MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!
Replies
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It actually happens all the time and often the OP won't even listen to those who do have experience with the product. I went into a thread about Slimquick, which I tried back in the day. I told the OP that I had no results from it. She ignored me and kept narrowing the field of people she would take advice from: only women (ok, that's me also), only women with medical conditions (I also fit that bill), only women with medical conditions who tried the product in addition to diet and exercise (*raise my hand*), only women with medical conditions who tried the product in addition to diet and exercise and who also have children (lost me there, so my advice wasn't any good).
Indeed. There were several links posted that displayed that very experience. Also, a shame she didn't take your advice in specifics, Amber. You've got your **** down when it comes to health stuff!
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I'd really like to see an example too! I never get to read any of the good stuff :sad: I wonder if others see it as mean and they are over sensitive.
I've not seen an example of people being actually bullied. But there are a couple of threads up on the previous page where people thought they were being treated rudely.
Those who insist we are being rude ought to take a gander at those threads.
I'm only really rude to those who are my friends, or that I know can take it. For instance if I see a joke thread posted by BurtHuttz I will be rude to him openly on it, or any of the others who play along. The only other instance of where I was rude was to someone who was obviously baiting someone and looking for it. When called, got rude, so I get rude back... ie the All the girls need to add me threads by that guy in the towel who said all "girls" need to be collected like artifiacts, and that they were a whole different species.
I will freely admit to being a jackhole to that guy.
It's ok to be rude to burthuttz and kevin... and me too actually.
Well, unless I'm PMSing, then I might cry and hit you.
Guess where I am in my cycle... oooh it's like russian roulette! lol
I love sarcasm, I love wit and satire, and I love people who can communicate in those forms. I don't like mean people. I can usually tell the difference between the two. If I'm not sure.. ya know what? I ask!
I've responded before saying.. "I'm not sure if I read this wrong, but here's what it seems you are saying, and based on that, this is how I feel. If I've misinterpreted your intentions, I'm sorry!"0 -
And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.
And a search function.
I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.
So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.
To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.
Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.
If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.
I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.
AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF
Why be dumbfounded. I was just stating a fact for me. As a new person it made me not feel welcomed to ask questions. Is it ok for me to have an opinion too and it not match yours? See, when I started on here I did not read rules from MFP that said you must search before you can post on a topic or that you can't post a topic that has been posted before. This is a rule MFP users have made up not MFP.
dumbfounded because she stated everything so sweetly, so calmly - with extra explanations and so so so so patiently. I cant comprehend how that could be considered making someone feel bad. It makes me scared that I should never post at all - no matter how kind and polite I try to be, if someone feels bad it's my fault. Even if Im being super careful. It isnt anything to do with their perspective or their mindset? just my message, no matter how kindly delivered, would be rude.
That makes me not want to try to help people anymore.
You just crushed me.
Ummm, I think that is taking it a little extreme. Don't want to "crush" anyone. My point was simply to say that when you are new, ask a question, and told look it up, use the search field, this has been posted 1000 times go read. It does not feel good. I did not think the above post was bad. Was just telling her that I felt that way when I started. Sorry you are crushed. Hopefully you will be ok.
Please dont talk to me anymore, I find you condescending and rude.
Ive had terrible experiences and been through hell and I have triggers that I expect you to know about before judging me as having an extreme reaction.
LOL! Good one.0 -
If the old timers are tired of seeing a question in the forums then they dont ahve to read it, skip over it and go on with thier lives. We are all on here for support in one way, shape or form and not everyone has been doing this for a while, not everyone has all the knowledge that they need or we would not be overweight in the first place. Plus if you are new to MFP do you really know about the Forums for newbies? I dont remember anyone saying to me when I signed up that I should go there and read them before I aks a question for fear of ridicule.
Stay strong everyone and keep fighting the good fight.
