MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

smilingirisheyes

I'm new to the forums as well, and have found people to be generally helpful and supportive. If I see a thread (or set of them, like the 1200-calorie debate) that isn't useful to me I just skip it. There's too much help and support available here to get caught up in something that's not productive for me.

That said, if debating 1200 calories IS productive for someone, the good news is there are threads available for him/her to do that.

dinosnopro

This thread is actually a perfect example of what the O.P. is talking about.

If I were to post. " I don't see this happen much. I would stay away from the forums and stick to you friends list "

I would be quoted over and over, and called rude or a bully

If I were to post. " I agree, some people are so rude. I don't even go in the forums any more, I just stick to my friends list for support. If I were you I would I would do that too. Feel free to add me. Good luck on your journey "

I would be quoted, and patted on the back for being supportive.


TL;DR: Don't disagree with anyone or you will be labeled a bully.

rob1976

I am a very sarcastic person by nature. I try to find the humor in every situation and many times, when I cannot find anything else to say because the scenario in front of me is so ridiculous that there's just nothing serious that can be said, I reply with humor and/or a funny GIF.

A perfect example - "I have decided that the only way to lose this last 100 lbs is to shove hose up my butt and pump it full of coffee." I mean, are you seriously typing these words and expecting a serious response? What in your noggin is telling you that this is a viable weight loss option?

Another example - "I just saw on TV that raspberry ketones are the secret to losing all my weight in 15 minutes flat." Seriously? I guess because you saw it on TV it has to be true, right? If raspberry ketones were so successful, we'd all be logging onto MyRaspberryKetonePal daily. We aren't.

We are on MyFitnessPal because this is the only proven way to lose weight - calorie deficiency coupled with exercise.

The other thing is that people think that they are the only one that has ever decided to ask about a topic, like no one else on earth saw the raspberry ketone episode of Dr. Oz except you. That is the only logical reason I can come up with why someone would open a new thread instead of saying to themselves "I wonder if someone else is discussing this topic" before going to the bid word "Search" up on the top of the page.

Everyone should always run a search before they ask a question, simply because whatever you're asking has probably been asked already, often 100,000 times already. Don't believe me? Run a search for 'HCG'. 510 results in the last month alone.

It seems to me that people want their research like they want their weight loss - immediate and requiring as little effort as possible. I'm sorry, but the world just doesn't work that way. Get off your tush and put in the effort.

jackpotclown

No \m/

Lt_Starbuck

I understand there are a lot of resources on this site and others, but I don't always have the time to do the research. It's often faster to pose the question and hope that someone will give me some good information. Everyone has different levels of knowledge and understanding and some need more help than others. Some may not understand how to do the research but do understand how to post a question. If someone thinks its a stupid question, they shouldn't post a response at all. Or they could have a little grace for the person who is making an effort to learn and reply with some helpful information. There is never, ever a good reason to be rude to someone.

Kind reminder, if you truly want to succeed, there is something that we all try to impress upon you. You will need to make the time to do the research and learn for yourself. Creating a pattern of asking other people to do this for you indefinitely instead of teaching yourself, is doing neither party a favor. You cannot continually ask others to put in the time and effort for you. Just as with exercise, you will need to be the one putting in all the hard work. Thankfully, this is also what makes the end results feel like you OWN them

:bigsmile:

_Witsy_

This is a personal favorite, and maybe a cautionary tale of why it might not be a good idea to help a new person:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915530-so-confused

THIS!!!

Lt_Starbuck

here's the secret to MFP...

find the people whose tickers show that they have lost 100+ lbs. listen to those people. for the most part, they've done it and they know what works, what doesn't, what's correct, and what's not.

if they respond in a way that you think is rude, maybe the problem is that you are too quick to get offended. people with thousands of posts over a couple of years on this site have long gone past the point of writing 1000 word essay answers to every question they encounter. they will usually get right to the point and cut out all of the pleasantries. their time is just as valuable as yours or mine. if you think being blunt is the same as being rude, then maybe the forums are not the place for you. there is a lot of bluntness here, but not so much actual rudeness.

quiet with all that logic!

LoraF83

This is a personal favorite, and maybe a cautionary tale of why it might not be a good idea to help a new person:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915530-so-confused

I remember that thread. A perfect example of what constitutes "rude" for many people. Absolutely mind-boggling.

I have several threads in my own post history very similar to that.

Most recent one of a poster asking for validation, not advice, and being upset at being told their diet plan was at best useless and at worst dangerous. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/916203-master-cleanse

Both excellent examples.

rob1976

Just as with exercise, you will need to be the one putting in all the hard work.

