. There is a search function on MFP and when you are new you should search before you post. Read the stickies, that is what they are there for. When you have a question that hasn't been answered 5000 times before, post it and I bet people here won't be rude.

That being said, I have never had anyone be rude to me in the forums, most have been supportive and helpful.

How about if you've seen a thread for the 5000th time you don't post in it? Somehow, some people feel that they have to post rude comments just because they personally have seen the question asked over and over. You see the thread title, so why are you bothering to post a reply? Let others who are not sick and tired of helping people answer the thread. Not that hard to do either.

janetsalley

You're right...but an @sshole is going to be an @sshole, I'm quite sure they were @ssholes before getting on MFP and they will be @ssholes until they die, just ignore them...!!!