Good luck to all!0 -
il legitimi non carborundum!0
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I have been on MFP for 3+ years now and look how many thread posts I have
It's the way forums on Internet web sites work - MFP is not unique.0 -
The *kitten* are out and free there is no shutting them up or making them see that they are in fact *kitten*. Ignore them, newbies should all visit http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/912920-in-place-of-a-road-map-3-2013?hl=road+map, will help I promise (sorry to all of you who hate when ppl post this) Dan knows his **** and the road map is helpful!
THIS!! And please feel free to friend me. I also agree with another poster who said to stay away from the forums, and seek help and support from those you have chosen as friends. To be very honest, I have made some of THE most wonderful friends here on MFP, and my 'bucket list (if you will) is to have some kind of meeting with each one of them in real life. I promise you, there are FAR more 'helpers' than there are 'hinderers'. So, stick with it, ask your MFPeeps for advice, and remember: "You can't live a positive life with a negative mind!"
Good luck on your journey.....there are plenty of us walking beside you!! 0 -
Everything you say is why I stay out of the forums.0
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QFT - those forums are scary!If one thinks MFP is rude or non-supportive, then they haven't been in the mommy forums... once involved in the mommy forums, one will realize that this place is full of rainbows and unicorns.
I am remarkably thick-skinned...and yet, my wife has shown me some posts on *that site* that would have had me huddled in the corner in the fetal position sobbing inconsolably.
Exactly, it was there that I have gained my ability to read in the sarcasm font...
I'm telling you the Babycenter Birth Boards are WAY worse than this... and you want blunt that appears rude to the eyes of MFPers... go to the Babycenter Family of Origin and In Laws board.... Peeps here ain't got nothin' on those ladies... But then, I also read those for their WTFabilities and to laugh....
BTW, loving Brett's description... it's pretty accurate.0 -
And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.
And a search function.
I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.
So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.
To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.
Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.
If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.
I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.
AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF
Ok, my turn to be dumbfounded! Which part made you feel bad and which part dumbfounded you?
Im dumbfounded that the top comment was seen as rude.
Never used the word rude. You are reading my post how you want to read it. Because I never even used that word. I said when you ask a question and people tell you to go read, look it up or research it can make you feel bad. Like you are not supposed to be asking a question. That was all. I was not disagreeing with what she said. I was telling her that when I was new I felt that way. Not right now today. Not when I read what she wrote. I was talking about when I was new just like I said. sigh.
I appreciate if you stopped singling me out and talking down to me or I will report you for harassment. I read your post the way you wrote it. you are most definitely one of the mean ones. So condescending.
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in all fairness - i am not reacting like I normally would. I needed you to see that anyone can be offended by anything, even if it is presented in a calm, thoroughly thought out fashion.
We aren't mean. We just don't know everyone's backstory or their reaction patterns.
How can we possibly be expected to know this?
We cant.
Take what you want that works for you. Ignore what doesnt. That is the same advice that the posters are giving the commenters.
Posters say - if you dont like my thread dont read it.
Commenters say - if you dont like my comment dont read it.
Posters report all the people they dont like.
Commenters get banned.
The end.
Who wins?
All the banned people at goal weight.0 -
I am a total newbie. BUT, I am totally NOT a "dieting novice". I have done WW (several times) and I used a similar site (LI) for a while. I am a recovering yo-yo dieter. That being said, I love love love the MVP site. Peeps are totally supportive and there is oodles of information and debunking on here, if you are willing to poke around, read the forums and use the search function. The forums are not only informative, but they are HiLaRiOuS and entertaining. We all get hangry and fungry - why not lighten up the mood every now and then? Anytime I read somthingy about the virtues of cookie dough, I totally know that it's going to be a fabu day 0
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I don't add people as friends that aren't family because I have proven to myself and my wife that I cannot have a female on my friends list that I do not flirt with. I am a complete horndog and I will flirt with almost anyone at the drop of a hat. Because of this, I have removed the temptation by not adding women as friends.What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.0 -
And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.
And a search function.
I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.
So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.
To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.
Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.
If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.
I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.
AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF
Ok, my turn to be dumbfounded! Which part made you feel bad and which part dumbfounded you?
Im dumbfounded that the top comment was seen as rude.