That's a lot like what I just said. :bigsmile:

Ajellyfish77

We all need a little boost now and then right! and we are all in the same boat! Whether it is one lb or 300 we are all facing the same goals and challanges I am always so impressed by the people who DO work together and share and promote each others good job but you see alot of the other for sure.

Lt_Starbuck

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.

If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.

I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.

AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF

Ok, my turn to be dumbfounded! Which part made you feel bad and which part dumbfounded you?

Im dumbfounded that the top comment was seen as rude.

ladyraven68

So for everyone who says you should use the search function more, are you claiming that you have not asked a question that also has not already been asked on here before? :huh:

You stick around long enough & you'll have seen every question under the sun on these boards, no matter how ridiculous.

I don't think I've asked a question that is covered by the stickies, no.

Such as "Why is MFP adding on calories when I log exercise"


There is a reason for a FAQ section

1 - to be informative and helpful
2 - to stop the forums being clogged up with the same question time and time again

I have never responded rudely to anyone that does ask that question, I usually just give them a link to where they can find the answer, but then you'll find other people adding in the beating dead horse gifs, and then this behaviour will put the new poster off from posting again.

ZoeLifts

This is a personal favorite, and maybe a cautionary tale of why it might not be a good idea to help a new person:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915530-so-confused

^^Hah! I had not seen that one. That is definitely a gem and a perfect example!

Crankstr

No \m/

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

jadeyq1

Yes yes yes!!!! Totally agree! I was considering writing a post about this myself so thank you!

NicS69

Ignore the rudeness, embrace the positive. Not all of us are nasty. I pretty much try to avoid posting questions in the forums and post them in my newsfeed so that just my friends who are always nothing but supportive can answer and give me advice. Welcome!!!

This is a great idea. I just started to make friends so I will make sure to post there instead to avoid issues. Thanks for the tip. Oh and BTW, you look fantastic!!! Great job and such an insiration.

dovetail22uk

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

I'd really like to see an example too! I never get to read any of the good stuff :sad: I wonder if others see it as mean and they are over sensitive.

Tatiyanya

I am now all deeply upset about being called rude when i do try to help and show support

I find those forums rather friendly happy fun fun place compared too other mesage boards and i appriciate the chuckle and sarcastic responses when the same question is asked umphed time and people who cannot be bothered to link the same reply YET AGAIN get creative with replies.
I love that.
I do find forums hella supportive and informative, tho i must be lucky with finding the anwser to my question before I post "WHY IT NO WORK?!??!?!" thread
My friendlist is hottest bunch of supportive people in the existance. I often like to imagine them all in skimpy cheerleader outfits waving pompons....especialy the gents.
I am rather fond of MFP, be it calorie tool or community

Sense of humour, basic sarcasm detector, bit of distance and immortal "i vill google search before i ask ze question" and you'll find MFP being really chipper and adorable place.

fixingxkarma

I'll admit to being hesitant on posting on the forums but not because people are rude, but more because I'm shy. I've never experienced name-calling or rudeness on MFP. The people on my friends list are great people who offer a lot of support. I posted an introduction thread and went from there. All of my questions tend to end up on my News Feed because I'm comfortable with these people. On the other hand, I would love to ask question after question about TDEE and more on that subject on the forums but there are so many posts/threads about it. But again, this is more shyness rather than others being rude.

Note: Yes, I use the search feature but sometimes I can't be sure if a thread is the "right one."

To be perfectly honest, I would rather have someone call me out if I'm doing something wrong rather than let it slide. I'm so new to this weightless journey that I know for a fact I need a verbal slap across the face to keep me on track. Sometimes blunt honesty is the thing to stick and it's hard to handle the idea that your method isn't healthy or working. Then again, I'm not someone who responds well to coddling. I'd rather have tough love with all the facts laid down in front of me no matter how much it might bother me to be wrong.

quirkytizzy

I'd really like to see an example too! I never get to read any of the good stuff :sad: I wonder if others see it as mean and they are over sensitive.

I've not seen an example of people being actually bullied. But there are a couple of threads up on the previous page where people thought they were being treated rudely.

Those who insist we are being rude ought to take a gander at those threads.

Just2Bhappy

I see this all to often. I have asked a question a couple of times and gotten very rude responses. It's discouraging. If they can't pick on you for what your saying then they find the smallest typo and go all grammar police on you. Anything to just be right and make you feel your stupid and wrong.

jofjltncb6

I have been here almost two years and have seen a few rude people...but they are almost always squelched in a matter of days/weeks. MFP mods/staff do not tolerate rudeness. I'd love to be able to ask people to share the names of these rude people, but that would be against the rules...so instead, please send me a PM with a list of these rude people. If it's truly rudeness, I'll do whatever I can (as a lowly member of MFP) to help rid the forums of this problem.