Never used the word rude. You are reading my post how you want to read it. Because I never even used that word. I said when you ask a question and people tell you to go read, look it up or research it can make you feel bad. Like you are not supposed to be asking a question. That was all. I was not disagreeing with what she said. I was telling her that when I was new I felt that way. Not right now today. Not when I read what she wrote. I was talking about when I was new just like I said. sigh.
I appreciate if you stopped singling me out and talking down to me or I will report you for harassment. I read your post the way you wrote it. you are most definitely one of the mean ones. So condescending.
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in all fairness - i am not reacting like I normally would. I needed you to see that anyone can be offended by anything, even if it is presented in a calm, thoroughly thought out fashion.
We aren't mean. We just don't know everyone's backstory or their reaction patterns.
How can we possibly be expected to know this?
We cant.
Take what you want that works for you. Ignore what doesnt. That is the same advice that the posters are giving the commenters.
Posters say - if you dont like my thread dont read it.
Commenters say - if you dont like my comment dont read it.
Posters report all the people they dont like.
Commenters get banned.
The end.
Who wins?
All the banned people at goal weight.
cool0 -
The snarkyness on these boards is terrible. I'm here for support, not someone who think they know it all.
Your idea of support may not be the same as mine... If you don't like how some is "supporting" you, you can always ignore them... it's really not that difficult.0 -
Who wins?
All the banned people at goal weight.
TADA!!!
/end thread0 -
The snarkyness on these boards is terrible. I'm here for support, not someone who think they know it all.
Im on this site for 'Know it alls' to help me out so I can be a 'Know a lot more'.
If I want support, I go to my friends list.
ETA: actually my friends list is the bomb and I can get information AND support there, cause I never alienated all the smart people. 2 points to MEEEEEEE!!!
-does happy dance-0 -
Don't let other people get you down! Enjoy the people who are here for something positive, and above all, do what you need to do for your health and your life.
Exactly, just like all walks of life, there are good and bad, but for the most part, MOST people genuinely care about you, your struggles and successes!!!
Just ignore those that are rude and unsupportive, and move on!!
Good luck on your journey!!
Ivy0 -
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What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.
probably because they want like minded friends.
It's difficult to see how someone who eats 1000 calories and runs miles but is afraid of lifting as it would make her bulky, would be compatible with someone who eats 2000 cals and lifts heavy.
I doubt they will be friends for long...
Agreed. I spent the first six months on MFP collecting lots of friends and the next six months slimming my list to people I either had lots in common with in terms of health and fitness or goals or ones I simply clicked with/same sense of humour etc.
Just as in 'real' life, I choose my friends carefully as I not only want support from them but want to be sure the support I offer them in return is right for them.
I simply can't offer support to someone with calorie intakes I believe to be far too low, just as I wouldn't expect someone on 1,000 calories (gross) to be able to support me eating almost double that on workout days. And it helps if they exercise too as I am lazy as hell and need a good kick up the backside to get off the sofa - friends who like to workout tend to do that!0 -
LOL! Good one.
YES!!! you got me!!!0 -
And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.
And a search function.
I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.
So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.
To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.
Which part of my post made you feel bad ? I thought I was offerring helpful advice.
If anyone asks "where do I get started" I would always recommend they read all the stickies at the top as I think they are really helpful and informative.
I guess this is another example of tone not being transferred through text, and people taking offense where none is intended.
AM DUMBFOUNDED - BEYOND BELIEF
Ok, my turn to be dumbfounded! Which part made you feel bad and which part dumbfounded you?
Im dumbfounded that the top comment was seen as rude.
Never used the word rude. You are reading my post how you want to read it. Because I never even used that word. I said when you ask a question and people tell you to go read, look it up or research it can make you feel bad. Like you are not supposed to be asking a question. That was all. I was not disagreeing with what she said. I was telling her that when I was new I felt that way. Not right now today. Not when I read what she wrote. I was talking about when I was new just like I said. sigh.
I appreciate if you stopped singling me out and talking down to me or I will report you for harassment. I read your post the way you wrote it. you are most definitely one of the mean ones. So condescending.