However, I suspect what many are considering rudeness is simply directness. It may even be as simple as someone who has an opinion that differs from yours.

And now, I'll go read through the EIGHT pages of replies to see which direction this thread went.


ETA:

I see that someone better said what I wanted to say much earlier in this thread:

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

StheK

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. It's true that a lot of people here are just jerks, but it's also true that it is very frustrating to see the same questions posted over and over and over again. Like the 1200 calorie question. We all know how that thread is going to play out- it would be a relief if new people looked up historical threads on that topic instead of tossing it back in the ring to drive us all crazy all over again. And again. And again.

Silver_Star

I was a newbie once....still am in many ways....What i suggest is you read up as much as you can, using the search function...read people's responses, especially those that have been around for a long time, with much success. Their answers will be more helpful.

Tristin_T

There's a post in the message boards soliciting friends that are supportive, positive and routinely use MFP - I added about 20 people who responded to that post, and it's made all the difference. If you need info, post to your friends first - they are your tribe, your support group. They want you to succeed. Outside of your friends, you're venturing into unknown territory. Competition, know-it-alls, doubters, haters - you don't need their input. So focus on a small group of people you've chosen and delete whoever is not serving you. Cheers to you!

Fozzi43

People get butthurt too easily.
In MY opinion.

Just2Bhappy

This is a personal favorite, and maybe a cautionary tale of why it might not be a good idea to help a new person:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915530-so-confused

That person overreacted. A LOT

quirkytizzy

And another. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915303-soup-diet?page=2

I have 20 pages of post history. I could pull out multiple threads where they felt we were being treated rudely but were actually being told "No. Try this instead."

Another where being told "No" got people called out as rude. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/913100-is-it-ok-to-eat-around-500-calories-a-day?page=7

And so on and so forth.

If this is ya'll's version of rude, then please do not respond to these posts. They do not need support for their ideas. They need to be told no and given alternate solutions.

AQ3107

Like I just asked what a pop tart is and someone just mocked me.

I mean like c'mon like I am 18 man and he's like 100 or something and he still mocked me.
That's dead uncool.
What's the complaint procedures around here?

MireyGal76

on average... people here are just mean. <~~~ geek play on words

A few scenarios I have seen play out...

- typically, not always, but typically the "mean" responses don't start until page 3 or 4 of a thread, and that is often after the OP returns guns a blazing and shoots down everyone who has offered anything remotely contrary to their statement. If respect is offered to differing viewpoints, the thread often goes along pretty well, with the occasional grump thrown in.

- the OP doesn't take the time to word their first post well... and it comes across as rude, insulting, or obnoxious... this brings those with finely tuned sarcasm to the surface, and the fun begins... and YES, a lot of it is actually meant in fun

- the OP words their post in such a way that it is unclear whether they are being sarcastic and having fun, or if they're actually serious. In this case, you'll have "meanies" responding in turn with sarcasm and again having fun, but without intending any harm to the OP. These posts are often originating in the CHIT CHAT section, and therefore the assumption is made by many that it is a "fun" post

- the OP creates a topic (intentionally or unintentionally) that is inherently divisive and encourages body shaming... those get nasty. Note: It is possible to state your opinion without being an insulting jerk. Takes practice, but is possible.

- the OP creates a topic (intentionally or unintentionally) that is supportive of an unhealthy lifestyle pattern... aka... only eat 300 calories a day and binge on weekends... this will get people WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH to respond very emphatically as to the dangers of this course of action. They come across as mean... but they're the exact opposite.



My end observation... a lot of people here are "HANGRY" - they're hungry because they're not fuelling their bodies needs adequately, or they're adjusting to a new diet, a new lifestyle. A lot are depressed with themselves and their current shape. A lot are frustrated because try as they may, they're not seeing the progress they want to see. Many are unable to communicate effectively in the English language - whether due to poor grammar, insufficient time, or English not being their primary language. (this is not a dig - just an acknowledgement that communication is tough for people who speak it as a primary! I cannot imagine what it would be like for those who learned it later in life!)

AKA... disagreeing is like patting someone on the back who has a sunburn... you cause them pain, when normally they would have been A-OK. Is it your fault? no... is it theirs? not really... does it suck? yeah, kinda.

AS A RESULT... we suck at communication, we get angry with one another over trivial things, and we lash out and think later.


Recommendation: a) develop a thick skin b) remember that not everyone is out to get you c) just because someone doesn't agree with you, it doesn't mean they don't like you; doesn't mean they think you're an idiot.. it means they disagree. simple. d) opinions are just that - opinions. e) if someone says something you perceive as "mean"... shake your head, say "whoa... go have a snack" and move on. It usually doesn't need to be reported.

and when forced to pick between A and B... many pick C. Some A. and Some B... so why bother asking the question.