---
in all fairness - i am not reacting like I normally would. I needed you to see that anyone can be offended by anything, even if it is presented in a calm, thoroughly thought out fashion.
We aren't mean. We just don't know everyone's backstory or their reaction patterns.
How can we possibly be expected to know this?
We cant.
Take what you want that works for you. Ignore what doesnt. That is the same advice that the posters are giving the commenters.
Posters say - if you dont like my thread dont read it.
Commenters say - if you dont like my comment dont read it.
Posters report all the people they dont like.
Commenters get banned.
The end.
Who wins?
All the banned people at goal weight.
This just made me a little weak in the knees. End thread.0 -
Posters say - if you dont like my thread dont read it.
Commenters say - if you dont like my comment dont read it.
Posters report all the people they dont like.
Commenters get banned.
The end.
Who wins?
All the banned people at goal weight.
cool
Finally we found one person at least honest enough to admit to it.0 -
What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.
You'll love my thoughts on FR on my profile page then.
Same here.
In order to be my friend you have to have knocked the wind out of me at some point with your logic, experiences, kindness, knowledge, drive, ambition, determination, success, failures or wit.
If you're a new mom, religious, a single guy, a food addict or only losing weight for a wedding - there must be something extra special about you that made me want you as my friend regardless.
if you dont like exercise, or refuse to do anything but cardio, if you refuse to research things for yourself, if you love or hate your eating disorder or if you are a teenager or if you try to get into my pants... GTFO OFF MY PAGE.0 -
What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.
You'll love my thoughts on FR on my profile page then.
Same here.
In order to be my friend you have to have knocked the wind out of me at some point with your logic, experiences, kindness, knowledge, drive, ambition, determination, success, failures or wit.
If you're a new mom, religious, a single guy, a food addict or only losing weight for a wedding - there must be something extra special about you that made me want you as my friend regardless.
if you dont like exercise, or refuse to do anything but cardio, if you refuse to research things for yourself, if you love or hate your eating disorder or if you are a teenager or if you try to get into my pants... GTFO OFF MY PAGE.
SHEEEEET.... glad I snuck in without the interview!
*don't kick me off now!*
xo0 -
I don't add people as friends that aren't family because I have proven to myself and my wife that I cannot have a female on my friends list that I do not flirt with. I am a complete horndog and I will flirt with almost anyone at the drop of a hat. Because of this, I have removed the temptation by not adding women as friends.What I really find disappointing is when I see someone's post that I like and go to read their profile with the thoughts of adding them as a friend in mind and their profile says "I don't add friends that eat less than XXXX calories a day" or <insert list of other reasons why you can't be my friend here>. I totally understand that you won't add a friend without a message but what's with all the other reasons? Not particularly inviting... or maybe that's the point.
Well, you know your weaknesses, and have addressed them. People have reasons not to add others, nobody should be offended. If they are, they don't need to be your friend on MFP. To each their own.........off into the wind!!!!0 -
LOL! Good one.
YES!!! you got me!!! 0 -
I'm going to be amused when you "newbies" are in a thread like this a year from now and defending yourselves against the 2014 Resolutioners batch of "y u so mean" threads.
You really think it will take a year? I give it 4 months.
ETA - As others have said.... Find supportive friends, use the search function, avoid threads that will raise your blood pressure and learn to laugh with the posts. Laughing burns calories...0 -
You mean people take the interwebs seriously???0
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Very well said!! Just ignore the rude people on here!!
:flowerforyou:0 -
The snarkyness on these boards is terrible. I'm here for support, not someone who think they know it all.
Im on this site for 'Know it alls' to help me out so I can be a 'Know a lot more'.
If I want support, I go to my friends list.
ETA: actually my friends list is the bomb and I can get information AND support there, cause I never alienated all the smart people. 2 points to MEEEEEEE!!!
-does happy dance-
hi-5!
**goes back to lurking because her advice generally gets her reported for being rude, mean, or a bully**0
This discussion has been closed.
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